“True greatness…always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time.”  –Howard W. Hunter

A “house of order,” isn’t that what we all want and hope for? It is a righteous desire of mine but am continually challenged to find more effective and creative ways to keep order in our home with five kids and a busy life. This post is not so much about “chores” as it is about finding “tools” that help manage our home with greater efficiency and consequently with greater order. With order in the home, comes more love, more understanding, more service, more kindness and more needed balance.  I have found one tool that has really helped our big family.

When I hear an idea about parenting or motherhood that I like and seems to bring balance into a busy family life,  I hold on to it, massage it and if it fits…then I implement what fits in our home. Chores are something that are not necessarily my favorite to implement, but I feel they are essential nonetheless. In our house, chores play a big part of our daily life and help bring order and happiness to our home, in addition to providing valuable opportunities to teach important life lessons.  Teaching the children responsibility, self discipline, the value of joy after having accomplished a task and eventually learning the principle of self governing, is paramount. Since my family is still relatively young, I am hesitant to portray too much confidence in this arena because the verdict is still (way) out on our family…regardless that does not stop me from trying to succeed and love hearing about other families strategies as well.

I grew up with lots of brothers and sisters and much was expected of us in our family to keep “order.” For a period of my youth we lived in Elvis Presley’s drummers old house, down the mountain from Lake Tahoe. We had a big house, 2 acres of land, horses, cows, a garden, dog, cat and LOTS of grass. My mother knows how to work harder than any man or woman I know. I have vivid memories in the sweltering heat raking dirt and rocks for hours on end. As a kid, I thought she was just plain mean, working us nearly to death (or so I thought), but later in life I learned she loved us greatly and was teaching us a very important principle of responsibility and success. I also learned to appreciate the value of working together as a family and serving those that I loved. (see Mosiah 4:14-15)

In my family we have designed a specific chore system that works great for us however is not for everyone. I highly encourage every family to have some sort of consistency with their house hold responsibilities. To find the right ebb and flow requires some creativity and a great deal of commitment.

An old favorite author/professor PhD Glen Latham had a philosophy that I have long since adopted, it is the idea of letting your children “self instruct” (as much as possible) and “do not tell them things they already know.” We have implemented this strategy in several ways, one of which  has been particularly effective.  With five children, sometimes communication becomes easily taxed. With the hustle and bustle after school, I so often make the mistake of saying something to one child… thinking that because I can see the other children in my peripheral, they heard it also…that is rarely the case.  SO to eliminate much of the after school confusion, scheduling, and expectations we simplified things and came up with our “Dailies” (term used regularly in the film business). [See samples below.]

After the initial after school reunion with hugs, kisses, snuggles and visits about their day, and a snack to appease their starving little tummies, I refer them to their “Dailies” where it is expressed in bullet form each child’s responsibilities. (Of course you have to use common sense and be accommodating on occasion especially with our oldest son who is increasingly being assigned more time consuming homework.) At the bottom of our “Dailies,” I address what Mom and Dad are doing and if there is anything they need to be aware of as it pertains to Mom and Dad. We have one child in particular that really protests when we “go out” and does not like surprises, he would like us all to be together all the time and do nothing other than have den parties with him, so this gives him ample warning so he can emotionally prepare himself for our temporary separation.

Self-governing is a great long-term goal and will eventually come… until then, this has been a great tool in implementing the consistency and flow of household responsibilities. Dr. Latham was also a big believer of recording data and tracking progress and provide positive reinforcement. For people who love lists, this is a great system. I love lists and so do my kids, it is very satisfying to track progress and scratch things off my list when we have succeeded. Also by way of reward I will use this as an opportunity to recognize something special/helpful they have done for our family, they love this public acknowledgment. There are so many underlying blessings embedded within this structure.

I can not say enough how helpful these “Dailies” have been in creating a house of order.  Instead of me repeating five different times what our afternoon plans are or what my expectations are for each of the children, I simply remove the unnecessarily language and defer them to their “Dailies,” then all that energy can be saved to talk about more enjoyable things. Never again will a child of mine say… ” but Mom…I didn’t know” or ” you did not tell me that!” This small and simple thing has yielded great dividends!

A home with order, is a home of peace and happiness. A home where everyone does their part is easy… not always in execution but in results. A home where children are learning responsibility and self governing tools, is hopeful.  Life where there is progress, is rewarding. This is defiantly one tool we will stick with!

