~by René

2 Nephi 2:25: ” Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

What is joy? Can you be sad and have joy? Yes!

Three years ago my daughter lost her husband in a car wreck. She was five months pregnant with their second daughter. Her oldest, Elise, was 20 months old. Her husband, Mike, had just graduated from the Police Academy in Washington State, USA. He was a severe diabetic and the fact that he had graduated from this grueling training was a miracle and a sign of the dedication that he had always exuded.

When my daughter called me, asking me to come to their town, that Mike was dead, she wasn’t sobbing, she wasn’t hysterical, she was in charge. She had two babies she had to take care of and she had a crisis on her hands. She was sad, she cried, but she had a funeral to plan, an apartment to pack up, and a baby growing inside her that demanded that she take care of herself.

We had to go shopping; she didn’t have funeral clothes. We walked around and we laughed at how we were picking out shoes and earrings and if the sales lady asked, “Are you shopping for any special occasion?” how funny would it be to see the look on her face when we responded, “Yes, my husband was killed yesterday and I just don’t have anything to wear to his funeral!”

Bryon Katie, a modern-day philosopher has said that sadness is a tantrum. Suffering is self-inflected. When others suffer you don’t have to. It’s not that you don’t care, you should have feelings of empathy, but it’s not your turn to be sad. This time it was our turn to be sad, but we didn’t suffer. At his funeral, we cried, we reminisced, we laughed. But there was a sense of joy. The joy that my daughter and her husband had been married in the Portland Temple for eternity, not “until death do you part.” The joy that Elise and baby Emery are sealed to them, that they are a family forever. The joy that Mike was a responsible father that took care of his family in his short lifetime and for the event of his death.

There was joy in knowing that with one phone call, meals appeared, child care was secured, and family gathered. Tears where shed when “Amazing Grace” was sung but joy was felt when friends spoke of Mike and how he had touched their lives.

Now, three years later, joy is over bounding when we look into the little face of baby Emery. She looks just like Mike and she already is showing signs of having his independence and spunk.

How joyful that Mike decided to follow the guidance of our Church leaders that encourage young men to serve a mission, a two-year training program that teaches men how to be partners, companions, leaders — and then when they return, encouraging them to get married, have a family. Young people are counseled not to put family on hold for things like education, careers, or homes. But they are told to seek an education and a good career and provide for themselves. How much more joyful would an education be with someone you love by your side? Why seek a rewarding career if only to provide pleasure for yourself? Wouldn’t it be more joyful to share such a gift?

One of my favorite songs is “A house is not a home” from the play “Promises, Promises.” The lyrics tell us, “..a house is not a home when there’s no one there to hold you tight, and no one there you can kiss good night.”

In 2 Nephi 2:23 we read, “and they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.” Children help teach us about love and anger, pleasure and pain, charity and selfishness, joy in spite of sadness. Look at those smiling children, yes that’s joy.

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Have you ever paused to think about what a miracle it is? Not only to exist, but to exist so well? To be a person who chooses, every day after day after day, to live and be? To love and laugh, to hurt and weep, to struggle and to soar, to remember and be remembered, to fear and ache and yearn. And then, the very next day, to do it all over again?

What a miracle that is.

Every day is a big bundle of uncertainty. We don’t know. We never know. We can plan. We can guess and speculate about what the hours ahead might hold. But we never know. Tomorrow lies ahead of us full of potential. The potential for pain is always, always there. And we know that. We’ve tasted it before. We’ve been there in that moment when the potential morphs into the pain. We’ve felt the actuality of that so many times that it seems to be a foregone conclusion. We know there will be a tomorrow with pain in it. It is one of life’s inevitabilities. We cannot choose to exist without accepting that. And yet we choose.

What a miracle that is.

We know that joy is one of Tomorrow’s potentials. We have tasted that too. Not as often, perhaps. And sometimes our very humanity seems to fight against that acknowledgment. We are too familiar with pain. It is, at times, easier to believe in. We seek joy though. Sometimes in wrong ways that take us down wrong paths to the wrong sorts of tomorrows. Sometimes though, we get it exactly right. And in those moments we teach ourselves to chase after the next tomorrow. We teach ourselves why it is that we live and strive and struggle and suffer. We learn why it is we choose to live each day. We learn what it is to be a miracle.

Joy outweighs the pain. Every time. Every single hoped for tomorrow with its burgeoning potential unfolding before us is worth the uncertainty because of the sweetness of those moments of joy. Those moments when we glimpse what we have the potential to become. Those moments when we recognize the miracle that we and our very existence are.

When we know that we are all miracles, and that there is so much more ahead of us than a mere Tomorrow.

The post First Person: We Are All Miracles appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

The past month has been tough for my family. My husband made an extremely costly error at work. My chronic illness left me immobile for several days. My children have had behavior and potty training issues. My husband’s employee fell ill and very nearly died. With the loss of those extra hands on the job site, my husband has been working from 5 a.m. to 12 a.m. daily.

