By Amber
It had been a rough day. It was one of those shake-my-fists-at-heaven-sort of days. After struggling through hours upon hours of my little guy’s cries, I felt ready to throw in the towel.
I looked toward Heaven and cried out “Why? Why are you sending my husband to medical school? Why were we supposed to have kids so soon? Why, why why?”
I took my guy and sat in the squeaky rocking chair.
Rock, squeak. Rock, squeak. Sniffle, sniffle. Repeat.
My heart echoed Joseph Smith’s petition unto the Lord–“O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” (D&C 121: 1)
Rock, squeak. Rock, squeak. Sniffle, sniffle. Repeat.
I felt the Spirit tickling my pride, persuading me into prayer. I fought until the squeaky rocking chair and my tears were no longer comforting.
I swallowed my pride and earnestly prayed for inspiration. The calm I sought gradually came. With it I felt impressed to open the scriptures to a passage in the Doctrine & Covenants. Curiously, I was directed to a verse given to a woeful Joseph Smith during his harsh sojourn in the horrendous depths of Liberty Jail.
“The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” (D&C 122:8)
This verse follows a long list of trials and tribulations that the Lord’s saints may be called upon to bear. It is not meant to be harsh or derogatory. It’s purpose is to remind Joseph, and all of us, that our pain and suffering has already been borne by a perfect Man: Jesus Christ, our Savior. The message is clear–what we suffer now pales in comparison to what Jesus suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus Christ has taken our sins and all of our pains unto himself. Who better, then, can we turn to for comfort?
The next verse illustrates this:
“Therefore, hold on thy way…fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.” (D&C 122:9)
I quickly recognized that I had turned my back on the Savior’s love. This turned my pride into shame. I prayed again in a different spirit–a spirit of humility rather than an accusatory spirit. I prayed for peace.
My questions were not answered and I didn’t expect them to be. Yet, I was reassured that we were doing the right thing. The road will be tough, but I, we, are not alone. For that I am grateful.
Thank you so much for a beautiful reminder and a great start to my day!!!
Oh Amber, it is OK to have days like this too. Yesterday my 2.5 year old dumped a bottle of root beer on the carpet, squirted a Go-gurt all over the livingroom, drew scribbles all over my couches and tried to change her own diaper with disastrous results.
I wish I had a rocking chair to cry in. I swear I was watching her too, she’s so fast!
I was overwhelmed. I spoke to my husband, who gave me a break when he got home. That will be the toughest part about medical school. You may not get those breaks. But you did one better, you prayed. If I have another day like that today I’ll remember to pray too.
Sounds like you handled this just right, Amber. Sure, you floundered a little (as we all do!), but then you just stepped up and put the gospel into action.
It’s hard to be the parent of young children with your husband in medical school! Make sure your expectations of yourself are realistic. Let’s face it; you are just going to have some bad days along the way. And sometimes, you will handle them less well than others.
For those times, you’ve already shown that you know the remedy!
(Thanks for the reminder…)
=)
Why do we struggle to pray when we know we should? And by we, I mean: me too. We all have rock, squeak, sniffle days. And even when we are stubborn, knowing we have somewhere to turn can make all the difference.
Amber, I’ve read this post more than once.
And it’s helped me more than once.
There are few scriptures that mean more to me in hard times than the ones you shared.
Thank you for this.
Beautiful post, Amber. I am not LDS, but I am a Baha’i and we share so many things between our faiths. I have a ton of LDS friends and I respect and admire your church very much and all the values and beliefs you hold. THis is a very moving and true post. It is easy to feel overwhelmed with life, but no matter what, God is always there for us.