~by Kristen

I am a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I am mixed. My father is black and my mother is white. Sometimes I get questions like, “Why on earth would you be a member of this church?” because I’m a woman. But I also get such questions because of my racial background.

When I was 19 years old, I read the Book of Mormon, prayed about it, and gained an answer through the Holy Ghost that it is in fact scripture, to be used alongside the Bible. It wasn’t until after I was baptized that I found out that there had been issues with blacks receiving the priesthood, and I was MAD. Some of the explanations given for this from people around me included the assertion that blacks were somehow cursed as a race. I didn’t want anyone telling me I was cursed. I already had to deal with the fact that for years it was practically unforgivable (not to mention illegal) for my parents to get married – now I have to deal with curses?

I didn’t want to read the Book of Mormon anymore. I sought answers from some of my friends who were seemingly knowledgeable about the gospel, but none of their answers were satisfying.

I decided that I had to take the issue back to the Lord.

For days, I asked God to help me to understand the issue, to have answers. No answers came. But I knew with my whole heart that God answers prayers, so I spent time pondering on what I needed to know.

It came down to this: I know, by the power of the Holy Ghost, that the Book of Mormon is true, and that Joseph Smith is a prophet. If those things are true, then at some point I felt God would help me to understand the priesthood issues. I had to let them go temporarily so it wouldn’t be a stumbling block in my spiritual growth.

Every now and then I took the issue “off the shelf” to study and pray about it. In the end, God answered my prayers with knowledge and understanding that resolved this issue for me permanently. Like Peter, I can say that “of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: But in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him” (Acts 10:34-35). God truly does not love any group of His children more than another.

I do not regret one moment of the 10 years I have spent as a member of this Church, and I feel no shame in it. As a woman of color I feel blessed every day to have the deep understanding of my worth and value in the sight of God that has come as a result of my membership in the Church. I wish everyone could come to where I worship and see the American, Haitian, Jamaican, Dominican, Canadian, Polynesian, and Brazilian (to name a few) brothers and sisters working together in love, all unified by a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the priesthood power that is now available to all people. Priesthood power that is now available to all people.

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I played on a soccer team, named Spirit, for seven years. Some of my fondest memories of learning true work ethic took place on that team. I have a special bond with the members of Spirit, and with all of their families. So many members of our team are believers in Christ, and though we were from many different denominations, we learned to work hard together — always making our focus on becoming united.

Howie, our coach, was a very inspirational part of my life. He has shown true belief in all of us, taking interest in our lives on and off the field. He pushed us to be better, faster, stronger, but never in a degrading way. He knew our potential and built us to that point. I always knew he loved us more than anything.

Since he’s developed Lou Gehrig’s disease [amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS] he’s continued to teach me. His faith and positive attitude is beyond anything that I’ve seen. He is not bitter, just believing, and has expressed his thanks to God for the life he has and the guidance He’s given him through all the years.

One of Howie’s favorite scriptures is the following: Psalm 16:8– I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. (New Living Translation)

I wrote this song to honor Howie and the faith we have in our Savior, Jesus Christ.

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“Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.” (David O. McKay, from this talk)

Service is an answer for unhappiness. (Please understand that I am not saying that service is the answer for clinical depression or other mental illnesses, that is a hugely different issue.)

Many years ago I became acquainted with a wealthy woman (wealthy by my standards). One day we got onto the topic of paying tithing. She said, “Getting paid more doesn’t mean that paying tithing is any easier. It gets harder because that check is so large. You look at it and think, ‘Wow, that could almost buy a car!'” I realized that she was right, it hadn’t occurred to me before. Her statement stuck with me and recently I realized that I had that attitude, but in relation to service.

Recently I’ve been frustrated by the responsibilities my husband and I have at church. It seemed overwhelming that so much is asked of both of us. How could we take care of everything in our lives and perform the duties necessary at church? When I asked it of myself, of my husband, and of God, I thought it was a rhetorical question. Turns out God gave me an answer. The answer is that I have too many useless cares. I have too much good and better but not enough best.

