The article addresses the following topics:

– Dealing with (and finding healing in the face of) grief

– Debunking spiritual myths (such as “God must not trust me with children” or “This must somehow be my fault.”)

– Turning to — not away from — each other as a couple (for example, working as a partnership to figure out how to move forward and how to make decisions, and how to focus on the marriage and on blessings in that relationship)

– Serving others as part of the healing process

– Reaching out to a support network

– Looking to the Lord

This article would also be a good read for anyone wondering how to be a support to couples struggling with infertility. The four couples interviewed shared insights and experiences that could be helpful. Another good article to consider might be “Being Sensitive to Couples without Children” and Cultivating Sensitivity to Others

The post Faith and Infertility appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Jocelyn

Editor’s note: This week, we’ll be sharing posts that reflect on different parts of the Nativity. This post is for all of those women who in their own way are struggling to sort through God’s plan for them, wanting to be willing to submit to God’s will, wanting to understand, wanting to have faith — but sometimes just struggling. Maybe your struggle is similar to Jocelyn’s, in aching for the blessing of having a child (or another child). Perhaps your struggle involves something different. But no matter the struggle, I think Jocelyn beautifully brings Mary’s story into focus as she applies Mary’s example of faith and humility to her own current situation.

I want to prove to myself that I trust God and his plan for me by not feeling sad.

But that is so much easier said than done….

Read the rest of Jocelyn’s post at her blog, “We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ“: Behold the Handmaid of the Lord…” (and read her follow-up post here about the tender mercies that helped her find peace.

– – – – – –

Watch a Bible video that portrays the Annunciation:

The post Pondering the Nativity: The Annunciation: “Behold the Handmaid of the Lord” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Infertility, foster care, and adoption are words I never imagined would be part of my life, but want to share some of my thoughts about foster care and adoption and how I know my life is going in the direction it is supposed to be going.

We’ve struggled with infertility now for 3.5 looong years. It has been a difficult road. One of the hardest parts has been struggling to decide about adoption. It took both Dave and me awhile to get our minds even thinking in that direction. For so long it was all about trying for our own baby and trying to find out what is wrong with my body that makes me lose my babies. We spent a lot of money and a lot of time in that frame of mind. I had to “know” for sure that I had done all that I could.

We would occasionally bring up the subject of adoption but one of us was never quite there. Sometimes it was Dave who would have concerns, sometimes it was I who would feel scared. The main issue was money and debt, but there were other fears too. We prayed about it a lot and we did everything we would normally do, as far as religion goes, to get an answer from God about what is best for our family. That answer just kept eluding us. Finally in January or February of this year we had an experience that opened our hearts up completely and we both finally (at the same time) felt right about adoption. We pretty much started working on the paperwork the next day. We flew through the process and were signed up ready to get picked with LDS Family Services the next month. We were excited and we felt peace.

Shortly after that our foster license came through and CC came to our home. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our married life together, and the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life! But it was so rewarding and I felt the Spirit in my life and in our home more. This little baby needed a lot of love and we were able to give her that and see her blossom.

We missed her when she left.

A short time later through a series of events we were in contact with another adoption agency. Our profile was shown a few times but in order for us to go forward and potentially be picked by a birth mom we needed to submit a scrapbook of our family and some serious cash. This was hard for Dave and me to feel peace about. We knew we wanted to adopt but the cash was a huge wall. Things are tight right now for a lot of people, including us. We went back and forth, we prayed, we pondered and we finally decided that our answer was to just go for it. To take a leap of faith and see what came of it. We figured the money would work out eventually. But to tell you the truth, both of us were really scared about it. We didn’t feel completely right but we were kinda stuck so decided to do it… knowing of course that we would never regret it.

So I worked on our family scrapbook and we figured out a plan to raise the cash. About a month later we had it ready to go. I got all of our paperwork and pictures into an envelope and was planning the very next day to go and get a cashier’s check to mail with the package. Late that afternoon we got a call from the county that CC was being removed from her mom and needed a home to go to again.

I said yes and I even told them we’d take her baby brother that was due to be born the next month if they needed us to. I called Dave and he was really excited. We both felt really good about it even though we knew it was going to be a lot of work again!

She is here now and I have felt huge amounts of peace and confidence that we did the right thing. We can’t go forward with the adoption agency since we have CC now (and maybe her little brother in awhile), but I have not once regretted it, and I feel a lot of relief. I know without a doubt that CC was the answer to our prayers.

When she left the first time we waited and waited for a call from the county that another baby needed our home. That call just would not come! I was frustrated. Now I know that Heavenly Father kept our home open because he knew CC was going to need it again. I love her so much. She is part of our family and everyday I am thankful as she gets more and more comfortable and more and more trusting. She is blossoming again and it is a miracle to see it everyday.

