Last Saturday, Sister Joy Jones, general president of the Primary (organization for children) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, gave a powerful talk at the Utah Coalition Against Pornography (UCAP) conference held in Salt Lake City, UT. Even though pornography was only recently recognized in Utah as a public health issue (and is being officially recognized as a public health issue by several other states now as well!), UCAP has been at work for years to try to educate people about the problem of pornography AND help people know what they can do to find healing.

The Church has also been speaking out for years against pornography, and it continues to expand its reach and resources to help not only adults who struggle, but to help parents learn how to help their children. We, too, have been working toward this end for years here at Mormon Women. (If you are a woman impacted by pornography use of a loved one, please see HopeAndHealingLDS.com for more resources and information. We also have many resources here, but they haven’t been updated for a while since Hope and Healing became the channel to help readers who needed information and support.)

Sister Jones, of course, cares about the well-being of children because of her calling. But there is much more to her intentions. Just like so many of us, she knows too many people impacted by pornography, and she was speaking”as a concerned woman, mother, and grandmother.”

To me, Sister Jones is a model for parents, and for leaders and mentors of children around the world. She boldly, unequivocally takes a position about the harms of pornography and the responsibility we have as adults to be the grown-ups and do what needs to be done to help children in the face of their pornified world.

She quotes Elder Dallin H. Oaks with an urgency that I hope people in and outside of the Church will heed:

“Children are highly vulnerable. They have little or no power to protect or provide for themselves and little influence on so much that is vital to their well-being. Children need others to speak for them, and they need decision makers who put their well-being ahead of selfish adult interests.”[3]

There is too much of selfish adult interest when it comes to sex (and business). This is a key reason why pornography is a public health issue for children and also for adults and marriages and families.

But following Sister Jones’ lead, let’s talk about the children today (I’m talking about children and youth, not just littles). Even with the best of protections in a home and in relationships, children can innocently stumble on material that is nothing short of a form of sexual abuse that harms their minds and their tender hearts and confuses, even hijacks, what should be a slow and gradual process of mental, emotional, social, relational, spiritual and sexual development. Just as cyberbullying can impact a child as deeply as real-life bullying, adult (and often violent, manipulated) sexuality imposed on children can impact children’s well-being in significant, serious, and multifaceted ways.

Sister Jones touches on simple things that we can do in our communities to speak up and make a difference. But I want to focus here on what the bulk of her talk is about — how love is the best armor to help children navigate this sexualized, pornified, digitally-driven world that they live in.

Sister Jones played off of Fight the New Drug‘s popular slogan that “Porn Kills Love.” She goes beyond that slogan in a powerful way, however — a way that I think is so very important…because when someone is stuck in the cycle of using pornography, telling them that porn kills love may only add to the shame. (Let me be clear that Fight the New Drug teaches clearly that porn is designed to hook people in, so kids need not feel shame when they feel the draw of sexualized content. Fight the New Drug works tirelessly to help youth break free, and still I have seen how this slogan alone sometimes leaves people feeling deflated, not hopeful.)

So I was thrilled to see Sister Jones build on Fight the New Drug’s impactful work to bring in how love has to be the foundation of our efforts on children’s behalf. She says:

First, we say “I love you” by truly protecting them. Second, we say “I still love you” by the way we respond to their exposure to pornography, whether intentional or not. And third, we say “I will always love you” by providing loving support for them as they work on healing if they’ve experienced compulsive use or addiction. In each phase, love is the key.

Love drives our desire to build strong relationships and to take deliberate actions to protect children from pornography exposure both in our homes and in the community. But since most children will be exposed at some point in their young lives, love must also drive our response (and hopefully drive our efforts to create safe places to talk about hard things before they happen so that children feel safe talking about hard things). Lastly, love must drive our efforts to help children and youth who may need help healing…and there may be more who need it than we want to acknowledge. (Spurred by heavy traffic here from women suffering because of their husband’s pornography addictions, I’ve spent years trying to help support those who are in adulthood suffering because loved ones in their lives never got help as children or youth. Out of hundreds of stories, I have only heard one that was of a pornography problem that began in adulthood.)

As such, I want to add something to what Sister Jones said. Serious harm, even trauma, can result when a child or teen is exposed to pornography  — even with one exposure. I’ve read and heard too many stories of adults whose problems started with that first exposure — not because they as children did anything wrong, but because pornography wrongs them. It can have deep and lasting effects, including, yes, potentially leading to addiction, but oh, how I want to urge people to slow down and get present and walk side-by-side with children and teens to help them process what is happening with them, now. And to love and help them through it.

Even with all I know about these things, I see the confusion and overwhelm and misunderstandings my children continue to face (teens and young adults now) because the culture around them is so saturated by sex and relational, emotional, social, cultural, and other (political, ahem) drama. Their peers often can’t guide them; they are swimming in the same poisoned cultural water. Precious few people around them know how to help them be anchored in principles of truly healthy living (which is essential if you want to talk about healthy sexuality).

When I first started researching this topic over six years ago (as a admin here and also as a mom), I was stunned to see that several of the stories of adults who struggled started when they were as young as six years old. To Sister Jones’ second point, without a safe place to talk about what they had experienced in being exposed to pornography, these children were left alone to try to process something their young brains simply couldn’t or shouldn’t have had to process.

I also quickly learned that trying to help my children avoid pornography addiction was less about pornography and more about helping them learn skills like self-awareness, coping with emotions and stress in healthy ways, and deliberateness and integrity in their choices. (If you want to understand how to parent your children, I suggest learning from the stories of addicts in recovery. That is what changed me as a parent and as a person who has always wanted to understand more about human behavior (my educational background) and especially about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.)

Here’s another example of what I witnessed in my efforts to learn and take a stand about pornograpahy . A few years ago, because of the research and work I’d done for HopeAndHealingLDS.com, I was hired by an organization working to raise awareness around the harms of pornography.  A woman contacted us, wanting to share her story about her 8-year-old daughter’s exposure to hard-core pornography through an innocent internet search with a friend. Their curiosity was normal, but the mind-hijacking impact of pornography changed their little lives and rocked their families — and friendships — to the core. (Note: You can’t sex ed your way through a 6-year-old or 8-year-old’s experience with this, even as more open conversation about sex may help children feel safe to go to parents with questions rather than the internet or their peers. But please, again, understand that pornography exposure can impact a child’s (or adult’s) view of self, of God, of relationships, of love, and of the world…beyond just what good sex ed even in the home could do. Pornography exposure may begin with curiosity about sex, but more talk about or more experience with sex will not heal what pornography can do to a mind, body, heart, and spirit. Again, the antidote to pornography is not healthy sexuality, it’s healthy, deliberate, connected, love- and purpose-filled living (which then can lay the foundation for healthy sexuality). Healthy exuality doesn’t happen in a vacuum of other aspects of a person’s life.