One night after returning home late from work, two of my small children awoke at the sound of my husband’s truck pulling into the driveway and followed him into our bed. He welcomed their sleepy embraces and snuggled them tightly. I could see the stress of the day fall off his shoulders as he heard tiny voices chime “I love you Daddy.” Our children quickly buried under the covers next to my husband, seeking the warm crooks of his arms to use as pillows. He relished the chance to spend a few seconds snuggling with them, taking care not to move abruptly so they could fall back asleep before he carried them back into their beds.

When he returned, my husband reached across the bed and touched my head, “I love you, Brenda. I miss you and the kids when I work this much.” I reached up and entwined his hand in mine and told him I loved him too. A familiar peace washed over me in that moment and I recognized the feeling as joy. That night I fell asleep smiling, my heart swelling to nearly bursting, with love for my family.

Shortly after this experience, I read a scripture that matched my emotion. The scripture that touched me is found in a book of scripture called the Pearl of Great Price and it is quoting Eve, mother of all. In this scripture, Eve is reflecting on the choice she and Adam made in Eden.

Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed (children), and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient Moses 5:11

After reading that scripture I thought back to that familiar peace I had felt only nights before and realized my heart was singing Eve’s song. Despite the physical and emotional pains brought on by mortality I was still able to experience joy, just like mother Eve.

In the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Lehi explained Adam and Eve’s choice further:

And they would have had no children, wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin. But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy. 2 Nephi 2:22-25

I am thankful to Adam and Eve, for choosing life, and for giving me the opportunity to experience joy here on Earth and in the life to come.

The post First Person: Singing Eve’s Song appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I’ve been thinking lately, I really think it’s fun to be me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy, exciting ,or flashy, but for me, it’s fun.

It struck me the other day as I was finishing up my cycling class. We were on our last “hill,” I was tired, sucking for air, and soaked. Suddenly I felt a rush of gratitude. Gratitude that I could feel that way. Gratitude that I had the ability to feel that way. I thought, someday I will not be able to do this, I will only be able to remember and talk about doing this…(probably to people that won’t really care that I did this.) So, I felt happy in my misery and it was fun.

I love to be a mom of seven children. It is so funny to me to think that seven people call me mom. I would have never guessed I would have had a large family. Never. But I am so happy about it. It doesn’t seem like that many really. They are all people I love to be with. I love them all. They are fun.

My kids play sports. They always have. To organize schedules and attend soccer and softball games is something I’ve done for 20 years now. I sit and enjoy the games. I am sad when I see parents who can’t just sit and enjoy. It’s fun to just sit and enjoy.

I have a husband that makes my life easy. He has always let me be me. Never has tried to change me. He is kind, easy going, fair, and always gives you the benefit of the doubt. He laughs at my goofiness. He works hard. He is helpful and just a plain good man. His love is consistent. Through poor (and a little less poor) marathon body to pregnant mega mom body, he has been my number one fan. Because I have him, and love him, it’s fun to be me.

It’s fun to be me because as a Mormon woman, I know who I am. I know why I’m here, what life is about. When you know that, it gives you perspective on everything else. It’s fun to have a sure measuring stick for life. It’s not fun to have to guess. It’s fun to know.

In a strange way it’s good to be me because I know I can be better. I am familiar with my weaknesses. They are not hard to figure out for me. They are obvious, and I claim them as my own. It’s good to be me because I know they don’t have to be permanent. It is fun to be me because I have faith and hope in my life because of the Savior.

The post First Person: It’s Fun to be Me appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I didn’t know Brenda then, but I remember watching the massive news coverage of the murder. Joe was shot by a the son of a disgruntled employee, an illegal immigrant who already had one aggravated assault charge on the books. Because it was a politically hot topic (and still is), the media covered the murder relentlessly and unfairly.

Eleven days later little Trevor Joe was born. Brenda and I delivered our babies in the same hospital only one day apart. We remember the same inconsolable baby crying down the hall and we both remember flipping through the TV channels and seeing coverage of Joe’s murder on every channel. I thought, “Losing my husband, watching him vilified on television and then having a baby alone– that is my worst nightmare!”

After selling Joe’s business and paying all the debts Brenda was left with a bank account of $0– and she was grateful for that! With four children to care for and little work experience Brenda had no idea how she would care for her family.

I moved to this area six months later and met Brenda at the swimming pool. As we talked and I pieced the story together I could not believe that this vibrant, cheerful, beautiful woman in front of me was a widow of only six months. There was nothing pathetic about Brenda. She settled into her parents home, went right back to serving as the children’s chorister at church, found a job at a dentist’s office and worked tirelessly to cheer her children.

Brenda was and is wise about accepting help. One woman came and babysat her children every week, a sister filled her fridge with food, a neighbor fixed her car. She let people share her pain and take away a piece of her grief. Brenda had bad days, very bad days, but she never let herself slide into self-pity.

Faith is Brenda’s defining trait; her faith is simple, “God loves me and will lead me.” She isn’t troubled by politics, anti-Mormon banter or defending doctrine like I can sometimes be — she simply believes.

Today Brenda has a home of her own and a manageable work schedule. She is constantly doing something fun: playing tennis, sledding with her kids, visiting the neighbors to play ‘Guitar Hero.’ At the elementary she volunteers as a dance teacher and dresses thematically whether the dance is disco, line dancing, or ballroom. Neighborhood kids often stop by her house just to talk. My kids simply adore her.