I don’t know what will come of this. I don’t know if this means we will be her family forever. I do know that nothing is a coincidence and that God is in the details of our lives. Have I said this before? It feels like I have because I am always thinking it. Everyday I see the hand of God in our family’s life and in the life of this sweet little baby. He loves each of us. He knows our needs, He knows our hearts and our heart-aches. He prepares a way for His will to be accomplished.

The best thing that has happened to me in the last 3.5 years is I have learned to trust Him completely with my life. “When God closes a door, He always opens a window” (Froline Maria, Sound of Music).

There have been a lot of windows opened in my life since the door of having a baby was closed. I can say today that I am at peace with whatever turn my life will take. If I never “bear” another baby it will be painful but I know I will be strengthened and carried through it. If CC has to leave us, it will be painful (again) but I will know it is the will of God and I know I’ll be carried through that too. It is out of my hands. I know He has a plan for CC’s life and for my life. If I am blessed to adopt her (which we are hoping for) and maybe her baby brother too, I will be thrilled and will know that this was why the window of foster care was opened in my life.

I’m thankful for answered prayers and unexpected twists and turns in the journey of my life.

Bottom line: “Come what may and love it.”

I can finally say “Thy will be done” and really, truly mean it… and it feels great!

*** Since writing this essay, Denae and Dave were happy to welcome CC’s little brother into their home as a foster child as well.  Keeping the siblings together has brought a lot of  joy into their home. You can see Dave holding the new baby in the picture above.

The post First Person: Fostering Love appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I have had many times in my life when I have been made aware that God knows me and what I need and want in life. My husband and I had been married for almost two years when we realized that we were ready to open our hearts and give love to a child. The next month we found out that I was expecting. We were thrilled. Our baby boy was born the following March.

We were sure that we wanted two kids, and we wanted them close in age. So when our baby was a mere three months old, we started trying for another baby. Before long, we realized that something wasn’t right. My body wasn’t back to normal. After rounds of tests, and infertility treatments we decided to look into adoption. We didn’t jump in blindly…we fasted, and prayed, and thought, and pondered, and realized that this was the way that God wanted us to build our family. We knew that He knew that we wanted another child, and we felt a confirmation from the Holy Ghost that this was the way to add to our family.

We researched agencies. We looked into private adoptions. We were drawn to the private agency that a neighbor of ours worked with. We attended the agency’s classes and started the long process of adoption which included writing a birth-parent letter, putting together a family profile, getting background checks and having home studies done. We finally had all of our paperwork submitted on Feb. 27, 2003.

Six weeks later we got the phone call that changed our lives – a baby girl was in Tennessee awaiting an adoptive family. A few days later we were in Memphis meeting her — our new daughter. We knew that this was what God wanted, and that she had been guided into our lives. Six months later, the adoption was finalized and we were able to have her sealed to us in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah. When she was sealed to us, it was as if she knew what was happening. She looked at the worker in the temple that was performing the sealing with an expression of impatience. She smiled at my husband as if she knew that this is what would bind us together for eternity.

We were happy with two kids. We were sure that we wouldn’t have any more babies. Not quite two years later though, we discovered that I was once again expecting. Another little boy would join our family.

People often ask us why we adopted our middle child. My answer is always that she was meant to be with us. She was meant to be our daughter and Heavenly Father made this possible for us and for her. He was aware of what we needed. Of this I am sure.

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For more Sharing Our Voices content, including First Person essays, see here.

The post First Person: Adoption appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

What Matters Most — President Thomas S. Monson counsels us about focusing on what matters most. “Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved.”

You’re Never Alone: Sister Elain S. Dalton shares an experience running a marathon where she hit a wall, prayed for help, and received insights that can apply to all of us in our lives.

The Women in Our Lives

Are We Christians?

Elder Gary Coleman talks of growing up as a devout Christian, and how his conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints added to the knowledge he already had and loved about faith. He talks about what he learned about the Godhead, about the Book of Mormon as another testament of Jesus Christ, about priesthood authority.

Choose This Day

The post Links We Like: Videos on trusting God, faith and prayer, priorities appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

My name is Heidi. I am 44 years old and have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints all my life. I currently serve in the Primary, and I love working with the children. My husband and I have been married for almost 23 years. We are parents to three children who are currently 19, 14 and 7. It has been interesting to have them so spread apart (by chance, not by choice) and it has given us the time to enjoy each one of them as individuals.

I love my husband and children very much. Loving them up and seeing to their needs does take up most of my time. However, when I do have extra time, I love to garden, read, write and, in the past, dance.  I am too old and tired for the dancing, now, but I absolutely adore music. I also love photography and doing family history research. Lately, blogging is pretty high up there on my list of hobbies, as is finishing my latest novel.  I am a total anglophile and have done a ton of reading on the British Isles. I adore well-researched historical fiction or any book that spoon feeds you history in a fictionalized setting. I love flowers and the color pink–those are two things that always have the power to lift my spirits, along with the best kinds of music.