Back to Sister Jones. Her whole talk is worth a read (and a re-read, and a share), but I will highlight one more point here in this post. It’s the word why. Sister Jones says:

As parents and teachers, we can’t help children if we aren’t educated ourselves. Teaching the what and the why is essential. We can learn for ourselves and help children understand why pornography is wrong, why it is so dangerous, why we don’t want it to hurt them, and what to do if they encounter it.

Are we giving our children a sufficient why in age-appropriate ways? If the only reason we give them to avoid pornography is “It’s bad,” that may end up being an inadequate reason. Instead, we must present as many whys as we can to establish a moral imperative that is motivating for our youth. [Emphasis is hers.]

Before you talk to your kids about pornography, or before you just run out and filter your home to death, first go hug your children and spend some time with them (build relationships of trust!). Start with the love that you know how to offer. And then build from there. Stop and listen to them talk about their lives and the world from their young point of view. I guarantee that many of your children are facing things you can’t comprehend because most of us didn’t grow up with what they are growing up with. I am immersed in learning about this topic and I still get shocked and easily overwhelmed by what children and youth face. So stop and ask and listen and listen some more. That connection with your children will do more for your heart than about anything, and will be the critical foundation that Sister Jones talks about. Love them. Start there.

And then get committed to learning about why pornography is harmful, if you haven’t already. And don’t stop learning. We can’t parent from a place of fear; education and especially being grounded in love can cast out fear. Please choose to act rather than react. Connect with experts and other parents who care. Tag-team with your spouse or your friends to absorb insights from a conference or two. Slow down and invest the time it takes to understand these issues, and then leverage the power of the council system in your homes, congregations, and communities to do what it takes to love our children away from the impacts of living in a pornified world. This is bigger than us any of us alone, but working together, change can happen — first in our hearts and our homes and then in our culture and our communities.

One last note: I will say again that there are those in our larger culture and even in the Church culture who will try to minimize the seriousness of the plague of pornography. I’m not talking about isolating addiction as the indicator of the seriousness of the problem, I’m talking about the impact it can have from exposure one. Pornography victimizes children and that can happen without anything but content on a screen acting on a child or teen. Of course there are people behind the creation and money-grubbing distribution of that content, but so far our society does very little to hold those people accountable for the harms they are causing to our children, all in the name of free speech or free commerce or adult sexual freedom. Nothing is ever free. Choices have consequences and I stand behind Sister Jones and so many others who are taking a stand about the consequences of pornography on the health of children, youth, adults, families, and society.

To me, Sister Jones’s invitation is this: Stand first by standing by your children in unwavering love and then work from there as you feel guided to do. I researched for this website, yes, but at the same time God was urging me to learn all I could for the sake of my children. That learning on behalf of my children changed everything for me, including my own spiritual journey. For all that pornography harms, the antidotes of love and healthy living can change lives. Let pornography be a springboard for learning about these things!

I will go back to the quote from Elder Oaks that Sister Jones used. We have a duty and responsibility to do all we can first to consider and protect and commit to the well-being of our own children, the children in our sphere of influence, and the children in our society.*** They are the future of the earth. We care a lot as a society about preserving natural resources, but there is nothing more precious, more deserving of our protection than our children. (See also this talk by Elaine Dalton.)

There were days when adults tried to convince each other that cigarettes were healthy. Why? Because marketing and money drove the conversation. Adults know full well now that smoking is bad for anyone and that chemicals like alcohol and drugs are really, really bad for developing youth and young adults. Our culture is waking up to the seriousness of sexual abuse, but that conversation will not be close to complete without recognizing that creators and distributors of pornography are perpetrating sexual trauma on children (as well as contributing to a culture of sexual violence and trafficking of both children and adults.) Addressing sexual abuse without addressing the plague of pornography will make the former effort incomplete at best — and at worst will sabotage it.

Again, this can start first in our hearts as we seek to have love drive all we do for our children. They need us. And we need them.

***To any who are paralyzed in your ability to help your children because of your own struggles (either because of your own pornography issues or those of a loved one), then please make the decision now to seek the help you need. There is hope and help available, but you have to reach out! Isolation and secrecy and fear make all of this worse for adults, too. Again, most adults who struggle are grown-ups who never got the help they needed as children or youth and those impacts continue into the next generations. It usually takes a combination of a lot of different kinds of support (lots of love!!) to overcome the impacts of pornography, but never have we had so many resources at our disposal. Keep reading your scriptures, keep praying, keep going to church. And seek out support from those who have found healing through support groups. Consider professional therapy from one who understands that pornography (the real issue is lust as a drug) really can destroy lives. God will help you know what next steps to take and will be more able to help you if you will start moving your feet by getting out of isolation. Please don’t try to tackle this alone. You’ve already tried that. 🙂 Please reach out! Miracles can happen when that simple first step is taken. God will never stop loving you and there are many who will be willing to help. Ask until you find someone(s) who will. I am grateful to stand arm-in-arm with many others committed to helping in this space, and we send our love your way.

This post has been edited from the original.

The post Love Kills Porn: Sister Joy Jones speaks about pornography at UCAP appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Read more about why a water lily is the image of choice for this post.

Over three and a half years ago, I was noticing a lot of traffic on our site from wives of men with pornography/sex addictions. At that time, there wasn’t anything on our site to help women in this situation, and I felt strongly impressed to post some stories.

A documentary called “Out in the Light” had just been released. I believe it was tender mercy timing. I was able to connect with Rhyll and Steven Croshaw, who shared their story here. Somehow, I was able to find a few more women who could share their experience as well. (See a link to an archive of personal stories.)

The traffic related to this topic continued to rise, and a steady stream of comments, questions, and emails made it clear that something more needed to be done. And so the site Hope and Healing was born. The site includes a public blog and a private forum, as well as a Facebook page. Over 600 women have registered for the forum since its inception, and the site was recently redesigned.

