Shelly, a site visitor who wants to learn more about our church, prompted this week’s question:
I’m not a Mormon girl, but recently I feel I’ve lost my way with the lord. I go to FCA [Fellowship of Christian Athletes] almost every Friday and I feel out of place sometime, I see how strong the other girls bonds with the lord is and I feel small and weak in comparison. I want to find a deeper connection with the lord, and I want it to be apart of my every waking moment not just on Friday mornings. I’ve been learning about Mormonism recently when I read a book against them, but to me it seemed the book was bias and that there had to be more to this religion then what this girl was saying. So I’ve been looking into it. I’ve always felt different then my family my father is atheist and my mother, well I’m not sure what she is. I grew in a mixed up family where my mother did drugs and my father drank a lot, so most of the time my older sister took care of me and I took care of my little sister. I went to foster care for awhile with a catholic family and I never could connect with their way of thinking. They were good people but I didn’t understand them.
Ever sense I was a child I was never interested in school, I always played by myself and have always enjoyed anything dealing with children or that of a wives role. So now looking into this religion and hearing how much fun you have together and you talking about the sisterhood you have, I can’t help but feel envious. My sisters and I are not close and I often feel alone in my home. I want something that can be apart of my entire life that follows more along the lines of my inner beliefs. I’ve always believed that I should stay at home and raise children, I’m only eighteen and for years now I’ve been finding myself longing for children and a strong bond. I’ve never been able to find a close relationship with the lord but I want one.
I was hoping that you could tell me something more about your role as a wife and as a Mormon woman, what the guidelines or rules are (the most important of course). I just need someone to tell me on a more personal level what its like, and how it affects your day to day life. If you could help me with this I would appreciate it a lot. Thank you for listening.
Please take the time to answer Shelly’s questions and give her your perspective on the roles of Mormon women. You could also talk about how the gospel helps you develop a strong day-to-day relationship with God, and about the blessings of sisterhood in the Church.
For me, being a Mormon (specifically a woman) is awesome. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has taught me that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and that He loves me. He knows who I am (and Shelly, He know who you are, too!). To me, this is the most important part –just knowing who I am! But the other knowledge I’ve gained through the Church (Mormon) includes the following:
I know where I came from and I know where I’m going.
I know that all of God’s children are loved and we should love each other!
Womanhood is valued and important.
Because of this, I pray daily and feel guided. I am grateful for my role of mother and wife and take them very seriously. I know the children I’m raising are also children of God, and it helps me keep perspective when things get hard.
Because things still get hard!
But I know where to turn when they do; I turn to the scriptures, to prayer, to the Relief Society sisters (the women’s organization in the Church) for help, to Priesthood blessings from my husband, to my faith. All of these things have given me strength and have helped me overcome my fear and doubt.
I’m not sure what you mean about the roles of women –but I would suggest reading The Family: A Proclamation to the World. This describes how we feel about the family and each gender role –and how important they are!
Good luck in your searches, Shelly. I hope you will feel the love of the Lord soon –because He does love you!
Thank you so much for your thoughts. Sometimes it is hard in our society to express feelings like this…for fear of others around us judging and jumping to conclusions about how we should not feel the way that we do.
Can I just say THANK you for recognizing the book you were given about Mormonism to be bias. Many don’t realize that. Also – Thank you for being willing to search and find a place where your questions and feelings can be answered and validated.
There are SO many things that I love about my religion…but the single most thing that I love (above all others) is my relationship with Jesus Christ. I love that when the world is beating me up with despair, fear, sadness, etc – that the Lord provides me with peace, cheer, love, charity and SO many other wonderful things.
I love that within the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that I can be a wife and a mother (i am not yet a mother, but one day I will be…I feel SO much like you in that it is the one thing that I have always wanted). I went to school to get an education in Family Human Development – knowing that everything I would learn would eventually help me to be a better mother. I got my degree – not to have a career, but to have a better education so that I could better help my children.
One thing that we believe, is that we have a living prophet on the earth today that has give to us from God “The Proclamation on the Family” that teaches me my role as a woman, mother, and wife. I would encourage you to talk to mormon missionaries in your area. They can answer your questions and teach you how you can find peace. Please come back to this site often – you will find strength from women all over the world who are happy in their roles as women and as mothers.
There are too many blessings that come from the gospel to put in a list…every single day of my life, life is happier, more enriching, and more peaceful because of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will try to give just a few specific examples…
Because of what I am taught to do each week at church, I try to carve time each morning to say my prayers and read scriptures. This gives me a CLARITY each day about what is most important and what God would want me to spend my energies on.
