RJJ’s question:

Okay so, I have a bit of a spiel before I get to my question, here goes. I am a gay man, and I’d say I’m out and proud, and very happy with my lifestyle, I have friends who follow the Mormon teachings and they are genuinely accepting of my lifestyle and loving, dear friends on top of that acceptance. I don’t believe in any religion myself but I’m respectful of others beliefs, and I’d like to think I’m extremely at peace with my friends and their faith and beliefs (I come from the UK and have a very varied pool of friends with extremely varied belief systems). From what I can gather in research and from my friends is that the Church of LDS is against not homosexuality itself, but homosexual acts, as the sin is in the behaviour, not the predisposition to act sinfully, and that one of the reasons the Church is against homosexuality is that homosexual acts take place outside of marriage. This leads me into my question, if the law of the land were to change to allow same-sex marriage would that then, in your opinion. possibly lead the Church to a new stance on the issue of homosexuality? I ask this here because this seems like a level headed forum of ideas and you give more casual advice and guidance than the official Church of LDS, and also because I have a great respect for Mormons in general, I’ve never met an unkind or impolite Mormon (and manners are rated very highly by me) and as a whole the organised religion of the Church of LDS doesn’t seem to want to condemn anyone, I may be wrong but as far as I can see it’s more about praising goodness and faith then condemning sinners to hell, and I can get on board with that ideal. Thank you for any light you can shed on this issue, hope all is well.

RJJ, thanks for your question. First of all, thank you for your kind words; I’m glad to hear that your experiences with members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have been positive. We also appreciate the respectful tone of your question, and I hope that something I say might be helpful.

You are correct in the sense that the Church has taken a position that focuses on behavior and not on inclination (after all, we all have inclination to sin in one way or another). You have likely heard or read stories from members of the Church who have same-sex attraction and are able to be, as we say, “members in good standing” if they live the law of chastity (no sexual relationships outside of marriage).

And you ask a reasonable question.. If I’m understanding it correctly (and please let me know if I’m misunderstanding your question), you are wondering what will happen if and as the law of the land shifts around the definition of marriage. Will the Church would ever change its position to accommodate same-sex relationships within a legal marriage?

You have asked for my opinion, and I will give it here. I do not believe that the Church will change its position on the law of chastity to accommodate same-sex relationships, even as the law of the land is changing. Why do I think this? I am one who likes to watch patterns in what our prophets are teaching, and something that they are very consistent about is making our stand about marriage unmistakably clear. They also recognize that the laws may change, but they have repeatedly stated that God’s laws will not.

I could share many quotes that show this pattern. I think the following quote can suffice to illustrate what kind of teaching I’m referring to. This is from Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Before his call, he was a Supreme Court Justice in Utah. He understands both our doctrines as well as the legal elements of questions like the one you have posed.

Our understanding of God’s plan and His doctrine gives us an eternal perspective that does not allow us to condone such behaviors or to find justification in the laws that permit them. And, unlike other organizations that can change their policies and even their doctrines, our policies are determined by the truths God has identified as unchangeable…. [L]aws legalizing so-called “same-sex marriage” do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it.

The doctrine of marriage between a man and woman is central to our belief system. The law of chastity — that commandment, the standard related to sexual relationships — is inextricably tied to that doctrine of marriage as we believe it has been defined by God.

No, we do not seek to condemn, but we do seek to share what we believe because we do believe that the commandments of God are for all of His children. We invite people to learn about the eternal nature of our existence as children of heavenly parents, the plan of salvation (which includes the doctrine of marriage and the purpose of life), about the Savior and His commandments and covenants  (and why they exist), and about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

But then we seek to respect the right of people to choose what they will believe and do in their own lives. Thank you again for your respectful engagement here. I do hope this has been of some help, but please do feel free to follow up if you have more questions.

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The statement concluded with a reminder to maintain civil discourse on this divisive issue, which is a message we have heard numerous times, both specifically about the gay marriage issue and also in general.

You can read more about the Church’s position on gay marriage in the following articles:

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Same-sex Marriage and Proposition 8 (includes a list of links to videos and articles that explain more of the Church’s position, and also includes a link to the coalition that worked to organize people to pass Proposition 8 (the coalition is not affiliated with the Church))

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The Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s Music and the Spoken Word program was voted into the National Radio Hall of Fame.  Enjoy some clips from the program on the Radio Hall of Fame website.

