It relates to something she shared in her profile on Mormon Scholars Testify:

“Like many people who have longed for a close and loving relationship with God and more regular access to spiritual impressions and direction, I used to wonder why God seemed so distant when I wanted so much to be close to Him. In recent years I have increasingly realized that I have been the one who has kept Him far away, not so much by my disobedience as by my restlessness, my distractibility, my impatience, my blindness, and, especially, my fear. Intimacy is hard enough to tolerate in human relationships, where closeness reminds us of just how vulnerable we are, how often we have been disappointed and hurt, how much we have to lose. God, for me at least, has been even harder to let in than people. The LDS Church teaches without apology that God can be found, that He wants to be found, and that ordinary people can reach Him.”

Read more from Wendy Ulrich here.

Dr. Ulrich holds a Ph.D. from the University of Michigan and an MBA from UCLA, and has taught at Brigham Young University. She is a popular speaker with both business and faith-based audiences (such as Time Out for Women) and is featured in “Why I’m a Mormon“

The post Drawing Close to the Lord — Thoughts from Dr. Wendy Ulrich appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I know this is the true Church of our Savior Jesus Christ and that we are led by a living prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

My story:

My life challenges started at a very early age. I was eight years old when I was first molested. He was a friend of the family and I had a child’s love for him. He broke my heart and severely injured my spirit. Unable to tell my parents, my trust of people around me was shaken. I became very insecure and frightened of life. When I reached my teens, my insecurities and lack of participation in school activities became evident and a concerned counselor started drawing me out and I felt comforted by his concern. But, once again my life was jolted when he betrayed my trust. One day he offered me a ride home. I accepted his kind gesture. I soon realized he had other intentions. We took a ride into the hills near our town and the unspeakable happened. Once again I was shaken to the core and afraid to go to my parents. I had no idea how to deal with any of this and so I pushed the thoughts and feelings deep inside. I didn’t have any close friends at school and my insecurities became overwhelming.

I started going to a neighborhood church and felt some comfort but still I had no answers to why bad things were always happening to me. I was convinced that bad things only happened to bad people ant that I was being punished. I met a boy who belonged to another church and we started dating. School became increasingly harder for me to deal with. When I was sixteen and my boyfriend nineteen I convinced my parents to allow me to get married. I was then dropped out of school.

A couple of years into my marriage my husband and I started having very heated arguments. We were both so young and immature. It became an abusive relationship with my husband using physical force. After our son was born, I decided that the best thing for both me and my son was to leave this marriage. I was more fearful for my son than for myself. Once again I was left with the thought and feeling that I was a bad person.

It was very hard being a single mom at the young age of nineteen. I started having severe migraine headaches that often made it hard for me to go to work, or be a mother. I started suffering with depression as well. I had long since stopped going to church, I couldn’t see the point. My friends changed and my lifestyle became one that I am now ashamed of. And soon drugs became an escape from all my worries. At least I thought so at the time.

Even though this was a time of spiraling out of control, I did meet a man who was stable and who had healthy life goals and was willing to be a father to my son, and so, we were married and a year later we had a daughter. I still suffered with migraines and depression. I was also still painfully insecure and that was a problem for my very outgoing, enthusiastic husband.

At some point all of these physical, mental and social challenges became too overwhelming. Prescription drugs and illegal drugs became a part of my life again. I was what you would call a “functioning addict.” My marriage of seventeen years ended and I really went into a tailspin. I became so frightened of life. I was completely convinced that my life had no worth.

Mid-October 2004 I tried to end my life. I was found unconscious, barely breathing and rushed to the hospital. I was put on a respirator. My two sisters, one in California, and the other in Utah, were contacted by my former husband who is a doctor. They have since told me they thought they were coming to bury me.