Because the group we meet with at church (the ward) is like extended family, I am SURROUNDED completely by people I know I can count on for ANYTHING I need. Our kids play together, we tend for each other, we make each other meals when we are sick, we visit each other and share gospel messages, we meet together some evenings to learn new skills or study the gospel together, we smile together, we cry together. It is SO strengthening to have so many others who share my values, are teaching their kids the same values, and believe in Jesus Christ as their Savior and exemplar.
Because of what I am taught by prophets of God and by the Holy Spirit, I know that the work I am doing as a mother of six children and caretaker of my brothers and sisters around me (neighbors, friends, strangers) is valued above all else. The world tells us the opposite is true. I find such fulfillment in my role as mother, homemaker, and someone who tries to spend her time giving back to the community, and I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many others who support this work as important above all.
No matter what difficulties come along, I find endless strength in the word of God. And one of my FAVORITE parts of being a member of the “mormon” church is that we believe in present day revelation!! …through prophets and apostles, and also through the Holy Ghost to individuals. Every six months we hold a “general conference” where we are taught the word of God FOR OUR DAY through servants called of Him. This is my favorite time of year!! I look forward to it like a child looks forward to Christmas, for, as scripture says, “what I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken…whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” At these general conferences, I feel like the voice of the Lord is speaking directly to me, for hours at a time! 🙂 And then I study those words over and over to help direct me in my daily life. The Holy Ghost then strongly and clearly confirms the truth of these teaching to me personally, and this brings such STRENGTH, such EXCITEMENT, and such PEACE into my life!
I thank my Father in Heaven each day for knowing about His restored church on the earth!
Hi Shelly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve lost your way with the Lord. It sounds like you’re searching for Him. In the Bible we learn “Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you.” You are already doing the seeking part but one way to knock is to pray.
Anyways, I’ll be moving soon and I’m pretty scared. I may be moving away from people that I’ve known all my life and that is making me anxious. But one thing about being LDS, or Mormon, is knowing that wherever I go on earth there will be a congregation waiting for me. Whether its as small as 10 people or a larger ward size of 500, I will have a community of people who believe the same things as me.
To support Mothers and Women in my area we have built in lots of ways to socialize. A few posts ago Michelle wrote about an Enrichment Activity she went to where they dipped strawberries. Wards all over do similar activities once a month for women and it is a fantastic bonding activity. But we also have Ward Activities where the entire congregation will have a breakfast or dinner together with games and fun for the entire family. We’ll do service projects together with all ages or have group trips to a local Temple.
Since you are 18 you should know that we have activities for young people as well. While still in high school, young women get together midweek to socialize and learn more about spiritual things. Of course there is also church on Sundays and the young people get together in classes with people their own ages to learn.
Once graduating, a lot of areas in the world have Institute Programs so that students 18 years and older can learn more about spiritual things alongside their college courses.
Hey Shelly, I just want to thank you for your sincere question. I hope you find what you are looking for. Happiness and spirituality are achievable things. Good luck in your search for truth!
Nice to meet you. Your questions and concerns are so sincere and honest and I feel privileged and humbled to respond. My name is Kamden, I’ve grown up in a Mormon home that is founded upon the principles that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teach. When I was eight I decided to be baptized into the church and am now twenty-five and married to a wonderful man who was also raised in the church. I can tell you that life as a Mormon woman is wonderful!
In a world that is so often degrading toward women, who puts us down or only uses our bodies to sell products and to draw attention, I have felt such strength to know that I am more than that. I am a literal spirit daughter of God, a supreme creation, and that He knows and watches over me. With that kind of perspective I have never underestimated my abilities to excel in life nor exploited who I am and my divine roots. I am a product of God and I live as a representative of His family.
This knowledge didn’t just come to me in one sitting, it has been a journey, one that I continue to solidify as I am obedient to God’s commandments and rely upon the grace of Jesus Christ to make me whole. In addition to reading the Bible and Book of Mormon, prophets that God has called today have guided my life. They have asked that we study our scriptures daily, that we pray as individuals and as families, that we look for opportunities to serve those in need, that we attend Sunday services and keep the Sabbath Day holy, that we pay our tithing and many other things. This has become the lifestyle that my husband and I have chosen for our new little family as well. We know that we have more faith and feel closer to the Lord as we make Him the center stage of our lives and not just a side act.
Some people think that living as a witness of God daily means that we must always be preaching or declaring his name vocally, for me however it has been striving to do those things that would allow His Holy Spirit to be with me and reflecting in my actions and person the light that God radiates. After we are baptized we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion, God has promised that as long as I am striving to do what he asks I will always have the Holy Spirit with me to guide me and help me find my way. Shelly, this is real. When I have needed God’s assistance I have approached him in prayer many times and he has filled my heart with His Spirit. Sometimes it feels like the warmth in your heart that you get when you receive a good hug, other times it comes with clarity of thoughts like you just know exactly what you need to do.