If you are a woman who has been affected by the sexual addiction of a spouse or loved one, please consider joining the forum. There are women there who understand the intensity of betrayal trauma and who share what is helping them find healing. There is a continuously-growing pool of resources available to help spouses. (Being a witness to this growing wealth of resources has been amazing. Miracles are happening!)

You are not alone. Healing is possible, and I have seen time and time again how God has a way of turning this terrible trial into bread as women work together to help each other, and to prepare the rising generation against this plague.

p.s. Even if you aren’t married to someone in addiction, I encourage you to get educated about sexual addiction. It is all around us, and we need to be aware so we can help our children, friends, and women all around us (credit becky). I firmly believe that women who are educated on this topic can help turn the tide.

p.s.s. Here are some of the other resources that have repeatedly been shared in the healing community and that are great resources for anyone interested in becoming more educated about sexual addiction.

Healing through Christ (free workbook for loved ones of addicts, and free phone meetings; 12-step)

Addo Recovery (See their six free videos on YouTube, plus many other free resources. They also have for-pay services.)

LifeStar (a three-phase, for-pay group program)

Rowboat and Marbles (a wealth of information about sexual addiction from the perspective of an LDS addict in recovery)

S-Anon and SAL meetings (12-step programs specifically designed for loved ones of sex addicts)

LDS Addiction Recovery Program

Togetherness Project

Books like Don Hilton’s He Restoreth My Soul, Rhyll Crowshaw’s What Can I do about Him Me?, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse and many more

Presentations, classes, research, etc. from therapists like Jill Manning, Geoff Steurer, Jeffrey Ford, Kevin Skinner, Adam Moore, Dorothy Maryon, and others

The post For wives of men in sexual addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

When we first started posting materials and resources for those affected by pornography addiction (directly or indirectly), there weren’t many stories or easily-found resources. Over the course of the last three+ years there has been an explosion of work done on behalf of those struggling with pornography / sexual addiction and their loved ones. There are also more and more opportunities for people to volunteer and get involved in helping educate about the harms of pornography addiction.

Just in the next few months, there have been and will be several conferences that our readers might be interested in. There is also a new program for teens who struggle with addiction. The program is called Fortify. More information below.

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On March 22, the Utah Coalition against Pornography will hold a conference. The UCAP conference theme is “Taking Charge of Change: Protecting Children and Families from Pornography“. From UCAP’s website: “Pornography has devastating effects throughout society. You can encourage change for good by becoming aware of the risks of pornography, understanding the solutions, and learning to talk openly about this issue. Our speakers are national leaders and local experts who will share insight into many aspects of this critical threat. Don’t miss this opportunity to become more informed and prepared to help others and speak up about the harm of pornography. You are an essential part of the solution!”

Topics that will be addressed include the following:

Opening Keynote – Pornography and the Consumption of Chaos: A Call for Education, Understanding, and Action
Understanding the Problems and Implementing the Solutions
Seven Online Traps for Kids
What Teens wished their Parents Knew
The Addiction Cycle
Understanding and Treating Betrayal Trauma
Pornography Addiction: Disordered Learning, Toxic Sexuality
Media Savvy Families: Protecting Families from Pornography by Developing Healthy Media Habits
Closing Keynote – Pornography: What’s the Problem? What’s the Solution?

Registration for this conference is $15. Conference is open to the public.

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The Togetherness Project is holding a conference in Phoenix on April 26th. From the project website: “The Togetherness Project empowers women whose lives are affected by the pornography addiction and/or infidelity of a loved one by providing encouragement, education and community. We are a sisterhood of love, validation, and the rarest of friends. Our semi-annual conferences feature renowned sex addiction therapists, professional counselors and inspiring individuals who offer honest, realistic and validating discussions that enable us to rise above our collective challenges together.

Class/Presentation topics include the following:
Codependency as a Trauma Response
Intimacy, Connection and Addiction
Out from the Shadows of Betrayal and into the Light of Hope and Healing
Owning Your Story and Loving Yourself Through the Process
Straight Talk: It’s Time to Talk About Porn with Your Kids
What Do Happy People Know? (Positive Psychology)
The Power of Now
Trust vs Forgiveness: How They are Not the Same
Rise Above

Registration for this conference is $95 and is open to women only. Space is limited.

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Fight the New Drug has a new program called Fortify — designed for teens who are struggling with compulsive pornography use. Learn more here:

The post More Pornography Prevention and Healing Resources appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Elizabeth Stone

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This post was submitted by a Mormon mom who wanted to share her story for other moms out there who may be feeling alone as they watch their child struggle with sexual/pornography addiction. Many thanks to this brave mom, and to the other women, who have contributed to this recent series on pornography.

For those who do have loved ones who struggle with sexual or other addiction, there are groups in the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program for loved ones of those in addiction (look for Family Support groups or PASG groups (pornography addiction recovery groups)). There are also various “-Anon” programs (Al-Anon, S-Anon, etc.) that many Church members have found helpful. These are spiritually-based but non-denominational programs that help loved ones find healing and peace in the face of having a loved one in addiction.

To all mothers so affected, know that with the Savior’s help, your mother heart can find healing. You are in the thoughts and prayers of many. As this mother so beautifully testifies, your child is under the loving, watchful care of the Savior and Heavenly Father, who are ready to help your child when he/she is ready to seek help and recovery. 

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A Mother’s Perspective

I have been reading the Mormon Women posts with great interest. We have a porn addict in our family and have watched with agony his struggle. It has destroyed his marriage and continues to affect his children. He has lost his membership in the Church and is struggling to ‘come back.’

His addiction began when he was 12 through a careless bunch of older boys who threw some hard core porn out of a truck at my son’s bus stop. My son and his friends, being curious 12 year olds picked it up and shared it. Instinctively knowing it was something they shouldn’t be looking at, they hid the pages in their neighborhood ‘hideout’ and took some of it home. I discovered the pages stuck in a box in the attic when I was looking for something. My husband and I had no idea that this would be the beginning of literally years and years of heartache and thousands of dollars spent on trying to help our son overcome this problem. By the time he was 14 it was apparent that he this was a serious problem.

My husband went on every camp out and activity because we were afraid our son would ensnare another boy by sharing his discovery. We spoke with Bishop after Bishop trying to warn them so that they would be extra watchful of the boys around our son. It was long enough ago that their response was anything from outright dismissal to “boys will be boys” and “he will outgrow it.” No one knew the devastating effects this addiction would have in our son’s life.