You can listen to the program on Sunday mornings at 9:30 a.m. Mountain Time.

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My husband and I love to have fun and we enjoy spending time together.  Over the last few months we were having a hard time getting out of the house, so we started instituting “home dates”. We have found that we can really stick with our goal of having a weekly date night when we only have to do a little bit of planning before hand – and not even leave the house!

For our home dates, we feed our children first, and then put them to bed a bit earlier than their usual bed time.  Sometimes we let them watch a movie upstairs before they jump into bed.  After the kids are upstairs and the house is tidied, it’s time for date night.  Sometimes we order take out, and sometimes we cook ourselves. Sometimes our dinners are nicer, and sometimes they’re pretty simple and basic.  What’s important is that we’re spending quality time together.

Not long ago we had soup and rolls for dinner, and I got out fancy dishes to make the night feel more special.  It was so nice to sit and eat together, focus on each other, have a great discussion and take our time!  After we split an ice cream bar for dessert, we played computer games for awhile before we sat down to watch a rented movie.  It was easy and simple, but we were together, enjoying each other, and having fun.

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Now, I’m a self-confessed writer and a long time lover of fairy tales, so I can’t help thinking that the best stories start with “Once upon a time…” So what better way to start the story of my life?

Once upon a time…there was a girl named Kimberly. I was a good girl for the most part, except when it came to eating vast quantities of cookies and perhaps not being too quick to do my chores when I had a good book on the go.

I was raised in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Though I was given opportunities to learn many things through church activities, I focused pretty much exclusively on my love of music and literature. Alas, anything I do with my hands tends to go amiss. Plants die. Thread knots. Baking burns. I find my greatest joy in writing, playing piano, and singing. At the age of thirty (that’d be now) it hit me that my talents fit well with motherhood. I’m finding ways to incorporate music and storytelling into the raising of my children.

I met my husband Neil at the age of twenty-two while sorting apples at a church welfare orchard. Talk about being blessed for giving service, eh? We were married the following year and awhile later moved to Forest Grove, Oregon where my husband attended Optometry school. We felt strongly, and had it confirmed through much prayer, that is was not yet time for us to have children. Now that was a tough prayer to accept the answer to! But as time passed the reasons for waiting became clear. Even so it was difficult to wait, but it was all the sweeter when Emma Ann arrived in June 2004 and Rebecca Lynn in January 2006.

When Neil graduated in May 2006 we moved to a small town in Northern British Columbia, where the church congregation [branch] ranges from 20-40 people attending each Sunday. Having grown up in a congregation of approximately 200, the change was a bit of a shock. Slowly we began to adjust, though it was difficult at first. There’s something about a small group that really hits home just how individual we all are. Dramas tend to escalate more quickly, rumours spread with a disturbing amount of speed, and if you want to avoid someone it’s awfully difficult to pull off.

I won’t deny it, I felt uncomfortable and out of place for quite some time. As the months went by though, I slowly came to know every individual in our congregation. Personality quirks began to make more sense, and as I learned the history of certain of our brothers and sisters, any frustrations I had had with them melted away and instead I was overcome by feelings of compassion and love. There are things I have learned here that I simply couldn’t have learned elsewhere. I’ve learned more about being Christ-like in the past three years than I learned in the rest of my life put together. Sometimes it takes extreme situations to help us learn what our Heavenly Father would have us learn. It’s been an amazing and awe-inspiring experience.

Last year was a year of intense changes for us. We bought our first house. We bought the Vision Clinic where Neil had been working. I had my first miscarriage. And then Neil was called to be the leader [branch president] of our small unit of quirky, but loveable saints. It hasn’t been easy for him. Neil is a kind, man with a generous heart, but he has little patience for unkindness in others. I’ve been able to share some of what I have come to feel and know about the people in our branch, to help him understand them better. This has strengthened our marriage exponentially, as I’ve felt the joy of helping him through a challenging experience, and he’s found new respect for me and the blessing my different perspective can be.

We are closer now than we ever have been, and as we look forward to the arrival of our third little girl this December, we know more than ever that the struggles we’ve experienced as individuals and as a couple have helped strengthen us for whatever might lie ahead. And as we teach our children a love of their Savior we experience afresh our own love for Him.

And I can’t help thinking…not bad for a chore-shirking, cookie-binging bookworm.