This is and will continue to be an essential part of raising a family, learning to depend upon God’s Holy Spirit to direct and lead me as an individual, a wife and a mother.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds one of the largest women’s organizations in the world it is called the Relief Society. This organization of women from ages 18 and up is a major aspect of the church. I am happy to be a member. Every Sunday for one hour we meet together to strengthen and support each other, we learn together about God’s word and share experiences from our lives when we have felt of his love. We also have a program called visiting teaching where we are assigned to care for and visit a few of the women “sisters” in the organization. We are grouped in pairs and make at least monthly visits offering a short inspirational message as well as any help that the sister may need. I am visited by a pair of sisters, one in her 70s and the other in her early 20s, they are a highlight to my week and I love them very much. The Relief Society also has made mini groups that meet sporadically throughout the week; some are church oriented while others are gardening groups, book clubs or movie groups. I know that I can depend upon the women in this group to help me if ever I’m in need. When there are widows that need visiting or new mothers that could use a meal prepared for them selves or their family the Relief Society always jumps in and cares for them. We are a society of relief and aide. We of course aren’t perfect but we’re all trying to help each other do the best we can. As we serve each other we feel closer to God and thus our relationships are strong and built on God’s love. You too can be a member of the Relief Society! You are always welcome to our Sunday meetings, and enrichment mini classes, I also know sisters who are not Mormon but have asked for visiting teachers as well. There is a Relief Society near you who would be thrilled to have you as a part of their group! I have learned so much from the women around me as to the kind of mother I would like to be and the home I want for my children.
I feel it a shame that mothers who choose to stay home with their children are looked down upon in this world. There is no greater privilege than being a mother. The prophets today have greatly encouraged all women to go to college to learn and to become members of society that can make a difference in this world. I have decided to be an elementary school teacher and will graduate next spring, my past roommates are lawyers, social workers, professors, and musicians. However, my husband and I together have decided, as well as many other Mormon families, that we will do all we can to insure that when we have children I can devote all my time to being their mom full time.
My mother is one of the most able women I have ever met, yet she chose to stay home with her seven kids and attend to our needs. I never felt alone or inadequate growing up, she was around to build me up and to encourage me in all of my personal endeavors. She taught me how to work hard, she taught me how to throw a baseball, to cook, to be self-sufficient, to draw, to play instruments, to love life no matter the curve balls that may come. I live far away from her now but we still talk often, and I can still go to her with my needs and she is still excited for me when I’m happy.
Two of God’s prophets in the past century have stated the importance of creating a stable home. Prophet David McKay declared that “no other success in life can compensate for failure in the home” and President Harold Lee counseled, “The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.” This is true; there is nothing that I would have learned from a working mother that I didn’t learn from her staying at home. I am who I am today because of a mother who loved me. I understand that your life growing up was different than mine but do not let that discourage you. You have the ability to make your future for your life, and the lives of your future husband and children what ever you want them to be.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about change and becoming better, my mom always taught that every generation should be better than the one before. I know that there are circumstances that will arise when some mothers may need to work outside of the home, many are friends of mine. God is mindful and compassionate toward all circumstances; He knows us individually.
Shelly you mentioned a longing you’ve felt to be a mother and the ability that you’ve had to care for your sister growing up. That is a gift from God that we as women have. We are innately driven to compassion, kindness, and understanding. This is our very makeup to create life; it is how we are designed physically and spiritually. Prophet Gordon Hinckley said, “The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them.” You have those divine qualities too and as we embrace them in the correct context we and others around us are strengthened even more.
In the church we do not believe that Eve was evil for eating the fruit in the garden of Eden, we believe that she understood something that Adam hadn’t understood yet, she understood that without eating of the fruit she would never be able to have children and fulfill the other commandment God gave to them to “multiply and replenish the earth”. Eve also felt the desire that you have to be a mother and thus decided to eat of the fruit and start her family with her husband Adam. My husband and I are excited to start our family and we talk about that future often, we know that a family consisting of a mother and father bound in marriage under God’s eternal laws is the best gift God could give to us and the best way that we can show our thanks to him, we can take care of His children. What an opportunity I have as a women to interact with these sweet babies of our Heavenly Father; to teach them, to nurture them, to help them understand how truly precious they are, just as my mother did for me. I don’t think there is a greater job on earth. It’s unrealistic to think that I’ll be a perfect mother, but Heavenly Father knows that too, with His spirit He’ll help me, through His holy scriptures He’ll strengthen me, through His prophets He’ll council me and through His perfect Son, Jesus Christ He’ll forgive me and help me be better.
There is no greater time to be a woman than now, especially a woman of God. Mormon women are strong, able, wonderful and fun! We know who we are and do our best to follow God and his commandments. Shelly we would sure love to have you with us. You may email me or make another post with any other questions, I’m happy to have made a new friend.