I can’t help but relate the posts you have from wives of addicts to my place as a mother….a lot of it applies. I have spent many hours pleading with the Lord to help me know what I could do as a mother to help my son. I racked my brain trying to figure out where I had gone wrong and what had happened to bring us to this heartache. After a while, my husband and I realized that there was not a whole lot we could do. It became necessary to ask our son to leave our home when he turned 18 and had graduated from High School. It was not done in anger, we just could not allow him to continue to bring pornography into our home and expose his siblings to such filth. We agonized over this decision but he simply was not capable of staying away from pornography.

Years have passed and now my son is in his late 30s. He has a son and is divorced from his wife. The specter of pornography continues to haunt him and we have watched our happy, funny, delightful child turn into something we don’t really recognize. Pornography has desensitized him. His language is crude, he is uncomfortable around others in our family and covers his discomfort with sarcasm and ridicule.

But just in the last few months we have seen some small changes in his attitudes. He is beginning to realize that he is not happy and will never be happy as long as he cannot overcome this addiction. His son is turning 8 and he will not be able to baptize him. His siblings have gotten married and he has been unable to attend their temple weddings. He is beginning the process of regaining his membership. we have rejoiced at each small victory and continue to encourage him to repent and return. I have no idea how long this process will take and how many missteps there will be along the way. But I have gained the assurance that the Lord has not forgotten him and that he will be able to overcome this someday…..

The post A Mother’s Perspective on Pornography Addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

We also have archived stories of women who have themselves suffered from addiction, and we welcome others’ stories of facing this trial with the help of God and the support of others. Find more links here.

If you would like to share your story of how your faith and/or reaching out to others has helped you find healing and strength through any difficult trial, please let us know at mormonwomen a/ gmail d/ com. You can also read many other essays about facing trials with faith. 

There is a place for you

~by Jane

About a year ago I ran a half marathon in the foothills outside my city. A friend who had run the race before warned me of a steep hill around mile eight. I trained on hills and felt confident and capable. But as mile eight approached, and I started the first few steps up the hill, my confidence waned. When I saw the size of the climb ahead of me, I quit believing I was capable. I glanced around to gauge how others were doing. Just ahead of me — close enough to leave me feeling self-conscious about my heavy breathing — was another woman. A few feet behind me another determined female runner. I took courage.

As we climbed the hill, when my pace would slacken, my “friend” to my rear would vocalize an encouraging cheer. “You got this!” she would say between her own heavy gasps, and I would feel renewed strength. When the runner just ahead of me started to fall behind, I would clap a few times for her and she would lunge back to my side.

When I was weak, my friends were strong. When they felt they could go no further, I nudged them on.

Once we peaked over the hill I lost track of these two women. But I remembered their faces and figures. As I celebrated with my family at the finish line I looked around and saw one of the women and she smiled at me. A few minutes later I brushed shoulders with the other woman and we muttered some unintelligible expressions of gratitude. My heart was full of love and joy that we had all made it.
I didn’t know their names, I knew nothing about them. All I knew was that we were all trying to make it over that impossible hill. And that was all we needed, one common thread to tether us together. And at the finish my joy was three-fold, my own accomplishment and hers. And hers.

We are all so unique. Sometimes I am surprised at my own paradoxical nature. I drive a pick-up truck to yoga on Saturday mornings. I fall in love with the college athletes on the football team of my local university almost as much as I fall in love with characters like Fanny Price from classic literature.

My husband is equally unique. His story is unique. He wasn’t addicted to porn before we got married and he has been almost ridiculous in his honesty.

But I have found a safe place in this WoPA community. Where it doesn’t matter how different I am, or what my husband’s story is. I have found women, sometimes I don’t even know their real names, to stand by my side and encourage me. We have that one common thread. The disappointed hopes and broken hearts known only to wives of porn addicts.

Maybe you feel like you don’t belong. Maybe your husband’s story “isn’t that bad.” Or maybe you can’t possibly imagine that any other husband has done the horrible things yours has. Maybe you feel too ashamed or too afraid to share your story. Maybe you think you have nothing to offer. Maybe this addiction has destroyed your self-esteem so much that you feel unwanted or unlovable.

But there is a place for you.

There IS a place for you. This community consists of blogs, forums, 12-step meetings and retreats. Send an email, make a phone call, comment on a post. Register for a forum, attend a meeting, pray for God to guide you to a friend.

We are all facing an impossible hill. We often feel our confidence waning and we start to believe that maybe we aren’t capable of making it through. Reach out. Listen carefully for the voices around you who are cheering you on. Look around for those who are losing their pace, whose steps are weak and growing weaker.

When we get to the finish, our joy will be one-hundred fold. Not just our accomplishment. But hers. And hers. And hers…and hers….

Photo from Wikimedia Commons

The post To WoPAs: There is a place for you appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

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This Addiction Isn’t About You

by ElizabethH

I wish that it was easy to believe the people who say that my husband’s porn addiction “isn’t about you.”  But I struggle to believe them because, of course, it is about me.  Isn’t it?  If he loved me enough or valued our marriage enough or valued my feelings enough he would never have started looking at porn.  Let alone watched enough enough porn to become addicted to it!  So it must be about how skinny I am, or how I look, or because I stay home with our kids rather than pursuing an impressive career.  How could his porn use not be about me or about our relationship not being enough?

When I told someone last night that “It isn’t about you!”  I meant it.  I knew it was true.  It’s true because her husband is a sex addict and a liar who convinced her, and perhaps himself, that his addiction was about her.  But my inner voice surfaced to call that belief a lie and know it was a lie.  Part of my recovery is to learn how to apply that compassionate part of my inner voice to myself.  To allow my inner voice to drown out the toxic shame that threatens to overwhelm me.  To allow my voice to be compassionate to myself; because I can not control my husband’s addiction I can only control myself and my voice.

The post WoPA Week: This Addiction is Not About You appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Many thanks to another woman who submitted her story for WoPA week. We have many more stories and resources on our site for women who are affected in some way by pornography. See the bottom of this post for more resources recommended by this sister.

My husband has a porn addiction.  I wish I was alone.  I wish I was the only one who was dealing with this.  I wish nobody else ever had to deal with the feelings and problems this brings into a marriage.  But, I’m not alone.  I’m far from alone.

