I barely made it to the store in time. It was my usual late-night Saturday (read: pre-Sunday) run. (Where I live, lots of us Mormons do that so as to avoid shopping on Sunday. Why we wait until Saturday night (why not Friday? or Saturday afternoon?) is a humorous rhetorical question. It makes for a fun neighborhood gathering, anyway. But, alas, I digress.)

Nearly running, I made my way from one end of the store to the other so I could get to the checkout stand by closing time. There were two lines open; I chose one and unloaded my cart.

The woman in front of me pulled a manager over and whispered something in her ear. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but it was definitely slowing down the process.

I don’t know anyone who isn’t the type to look for the shortest line and then bemoan it when Murphy’s law = your line ends up being the slowest. Oddly enough, though, for whatever reason (I’m can think of no other explanation than “it was grace”), I wasn’t feeling antsy. I had made it to the checkout before closing, but besides that, I really wasn’t in a hurry. And besides that, my items were already on the belt, so….

It soon became clear that the woman in front of me was trying to find a way to pay for the groceries of a woman who had come before her. The manager was trying to figure out how/if that could be done, and this woman was running back to get gift cards (she knew the woman in need and was coordinating with the manager to have this all work as a secret).

This Christlike woman kept apologizing, but my heart was about to burst. The clerk, the manager, and I were all fighting tears.

It was a sacred moment, one I thanked the woman for giving us.

I feel like God is trying to teach me something.

I have a new goal to not eat standing up. That may sound silly, but I’m always rushing about, shoving this food or that into my mouth while I’m running to the next thing. Or I put off eating all together. Not only is this not good for my body; it’t not good for my spirit. I’m not yet to the point of not multi-tasking while I eat, but my goal is to only read from real books (not a screen) while I slow down, sit, and eat.

So last night, while I was eating a snack, I sat and savored a chapter in Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. The title of the chapter? Timely to be sure: “a sanctuary of time.”

The chapter is about slowing down and cherishing the moment. She quotes a pastor who shares his greatest regret:

“Being in a hurry,” he says.

Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing…. Through all that haste, I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away. [found on p. 65-66 of Voskamp’s book; originally found in Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Your Sabbath, p. 45; emphasis added by Voskamp]

Voskamp adds:

Whatever the pace, time will keep it and there’s no outrunning it, only speeding it up and pounding the feet harder; the minutes pound faster too. Race for more and you’ll snag on time and leak empty. The longer I keep running, the longer the gash, and I drain, bleed away.

Hurry always empties a soul (p. 67).

And yet our souls crave the exact things that hurry cannot give us: God. Stillness. Peace.

I think we all hear and know that “being present” matters somehow, but it’s so very hard to actually slow down enough to do that. My mind is always thinking about the next thing I need to do or the thing I need to work on or the thing I am afraid of or the thing that got my goat…or…or….

I’m grateful that God took the time this weekend to help me, teach me, invite me to slow down, to be willing to wait — if even just in a grocery line — and to watch and see that He is there, everywhere, ever-ready to show His face. All I need to do is release my chaotic clutch on time a little, and instead let life move at His pace a little more.

When the veil which encloses us is no more, time will also be no more (D&C 84:100). Even now, time is clearly not our natural dimension. Thus it is that we are never really at home in time. Alternately, we find ourselves impatiently wishing to hasten the passage of time or to hold back the dawn. We can do neither, of course. Whereas the bird is at home in the air, we are clearly not at home in time—because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here. ~Neal A. Maxwell

And yet while in this sphere bound by time, God need not be a stranger to us.

“Wherever you are, be all there.”
(Elisabeth Elliot, Through Gates of Splendor, p. 20; quoted on p. 69 and 77 of Voskamp’s book)

The post Slowing down, finding God appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Yes, I know Christmas is over, but my tree is still up and there are still piles of wrapping paper in my living room and a few more Christmas thoughts I wanted to record before I bid the season good-bye. So here is #1 of my two remaining post-Christmas posts.

And actually, this post has ended up being very short.

The word “receive” may, on the surface, seem a bit antithetical to the spirit of Christmas, but to me, it’s at the heart of it all.

