“Something’s gotta give,” Micke thought after she failed several of her college courses last semester. Between church, homeschooling, her own college courses, and caring for her four kids alone while her husband was away with the Navy, something really did have to give.
And something did give. Her desire for perfection.
“My life is crazy. My floor is dirty, I have piles of laundry. But I am happy because I know that I am a daughter of God.”
A few months ago, Micke felt the prompting to go back to school. She spoke with her husband and he said, “If it’s a prompting you need to follow it.” So she signed up for classes and failed miserably. Micke felt her failure was actually part of the prompting, “If I had not failed, I would not have been able to I realize that I was overwhelmed.”
Micke decided to stop homeschooling her children and enrolled them in public school. “After I enrolled my kids in public school, I felt better about all of the issues I had with my children’s education. I wanted the opportunity to teach my kids to be independent learners, and I got that opportunity during the years I offered homeschooling to my children. After a few days in the new school, my fears about them adjusting were gone. My fears about them being behind were gone. We got some really great teachers. I hit it off with them immediately. The kids made friends right away. To me that was that was a confirmation that I had made the right choice. I definitely know that enrolling my kids in public school was the right choice for my family, so I am so thankful for that prompting.”
When asked what she really wanted to share with other women Micke replied, “I want to let other women know that there isn’t a perfection standard. Just because my house isn’t perfect or dinner is not a five-course meal does not affect my worth. That does not change how Heavenly Father sees me. I feel like I have reached that point, that I am in a season in my life with my husband gone, and me alone, that it comes down to me and Heavenly Father. I’ve reached a point where I’m at peace with myself and what God feels about me.
“I understand the feelings of inadequacy women have,” Micke continues. “I’ve looked across the aisles at church and school and seen families whose kids are well-behaved and their husband is home and they are all dressed immaculately, and I’ve thought, “Why isn’t my life like that?” But now, I’m OK with the fact that my situation is different than theirs. It all goes back to my priorities. Is it more important that my floor is spotless or that I sit down and play a board game with my kids? Is it more important that dinner is made from scratch or we got to sit together and read books, or take the dog for a walk or went for family bike rides? In 10 years from now I want my kids to remember how we watched movies every Friday night and ate popcorn until we passed out. If I relieve one woman’s perfection burden today, than I will have achieved my goal with this interview.”
When asked what it means to be a Mormon Woman Micke responded, “Being a woman in the Church, I feel like I have a better understanding of who I am, why I’m here and what my purpose is. I have a better understanding of how important my role as a mother is. I have a better understanding of what an impact I have as a mother to my children in teaching them the gospel foundation I set for them in their lives and how important that is. I feel like I have a better understanding as my role as a wife. I am a partner to my husband. We know that our marriage doesn’t end here when we die. Knowing that there is something else after this life for our marriage makes me want to work harder here to make my marriage better. I think that those aspects of our religion are huge for me personally. I think it has given my life more purpose because I know there is a reward for the hard work here.”
Micke has lived her entire life in Wisconsin, USA and currently lives on the outskirts of Milwaukee. She has been married to her husband, Justin, for 11 years and has four children ranging from 9 years to 9 months. Justin is currently serving in the United States Navy as an airman and is considering moving forward into Officer Candidate school.
Micke, you seem like you’d be a blast to hang out with. Luckily, I’ve never been driven to be a perfectionist. I think my decision to just do my best and let the rest go was influenced by the women in my congregation. I observed which women seemed the most happy and fulfilled and have tried to pattern my life after theirs. I listen and ask for advice from women who have already gone through my stage of life. I imagine you’ll be a great resource to the younger women in your congregation.
I too, hope your interview relieves the burden of perfectionism from another woman today.
Loved this post Micke!
Janelle
Your words about accepting yourself, even when imperfect, is exemplified in your willingness to admit your failures in a public forum. That takes self confidence!
Your family is blessed to have a woman as a wife and mother who re-evaluates and changes as the circumstances dictate. Changing our plans and goals doesn’t mean we’ve failed, it means we’re taking another step forward. You are a great example.
It is refreshing to meet another woman who is willing to profess in such a public forum that perfectionism is a disease (at least I think, based on what you said, that you would agree with that label.) Thanks for sharing!
You have really inspired me through this post, Micke! Thank you.
Thanks for all the compliments. I really enjoyed the interview and I am so glad I found the site.
Hey Micke, I love your article on mormon women! I’m so glad I’m not the only one whose life can fall to pieces and turn around to thank God for every part of my life. Even the unexpected events with husbands and children are something we can learn from. The trials God has for us are to keep us strong and remind us of what he has given us. Thank you for your guidance and inspiration! love ya!
As Micke’s sister I know that her floors are not the cleanest and that the laundry is piled up…I also know that she is a wonderful Mother with four terrific children. I also knows that she has found a sense of peace and acceptance…something that took her some time to discover about her own comfort. She can and will always be a person to be inspired by… Love You!!
Hi Micke, read your post and I really loved it!!! Thank you so much for sharing your life experiences. It was really touching and inspiring!!!
We miss you all!!! Big hug for each one of you!
I did not get married to Micke because she was all perfect with everything, but I knew she was one incredible woman and very strong as well. I am always awed by the way she has handled these changes and challenges. She is one awesome woman and she is mine! I am inspired by her as well. She has always been so giving and I am glad to see her share so much here!