I had been married less than a year the first time I found pornography my husband had viewed.  I was shocked, horrified and confused.  We were so happy — the perfect marriage.  Why did he have this?  What was wrong with ‘us’ that had him looking to this trash?  I confronted him when he got home from work, and he broke down and confessed to first being introduced to porn at nine years old and an ever increasing interest in it grew until in his later teens as he found massage books and his older brother’s porn stash.  He ‘got it under control’ long enough to get out on his two year LDS mission, and was shocked when it quickly resumed once he got home, escalating in frequency as he spent time on campus, discovering internet porn with a laptop and wi-fi.  He started and stopped often.  He trudged along through school, spending more time searching for pornography than studying. He’d been trying to ‘stop’ for a bit, realizing at 24, that life wasn’t going anywhere.  He felt like he should come hang out with me and my friends.  Within weeks we were inseparable.  Within the year, we were married.  People commented all the time they’d never seen two happier people.  He was more than I even knew I wanted.  He was so in love with me, so doting and enamored that complete strangers would chuckle and comment, “Wow, he sure loves you!”  I had the perfect life.

And it felt like it came crashing down around me.  I mean sure, the porn itself was a hard pill to swallow — but how could he lie to me?

But, despite dealing with some self-esteem issues, I was ready to forgive and move on.  Then it happened again, I found some pictures he emailed himself so he could ‘check them out later’.  This time our Bishop suggested counseling.  The counselor was kind and sympathetic, assured me this wasn’t about me ‘not being enough’, and I started my education on porn addiction and what it was all about.  My husband attended all the sessions, but never seemed to really ‘try’ like I wanted him to.  The journaling, the note-taking, the self-awareness, none of it was happening like it should.  But he was seemed so repentant and begging my forgiveness, and we moved forward, with that particular trial securely behind us.

Apparently my porn addiction education wasn’t thorough enough yet.  I just didn’t get it.  It popped up again.  We talked to a Bishop again.  This time we had it.

Every single time I was the one who found it (besides one or two token, “I looked at a Sports Illustrated edition, I’m so sorry!”)  He’d tell me he was so sorry, that he was just so afraid of hurting me that he couldn’t bring himself to tell me.  But he’s say he’d never lie to me to the face — so keep asking him about it, thinking that if I asked him, he’d be unable to lie.

Not true.  I was lied to.  A lot.  While looking him in the eye. That hurts so much worse than the porn.

This went on for a few years . . . once to twice a year I’d ‘catch’ some slip up or another.  He’d promise to do better.  Rinse and repeat.

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that the reality of our situation hit.  Once again I found out he had been looking at it, but this time he confessed that it had always been there, only gone for brief times.

Another friend of mine has a husband dealing with the same thing, and he put it this way, “Take everything I’ve told you about my problem — frequency, obsession, acting out — and double it. Maybe quadruple it.”  The addiction needs secrecy, and my husband had never let me see the full picture — it was too embarrassing, too painful, too ‘real’.  But this time the magnitude of the problem came spilling out. The porn had always been there.  All those times I thought he’d ‘slipped’ up when I discovered some crumb here or there — those were the few things that had fallen through his trying to cover his tracks.  He might have stopped for a few weeks, even months, but most of the time I thought it was under control, it hadn’t been.  He’d usually just been spinning his wheels long enough to get me off his back, then he went back to it.  Sometimes he’d really wanted to get away from it, at least for awhile, but usually at least part of him was fully aware he wasn’t really trying.  My world felt like it shattered.  I felt stupid, worthless, broken and scared.  I’d been so lied to.  By someone who loved me so much (and I had no doubt he loved me).  Purposefully manipulated and hidden from so that he could keep his secret part of his life without me causing any pesky cognitive dissonance.

But it was all out now.  And my husband went 11 months without looking at porn.  But, even with this long term abstinence from viewing porn, he had never really entered ‘recovery’.  He wasn’t doing counseling and 12-step groups.  And neither was I.  We both just wanted to put this behind us.  If we’d truly understood what we were up against, then it wouldn’t come as no surprise when he slipped back into the addiction.  Earlier last year I discovered that he had started looking at pornography again.

The last eighteen months have been one of the most humbling, and joyous, times of our lives.  My husband did decide that he couldn’t keep going through this same cycle over and over again without losing everything, and has since entered recovery.  He attends meetings, journals, goes to group meetings.  He’s found incredible peace and camaraderie and acceptance in attending group meetings and therapy.  He’s a walking Brené Brown book, talking constantly about the amazing blessing vulnerability has been. He can talk for hours about the pain and damage done by shame.  He is a new man, and while he was already among the best men I knew, he is so much happier and better now.

For me, I am finding peace in my own recovery.  I’ve made countless friends, I’ve opened up and talked to friends, family and others with whom I’ve felt prompted to share. I’ve been met with a few awkward looks, but for the most part I’ve found acceptance, love and understanding.  I am so much happier not living a secret life where I didn’t let anyone in.  I now have found my truest friends and have truly come to understand ‘mourning with those who mourn, and comforting those who stand in need of comfort.’

I have been there sisters.  I’m still there, even with 18 months of sobriety, recovery is still a part of our lives every day.  And we wouldn’t change that.  The things I have learned about my Savior, about the purpose of trials in life, and about betrayal trauma and how it was affecting me, have been among the greatest lessons of my life.

If you are going through this, you are not alone.  I have witnessed miracles in my own life, and in my husband’s, as we have reached outside ourselves to others who are going through the same thing.  I am finding healing and peace, and a relationship with my Savior that I would walk through this and any fire to have.  If you are going through this, please seek out your own healing, independent of what your husband chooses to do.  Aren’t we commanded to bear one another’s burdens, to comfort those who stand in need of comfort and to mourn with those who mourn?  We must get outside ourselves to be able to accomplish these most Christlike tasks.

You are not alone sisters, not one of us, no matter the trial in our lives, none of us are alone.  God gave us each other.  If you are dealing with this particular addiction in your life, in your marriage, or any addiction or unhealthy relationship, please reach out to those who’ve come before you and can help you through the pain to find the peace and comfort that can only come through the Atonement.   This is his addiction — but it’s left you with real and sometimes significant trauma.  Your husband will need to seek out recovery to get to where he needs to be — but whether he’s ready to do that now or not, you have no control over that.  You have control over exactly one person in your life, and that’s you.  There are meetings, there are online forums, and there are likely sisters in your own ward or neighborhood who would be happy to share their experiences in recovery with you — ask your Bishop if he can work out an introduction for you to someone who’s been where you are.