“An important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children is to teach them to work. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: ‘One of the greatest values . . . is the virtue of honest work. Knowledge without labor is profitless. Knowledge with labor is genius’ (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 704).” – James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, May 2003

“Our house is to be a house of order. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Eccl. 3:1). Such is true in our lives. Let us provide time for family, time for work, time for study, time for service, time for recreation, time for self—but above all, time for Christ…Then our house will be a house of order.” – Thomas S. Monson

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~by Melanie

I love to listen to men sing. This Sunday, I heard the best men’s choir ever. I was ironing my son’s white shirt and my husband was helping our boys, ages 4 and 7, get dressed for church. The three of them were singing “How Firm a Foundation” which is a Hymn that the children learned in Primary last year.

“How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

What more can he say than to you he hath said,

Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,

Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.”

(LDS Hymn #85)

It was sweet to listen to my husband teach my children through song the things that he and I both know: that if we have faith, we can turn to our Savior for refuge when times are tough. And times will be tough. I can’t even imagine the challenges and evils that will face our children as they grow into teenagers and adults. My husband and I hope that as they are young, we will be able to give them a “firm foundation” in the gospel.

We hope to send them out into the world with the knowledge that they are children of our Heavenly Father, who loves them and that even when times are hard or we make mistakes, He wants us to come to Him in prayer and He will comfort us. It is a huge responsibility that we have as parents and so we teach them often. We hold Family Home Evening, daily family scripture study and prayer. But just as important are those unplanned times, when they have questions or when we feel prompted by the spirit to share our testimonies with them about the gospel.

And sometimes the teaching simply comes when we’re getting ready for the church and a song pops into our heads.

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My husband and I have been married for four years and while dating we learned that we both loved being in the outdoors. I grew up fishing and camping with my family. My husband pretty much taught himself to fish and went camping occasionally with his family. The first year or two of marriage we went camping a few times. After we had our little girl we apparently decided we needed to camp more often because she was born in February and we were camping in June. We went camping at least once a month that summer. Even though it was a lot of work with a little baby it was so nice to get out of our house and spend time with one another. There is nothing better than being in the mountains away from cars, houses, and noise. When we go camping and fishing we are able to reconnect as a family.  It is a lot easier to talk to one another if the TV isn’t on and the computer isn’t running.

This past summer we once again spent lots of time camping. It was more difficult this year because we were chasing our little girl around and trying to keep her away from the fire but somehow camping was still more relaxing than staying at home with all of our distractions. It was so nice after our little girl had gone to bed.  We would sit by the fire and just talk about anything that came to our minds about our life and where we want to go.

Peace is what I feel when I am in the outdoors- camping, hiking, or fishing. It is where I love to be. I am able to feel God’s love enfold me as I see the trees, flowers, and animals. I feel so blessed that I can share that time with my family. I am so blessed to have them in my life. I know that we will always go through trials as a family and that we can be made stronger because of them. We are so blessed as parents to have our little girl in our life, she is our joy and our happiness. We love her and the time spent with her. She is one of our many blessings.

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For Caitlin, a college student living away from home, her “family” right now includes roommates and other friends. She and a friend attended General Conference together.

The Hampton family enjoyed gathering together to attend General Conference. Mom and Dad and the two youngest children in the family traveled from California and met up with three of the five other children who are currently living in Utah. Two dates joined the group as well!

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In this feature, we will see photos and hear stories (and maybe even have some videos) that capture the day-to-day stuff of family life, the moments that keep us laughing, the deeply-rooted traditions that bind generations together, the new traditions we are experimenting with, and much more. Come enjoy and share ideas about family parties, family reunions, family nights, family memory-making, and other family fun. Reflect with us on all that family life entails, from celebrating birth to dealing with death, from the heartwarming to the heartrending.

So, beginning today, we invite you to come and focus on family life with us. And please join in and share your thoughts, ideas, and experiences in the comments. As always, submissions are also welcome. Send at gmail to ‘mormonwoman’ and include ‘Family Friday’ in the subject line.

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My name is Tequitia and I have been a member of the Mormon church for 13 years. My husband introduced me to the church when he told me he wouldn’t marry someone unless she was a member of the Church. At the time we had been dating almost five years and I had no idea he was a member.  I wanted to marry him, so I called up the missionaries to find out what this church was about. I had the first discussions and honestly, didn’t feel anything from it.

I didn’t continue with the discussions after that. However, I believe that that was the turning point for me in my life. I wasn’t a religious person. I believed in God and Jesus Christ, but I had no formal teachings about Them and my purpose in life.