I have had many experiences when I knew that my Heavenly Father was fully aware of me and my struggles. One that I often share is when my oldest was four years old. By this time I was 29 and the mother of only one child. Though we loved him with all our hearts, he was born with many disabilities and his future was unsure.  Coming from a family of eight children and the aunt of numerous nieces and nephews, it felt lonely and odd to be the mother of only one child.  Since the work of a parent is, in my estimation, the greatest/hardest/most enduring thing a person can do, I had been making our future family a matter of much prayer.  It weighed heavily on me that I felt like I had accomplished so little of lasting value at that point in my life.

Finally I felt sure that I was pregnant, however, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  Great was the despair at our house but we were careful to not discuss it in front of our four-year-old.  A few days later my husband and I were sitting at the breakfast table feeling glum when our little boy walked into the room and said, “Jesus is bringing me a little sister!”  I was so upset about my negative pregnancy test that I snipped at him.  “Well, did He tell you WHEN?”  My husband was wiser and started asking questions.  After conversing with our son, we felt positive that he had had a spiritual experience that told him he would soon be the brother of a baby sister. A few days later I took another test and I was indeed pregnant.

Eight plus months later, we were thrilled to deliver a baby girl.  During the course of my pregnancy many people tried to prepare us for a boy as my parents had mostly all boy grandbabies, but I knew without a doubt that it was a girl.  People shook their heads at my foolishness in proceeding with girly decor in the nursery and buying all girl baby clothes but I didn’t let that bother me and even announced her name to everyone several months before she was born.

When my son feels discouraged and that his life amounts to nothing, we remind him of the day he answered his parents’ prayers by announcing the arrival of his baby sister.  It helps him to remember who he truly is, indeed, who we all are: children of a loving Heavenly Father who knows our joys and sorrows and who loved us enough to send His Son, Jesus Christ, whose atoning sacrifice for us is the greatest gift that any being could ever receive.  Often we forget that this atonement not only pays for our sins but also makes up for our lacks.  As humans we are far from perfect and never will be in spite of our best efforts.  It will only be through His sacrifice that our imperfections can be made perfect.  On days that I feel especially inadequate for the tasks and responsibilities with which I have been blessed, I remind myself that whatever truly needs to happen, CAN happen if I have the faith to believe in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Heidi Ashworth is the author of Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind (a Regency romance novel), and is currently working on the sequel to this lively book.

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For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

The post Portraits of Mormon Women: Heidi appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

As Mother’s Day approaches, the concept of motherhood and mothering cannot be avoided. Greeting cards for Mothers, Grandmothers, and even Fathers who have been the “mother” at home appear on the shelves. As usual, I search for the plainest, most dull card around- sometimes even getting a blank card with a flower on the front. I write on the inside, “Happy Mother’s Day”, sign it and send it to my mother.

I have had a strained relationship with my mother stemming from abuse as a child. At best, I speak to her twice a year- and that is plenty for me. When I was 15, and finally starting to overcome and look forward to exiting my painful home life, I was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome– in my case, I have no uterus (but I have fabulous fully-functioning ovaries). Quite in character, my mother began a series of lectures on how I was evil in the pre-existence, how children were being protected from me because I would be a terrible mother, how God choose to punish me in “this way”, how adopted children were violent/bad/sickly (therefore the reason they were up for adoption) not to mention accusations of unchaste behavior.

Soaking all of this in and fully believing that no man would ever want to marry me, I stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. I hated my mother and never would be a mother- so why go? I could not stand and receive a carnation as a “future mother”. I could not bear testimony of my adoration for my mother. If there was ever a place I did not belong, it was in church on Mother’s Day.

I did have a testimony, so although seriously doubted and disbelieved my own worthiness for membership, I kept attending church. Having left home a few years later, I queried an Institute teacher about how to not be sealed to one’s family. I did not want to be “sealed” to my parents, though I loved my father, my sense of betrayal, resentment and frankly, downright hated for my mother was keeping me from emotionally progressing. I didn’t date returned missionaries for fear they might see through what I thought was my inherit wickedness. I thought they would demand to know why I had not repented for whatever I had done to beg the infertility curse from God. I hated who I was and wanted to be free, so I assumed that other than apostasy, there must be some way I could be “un-sealed” from my parents. This query startled my sweet, almost elderly institute teacher, and he invited me in to his office to talk about why I might not want to be sealed to my parents.

