We’re finishing up our week of sharing posts for White Ribbon Against Pornography Week. We received a timely submission a couple of days ago from a woman who has walked the path as the wife of a pornography addict. Her message to women in her shoes: You don’t have to do it alone! She shares her experience with LDS Addiction Recovery support groups for spouses of sex / porn addicts.

You Don’t Have to Do it Alone

~by Anonymous

Let me tell you a little about myself.  I’m a young mother and I’m a blogger.  I’m also married to a recovering pornography addict, who thankfully is doing really well.

Five or six years ago when I found out, and I was expecting our second child, my world was crushed.  We went to the bishop, we went to counseling, but I still ached inside.  One day, while visiting with the bishop, he asked how I was doing – what I needed.  I told him, I just needed someone to talk with – someone who could relate to me.  My family didn’t know; my friends didn’t know; I felt so alone.  This was not something I wanted to advertise.  The bishop informed me of a local Pornography Addiction Support Group led by LDS Family Services missionaries where there was a wife’s group!

I went to my first meeting with much anxiety, wondering if I should turn around and go home.  I worried about a lot. I wondered if the meeting would be weird (yes, they do say, “Hi, my name is…”, but it helps you learn everyone’s names!).  I toughed it out and showed up anyway.  I was greeted by a sister missionary with a badge.  She had several helpers, called facilitators, who assisted her in running the meetings each week.  I found a safe place where I could share my pains and recovery.  I was able to learn from the other sisters.  I was able to get to know the Addiction Recovery Program workbook quite well.  After about a year, I felt stable enough to not attend meetings each week, but would still drop in a couple times a year to say hello.

After a couple years of just saying hello, a friend who was attending called me and said I needed to start coming again.  I learned that we had other family members going to the brothers’ and sisters’ groups regularly. I volunteered to become a facilitator.  I was introduced to new materials — a pilot program — for the spouses of addicts called Healing through Christ.  As of now, the book is being edited and approved.

The new book for spouses is amazing.  The Addiction Recovery Program book was good, but because it is directed toward the addict, it made it difficult to focus on one’s own healing.  The new book empowers the spouse (or mother or girlfriend) to get stable herself, to become okay, to not be so negatively affected by the choices of her husband (or son or boyfriend).  I wish I knew when the official book was coming out, but you can contact your local Family Services to see if and when they will send you a draft PDF.

I want you to know that if you are the spouse of a pornography addict, and are suffering, you don’t have to do it alone!  There is someone, a whole bunch of someones, just waiting to help and love you.  You can find the schedule for meetings here.  If you are not close to a recovery group, see if you can get the book. If you’re really ambitious, you can even find out about getting a group started in your area by talking to your local leaders and LDS Family Services.

To get the feel of a Pornography Addiction Recovery group meeting, here’s a recent video. I couldn’t imagine anyone could make a video short that could really convey the feeling of a meeting, but they did it.

We involved in this program pray for you; we pray you will find these support groups, if you need them.  Know you are not alone.  Since we can’t hold up signs saying, “My husband is a porn addict, and I need help,” be gutsy and come to a meeting.  You may like what you find.