—

For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

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Hannah and Rob in front of the Frankfurt, Germany Temple

On Friday, my husband Rob and I are leaving Paris, where we have been living for three months. Rob has been busy working for an NGO (non-government organization) while I have been learning French and enjoying some time off before I start graduate school in the fall. As exciting as it sounds, moving to a different country is full of adjustments and ups and downs.

One major change was that we had just moved from Utah, where there are 13 active LDS temples, to France, where there are none. Depending on where you live in France, a visit to the temple can mean a trip of several hours, since the closest temples are in Germany, the Netherlands, Switzerland, and Spain. (The same can be said of other countries in which there are no temples. Rob grew up on a small island in the Pacific Ocean, and the closest temple is a 7-8 hour plane ride away in Hawaii.)

The temple is a place where members of the Church go to perform vicarious saving ordinances for those who have died, and this act of service has provided a great amount of comfort and relief for me in times of need. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has described frequent temple worship as “the source and strength and power in times of need.” He said, “[W]hen we keep the temple covenants we have made and when we live righteously in order to maintain the blessings promised by those ordinances, then come what may, we have no reason to worry or to feel despondent.” (1)

We scheduled a trip to the Frankfurt Germany Temple in the middle of June, when we had been in Paris for just about six weeks. Some family friends of ours were kind enough to host us for the weekend at their house and to let us accompany them to their stake temple day. At the time I was struggling with the French language, the culture, the exchange rate, and being home alone all day while my husband was working. I couldn’t even understand the proceedings of our church meetings without Rob leaning over and telling me what was going on. In all aspects of my life I felt like I had hit a wall, and the world was still going about its business while I was stuck in my own world of self-pity. In short, I needed to reconnect with my spiritual self.

Sitting in the temple, surrounded by friends, my husband, and other members of the Church brought me such a warm feeling of peace and familiarity that I had been craving for so many weeks. I thought that our weekend visit to the temple was going to be the vacation from my so-called “problems” that I needed. In fact, being at the temple was an opportunity for me to learn what I needed to change in my life to feel better about my situation, a situation that would not be solved by sitting at home while eating spoonfuls of plain Nutella out of the jar.

I left Germany that weekend with a renewed desire to quit resisting and resenting change. (After all, this stage in my life marks the beginning of countless changes I’m going to be making.) More importantly, I also had a renewed desire to make my home a temple by making a bigger effort to invite the Spirit into our home, since I no longer had the luxury of driving the five minutes from our apartment to the Provo Temple. Almost every Sunday since we have been here, someone in our Paris ward has mentioned the importance of making our homes a temple because the prospect of a temple in France is still so far away. Who knows where life will take us next? I learned that I need to be prepared for any situation that puts us far away from easy temple access. Elder Gary E. Stevenson [a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy] said, “There exists a righteous unity between the temple and the home… Whether our living space is large or small, humble or extravagant, there is a place for… gospel priorities in each of our homes.” (2)

This small, seemingly unimportant trial that passed as quickly as it came was an important lesson for me: that “you are never lost when you can see the temple,” (3) no matter what country it is in.

1) Elder Richard G. Scott, “Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need,” May 2009 Ensign
2) Elder Gary E. Stevenson, “Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples,” May 2009 Ensign
3) Elder Gary E. Stevenson, “Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples,” May 2009 Ensign

While living in Europe, Hannah visited two other Latter Day Saints meetinghouses, pictured below.

These pictures are of the Hyde Park LDS meetinghouse in London, England.

And this picture is from an LDS ward building in Bayonne, France.

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For more First Person essays, please click here.

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By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Fathers are to provide their families with the necessities of life and protection.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

En Español:

To all you fathers out there, and to our own fathers, we say: Happy Father’s Day! Feliz Día del Padre!

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To view more Videos, please click here.

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This past week I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary. Fifteen years ago, I made my husband the happiest man on earth. With us both being devoted members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we decided to marry in a Mormon temple; the House of the Lord. With it came the promise that our continued devotion to each other and to living the gospel of Jesus Christ would bring the blessing of eternal companionship—a partnership, a marriage, a family– not just for the here and now and ‘til death do us part, but for, well, forever. I won’t say that I love him even more today than I did 15 years ago. I don’t even know what that means. I mean for me, if I love someone enough to commit to forever, how much more love can there be? But I will say I’ve never stopped.

Here are 15 things I love about my husband.