I had spent quite a bit of a time writing a post about this topic, but I couldn’t get it to gel. I realized my friend already did such a beautiful job in her post that I want to link to her essay, “Just Receive.”

I will just say this: There are few things that have made Christmas more meaningful than what the Spirit taught me last year about receiving. My friend’s essay stirs those feelings again in my heart. I am grateful for her simple New Year’s resolution, which is one of mine as well:

At the end of this holiday season and the start of a new year, I am determined to keep listening to that voice in my heart that tells me to receive.

And now, tonight, as I reflect more on my friend’s post, the Spirit whispers to me that even the illness that hit me as Christmas came to a close (and has kept me home from three family parties (and counting?)) is itself a gift.

I pray for eyes to see more of what our generous, gentle, loving, patient, all-knowing Father is desirous to give me each day.

If I will but receive.

What is God inviting you to see and receive in your life?

For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift. -Doctrine and Covenants 88:33

The post Receive appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Brenda

With Mother’s Day right around the corner for women in many parts of the world, several posts on motherhood have been swirling in my head.

I could give tips on what moms really want this Mother’s Day.

I could share my personal experiences with all the different mothers in my life and pay tribute to the women who are helping me to raise my children. Neighbors, preschool and piano teachers – I love you.

I could write a post memorializing my own good mother. And maybe I will!

But today I want to touch on a subject my friend and I talked about last night that indirectly applies to Motherhood: God’s love. My task-driven attempts to earn God’s approval as a mother are failing. I’ve been spinning my wheels checking all the right boxes day in and day out and despite the buzz of good works I’m building up, I have felt a spiritual distance developing. After recounting my day and the struggles I faced to my friend over the phone, she gently reminded me that I don’t need to earn God’s love. I already have it.

I let out a sigh and let that sink in.

I already have God’s love.

And that felt so RIGHT. I have felt it, I know God is there and what He has chosen to share with me of Himself is kind, gentle and entreating. That internal voice that scolds me for forgetting to bring in cut flowers for Teacher Appreciation day, the shame I feel as papers fly out every time I open the car door and the weariness I feel when I find my toddler has smashed strawberries into the carpet -AGAIN isn’t God. It’s me, or worse the devil, trying to discourage me from feeling God’s love.

To combat this effective trap of the adversary I am praying. Praying to feel God’s love. Praying to know that He accepts my sacrifice as a mother. Praying for access to His divine grace. Praying that He will multiply my efforts for the benefit of my family. Praying for the peace He promised for those who love Him.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid.

I no longer want to trouble my heart with silly distractions. God and my family love me. Despite all of my weaknesses, and maybe even because of them, God and my family love me. And to all those mothers who are also fretfully spinning their wheels: God loves you too.

I wish you all a very peaceful Mother’s Day.

The post For moms who wonder if they are enough: A Mother’s Day gift appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I had a really hard day Sunday. Actually, it’s been a hard month. (We all have them, right?) I went to church feeling rather numb and weary. I felt like I needed some strength and help with things pressing on my soul. But I wasn’t even sure what I needed.

But God knew.

Several things happened…just little things, but all together, they wove a pattern in my day that let me know that God was aware of my needs. He gave me answers and perspective as I listened to the Young Women General Meeting with my family. He filled my heart with peace and love as I curled up on the couch with my children. He addressed concerns I had as I read through a Church magazine. He gave me thoughts that brought clarity about questions and concerns I had been wrestling with for the past several weeks.

A few years ago, Elder David A. Bednar gave a talk entitled, “The Tender Mercies of the Lord.” It was a talk that impacted members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in a significant way. Why do I say this? Because “tender mercies” was not really part of our Mormon vocabulary before this talk (although the phrase is found in scripture). He helped validate what we have known and felt in our lives — that God really is there, He is aware of us, that His help and guidance and support is real. As we seek Him, we can find Him through tender mercies.

One of the things that struck me about his talk was the repeated emphasis on one way we can know that divine help has been given. He said that “the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them.”

