This wasn’t in the original plan, but there is enough good stuff happening in the WOPA (wives of pornography addicts) world (and enough constant need for women to have information and support with this challenge) that I am choosing to continue to dedicate posts this week to the WOPAs out there. Please know that you are not alone. Please know that hundreds of people are working tirelessly to help you get the help you need. Please reach out for help if you haven’t already done so. You don’t have to share with the world as Polly and her husband have below, but opening up to someone who understands can help.
See yesterday’s post for some resources for wives that are helping a lot of women find healing and hope.
I should note that with a recent opportunity that came my way (after years of trying to gather information and build community for wives of those struggling with sexual addiction), I have the unique opportunity to work with the woman whose story we are sharing today. Polly is the PR director at Women for Decency (a non-denominational organization focused on helping moms talk to their children about pornography, and also helping women who have been affected by the pornography/sexual addiction of another).
Polly certainly never planned to be a “poster child” for the wives of pornography addicts. She did all she could, in fact, to avoid getting into a relationship with someone with an addiction. But as you will hear in the video linked below, unbeknownst to her, she did marry someone with an addiction.
And it’s ended up being her life’s passion (besides her family, of course) to help be a voice for women who suffer because of the sexual addiction of their spouse. As a humor writer/blogger, she also hopes to use that gift of humor to help women of all faiths (or no faith at all) feel more comfortable talking with their children, husbands, and others about sex and porn. Whether we know it or not, we all know someone who is personally affected by pornography. So she wants to help us all talk about it!
Even though she works for a non-denominational organization, she does also happen to be a Mormon (member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). She (and her husband) chose to share their story on a Mormon Channel interview that was published yesterday: Enduring Pornography (This interview is part of Mormon Channel’s “Enduring it Well” series, hence this particular title, methinks.)
You can read a little more at the Women for Decency blog about why she and her husband are choosing to be open about their experience.
When I found out about my husband’s addiction, I started talking about it openly because I couldn’t help myself. I was in so much pain, I just couldn’t keep it in.
That, and instead of assuming that I was the only woman who married an addict, I assumed that seven out of every ten women were going through the exact same thing. And when I opened my mouth, I found that I was right. Mostly.When I told our story, I heard hundreds of stories of women from all over the country. Sometimes they talked about their brother or their brother-in-law. Sometimes they talked about their daughter. Or their Grandpa….
My husband and I have decided that our life’s work is to share our story. So, if you’re interested and you can get past the solemn intro, here is my husband’s story, from his own lips, about how pornography affected him, how it affected our marriage and how we faced his addiction.
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Editor’s postscript: You may not think you have a story to share related to pornography, but the reality is if you are a parent, pornography is already part of your life’s story (or needs to be) because your children need you to help them be ready to guard themselves from its effects. In truth, we all are affected in some way because pornography is all around us. You may have family members or friends struggling with this as well.
It can sometimes feel like the industry is winning, but in reality, education and conversation can have significant impact in reducing the impact of pornography in our lives and homes. With the right tools and support, people can also heal from its effects.
I wear a dual hat now as a website manager who continues to see a lot of search traffic on this topic, and now as an employee of the non-denominational non-profit mentioned above (Women for Decency). With both hats on, I encourage you to get educated about how pornography addiction works and what you can do to help protect your family (and/or heal) from its impact.