1.  Early on in our marriage he volunteered to be the designated fridge-cleaner-outer, and he’s still doing it.
2.  I can always count on him to make a corny joke.  And he loves it when I roll my eyes.
3.  He often can’t remember things I’ve told him 5 minutes before, but he recalls our courtship in vivid details even I had forgotten.
4.  He takes care of all the maintenance on my car and sometimes even makes a special trip to make sure the tank is full, not because he thinks I’m incapable or that it’s his manly/husbandly duty, but just so I won’t have to bother with it.
5.  I always know when I’ve “caught” him doing something because he has a guilty smile/chuckle that gives him away every time. He knows that I know, and he still smiles.
6.  He always compliments me and tells me I’m beautiful, even when I feel (and, let’s be honest, look) worked over.
7.  He’s very loyal. When I’m upset, he always takes my side—sometimes even when I’m upset with him.
8.  He still writes me love notes and makes me mix CDs, often pointing out the lyrics of special significance.
9.  He is careful with money (our finances are great), but he is not a tightwad, and if he’s ever been worried about my spending habits, he’s never let on to me. We have never had an argument over money.
10.  Whenever he needs to go out of town, our kids are very upset and make a BIG deal over his homecoming.  That says a lot about him as a father.
11.  He always asks my opinion.
12.  He sends me links and things that he thinks will make good blogging material.
13.  He would rather spend time with me than hang out with the guys, but doesn’t mind giving me a girl’s night out.  (Or at least he’s very good at pretending.)
14.  He is quick to reassure me when I doubt myself, quick to recognize my accomplishments (even if it’s just that I’ve managed to get the dishes done that day), and always without my feeling patronized our doubting his sincerity.
15.  He has a special appreciation for my particular flavor of crazy. He must, after all, he’s still here!
Happy anniversary, sweetheart!  I still love you!
One of our readers, L.B.S, has submitted the following in celebration of her 15th wedding anniversary:
This past week I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary. Fifteen years ago, I made my husband the happiest man on earth. With us both being devoted members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we decided to marry in a Mormon temple; the House of the Lord. With it came the promise that our continued devotion to each other and to living the gospel of Jesus Christ would bring the blessing of eternal companionship—a partnership, a marriage, a family– not just for the here and now and ‘til death do us part, but for, well, forever. I won’t say that I love him even more today than I did 15 years ago. I don’t even know what that means. I mean for me, if I love someone enough to commit to forever, how much more love can there be? But I will say I’ve never stopped.
Here are 15 things I love about my husband.
1.   Early on in our marriage he volunteered to be the designated fridge-cleaner-outer, and he’s still doing it.
2.  I can always count on him to make a corny joke.  And he loves it when I roll my eyes.
3.  He often can’t remember things I’ve told him 5 minutes before, but he recalls our courtship in vivid details even I had forgotten.
4.  He takes care of all the maintenance on my car and sometimes even makes a special trip to make sure the tank is full, not because he thinks I’m incapable or that it’s his manly/husbandly duty, but just so I won’t have to bother with it.
5.  I always know when I’ve “caught” him doing something because he has a guilty smile/chuckle that gives him away every time. He knows that I know, and he still smiles.
6.  He always compliments me and tells me I’m beautiful, even when I feel (and, let’s be honest, look) worked over.
7.  He’s very loyal. When I’m upset, he always takes my side—sometimes even when I’m upset with him.
8.  He still writes me love notes and makes me mix CDs, often pointing out the lyrics of special significance.
9.  He is careful with money (our finances are great), but he is not a tightwad, and if he’s ever been worried about my spending habits, he’s never let on to me. We have never had an argument over money.
10.  Whenever he needs to go out of town, our kids are very upset and make a BIG deal over his homecoming.  That says a lot about him as a father.
11.  He always asks my opinion.
12.  He sends me links and things that he thinks will make good blogging material.
13.  He would rather spend time with me than hang out with the guys, but doesn’t mind giving me a girl’s night out.  (Or at least he’s very good at pretending.)
14.  He is quick to reassure me when I doubt myself, quick to recognize my accomplishments (even if it’s just that I’ve managed to get the dishes done that day), and always without my feeling patronized our doubting his sincerity.
15.  He has a special appreciation for my particular flavor of crazy. He must, after all, he’s still here!

Happy anniversary, sweetheart!  I still love you!

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