– Your sister & friend

RESOURCES:

[This sister also shares some of the resources that have helped her and others.]

If you are dealing with this, I want to assure you — it is NOT your fault.  Please educate yourself so you understand the real issues and scope of the problem.  Please reach out — I wasted years of letting the adversary use this trial to beat me down and tell me lies about myself.  By opening up and reaching out, there is no place for the adversary’s lies to hide within me anymore.   I’m compiling a list of resources that I’ve found helpful.

www.combattingpornography.org (12 Step Addiction Recovery meetings – like AA)

This is the official LDS Church website.  Here you can find local support meetings.  There are meetings for families dealing with both ‘general addiction’ and specifically for ‘pornography addiction.’

www.addorecovery.com (Free, and amazing, workshops for wives)

A brand new therapy group that specializes in pornography addiction.  While I strongly recommend counseling for those going through this, I believe prayer and your own experience lead you to where you need to be, and I wouldn’t endorse one therapist over another.  But, the reason I include this company, is that they are doing something unheard of . . . they are focusing primarily on the healing of wives, and they’re offering a remarkable 6 week women’s group, complete with assessments, homework, feedback from a therapist, journaling assignments, and the weekly meetings — all free of charge.  I know and talk with many, many women through my work on this topic, and each of us agreed when we went through their flagship session that this was an amazingly healing experience.  I would highly recommend this to anyone dealing with this in their marriage, and what do you have to lose?

www.healingthroughchrist.org (A 12-step workbook)

An LDS based 12 Step group, with a free downloadable workbook. This workbook is AMAZING, and there are 12 step sponsors available for those who want to actively seek after their own healing.

www.hopeandhealinglds.com (Moderated Forum/Discussion Board)

Linked from this website you can find a private forum for LDS women affected by a loved one’s pornography addiction (wives, mothers, girlfriends).  It is an active online community that welcomes any woman going through this trial with open arms.  The moderator of this group has also spent countless hours gathering a nearly endless amount of resources sorted by category/topic.

http://ldsrhr.blogspot.com/ (Resource bank)

While not officially an LDS site, this website is a catalog of hundreds of resources for LDS men and women dealing with pornography addiction for themselves or in their marriage.  Articles, professional therapist posts, blog posts from wives and from addicts, Conference talks and more.

www.salifeline.org  (12-step Addiction Recovery for support person/spouse)

“Fighting pornography through education about addiction and support for recovery”

Under the “Help, a loved one” button on top there is an article called “The Effect of Pornography on the Spouse”.  I cannot recommend this enough.  SA Lifeline Foundation has also created a book called “Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction; A Resource for LDS Parents and Leaders” that is a great foundation for educating ourselves about this issue — you can download it for free from their website (or purchase it for $20 in the store, but personally, I’d get it free.)

www.rowboatandmarbles.org  (A Recovering Addict’s Information Blog)

“Essays of Hope About Recovery from Sex and Pornography Addiction from the LDS Perspective”

A recovering LDS sex/porn addict who has an amazing ability to explain and share this trial in a way that opens eyes and breeds understanding.  I suggest everyone read his free downloadable ebook.  (It’s also sold online at Deseret Book).  For more women and men that I can count, THIS was the resource that suddenly made everything click, that ‘ah-ha’ moment of, “OH, so that’s what this is!”
Download this SOON though, even just save it to your desktop for later use, because now that it’s in store, it won’t be available for free much longer.

http://www.bythelightofgrace.com/  (An LDS woman addict’s blog, with many resources.)

http://www.byutv.org/watch/b933fe5c-3201-4cca-a124-e4e6492a9122/real-families-real-answers-avoidingovercoming-pornography  A BYU/TV resource about pornography use and addiction.

The post WoPA Week Post: As Sisters, God Gave Us Each Other appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Michelle

A man I consider a friend, Seth Adam Smith, posted an essay called Marriage is Not for You that has gone seriously viral. Seth shares some advice from his dad that has helped him in his new marriage — advice to not be selfish. It’s excellent advice at the face of it. I also think it’s great how it reminds people that marriage is not supposed to be a selfish pursuit. I like the positive energy around the topic of marriage that has resulted. So yay for that.

[And I’m going to edit this to add a link to follow-up interview to his blog post [at the Daily Mail UK], which brings his wife’s perspective into what he was trying to communicate. I really like how she helped diffuse a potential downward spiral by letting Seth share why he was struggling. So in terms of how unselfishness and compassion can help prevent more serious problems in a marriage, Seth’s post is great.]

But *this* post is for those women whose marriages are more deeply affected by years of serious problems from a husband’s addiction (or abuse). I write it because I have seen how the post has left some women who are struggling mightily in their marriages (because of pornography addiction of their husbands or other struggles) feeling frustrated and confused. Of course, it’s just a blog post, but since it has gone so viral, I think it merits a some thoughts on behalf of these women. (Seth did respond to some of the responses, but I still feel like there is something women in this situation need to hear more directly.)

I’m not a marriage expert, but I have seen hundreds of stories of what happens when addiction strikes a marriage. I have read hundreds, if not thousands, of expert articles on the topic. And I have seen time and time again how “typical” (and good!) marriage advice about serving more and doing more and tuning into needs and putting the other first can actually feed the problem. It’s not the loving thing to do to feed addiction. But without some specific help, support, and guidance, wives can often have difficulty having confidence in doing something not typical. They may even start to lose faith in marriage, because they haven’t seen or experienced what healthy marriage feels like. And they need advice that is tailored to the situation they are in.

Wives of those in addiction have often given and given and given to the point of exhaustion and losing themselves (in unhealthy ways) and sometimes even violating their own truth thinking they were being Christlike. People can expect them to “just support him” or “just forgive him” — without realizing that wives need their own personal, specific support and healing, too.

Addiction is often buried under lies, manipulation, blaming and other dynamics that put the problem on the wife and absolve the husband of responsibility. If and when divorce happens, wives are often blamed, rather than the severity of the impact of addiction being acknowledged. I realize there are situations where women react emotionally and make decisions rashly, but there is a serious lack of understanding about the trauma wives experience. And some of that can result because wives are often too willing to take on that blame because they don’t know anything different than “trying not to be selfish.” As such, too many good-hearted women are believing the lies that they aren’t doing enough when in reality their husbands simply need to take responsibility for their addiction. And the women need to heal. A healthy marriage cannot exist when addiction is present.