I was thinking about this question and thought about three things. Sisterhood, Motherhood and “Wifehood.”
First, as a sister in the gospel, I know that I am joined by other women who are struggling just as I am. I know that I am a child of God. My relationship with my Heavenly Father feels very personal to me and I have only found that here in this church. I also believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior and brother in the gospel. No matter where I have gone, I have always found safety and peace with the church. Recently I had a baby and I was overwhelmed with the support I received. Women have always been valued in the church. Utah was the 2nd state to give Women the vote. Many young Pioneer women were encouraged to go to school and educate themselves. Many came back to Utah as artists, doctors and business people. I have found the church to be very open to all sorts of women. There is no cookie cutter prototype. I sit with women who are in all walks of life and benefit from their wisdom and experience.
As a mother, I feel that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the ability to create life and love others. We believe that the family is eternal. It is the basis of society, so there is a strong investment in nurturing the family to be the best it can be. The good news is, this can begin with you. My father was not a member when he was young. He converted as a young boy. He married my mother and now we are sealed together as a family. He has since passed away, but I am comforted in the knowledge that we are joined together in a way that goes beyond this earth. I also feel that women do not need to have children to be “mothers.” I was “mothered” by many women in the church through their example and leadership. As a mother myself, I rely on my relationship with Heavenly Father all the time to help me do my best with my kids. Sometimes I make mistakes (big ones) and I am always comforted with the knowledge that someone is always in my corner. As far as day to day, I don’t wake up every morning saying, “Wow, I am a Mormon Mother!” But, I do wake up, say my prayers, and ask for help with this day to do my best. I might ask for help with a problem or help with a certain child. We are instructed to pray always, but only because we need it. Our prayers are supposed to be very personal and to the point. That is why we don’t have a lot of repetitious things in our prayers. There are some prayers that say the same thing like our sacrament prayer, but most personal prayers are pretty much like a conversation.
As a wife, I fell that I make up one of the corners in a trinity between me, Heavenly Father and my Husband. We work as a team to raise a family. There are no rules to being a wife. The best thing I did was to find someone who shares my beliefs and is also my friend. When things don’t go well, again, we pray. We also attend our temple, which provides a lot of peace and personal guidance. Both of us recognize that neither one of us is perfect. The gospel brings a lot of peace to our hearts that even when we are not doing well, we know there is a plan.
I guess that is what sets us apart from other religions, at least in my opinion. There is a plan and a purpose to our lives. I know with my friends who are not members, I see them going through a lot of personal turmoil, mostly because they do not know the purpose of life. We are taught our purpose from the very beginning. The purpose is simple. To come to earth to learn to live with our Heavenly Father AND also to have joy in the journey. It is a great plan. With all my imperfections, it is part of Heavenly Father’s plan for me.
The Book of Mormon is ANOTHER testament of Jesus Christ and provides our church with much of the doctrine we follow. But, we also believe in the Bible and in many ways, the two compliment each other. We also believe that God has not stopped talking and instructing his children. Thus, he provides a Prophet, who we believe guides our church in the present day.
I hope this helps. There are no rules or guidelines for living, other then to follow the 10 commandments and doctrines of the church. As for day to day, it is sometimes a challenge to be a member. I would think, especially when your family are not a members, that can be a real challenge. I find most people are curious and respectful about my beliefs. Other members are supportive and helpful. There is a lot of the gospel ingrained in all that I do so it is not that hard for me. Health wise, I don’t drink coffee, tea or caffeinated beverages. I don’t smoke. I try to eat healthy (but love me some cake!). I don’t shop on Sunday or go to restaurants. Others might struggle with those things, but not me. I do struggle with always remembering to say my prayers (especially when things are chaotic), reading my scriptures (for the same reason). I am a bit of a procrastinator. I am also a bit lazy. Those are things that I work on every day. I don’t always understand everything in the scriptures or in the history of the church, but, I have always found the answer as some point. I hope you find what you are looking for.
I love being a Mormon. I love everything about it. I am thankful for the commandments of my Heavenly Father and our Prophets. I have been taught to trust in the Lord. Because of this I have exceeded my potential in doing good. I am a better mother, friend, neighbor, wife and individual. Because I am a child of God, he has blessed me with a divine nature that allows me to do things I could not normally do. I am grateful for my faith in Jesus Christ and for repentance, for baptism and the Holy Ghost.