I am grateful that Elder Bednar gave this talk because I feel it has helped me try to be more aware of the tender mercies of the Lord in my life. It’s especially when the timing just seems too uncanny that I know to try to see with spiritual eyes how the Lord is helping me along.

Tender mercies come both at times of great joy and also during times of trial. I have found that sometimes they are subtle, and often there are, as I experienced Sunday, patterns in the small things that happen that leave a trail of light, helping me feel closer to heaven. Sometimes tender mercies come in one day, and sometimes they trickle into my life over days, weeks, months, even years. Sometimes they come only after significant struggle, prayer, pondering, and searching. But they come. Becoming more aware of tender mercies in my life has strengthened my conviction that God knows me personally and is aware of the details of my life.

I love this from Elder Bednar:

When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20).

I know God is there and that through tender mercies, you and I can feel and know of His love and the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Church recently created a video with highlights from this wonderful talk. I wanted to share it here.

The post Tender Mercies — Evidences of God’s Love appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I pray because it changes me.  It smoothes out my rough edges, encourages me to be more gentle, helps me be more aware.

I pray because I long for the few minutes of peace and quiet I carve out of the day to speak with my Father, and I find great joy and comfort when I feel He hears me.

I pray because I need the guidance I receive from the conversations I have with God.  I pray because I know that when I listen to and follow the promptings I get during prayer, my life is better.

I pray because I want my children and family to be protected and safe, and I know that when I ask the Lord to watch over them each day, He does.

I pray because life is hard, and sometimes when I pray for it to be easier, burdens are lifted.  Sometimes when I pray for the hard times to go away, they don’t, but through prayer I am made stronger to face those challenges.

I pray because I need help, and God is waiting to help me the very second I ask for it.  I pray because I need and want blessings from above, and God is waiting to give me those blessings just as soon as I am humble enough to ask.

I pray because I am so very blessed, and I want my Heavenly Father to know that I recognize His hand in everything around me – my family, our health, our abundant spaghetti squash plants, the peaceful breeze, my children’s laughter.

Why do you pray?

——

For more We Believe posts, please click here.

The post We Believe: Why I Pray appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

There are certain things that I do that make me feel close to the Lord.

George Washington Carver said, “I like to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us, if only we will tune in.”

I’m inclined to agree with Mr. Carver, for I see evidence of God’s love as I wander in the mountains,

watch the sun rise or admire flowers growing around me.

Martin Luther said, “God writes the gospel not in the bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars.”

I feel a confirmation from the Spirit that our Savior, Jesus Christ, created the earth for us. These same feelings are the ones that help me know that He lives.

I feel peace in my soul when I am in the quiet of nature, away from the sounds of town. Out here is where I know, God loves me.

He loves you, too.

Please share a time when you felt close to God while enjoying the beauties of nature.

————–

For more Sharing Our Voices posts, please click here.

The post Photo Essay: Nature appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

My name is Tequitia and I have been a member of the Mormon church for 13 years. My husband introduced me to the church when he told me he wouldn’t marry someone unless she was a member of the Church. At the time we had been dating almost five years and I had no idea he was a member.  I wanted to marry him, so I called up the missionaries to find out what this church was about. I had the first discussions and honestly, didn’t feel anything from it.

I didn’t continue with the discussions after that. However, I believe that that was the turning point for me in my life. I wasn’t a religious person. I believed in God and Jesus Christ, but I had no formal teachings about Them and my purpose in life.

A few months after meeting with the missionaries, I experienced many changes. I was having financial problems, family issues, employment issues, etc. I was experiencing adversity that eventually led me to discover my faith. I began to have a strong desire to learn about God and live the way he would have me live. I started going to the church of my youth. I started reading the Bible.

At the same time, my boyfriend (now husband) started going back to his ward [congregation]. One day he asked me to attend church with him. I didn’t think of it as him trying to convert me, but as me being supportive, so I went.

Soon I was coming to church with him every Sunday and afterwards having the discussions with the missionaries in a member’s home. One fast and testimony meeting, I felt the Spirit so strongly. I had been reading the Book of Mormon and praying about the church. That evening, the Spirit was so strong amongst us, I knew that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was where the Lord wanted me to be. I got baptized and hold strong to that testimony that the Lord blessed me to receive.