In the end, in situations where addiction is present, the most loving thing a wife can do is NOT try to keep the spouse “happy,” but rather to set healthy boundaries that protect her spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental well-being. This takes time and healing to understand and do in a loving way. And it can be hard because setting boundaries and standing up to unhealthy patterns can initially feel “mean.” They will make mistakes as they try to figure boundaries out. But they need space and support as much as the one who suffers with addiction does.

I have seen it play out time and time again — once a wife is able to find her own bearings and get some solid healing with support and a renewal of her relationship with God, she will then have more clarity to be able to know how best to love and support her husband and/or make important decisions about her marriage.

Now I realize that there is no way that Seth could possibly cover all the nuances of this topic. I also know he has had deep and personal experiences with the love and unselfish support of loved ones that literally helped bring him from the brink of death. I do not mean to discredit that at all. But because I have felt personally called to help be an advocate for women in this situation, I wanted to give them something to help them process ‘typical’ marriage advice like this so they can have confidence that it is not selfish to focus on their own healing. It is truly the most loving thing they can do, because it allows God to do what He will do as each partner in the marriage seeks His help to heal.

p.s. I liked this Christian woman’s response to Seth’s post (minus the secret temple jab…you can see her warm comments in the comments section about that). She speaks from personal experience on the topic. http://www.darlingunleashed.com/dear-adam-seth-smith-youre-right-sort/ I have always loved the analogy of marriage as a triangle, with God at the top.

Her post is also reminiscent of something Ezra Taft Benson said:

“We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. He must come first, just as He declares in the first of His Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:3).

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.

“We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.”

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1988/05/the-great-commandment-love-the-lord.p18-19,27

Putting God first will help any individual know what needs to come second in every moment of every day — whether spouse or self or children or job or healing or helping someone else. By losing ourselves to God, then we can have His love to help us know how to be truly more Christlike.

Just as Enos felt God’s love first before being able to pray for and help others (although trauma is not a sin), wives who find God in their pain will also find that they are enabled through grace to love and forgive even the deepest of pain inflicted on them.

[Post edit: Here’s one marriage therapist’s response to Seth’s article.]

[Other edits have been made to the original post as I become aware of some different links.]

The post For the WoPAs: Marriage is not for you? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post submitted by Shay, the wife of a man who is seeking recovery for his pornography/sexual addiction. This is a challenge that many people are facing; we get traffic about this topic constantly. This letter to a Relief Society president could be relevant for anyone to read, as it contains information and resources that can help people understand more not only about pornography addiction, but also about the impact it has on a wife and about how both the one suffering from addiction and the spouse can find healing and recovery. Shay shares what brought so much pain, in addition to some of the things that have helped her find healing from the trauma of her husband’s addiction. These are resources that are helping many LDS people find healing and hope.

I’ve included the Bible video above about the woman with the issue of blood, because I believe that women suffering from the impact of their husband’s addiction need the individual, personal healing power of the Savior as much as their husbands do. And to me, women like Shay who are using many resources at their disposal are showing faith that the Savior can heal them. I am grateful that there are more resources available to help those affected by sexual addiction. Read more personal stories on our site, or in the blog list Shay shares below. You can also find more resources at hopeandhealinglds.com.

To My Relief Society President,

This is a very hard letter for me to write.  The desire and need to confide in you has been bouncing around in my head for a while and I can’t ignore it any longer.

This has been a trying year for me.  Actually, it has been one of the hardest of my life and yet also the most spiritual and comforting.  I found out at the beginning of this year that my husband has struggled with an addiction to pornography since he was a teenager.  There were long periods of sobriety, sometimes years long and many bishops and feelings of “I’ve got this.”  He would continually follow his priesthood leader’s guidance to “study your scriptures more, pray more and attend the temple more,” in an effort to conquer this trial.  He first told me about his “problem” a year or two into our marriage, but it wasn’t until earlier this year that we recognized this “problem” as an actual addiction — not because of the intensity and escalations [a common symptom of addiction], but rather due to the cycles [unhealthy, repeated patterns can also be symptoms of addiction].  Once we started treating it as an addiction, or an illness, then we both began to heal and recover.

When I married, I made all of the “right” choices.  I married my stalwart, returned missionary for time and all eternity.  There was so much emphasis on temple marriage that I felt that it was the end goal.  I thought that once you achieved that, life was just living in the dream you’d built. I knew that there would be bumps in the road but no lesson from Young Women’s or Sunday School, or even college, prepared me for the pain and trauma that would leave me crumpled in a heap on my closet floor.  Nothing taught me how to pull myself from the darkness that left me in my pajamas for weeks at a time.  There was no lesson that let me know that my eternal companion could betray me in such a personal, devastating way.

My husband is a good man, who became ensnared by a vicious, plaguing addiction.  It changed him.  It took my kindhearted loving husband and caused him to be selfish, cruel, critical and manipulative.  This addiction caused him to repeatedly look me in the eyes, and lie.  I was left feeling crazy and insecure.  This journey has taught me that the real damaging issue is not the pornography, but the changes in behaviors and unhealthy ideals caused by the pornography.  That is the true cause of the trauma.

I have learned that as the spouse of a pornography or sex addict, I have experienced what is called “Betrayal Trauma.”  Its symptoms are akin to the symptoms of PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder]. It comes with all the same triggers and deep rooted emotions that are felt by a soldier returning from war.  I felt isolated.  I had been taught by my addicted husband that this was HIS secret and I would betray him by seeking help.  Because my husband often didn’t share my inspiration, I learned over time that I was unable to really seek, listen to and discern the direction of the spirit on my own.  I felt let down by the priesthood (because my HUSBAND did this) and often feel like I am living in a Man’s World.

I have learned that despite his (and my) discomfort, the best way for me to heal, is to talk about my trauma.  I need a safe way to release these negative feelings caused by the addiction so that they don’t fester and cause resentments which make it harder to heal and forgive my husband.  It is healing and helpful to be able to say to a safe person, “I am devastated and hurt because ____________.”  I need supportive family and friends.  I needed to educate myself about addiction and the effects it has.  I needed group and individual therapy.  I needed a many different ways to feel loved, supported and validated, without judgment.