My husband felt very similar as you do now when he was 18. His parents are Catholic, but never really went to church. As he was graduating high school he KNEW there had to be something more. He had always said prayers to God, but until he found the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he never fully realized what a CONVERSATION he could have with the Lord. Although he had many friends, there was a part of him that always felt lost and alone. He was baptized into the church at age 19, after the missionaries came and helped him understand what kind of relationship he truly could have with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I grew up in the church and think I took for granted what a gift it is to know I could always get on my knees and actually TALK to God. That I could tell Him my worries, heartache, questions– and that I’d GET an answer!! Whether it’s a feeling in your heart or through someone else or from reading the scriptures, He WILL answer. I took for granted the family I had in our church until I moved 3,000 miles away from my family. I can’t even describe what it’s like to move somewhere where you literally know NO ONE and within a week have a family. I spend a lot of time with many other women of the church out here. Some have little kids, as I do, some do not, some have kids that are grown, some aren’t married, yet we have such a strong bond through our knowledge of who we are and our joint effort to draw nearer to God every day that we’re family– no matter the background, color, or stage in life. It’s INCREDIBLE! It’s beautiful! Not only does it help fill my lonely heart, but we, as sisters, help build each other and help each other draw closer to God by sharing our knowledge of God, His prophets, and the beauty of the Book of Mormon which does answer prayers and will help you find the answers you’re looking for! I hope you can feel that although we may not know you personally, these answers you’ve received are truly out of love for you and hope that you will find the peace, family, and love that you’re looking for!
For me, being a Mormon woman means knowing I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me and wants me to return to his presence again. It means knowing that whatever pressures I feel from the world about who or what I should be, nothing will bring me greater happiness than to love and serve my family, my neighbors and my God.
In day to day life it means knowing who to turn to in times of stress, trials, grief or despair, and who to thank in times of abundance of blessings and joy. It means knowing that no matter what my imperfections, I will always be loved, no matter what my mistakes, I can always be forgiven, and no matter what my failures, I will always have someone to pick me back up and help me continue to try. It means knowing that I am never alone.
I have a wonderful feeling in believing in the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, (Mormon). It answers so many questions in our lives. One of so many answers that I have received is what happens when a person dies. Is he/she laid in the ground, never to be seen or heard from again? Gone only to dust?
No, reason tells me. There is a master plan. We know that before we were born, our spirits were with our Heavenly Father in His sphere. We were told that we would come to earth as a baby, receive a body (different from our spirit body,) have trials to strengthen us and learn from them, to make us become a better person. We would then be called back to our previous spirit home to again live with our families that have previously passed thru this life, through the process of death.
I have lost many loved ones. I would be so utterly sad to feel I would never see them again, with them not having any existance and no reason to have ever been here on earth. BUT, I believe, through the Gospel, they are still living in a new existance and progressing in knowledge, knowing that they will be waiting to see me again also. I have sadness that they are no longer in my presence but not lost to me forever. Death no
longer has a sting. Without it, we would no longer
progress into eternity. It is all part of our Heavenly Father’s plan. All for our benefit.
What a wonderful question, don’t we all sometimes wonder “What am I doing with my life?” ” What is my role in this world?” You have wonderful responces in the comments listed, let me add my thoughts. Our lives are not much different than other women but we have a knowledge of our Heavenly Father and desires for us! As his daughters! I am a wife,mother of three and work outside the home. I also have a calling as the Young Woman President in my ward [working with the young women, ages 12-18]. I love all my roles currently in my life but know that I could not be successful in any of them with out the knowledge I have of a loving Heavenly Father who knows me as an individual and loves me anyway!
I have been taught since my youth this and can truly say that this is what helps me get through the day. Life is not always easy, I have had significant trials in my life but have felt his love in the mist of my challenges. I can relate to some of your experiences with your family.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are taught in our youth and throughout the stages of our life in different classes. Primary, Young Womens then Relief Society. As I work with the women your age may I suggest that you contact the missionaries, or if a Church Distribution Center is close, obtain a copy of the Young Womens Personal Progress book. These are free and have a copy of The Proclamation To The World, The Living Christ and the Young Women Theme. This might give you a basis of what women your age a learning and what we believe. Also if you would like to read the scriptures listed in the book in the Bible and The Book of Mormon, you can also receive a free copy of The Book of Mormon from the Missionaries or at the Distribution Center.
What ever you decide, just know that you are not alone!! Pray for the guidance to know what is best for you!
Thank you all for your words you will never know just how much they mean to me. I find strength in your words, and in that knowlege that it is trully possible to live a life fully intwined with the lord and his words. I know there is a lot for me to learn about your religion and ways of living. I was wondering i feel i have a bit of a proublem, i enjoy this way of living and the idea of being able to have it all the time, but my boyfriend is not mormon and he’s much older than me, but i feel i love him as i’ve never loved another and i want to make things work with us no matter what. I just want to know if this is possible for me to have this faith and still be with him happily.