My husband and I were married in the Washington, D.C. Temple a year later. We have been blessed with four beautiful children. I have served in several wonderful callings over the years, but currently serve as the Enrichment Counselor in my ward Relief Society. Besides being a wife and mother, I write a bi-monthly column, East Meets West, for Mormon Times. I fancy myself as an mixed-media artist and enjoy singing, crocheting, sewing, and reading.

I always tell anyone interested in the church to read the Book of Mormon and pray about for themselves. If you ask the Lord earnestly, really having the desire to do what He wants you to do, He will answer.

—

For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

The post Portraits of Mormon Women: Tequitia appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

My name is Stephanie and I served in the Netherlands, Amsterdam Mission from August 1983 to February 1985.

I always had said I would serve a mission if I wasn’t married by the time I turned 21.  However, I met a young man just the February before my 21st birthday.  We started hanging out and dated.  The Spirit confirmed to me that I needed to serve a mission.  I told this young man, Dale, that I was going on my mission.  The night before going into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) he called and proposed to me.  I told him I needed to serve this mission.  We wrote letters back and forth until about half way through my mission when I was having a difficult time with companions and the work.  He was the only regular writer besides my parents so I took my frustrations out on him and sent him a “Dear John” [a letter essentially cutting off the relationship]. But the November before my mission ended, we started exchanging letters again.

When I look at my life now and knowing what has happened, the trials I have endured, I am very grateful for the missionary service that I did.  Dale was a convert to the church and so my service has been a big example to my children of the importance of missionary work.  Dale and I did get married August 1985, but he passed away in December 1993 leaving me to raise our four small children.  I think a mission helped prepare me for this experience in my life knowing and confirming deep within me the Plan of Salvation and that we can and will see our loved ones in the life after mortality.

A couple of experiences come to mind when I was on my mission where I knew God answered my prayers.  I hadn’t been out in the field long, it was cold and windy outside and we were proselyting door to door.  In Rotterdam Holland, there are high rises with many apartments where you stand downstairs and push a button and talk on the speaker. My companion and I were in a little entry way pushing buttons when something got in my eye. I rubbed it and realized my contact fell out.  Now this was in the time period that we didn’t have disposable contacts and they were expensive.  I didn’t have an extra pair and it was dark outside.  We looked on the ground but couldn’t see anything.  My companion and I said a prayer and still looked, but nothing.  We decided to call it a night and walked across the street to unlock our bikes and the impression came over me to look back to where we were.  I saw something shiny and told my companion to wait a minute. I went back and there it was, my contact lens.  I know that Heavenly Father had a hand in me finding my contact that night.

The other experience is from the time I served in Den Haag.  There was a nice older woman who had been seeing the missionaries for a long time and had always talked to the Elders.  In fact her son was already a member, but something kept her from joining the Church.  We would go over every week and give her a discussion and one day the Spirit prompted me to challenge her to be baptized.  She surprised us all by agreeing and was later baptized. I asked her after what had changed her mind after so many missionaries and her response was that it was something we had said.  Heavenly Father had worked through the Spirit to answer our prayers on how to show her the way.

My mission impacted my perspective on God’s love and of my own self worth.  It helped me to see that Heavenly Father loves all mankind and knew me and knew what I was in need of at those times.  It helped me to be more self confident and independent and know that I could have my own testimony and speak boldly of the Savior’s love and the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ without relying on the testimony of my parents or leaders.

—-

For more Missionary Monday posts, please click here.

The post Mormon Mission Memories: Stephanie appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

As members of the LDS church, we believe in paying a 10% tithing on any increase we receive. For example, if we make $10 then we give $1 to the church. The money is used for all sorts of things – the building and maintenance of temples and churches, missionary work, educating church members and more.

People often wonder why we would do something like this.

We believe that the Lord has commanded to give back part of what he has given us. In return, we are blessed in many ways. By paying our tithing we are able to show the Lord our faith, love, and devotion to Him. We are also showing our gratitude for the things that we have and we are showing Him that we trust Him to help us. In return, it seems that we are blessed to have the things that we need.

