Infertility, foster care, and adoption are words I never imagined would be part of my life, but want to share some of my thoughts about foster care and adoption and how I know my life is going in the direction it is supposed to be going.
We’ve struggled with infertility now for 3.5 looong years. It has been a difficult road. One of the hardest parts has been struggling to decide about adoption. It took both Dave and me awhile to get our minds even thinking in that direction. For so long it was all about trying for our own baby and trying to find out what is wrong with my body that makes me lose my babies. We spent a lot of money and a lot of time in that frame of mind. I had to “know” for sure that I had done all that I could.
We would occasionally bring up the subject of adoption but one of us was never quite there. Sometimes it was Dave who would have concerns, sometimes it was I who would feel scared. The main issue was money and debt, but there were other fears too. We prayed about it a lot and we did everything we would normally do, as far as religion goes, to get an answer from God about what is best for our family. That answer just kept eluding us. Finally in January or February of this year we had an experience that opened our hearts up completely and we both finally (at the same time) felt right about adoption. We pretty much started working on the paperwork the next day. We flew through the process and were signed up ready to get picked with LDS Family Services the next month. We were excited and we felt peace.
Shortly after that our foster license came through and CC came to our home. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our married life together, and the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life! But it was so rewarding and I felt the Spirit in my life and in our home more. This little baby needed a lot of love and we were able to give her that and see her blossom.
We missed her when she left.
A short time later through a series of events we were in contact with another adoption agency. Our profile was shown a few times but in order for us to go forward and potentially be picked by a birth mom we needed to submit a scrapbook of our family and some serious cash. This was hard for Dave and me to feel peace about. We knew we wanted to adopt but the cash was a huge wall. Things are tight right now for a lot of people, including us. We went back and forth, we prayed, we pondered and we finally decided that our answer was to just go for it. To take a leap of faith and see what came of it. We figured the money would work out eventually. But to tell you the truth, both of us were really scared about it. We didn’t feel completely right but we were kinda stuck so decided to do it… knowing of course that we would never regret it.
So I worked on our family scrapbook and we figured out a plan to raise the cash. About a month later we had it ready to go. I got all of our paperwork and pictures into an envelope and was planning the very next day to go and get a cashier’s check to mail with the package. Late that afternoon we got a call from the county that CC was being removed from her mom and needed a home to go to again.
I said yes and I even told them we’d take her baby brother that was due to be born the next month if they needed us to. I called Dave and he was really excited. We both felt really good about it even though we knew it was going to be a lot of work again!
She is here now and I have felt huge amounts of peace and confidence that we did the right thing. We can’t go forward with the adoption agency since we have CC now (and maybe her little brother in awhile), but I have not once regretted it, and I feel a lot of relief. I know without a doubt that CC was the answer to our prayers.
When she left the first time we waited and waited for a call from the county that another baby needed our home. That call just would not come! I was frustrated. Now I know that Heavenly Father kept our home open because he knew CC was going to need it again. I love her so much. She is part of our family and everyday I am thankful as she gets more and more comfortable and more and more trusting. She is blossoming again and it is a miracle to see it everyday.
I don’t know what will come of this. I don’t know if this means we will be her family forever. I do know that nothing is a coincidence and that God is in the details of our lives. Have I said this before? It feels like I have because I am always thinking it. Everyday I see the hand of God in our family’s life and in the life of this sweet little baby. He loves each of us. He knows our needs, He knows our hearts and our heart-aches. He prepares a way for His will to be accomplished.
The best thing that has happened to me in the last 3.5 years is I have learned to trust Him completely with my life. “When God closes a door, He always opens a window” (Froline Maria, Sound of Music).
There have been a lot of windows opened in my life since the door of having a baby was closed. I can say today that I am at peace with whatever turn my life will take. If I never “bear” another baby it will be painful but I know I will be strengthened and carried through it. If CC has to leave us, it will be painful (again) but I will know it is the will of God and I know I’ll be carried through that too. It is out of my hands. I know He has a plan for CC’s life and for my life. If I am blessed to adopt her (which we are hoping for) and maybe her baby brother too, I will be thrilled and will know that this was why the window of foster care was opened in my life.
I’m thankful for answered prayers and unexpected twists and turns in the journey of my life.
Bottom line: “Come what may and love it.”
I can finally say “Thy will be done” and really, truly mean it… and it feels great!
*** Since writing this essay, Denae and Dave were happy to welcome CC’s little brother into their home as a foster child as well. Keeping the siblings together has brought a lot of joy into their home. You can see Dave holding the new baby in the picture above.
Love this!! Thank you for sharing your story and being an example of loving children no matter how they come into your life.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m grateful for your faith and trust in the Lord and how it’s strengthened mine today. Thank you.
Denae, it is sometimes our worst experiences that bring about the greatest understanding and blessings. I admire your trust in the Lord. You are a great mother and any foster child or adoptive child would be lucky to land in your and Dave’s care. Thank you for sharing this.
We also struggled with infertility but now that I am past child-bearing age, I can see the Lord’s wisdom in sending only three children to our particular home. Learning to put one’s will on the altar of the Lord is one of the hardest lessons to learn in this life. You are a wonderful example to many.
I really love how the Lord will provide a way for us. It is so true when one door closes, (many) another opens and our loving merciful Heavenly Father is always there to redirect us when directions change and we have arrived at a destination we never anticipated. With the Lord by our side, all roads return to him and clearly you are a wonderful example of that principle. Thanks for sharing!
Many years in San Diego we knew a couple who were fostering. They already had other children and were not allowed to adopt this one. They were heartbroken!
A bit more than a year later they were going up the steps to the Los Angeles Temple and saw ‘their’ foster daughter! She was with a young couple and all dressed up to go inside and be sealed to them for ‘Time and all Eternity’.
We don’t always receive such a gift but is a beautiful memory for all who know the fostering couple.
I’m grateful to hear someone’s personal experience with foster care. I’ve always admired those who chose to provide this amazing service to children. Bless you for your faith in following this path. And thank you for sharing here.
Your story touches my heart! I am an adoptive mom of 4 children. our fourth child came to us through foster care. We also fostered babies before Spencer and we had to say goodbye. One particular baby, Ashanti, touched us deeply and we see the world differently because of our experience with her. There is nothing like loving Heavenly Fathers children whether they come into our lives to stay or come just for a while. The pain when they leave is worth the time we get to spend loving them. Thank you for sharing your sweet story…it brought me back to my own experiences. I hope no matter what happens with these two little ones your family continues to have great peace and they have peace in their lives.