“We are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him”. This is the first line in a motto that our Young Women (ages 12-18) recite twice a week at church functions. It speaks volumes to my soul. I know I am a daughter of God. I know he loves me, he knows me individually. He knows my struggles, my weaknesses, my potential for greatness and my strengths. Through my “sisterhood” in the LDS church I have grown and learned from other women who also know this to be true. I have 4 sisters related by blood, but I have COUNTLESS others whom I think of as sisters in the gospel of Christ. You are seeking truth and will find it as you diligently seek it. YOU are a daughter of God and he loves you and knows you by name and he has an individualized plan for you and wants you to return to Him with all the blessings he can bestow upon you!
I know many married couples where one is Mormon and one is not. I also know of other couples where one is Jewish and one is Christian.
It’s not always easy to have an inter-faith marriage, and many challenges do arise (especially when children are born), but it is possible!
For me being a new convert to the church I still have a lot to learn and am very thankful for the women in relief society [the organization in the Church for women 18 and above) and for the women in the church period. Since joining the church I have become more like the person that I truly am and knowing that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me is truly wonderful and I am thankful for all the blessings that have come from being a member of the church.
Hi Shelly, I think you can love both God and your boyfriend. Falling in love is a natural precursor to your desires to be a wife and mother.
I was wondering if you have talked with your boyfriend about spiritual things? Have you talked with him about what his beliefs are about family, God and religion? Do they match yours? These are good things to talk about in any serious relationship.
I can tell you that having a husband that has supported me in my faith has made me love him greater than I had previously imagined. The commenters have talked a lot about what it is to be a Mormon Woman in their responses. A Father’s role is just as integral to the progress of family members.
The Prophet and Apostles of our Church have written a Proclamation about the Family and its central role in God’s plan for His children. I will post it below. I suggest you read it together with your boyfriend and see if you agree with the principles taught therein.
I was going to give you a link, but was worried it wouldn’t work so I have put the entire document below.
If you do want to print it out, just cut and paste this address into your address bar. It will take you to the Proclaimation at our church website at LDS.org.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.
I think there are very few people who are always close to the Lord. We each go through periods of waning faith in our lives but as long as you realize this and are actively seeking to get back in touch with Him when you have these periods, you’re on the right track.
I love being a “Mormon”–belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love being a woman and especially I have loved being a mother. I know our Heavenly Father has a special love for women. He has given us such special gifts that are designed for us to fulfill our divine role as mothers. Even if we don’t get to be a mother on earth, we can do much with the gifts He has given us to love and nurture others.
I love knowing I am His daughter, the Daughter of a Heavenly King, and that I have divinity and worth in His sight. I have gained this knowledge for myself as I have sought for it in scripture study and prayer, using my faith, and many other principles and virtues that the Lord has given us to grow–like sacrifice and obedience. It is very true that we grow in strength as we come together as sisters in this gospel. However, I know there are women who come to our church and still don’t feel like they belong or fit in. That is because Satan does not want us to have feelings of self worth. He wants to deter us as far from God as possible in any possible way that He can. That is where the true strength of a Mormon Woman comes in, the ones who truly know who they are because they have gained that testimony for themselves. They stand on holy ground, firm and unshakable in their faith.
Everyone–I repeat, everyone can gain that knowledge for themselves. God has given the light of Christ to everyone born on earth. It’s up to us to follow that light and find out for ourselves. God has given us the precious gift of free agency to choose. We each have to choose to accept the Savior and His Atonement and then put it to work in our lives. God has kindled that light in you, and you have felt the spirit working in your life to guide you in the right direction. Follow that light and remember that everything that makes you feel good and of worth and of value comes from God. Everything that makes you feel puny or alone or unworthy or afraid or any other negative thing comes from Satan. Cast it out. Use prayer. It works. God hears and answers our prayers in the way that is best for each of us, regardless of our religion, or even if we have no religion. All we have to do is believe in Him and pray. When we are sincere, He knows, and then He helps us find the way. The way is Jesus Christ. Follow Him. Once you find Him, then you will understand what makes Mormon womanhood and sisterhood the strength that it is.
Know this also, Satan is never going to give up trying to lead us away from God. Even those on the firmest ground are still buffeted by Satan. We have to work hard at it every day to keep our faith strong. So, please, don’t ever give up trying. Get on the path, and stay on the path. Jesus Christ will enable you to do the seemingly impossible every single day. I bear testimony of Him, that I know that He lives! He loves us. He desires with the tenderest of mercies to enfold us in the arms of His love and bring us Home to our Heavenly Father where we will inherit all that the Father has, even Eternal Life.