I have had experiences where I have seen blessings of paying tithing in my own life.

Money is tight in our house and my boys desperately needed a dresser. They had been using bins under their beds, but it just wasn’t working. I really wanted to go and buy a dresser but I couldn’t bring myself to spend money that we didn’t have. I collected the money that I needed to pay for tithing one Sunday morning and put it with my scriptures. I checked my email and there was a message from our Relief Society President ~ a member of my ward had a dresser that they didn’t need. I was able to get my boys a dresser for their room and I truly believe that it is because I was paying my tithing.

When we lived in our old house, I had a salon. In our current home, I have no room for a salon but I still give people haircuts for extra money. I have noticed that when I pay my tithing, I seem to have people call for a haircut more often and I am able to earn money that is needed for groceries and other things around the house. I believe that this is a way the Lord is blessing me and my family for our obedience to this law.

On the LDS church’s website you can read stories of other women from all over the world who have gained a testimony of tithing. An example of a story from that article includes the following:

Josefa Margarida dos Santos Fontes of Brazil shares, “When I was baptized in 2001, I began paying tithing every month. Then just eight months later, my husband passed away. I became a widow with two small children at home and one son on a mission. Although my financial problems were serious, I never stopped paying tithing. I have been blessed with more and more work, which has enabled me to earn more money. But even more important, because I pay my tithing I always feel at peace with the Lord.

“Today my small house seems big and comfortable. I feel calm with my two little children. I will never stop paying tithing because I know the Lord has blessed me not only with physical and spiritual health but also with wisdom and peace.”

—
Read more about tithing here.

Read others’ experiences with and thoughts about tithing here.

You can read thoughts from other Mormon women about tithing in the comments on this post.

—-

For more We Believe posts, please click here.

The post We Believe: Tithing appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

My name is Marivic and I am a Mormon woman in progress. I say that not so much because I worry about not being the kind of Mormon woman people expect me to be, but because I believe I still need to cover a lot of ground before I become the Mormon woman Heavenly Father wants me to be.

I have been married 24 years to my husband and best friend, Alan, and we have three children, 2 boys and a girl. Our oldest son, Christopher, completed earth life before he turned three years old which is the biggest sadness of our life, but we have faith that someday we will have a full understanding of the plan and have the answers to our questions. I look forward to the day when we are reunited with him, and faith becomes true knowledge, and I can finally comprehend why he left so soon and broke our hearts.

Meanwhile, we have been blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy our daughter and youngest son, both currently wonderful teen-agers. Ah, I know— “enjoy,” “wonderful,” and “teenagers” should be antonymous! Believe me, I often agree, but I can honestly say that Heavenly Father blessed me with good children who fill me with joy and make me grateful for motherhood. It is the hardest but most fulfilling role that I have been entrusted in my life. I am grateful that the gospel of Jesus Christ enabled me to recognize this.

The first time I heard about the Mormon Church was as a young girl in the Philippines. I was about eight years old when Mormon missionaries were first invited in to our home. Unfortunately, my parents were in a sort of “all is well” state common to the prosperous, and my dad told the missionaries not to come back. But times changed. Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos declared Martial Law in 1972, and the people of the Philippines suffered. The years of economic hardship my family endured under the Marcos regime humbled my parents and the next time the missionaries knocked on our door my parents’ minds were open and their hearts were ready. Our family was baptized into the church in 1977.

Being a young Mormon in a predominantly Catholic country was quite interesting. The best education was at private schools run by the Catholic Church, so I attended private Catholic institutions both in high school and college. The nuns and the priests were aware of my religion and were tolerant and kind. They did not bother me about my beliefs but neither did they exempt me from the required Theology classes. So for at least a couple of years I managed to balance being president of my seminary class in the LDS Church and an A-student in theology at my Catholic school. You would think I would have been one confused young woman! But I believe that this experience made me feel secure in my faith and my Mormon identity no matter where I am and what the circumstances are. It taught me not only to be tolerant of people with different values, but to also be comfortable in my friendships with people who do not believe as I do.