The meeting was short, yet profound. I briefly told him who I really was. (Keep in mind, my mother taught me some very warped and incorrect things about sealings- i.e. children are sealed to their parents as virtual slaves for eternity). This sweet institute teacher told me that I need to be eternally grateful to my mother for giving birth to me. Beyond that, he said, ‘You owe her nothing”. I was knocked out. I owed her nothing but gratitude for birth. I cannot express how liberating that was for me… and yet, how difficult it was to come to terms with being grateful to her for giving birth to me. Since the age of 7, I had entertained ideas of suicide, finding myself jealous when I heard people being diagnosed with cancer, and being killed in car accidents (no kidding!). I thought I had no reason to live. Somehow, this advice liberated me. I was not trapped as an eternal slave. I was infertile, but not trapped.

Through the next few years, I learned that I can forgive, but not have a relationship with my mother. And I am truthfully VERY grateful to her for a number of things. Wacky doctrine and neglect aside, she taught me about the Book of Mormon, how to sew and how to drive a car. Those things deserve an annual card with the words, “Happy Mother’s Day”, nothing else.

But the Mother’s Day church thing… still wasn’t okay with that. I was very uncomfortable sitting in sacrament meeting with people professing such gratitude for their parents and children. I realize now that I was deeply envious; they had mother who the believed with all their heart loved them and I was infertile. What was the point for me? I felt like an orphan who would never be a mother. So, about 10 years ago, as another horrific Mother’s Day approached, I decided to focus on nurturing and mothering, not the ability to bear a child, but the ability to love a child. I wrote heartfelt letters of gratitude to the Young Women leaders who taught me, my seminary teacher who I loved deeply and an aunt who had always listened to my hopes and fears without judgment.

For the first time, Mother’s Day meant LOVE for me. I am eternally grateful to these women- who taught me about make-up, set marvelous examples for me, complimented me when I looked nice, encouraged me to pray and study and live the gospel, and more importantly- one brilliant YW leader who told me that being infertile meant that I would really, truly marry a good man who would love me for me, not for my body. A few short years later, she was right, I did marry a wonderful man.

Finally with an extraordinary man at my side, the emptiness on Mother’s Day ended and it simply became a day of primary talks, not directed at barren me. I could sit through the meeting without anger, though I still had sadness and a sense that perhaps if I were really a good person, I might deserve to be blessed with a child. It was all based on me being good…could I ever be good enough? How were these pregnant single mothers still “more blessed”, therefore more righteous than me? Then I read Following Christ. It hit me, somewhere in-between the pages of this book- that my infertility was a result of the fall of Adam- i.e. mortality. I had done nothing to offend God, I was not “blessed” with this challenge, I am simply mortal! I am mortal! That is all! Not good, not bad or otherwise- just human. 100% Dumb luck. What an epiphany! (I now think: “duh”!!!) But it took me ages to really learn this and apply it to me. Infertility wasn’t my fault. God didn’t hate me. He loves me. He wanted me to have everything, so He sent His Son. I FINALLY understood it, and begged His forgiveness for the past anger towards Him.

So now- Mother’s Day- I love it. My fabulous husband has always bought me cards, flowers and/or gifts on Mother’s Day because I am a mother in spirit, I am the woman of the house, I nurture, I love… and my husband is fabulous. I get to celebrate Mother’s Day as a holiday for me BECAUSE I am a woman. I understand now, that being a woman is all I ever needed to be maternal. I understand that not everyone is like me, emotionally, spiritually, physically. But we- as women- all are mothers in one way or another. Our potential for nurturing is beyond limit.

So this year, I am looking forward to Mother’s Day with a greater joy than ever. If I were not infertile, I would still be considered within child-bearing years, so I have time and ability to begin alternative processes of becoming a mother. I understand that infertility NEVER limited my ability to be a mother, it just meant I needed to take a different path. And there is nothing even remotely wrong with that.

One of the most profound conclusions that I have come to over these trying years is that a significant number of women also struggle with Mother’s Day. Perhaps they are adopted, feel unsettled, imperfect, have lost a child, lost a spouse, or feel motherhood as oppressing. For me, as soon as I decided that motherhood wasn’t about me and my experiences/limitations, but the celebration of nurturing in mother earth, in admiration of imperfect but loving women who set tremendous examples for me, it became a day of celebration. No honor, but celebrating the women sitting by me who church shush their babies, celebrating the elderly women who give me a kiss and a hug every Sunday just because they can, celebrating the character of nurturing, true motherhood. The celebration of nurturing and womanhood became more glorious and applicable to me than ever before.

Happy Mother’s Day to all women out there! All women regardless of our unique situations because we have the ability to love and nurture and are mothers, regardless of our mortal place in time.

The post First Person: Motherhood for the Motherless and Infertile appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Brooke’s Story

Michelle’s Story

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Sheri Dew: Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” (Moses 4:26))—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, Alma 13:2–4, 7–8 righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. (See Spencer W. Kimball, “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102.) Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

The post First Person: “Mothering: It isn’t just for Moms anymore” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.