I wanted to address your concern about your boyfriend. Throughout my life, I have been taught that I am a child of God and that he loves me and I always felt that it was true, and over the years have come to know that it is. Through trial and error, I have learned that although I don’t remember my relationship with Him, He does. I am learning that His Love for me is real and pure. His only concern with me is that I reach my full potential of happiness. I guess what I’m trying to get at is because I know that He knows me and loves me unconditionally, and because I know He created me, this world, and everything in it, and becuase of my faith in him as the omnipitant God the Father, because of the mercy he has shown us by sacrificing his only begotten son to be our/my savior… I can trust in him. If there’s one thing I have learned it is that the Lord knows me better than I know myself. I have made many mistakes thinking I know what’s best for me. I have also experienced immesurable joy and relief after following a personal prompting, or council by the scriptures or Prophet, rather than my own desires, realizing that I couldn’t have foreseen the outcome. (my husband being one of them:)
I think that the most important thing for you to do right now is not to worry about your boyfriend. Continue developing your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Pray, Pray, Pray. Your prayers will be answered. Think of Heavenly Father as a father with a perfect love for his child. forgiving and patient. He knows and understands all of your concerns. He’s just waiting for you to come to him with them. He loves your boyfriend too. He may or may not be what the Lord has in store for you, but either way, just go with the flow, do the best you can and as you develop your relationship with Heavenly Father, step by step, you will be lead carefully in the right direction. As you act on faith, it will grow. Life can feel so uncertain and scary when it comes to making big decisions, but knowing that you followed what you felt was the will of the Lord will give you peace and endurance.
I think the Lord manifests himself in different ways, but for me the consistancy, in retrospect, is peace and chaos.. in other words, everything around me can be chaos, and logically it may not make sence or it might just be a mess, too hard, and overwhelming.. Chaos. But something inside me feels peaceful, comfortable, natural. And that’s when I know it’s right. On the other hand something might seem right, feel good, make logic sence, but something inside just doesn’t click, or I have a “stupor of thought”, and that’s when I know it’s wrong.
As a Mormom Woman, my most valauble asset is the Gift of the Holy Ghost. As a mother in this exciting, yet confusing world, There are no words to describe my gratitude for the consistency in the teachings of the Gospel of
Jesus Christ. We have so many resources to help us strengthen our family relationships and learn how to be better parents. I feel like I have an anchor in this crazy storm called life. The light of Christ is something we’re all born with. It’s what leads us to him, and helps us to discern right and wrong. The companionship of the Holy Ghost is a gift you recieve when you’re baptized. He is a teacher, a comforter, a guide. He comunicates with your spirit the things that the Lord wants you to know to help you. As a mother I need it. I would be lost without it, and I am so thankful for it.
When it comes to your boyfriend, there are a millioin sinarios. We do the best we know how, having faith in the Lord, and when we mess up, “just keep swimmin’ ”
One more thing: I have always been a music lover, but have recently discovered the power of uplifting music. Music that provokes spiritual thought is like a drug to me.. My mind is instantly put a frame of peace and spiritual contemplation. Check out Mindy Gledhill. I also love Switchfoot (“on fire” is my fav.) I’m not saying give up the stuff that gets you movin’, just an idea.
Good luck with everything.
thank you all for your kind words, you have really helped me out a lot and now i really want to get to a church and learn more and just get back in touch with the lord.
What is your life like as a Mormon Woman?
That is a beautiful question because I can see the differences very well. I have had contact with Christianity a few times in my life. The first time was when I was baptized about a month after I was born. Of course I don’t remember what really happened. Later when I went to school we had a religion class that a Catholic Priest taught. As seven-year olds we were afraid of the Priest because he was strict and talked about God punishing us. I was glad when the Communists banned teaching religion in school. My parents didn’t not teach me or my siblings about the gospel. They had other concerns about how to raise their family. So my family grew up without God and in time we forgot about him. We felt like God left our family. We were never a happy family and I don’t like to think about my childhood. I married early, but even my marriage was not happy. My husband was rough and at times I was physically abused. He didn’t respect those that were around him. I was very unhappy and desperate. With my husband I didn’t have anything to say to him and I was afraid of him. After five years of marriage I divorced him and I was left alone with my two sons. Three years after the divorce my ex-husband died due to alcohol. It was a hard time for me and my two sons. The thing that bothered me the most was how it was hard for my kids at school. Six years after the divorce I met my second husband and we got married.