My friends in the church and out of the church like to say that I am not a stereotypical Mormon. Maybe it’s because, as some say, I have a lot of spunk. Maybe it’s because, in some ways, I tend to do things atypical of how some may have stereotyped a Mormon wife and mom. For example, except for a brief five-year stint as a stay-at-home mom before my kids went to school (which was an awesome and treasured experience), I actually choose to work outside the home; I am a revenue manager for a large hotel chain in the United States. Also, I do not find joy in baking, cooking, sewing, scrapbooking, gardening, canning, etc. I do enjoy reading, amateur photojournalism, and occasional blogging. I currently serve on the Activities Committee in my ward and as a visiting teacher.

I may not fit some stereotypes, but I am a Mormon woman who is deeply although quietly grateful for the gospel and for the Savior. I pray and I study the scriptures. I also strive to have a clean mind, clean hands, a clean mouth, a clean heart and a clean life. I teach my kids to love, to be kind and courteous, to be happy, to seek intelligence and knowledge, and to have faith. I can only hope these things count in my identity as a follower of Christ.

There are many spiritual experiences that have shaped who I am. These experiences came when serving as a full-time missionary in The Philippines Baguio Mission, and when serving in different church callings throughout the years, whether it be as a nursery teacher or as a Stake Young Women President when I was just in my twenties.

However, the experience which defines me the most, which indelibly shaped me and convinced me that Heavenly Father lives, is the experience of losing my first born child. I was crushed under the weight of overwhelming sorrow, but I was lifted up so I could rise from its depths and allow faith to set me on the path to healing. This experience is so sacred to me I have rarely if ever shared it. But I felt it would be worthwhile to share here.

Twenty years ago this year, my son who was not yet three passed away during his nap. There was no medical explanation for the devastation I was asked to bear. “Undetermined natural causes” was all the medical examiners could give us as the reason for why my world was turned upside down. Suddenly, what I thought was my strong testimony that helped me as a young woman, a missionary, a young bride, a new mother, could not hold me up against overwhelming grief and pain. I found myself desperately needing to know that the plan of salvation was true, not just because I felt it or that it made sense in my mind, but because I know. I needed to know it just like I know with perfect knowledge that the sky is blue, and that I have five fingers in each hand, and that a flame hurts when it burns my skin. I had to know not in the abstract but with absolute knowledge that there is indeed a resurrection and that I will see my son again. If I could not know that, then I decided I would rather die.

I am not sure how much my mother-in-law knew of my struggle, but she arranged for me and my husband to meet with Elder Richard G. Scott (an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints; the  Mormons) shortly after our son’s funeral. (She was a church office employee back then and was able to do this.) My husband and I went to see Elder Scott and I was determined to get an answer. I did not want an apostle to just bear his testimony to me. I wanted an apostle of Christ to give me a testimony, to tell me how he knew the plan of salvation is true, so I could know it myself. I told Elder Scott exactly how I felt. But of course, and as you already suspected, Elder Scott could not give me a testimony. He shared his testimony, but he could not give me the knowledge and testimony I sought. However, I will always remember what I walked away with on that day. Elder Scott, whether he knew it or not, gave my spirit peace and solace when he told me that it was okay if all I had was faith and not knowledge. He did not judge me or chastise me. He simply told me to keep believing even when I don’t know. Because believing based on faith will carry me to the end, and in the end I will know.

Twenty years later my heart and my spirit are still broken in many ways, and I am still without perfect knowledge. For this I sometimes believe I am farther behind than most Mormon women in their journey back to Heavenly Father. Nevertheless, I am farther along in that path than I was twenty years ago. I can only measure myself against my own progress and not against others’. Along the way I learned to separate the gospel from the cultural expectations of my religion. More importantly, I know now more than I knew back then that I have a Heavenly Father, and to Him I pray. I believe with a deep abiding faith that someday I will see Christopher again. And so I continue in faith to seek understanding, and knowledge— a Mormon woman in progress.

—-

For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

The post Portraits of Mormon Women: Marivic appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.