Obviously I could go on and on, but the greatest lesson I’ve learned from Brenda is that your attitude– not your circumstances–determine your happiness.

Earlier today we went to the temple to remember Joe. The temple is so calm and pretty and full of sweet old ladies who look you right in the eye. On the way home she told us that she had finally had the courage to watch her wedding video with little Trevor. “Look my daddy talks! My daddy moves! Can we go clean daddy’s grave mommy?” Trevor has grown up with daddy as a story, a photo, a grave to visit, but never as the living, moving father he should have known.

When I dropped Brenda off at home she had a floral delivery of 4 dozen red roses— ah, people are still looking out for her, still taking away a piece of the pain.

The post <i>Portraits of Mormon Women</i>: Brenda appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Tears were unwelcome

at Grandpa’s funeral

harsh and cold like his body

with its Light put out

so we danced in the dew on the lawn by the farm house

Uncle played his truck radio

bright Music filled the night

as we held hands and sang

to the beat of the barefoot

and Uncle spun me in the air while my hair whipped back

Cars drove down the dirt road

Farmers stared as they reached

the town’s only stoplight

Shaking their heads thinking

Didn’t their dad just die and they’re dancing?

This was Grandfather’s life

Dancing, not weeping

All the limbs of his Family

breathing fast in the still air

Living for his Life- Dancing for his Death

You can read more poetry submissions here. To submit something to this website, send an email to ‘mormonwoman’ AT ‘gmail’ DOT ‘com’

The post Poetry: After the Funeral appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Fragments
Fleeting it seems, this Happiness
Which comes not once,
But as shards, piercing through this blanket of sorrow.
Gathering, glimmering,

The post Poetry: Fragments appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

We will soon be posting audio links to these and other talks as well.

• President Thomas S. Monson Joy in the Journey
• Sheri Dew Awake, Arise, and Come Unto Christ
• Jeffrey N. Clayton Turning the MTC into a Review, Not a Revelation
• Lolly S.and Russell T. Osguthorpe A Partnership of Equals: “Neither is the Man without the Woman, Neither the Woman without the Man”
• Ana Maria Coburn Sacred Relationships and Self-Reliance

The post 2008 Women’s Conference Transcripts Available! appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Elder Maxwell says:

Jesus has given that same instruction [to “be of good cheer”] to others before, when the stressful circumstances in which they found themselves were anything but cheerful. For instance, he told the original Twelve to be of good cheer when, on the surface, there was nothing to be cheerful about….[H]ow could Jesus expect the Twelve to be of good cheer? Because, the Savior said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33; emphasis his.)

With such discouraging, depressing, despairing events soon to transpire, Jesus Christ gave instruction to his apostles that must have seemed impossible as they moved through those events. They likely did not understand His final phrase, “I have overcome the world.”

Elder Maxwell continues:

Because Christ had overcome the world, the Atonement was about to be accomplished! Death would be irrevocably defeated! Satan would have failed to stop the unfolding plan of salvation! All mankind would be given—through the grace of God—immortality! Additionally, for those who would earn it, there would be the richness of eternal life! These were among the resplendent realities and the fundamental facts which justified the Twelve’s being of good cheer—not their grim, temporary circumstances! The precious perspectives of the gospel give to us this gospel gladness!”

Ah! Now we see. And gradually the Twelve saw, too.

It isn’t always easy to consistently be of good cheer. There are days when temptations and trials and afflictions threaten to get the best of us—days when we feel we have been given more than we can bear. And yet:

Thus we see, brothers and sisters, how we are justified in being of good cheer for ultimate reasons—reasons to be distinguished, however, from proximate circumstances. If, for instance, our attitude towards life depends upon the praise of men, the level of interest rates, the outcome of a particular election or athletic contest—we are too much at the mercy of men and circumstance. Nor should our gratitude for the gift of mortal life depend upon the manner in which we die, for surely none of us will rush eagerly forward to tell Jesus how we died!

Instead, Jesus calls upon us to have a deliberate trust in God’s unfolding purposes, not only for all humankind but for us individually. And we are to be of good cheer in the unfolding process.

Keeping an eternal perspective is absolutely essential in getting through this mortal life, intact and with good cheer, learning the lessons that our Heavenly Father would have us learn. Life isn’t always easy, but it isn’t always hard, either, and those respites can give us a breathing space to stop and remember our blessings and our knowledge and to remind ourselves of eternity. The things of eternity are far more important than the things of this world. It is just that right now we are in the midst of the things of this world and so it requires effort and focus to remember that this is not all that there is.

Elder Maxwell’s talk is encouraging and instructive. It gives me hope and reminds me to do my part—and to be of good cheer in the process.

– By Mary A.

Do you have a favorite quote you would like to share? Please send us an email at ‘mormonwoman’ AT ‘gmail’ DOT ‘com’ — Share an inspirational quote and include your thoughts about why it is meaningful to you.

Read more “Quotes that Inspire Us” here.

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