In the nineties, (when I was fifty two), when the Communists ceased to govern, I bought a Bible, because it was fashionable, and I read a piese of it. But it was for me very difficult to read, and understand, so I have postponed for a short time. I was an ordinary Czech woman, tired by the everyday rush. Children no longer lived, And I, lived with My husband alone. The daily charge, to and from work, evening watching TV, sometimes on a Saturday visit to the children or friends …
When, in January 2003, I met Jesus Church. It was special. It started one morning, on the way to work in the tram, I read the various ads and among them I found one, hrat offers free English lessons. I wrote the phone number and when I returned home from work, so I have to number call. The voice that answered, I called for the opening lesson of English. When I came to the agreed place, I saw a sign that says The Church of Jesus Christ Holy recent days. I thought it addressed. When I knocked on the door, opened up my two girls. It was special, but I saw how those girls shone. Neither can not describe it, but I saw the light. It was something amazing. I can remember what we speak in English, but very well remember that I was invited on the Saturday closest to the “Open Day”. With curiosity, I set out there on Saturday with my husband. I learned something about American pioneers, who in the 19th century go to the west. I also learned about genealogy and family history. All this was very interesting. We were invited the following day, on Sunday to the church congregation. When leaving I took half a booklet, and the husband took a book. I’d like the book itself never, because I know that books are rare and can not just book without someone gave it to me. At home I read the booklet, it was the testimony of Joseph Smith. His testimony struck me and I wanted to learn more. On Sunday I went with eagerness to the Church meeting. My husband did not want to go. I never experience something like that. It was amazing. Soon the missionaries and took me to answer my questions. From that day on the Sunday the congregation came to me very important and I started going to Church regularly. I started to read the book of Mormon, and I still thad had something to inquire about. I began to converse with our Heavenly Father in my prayers. To have us missionaries went home and taught me the gospel. I knew Joseph Smith was chosen to restare the Church of Jesus here on earth. I know also that the Book of Mormon gives us the fullness of the Gospel. Once the missionaries asked me whether I fear baptism. It took me by surprise, and I failed to respond. I consulted with Heavenly Father, But I didn´t get an answer. When once, when I was at the first meeting where they were babtism of two girls. Suddenly, I longed to be baptized also. I realized that God gave me the opportunity to know the gospel. I realized that the most important thing to do is move forward. And that can only by baptism. I felt immense love in my heart and gratitude.
24. May 2003 I was babtized.i wull never forget that day and I will always be grateful for the opportunity my Heavenly Father offered me. My life has changed a lot. Many I understand and many are still learning. Today I know who I am, why am I here and where I will. I know also that the most important things are faith, hope and love. Today I feel so much love, how much I feel for all my life. A love, which charged me feel even more love to return to all around him. I am happy when I can help anyone around me. I am pleased when I teach with the missionaries, when I teach the children in primary, when I ask for the turning of the speech to the Assembly. When I organize trips for members and non-members … You could say that I am walking with God. Book of Mormon help me a lot, and help me a lot of brothers and sisters not only in our turn, but in the Czech Republic. Many I have met in the temple and the various joint actions. A lot of my help missionaries and help me a lot of authority in the SLC. I am grateful for temples. I am grateful for that, I could perform rites for their parents and grandparents as well as your first husband. Whenever I stand before a decision to pray in spirit and I think how would be make the Jesus Christ preserve. In prayers, I thanks for all the gifts from Heavenly Father. In the first place, thank Him for Jesus Christ. And thank Him for all the gifts, and also the tests. Daily I ask Heavenly Father to soften the heart my husband and children, so they will turn to God and know Jesus Christ. I believe that I will be married to my husband in the temple …
„Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I willreceive you.“ (Alma 5:33)
I Just want to say thank you all for everything, i cant tell you how much your words and thoughts have helped me. I’ve been looking into new churches to go to and see a little more into this, i’m not sure where my life is headed right now its a bit of a mess at the momment, but to know that there are women as kind as you out there keeps me holding on. I pray about everything it seems, as i’m not sure what to with anything in my life, and through your words i’ve found that i need to remember to pray for others not just myself. So i’m praying for all of you, and hoping that soon others will see what wonder women you are, and that being mormon doesnt mean your really diffrent, that in the end we all love god and turn to him, and isnt that what matters? So if from here i go on to because a mormon, i now know it doesnt matter, i dont need to classify myself to be happy with myself and to share an ever lasting relationship with the lord. I still have many question that will help me along my path and thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for answer some of them. Thank you all.
Shelly, it was great to hear back from you. Thank you for your kindness and prayers. We have been praying for you as well. Please know that you are welcome here anytime, if you have questions or just would like to discuss some of the general principles, or even just life in general. The content here is varied, so we hope you can find things that you enjoy reading.
We sincerely wish you the best in your spiritual journey and hope you will feel God’s guidance and love as you make these important decisions at an important time in your life.
We hope you will keep in touch and let us know how your life unfolds a bit. Take care, and thank you again for being willing to present a question for input here. As we said, you are welcome to do that again.
Shelly I hope by now things have gotten alot better for you. I hope you were able to learn more about the church and maybe even attend a meeting or two 😉 If you have any other questions freely ask as it seems there are soo many helpful women on here!