Recovering from an addiction and being a recovering spouse is HARD.  We are under intense pressure and suffering from real diagnosable trauma.  We don’t always make the right choices or behave in healthy ways.  But, we are TRYING.  So hard.  And we are HURTING.  So bad.  We don’t want to be judged, we want to be loved and validated.  With technology ever changing, it could be in any home or marriage, at any minute.  This problem is wide spread and growing.  According to Andrew of Rowboats and Marbles, 70% of men between the ages of 18 and 34 visit a pornographic website at least once a month.  This problem is no longer confined to men either.  We are all made to be sexual creatures, it is part of His divine master plan and we are all susceptible to the temptation.  Through recovery, I have met many women struggle too. This is a human disease.

This journey has changed me.  I have come to realize that my worth and value is determined by who I am, or rather Whose I am, and not by my husband’s choices or even by my own.  My worth is constant.  A bad choice does not make me, or him, a bad person, it only makes it a bad choice.  It doesn’t change my divine worth or his.  I am learning so much, about who I am and the kind of person I want to be.  I am learning and gathering resources about addiction that I would love to share with others who are struggling.  This addiction, like many others, feed from shame and secrecy.  I am contacting you because I am trying to break my silence. As scary as it is, I would be willing to be a friend to any wife who is suffering.  I would love to support and validate her and feel supported and validated in return.  I have found such strength from The Healing Through Christ 12 step program, the Church’s spousal PASG [pornography addiction recovery support] program, Addo Recovery [a commercial organization that offers a free six-week workshop on betrayal trauma] and LifeSTAR [commercial recovery organization].  I have books, blogs, forums and websites and I would love to share with her all of these resources.  I am contacting you because even though I don’t feel the need to shout it from the rooftops, I also don’t feel the need to suffer in silence any more.  I would like to bask in the light of His Love.  It is filled with knowledge, learning, self worth, forgiveness and the Atonement.  I would love to know if anyone else is looking for this light as well.

Thank you so much for your time and love,

Shay

– – – – –

Shay’s Recovery Resources

Books
He Restoreth My Soul  by Donald L Hilton, Jr
What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw
Healing Through Christ (12-step workbook for spouses)- can be downloaded for free at www.healingthroughchrist.org [they are also working on a 12-step workbook for those suffering from sexual addiction]

For Addicts and Spouses
LifeSTAR: www.lifestarnetwork.com
(this is a paid program =)
List of Blogs: http://ldsaddictionrecoveryblogs.blogspot.com

For Spouses
Addo Recovery: www.addorecovery.com
(this is a free online program with the option to continue paid online/in person group therapy.  This is a favorite amongst wives…)
Online Anonymous Forum: www.hopeandhealinglds.com/forum-for-wives

The Togetherness Project: togethernessproject.com

Websites
www.rowboatsandmarbles.org
www.fightthenewdrug.org
www.rhyllrecovery.com
www.salifeline.org
http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/
You can read more about Shay and follow her blog at www.awiferedeemed.blogspot.com

Read more personal stories in our personal stories index or at hopeandhealinglds.com or at womenfordecency.org/blog

The post Letter from a wife of a pornography addict: To My Relief Society President appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

The workshop begins April 24. Registration deadline is tomorrow, April 17. 

Healing from Betrayal Trauma — Help for wives of men struggling with sexual addiction

Did you know that 70% of women suffer from Betrayal Trauma when they discover their husband’s pornography or sexual addiction? This form of trauma meets most criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a long-term condition involving depression, severe distrust, anxiety, apathy, insomnia, chronic illness, etc.

Furthermore, 71 percent of women with Betrayal Trauma demonstrate severe functional impairment in major areas of their lives and require professional support.

(If you are wondering if you might be suffering from betrayal trauma, you can take this assessment.)

Dr. Kevin Skinner, sexual addiction recovery therapist, is currently offering a FREE six-week workshop to help wives of those who are struggling with sexual/pornography addiction get on a path to healing. All content, classes, and even weekly group meetings will be available online, so any woman living anywhere can participate, as long as she has an internet connection.

The workshop includes six online classes, with individual lessons that allow you to heal at your own pace, based on your own learning style. Each lesson includes step-by-step guidance, worksheets, articles, audio/video clips, and assessments to help you understand and get to the core of your situation.

Each of the six classes will then culminate in a weekly group meeting (remote access will be provided via video streaming), with discussions that are adapted to the group’s needs. Group meetings will be led by Dr. Kevin Skinner.

This is not a religious workshop. It’s a therapist-created, research-based resource (in other words, it’s not a Mormon program, it’s for any woman married to someone wrestling with pornography/sexual addiction who is interested in getting some information and some help and support).

Following are the topics that will be covered in the workshop:

Why do I feel like this? (The science behind betrayal trauma) Where does the anger, hurt, pain and shame come from? “My spouse has the problem, so why am I suffering so much?” In this lesson you will learn the science behind betrayal trauma with a few tips and strategies to start you on the path to healing.

Understanding me. A series of assessments and worksheets help you understand how emotions such as anxiety, stress, anger and depression are affecting you – and how social support can help. The more you understand what you are experiencing, the more you can heal.

Easing your anxious mind. Common symptoms of betrayal trauma are anxiety and fear. In this lesson we will teach you how to deal with these feelings and move towards peace of mind. Understanding me. A series of assessments and worksheets help you understand how emotions such as anxiety, stress, anger and depression are affecting you – and how social support can help. The more you understand what you are experiencing, the more you can heal.

Start healing now! You will learn of seven healing strategies that can help you begin to restore strength to your life.

Did you know you are this strong? (Developing resiliency) You are stronger than you know. Learn how to use your strengths to develop resiliency during adversity, and turn feelings of inadequacy into strength and power.

Power to self-heal. In many cases, women blame themselves for their spouse’s behavior and feel a lack of self-worth. Learn to assess your internal dialogue and shift from self-criticism to self-compassion — creating inner peace and confidence in your inherent worth.

Bonus Class: The science behind pornography addiction.

Participants will be invited to give feedback on the workshop, on what was helpful and what could be improved. The goal of this workshop is to help women get their bearings in the face of the trauma of a husband’s sexual/pornography addiction, to come to see and realize that they are not alone (and that their feelings, fears, and struggles are normal!), and to begin a process of healing that can foster hope and confidence in the future.

Watch a slideshow that explains the workshop a little more.

For more information or to sign up, contact:

Eric@addorecovery.com
or
info@addorecovery.com
Phone: (801) 406-8994

The post For wives of sex/porn addicts: Free six-week healing workshop appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.