After five days I regained consciousness and was taken off the respirator. My two sisters were standing by my bedside. Both my sisters have been members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since they were in their teens. One of my sisters reached over the safety bar on the bed and laid her hand on my arm and asked me if I would like a priesthood blessing. At the same time that she asked that question there was a whisper in my other ear. Jesus whispered, “Are you ready to do it my way?” I knew it was Him because of how specific those words were to me. I also knew it was Jesus because of the love, warmth and comfort that fell on me. I have never felt such love in all my life! Such pure love! I said yes to both questions. Any questions I had about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were answered in that moment.

It’s my testimony that Jesus lives and his Atonement will make everything right. Heavenly Father’s love has healed me. I do not suffer from depression, overwhelming insecurities, nor do I feel like I’m a bad person. As my faith grows and my knowledge of the gospel grows I realize that bad things happen to good people. We are here to be tested. Our lives are subjected sometimes to those who choose to use their agency in a negative manner. When those times befall us, He will comfort us.

Before I was baptized, I worried about forgiveness. I worried about whether Heavenly Father would forgive me if I couldn’t forgive those who had trespassed against me. Matthew 6:14-15, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” I talked to Elder Hansen (who was the missionary teaching me and who would be baptizing me) about my concerns and he suggested that I fast and pray. I also talked to the local Relief Society President. Sister Hunt loaned me her scriptures and showed me how to use the Topical Guide and the Bible Dictionary. I took her scriptures home, fasted, prayed and read scriptures that night and the next day. I can’t really say that I had any earth shaking revelations, but at some point, an indescribable peaceful feeling came upon me. I no longer had any ill feelings left and I was able to pray sincerely for those who had hurt me. I then felt like I could enter the baptismal waters and enter into those sacred covenants and start my journey of enduring to the end.

I know I’m not alone on this journey. I know that I can call on Heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, to help me through any challenge and he will give me the strength to endure.

—

Editor’s note: This post originally appeared on this site on June 12, 2008.

The post When Bad Things Happen to Good People: One woman’s journey to overcome the effects of abuse and addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Nearly fifteen years ago, I was a single, working professional living far from my family. My ward [congregation] became my family. At one point, I had a calling as the ward Activities Chair. It was one of the more daunting callings I have had, particularly because I have never fancied myself much of a party planner. I wasn’t much of a party person at all! But here I was, with the responsibility to plan parties for my congregation. (I should note that this was evidence that it very often is not natural talent that is the determining factor in what callings are extended to us in the Church.) I had no co-chair to help carry the load, and I had no husband with whom to brainstorm at home.

But I learned that I was not working alone.

My first assignment was to plan a Halloween party, one that could appeal to all age groups. (That’s never an easy task.)

I felt ideas come freely to my mind. As strange as it may sound — I mean, after all, it was only a Halloween party — it was clear the ideas were the fruits of inspiration because of how easily thoughts flowed and fit. We would have a carnival-like activity with different booths. The youth would be responsible for the booths, so they could feel needed and involved. The children would be encouraged to do service during the week to earn ‘Boo Bucks’ to spend at the event. (No one went without bucks to spend.) New members of the ward, recently baptized into the Church, would be given responsibilities to help and to feel a part of it all.

It all just worked. The party was a success, and I think everyone found it enjoyable.

Life is often pretty challenging and complex. God’s hand isn’t always as easy to see as it was during this time. But a lifetime of experiences, even moments, like this one help me hold on and have faith that God really is  there. He is aware of me. He is helping me. He cares about my life and my load.

What experience(s) have helped strengthen your faith in God’s awareness of you?

——-

For more Sharing Our Voices content, including First Person essays, see here.

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My kids have a favorite Strawberry Shortcake book. We picked it up at the Deseret Industries [the Church’s thrift store — more info here]. It’s called Strawberry Shortcake and Sad Mr. Sun. The Strawberry kids write a heart-shaped note to the sun because he’s grumpy and hasn’t been shining in their valley for a while.

It says:

For days, and days,

We’ve missed your warm rays.

We thank you, dear Sun,

For all that you’ve done.

It’s been a trial –

Come back, and we’ll smile!