A few months after meeting with the missionaries, I experienced many changes. I was having financial problems, family issues, employment issues, etc. I was experiencing adversity that eventually led me to discover my faith. I began to have a strong desire to learn about God and live the way he would have me live. I started going to the church of my youth. I started reading the Bible.

At the same time, my boyfriend (now husband) started going back to his ward [congregation]. One day he asked me to attend church with him. I didn’t think of it as him trying to convert me, but as me being supportive, so I went.

Soon I was coming to church with him every Sunday and afterwards having the discussions with the missionaries in a member’s home. One fast and testimony meeting, I felt the Spirit so strongly. I had been reading the Book of Mormon and praying about the church. That evening, the Spirit was so strong amongst us, I knew that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was where the Lord wanted me to be. I got baptized and hold strong to that testimony that the Lord blessed me to receive.

My husband and I were married in the Washington, D.C. Temple a year later. We have been blessed with four beautiful children. I have served in several wonderful callings over the years, but currently serve as the Enrichment Counselor in my ward Relief Society. Besides being a wife and mother, I write a bi-monthly column, East Meets West, for Mormon Times. I fancy myself as an mixed-media artist and enjoy singing, crocheting, sewing, and reading.

I always tell anyone interested in the church to read the Book of Mormon and pray about for themselves. If you ask the Lord earnestly, really having the desire to do what He wants you to do, He will answer.

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My name is Anna and I am a mother, wife, sister, aunt, and friend. I’ve been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my whole life, yet I’ve had to discover and develop a faith of my own to make it through the challenging times in life and know that God is really there hearing my prayers.

My family has experienced a lot of heart-ache, growth and change that has made me search myself to know who I really am and what is most important to me. I grew up really focused on academics and thought I wanted to be a traveling career woman. I am a task-oriented person who is recovering from being a compulsive type-A personality. I met my wonderful husband in college, and three years after our marriage we had a beautiful little boy and two years later a little girl, changing my view of what is really important in life for the better.

When our son Spencer was 3 years old, he became inexplicably very ill and went through three days of hospitalization trying to figure out what was wrong. It was terrifying as we went through various tests and doctors told us about extremely high white blood cell counts and potential causes like Leukemia. We finally discovered that my son had had the worst level of vesicoureteral reflux—a widening of the ureters causing a “backwash” of urine and bacteria causing serious kidney infections and other bladder problems.

In Spencer’s urinary reflux health issues, there has not been a clear breakthrough for a cure but I’ve seen steady progress, and I see how he has received comfort and strength in small ways. His bladder is improving in that he feels like he needs to use the bathroom, which he did not sense before and he adheres to his potty break schedule every three hours with very few complaints even when it interrupts his own agenda. A few adults have told me that Spencer has told them about his surgery on his own in a way that expresses his strong faith that he will get better. He hears us pray for him as a family and afterward gives us big hugs, saying in a sincere way that melts my heart, “Thank you, I love you.” Prayer provides that comforting assurance that someone is listening and truly does care for us.

All this happened when we lived far away from family while my husband was in graduate school in New York. It was so reassuring to have a network of support through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as others helped us through the difficult times.

When Spencer’s health became stable I enjoyed taking my kids to the park and enjoyed the wide spectrum of people of all race, religion, political, and cultural backgrounds. Somehow being at the park and having children is the great uniting force for strangers. Children’s play areas have been the best place to meet new people and have interesting discussions. For example, when discussing Spencer’s recent surgery, I often found myself explaining how we pray for a good outcome and how those prayers help Spencer be at peace. One woman sincerely asked me, “Do you really think someone is listening and your prayers are heard?” And I was able to answer with a resounding, “Yes.”

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Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Family vacations can fall under “wholesome recreational activities.” Does your family go on vacations (holidays)? If so, what are some of your family vacation traditions? Does your family visit the same place on a regular basis, or do you vary your location?

If you don’t go somewhere away from home (sometimes called a “staycation”), what kinds of “recreational activities” does your family enjoy together?

How do vacations and recreational activities bring your family closer together?

You can read responses from Mormon women below in the comments section.

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*If you would like, please send us photos and stories of your family vacations. This can include great memories and funny or spiritual experiences. Please email them to us at ‘mormonwoman’ AT ‘gmail’ DOT ‘com’.

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For articles at lds.org about family traditions and family fun, see the following:

Having Fun as a Family

More Smiles Per Gallon: Ten Ways to Make Family Vacations More Fun

See “Finances and Family Fun” in this Random Sampler for one family’s creative idea for an alternative plan for a family vacation when they were on a limited budget

The Power of Laughter

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