There was a while there recently when we had a lot of cloudy weather, and I didn’t really realize how much I had missed the sun when it came out. I’m a pretty content person in whatever circumstances I find myself in, but those couple of days with sunshine were amazing. I felt brighter, more ambitious, more perky. The kids played outside with reckless abandon. We walked to preschool. There was a spring in our step that was directly related to that dear sun shining in the sky. (Not having to worry about coats, hats, boots, gloves, etc. helped, too!)

It makes me think about my relationship with the Son. I think it’s very similar. I’m pretty content and upbeat by nature, but when I really focus on Christ and bask in the warmth of His Spirit, there’s a new level of happiness that I can enjoy. The great thing about Christ’s light, too, is that it’s available year round, regardless of the season.

So, if I could write a note on a heart-shaped leaf and send it to the sun on the string of a balloon, I would. Instead, I’ll refocus and show my thanks to Heavenly Father for His Son, and for this season of the year and this season of my life.

The post First Person: Thank You, Sun appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

One of my goals as a Piano Performance major was to play with the orchestra on the School of Music’s annual Concerto Night. I had dreamed of it since my first year at school, when I attended the concert and exulted in the gorgeous music, the phenomenal talents, and yes, even the applause and adulation given to the student performers. As the years at school went by, and I didn’t win the opportunity in the audition process, I would reassure myself, “Next year is the year. Just keep working.”
Finally came my last opportunity to audition. I had beseeched Heavenly Father to allow me to perform to the best of my ability. The music was deep inside my bones. My fingers were sure. I communicated deep, eternal emotions. When I was done, I knew I had done my best, and it was a powerful best. I walked away from the piano at peace with my offering.

Later that day, I crept through a side door into the top of the recital hall to listen to my dear friend audition with her own concerto. She played beautifully, and in the middle of the performance, the Spirit whispered to me that she, not I, would be performing on the concert. I slipped from the recital hall, hugged and congratulated my friend on her wonderful audition, and went home to wait for the results, hoping against hope that I had misheard the Spirit.

I hadn’t.

My heart — though broken a little — rallied, and my last year of graduate work was successful and happy. Then came the chance to travel to another state to audition with the same concerto for a concert with a community orchestra. I went, again begging Heavenly Father to help me do my best, and again, felt blessed in my performance.

And I placed second.

My six years of college piano study ended, and in two months my husband and I were expecting our first child. Performing as I knew it had ended, and my new life had begun.

Except…

Two years later I found myself in the wings of a concert hall, heart pounding, listening to the welcoming applause, ready to walk on stage to perform a concerto with an orchestra. It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized that performing that night was an answer to all of my earlier prayers, deferred until the Lord’s time.

When I consider the pathways of my life, the many twists and turns, the wide avenues or dead ends, I am drawn to more than a few instances of these types of answers, these gifts, deferred. Largely, I see a bigger plan at work, a loving Heavenly Father wanting to give me the desires of my heart, but knowing when it is best for me to receive them.

Over and over, I am taught that my time is not the Lord’s time. While I recognize that sometimes the answer to a heartfelt prayer is not a “Not yet,” but a “No,” I have discovered that watching Heavenly Father’s plan unfold in my life is filled with many of these gifts.

It takes patience and faith to wait on the Lord, especially when I’m not sure if the Lord’s answer to a heart’s desire is “no,” “yes,” or “yes, but later.” I’m also aware of the dangers of knocking too often at His door with a request that is not according to his will (Martin Harris, anyone?). It’s a fine line to walk, but allowing “Thy will be done” to be part of all my prayers gives me the safety net I need to continue to trust the Lord’s hand in my life.

Recently, I decided, as I have many times in the past twelve years since becoming a mother, that it was time to go back to the piano in earnest. Before, I would begin the process and realize that my time was best spent in other pursuits. This time, something was different. When I prayed about my decision, the spirit poured into me. The door was opened, and I heard, “Rush through. It’s time.”

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