This morning the lines to the hymn ‘Come Come Ye Saints’ [“saints” in our church simply means “members”] came into my mind:

“Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
’Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—
All is well! All is well!”
– William Clayton (LDS Hymns #30)

Specifically I thought of the line, “our useless cares from us to drive….” The service I perform is important, to some in desperate need it could even be called essential. My children and husband would say that my service in our home is essential. That is something worth caring about. What isn’t so obvious is what isn’t worth caring about, the useless cares. It is a waste of my precious energies to worry and care for useless things. Useless cares may be different for each individual; right now TV is on my list of useless cares, but it might not be one of yours.

A care that I thought was less important, but not exactly useless, was housework and maintaining a reasonably nice home. I am realizing that this is important and effects my family. After I cleaned the kitchen and cleared everything off the kitchen table, my son said, “Mom I like what you did with the table.” It was a little clue to me that I hadn’t been creating the right environment in my home. At the end of each day that I make an effort towards keeping a nice home I feel good. I’m not saying that this is something you need to care about (just like you’re not going to tell me to care about TV), but for me, and where I’m at in my progression, it is something that God wants me to care about.

I have to trust God enough to let Him lead me in a direction that roots out the useless cares of my life, choosing the path of selfless service. To me that is what the hymn means when it says, “No toil nor labor fear.” Choosing service usually involves a period of stress where I renegotiate my own priorities and find useless cares to eliminate. Through this process I find greater happiness, please God, and have the great benefit of aiding those in need.

___

For more We Believe posts, click here.

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Saturday is a special day at our house. My kids call it “the day Dad stays home from work to play” day.

We try to get out every Saturday for a family activity.

Sometimes we go hiking. These pictures were taken while hiking in Yosemite, CA last summer.

My kids are always looking for bugs and animals to catch while on the trail. One time, my daughter caught a lizard.

Another favorite place to go on a Saturday is the beach. Here is my husband doing his best Indiana Jones whip crack with a piece of kelp he found on the beach.

What a find!

Babies love the beach.

We always seem to amuse the locals.

Sometimes, we go to museums. In these pictures we were visiting the California Academy of Sciences. It is a very kid-friendly museum. I cannot recommend taking a young family to a King Tut exhibit or a fine art museum. When we tried to expose our children to culture and art, my four year old daughter kept exclaiming loudly, “This is soooooo boring.” while rolling her eyes. So, we stick to museums that are geared to the 8 and under crowd now. Maybe we’ll try the fine art museums again in a few years.

Other Saturdays, we stay home and craft. My husband is a great crafter. He made stained glass hearts and flowers for all of his girls on Valentines Day. My daughters love to paint.

We love mini trips together as a family. We pack picnic lunches or find local foods to try. We try to keep a flexible agenda in case we find something cool along the way that looks even better than what we had planned. We always keep a sturdy stroller, sweatshirts and diapers in the car because we never know where the fun will take us!

Family trips can be a lot of work for parents, but my husband and I always find we smile more on Saturdays than any other day of the week.

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For more Family Friday posts, please click here.

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I’m Julie.  I’m a Mormon Woman, and I’m hopeful.

I’m hopeful that one day I’ll have a picture of our family where everyone is looking the same general direction.  I think it is too hopeful to wish that half the people might smile at the same time.

I’m hopeful that after I wash and dry two loads of laundry today, I will find the energy and desire to put those clothes away, instead of leaving them in laundry baskets until the day comes when we need to use those laundry baskets for something else — like pretend boats, or cars, or hiding piles of paper in the closet when someone knocks on the door.

I am always hoping to get my oldest to school on time, my middle child to swimming lessons before they’re half over, and that my youngest takes a decent nap just once a day.

I’m hopeful that I can accomplish three-quarters of the items on my to-do list today, hopeful that I’ll connect with my mother on the phone, and hopeful that when my husband and I collapse on the couch after putting the children to bed, we’ll be able to look into each others eyes and see a spark that invites kisses and conversation, instead of wanting to race to bed to see who can fall asleep first.

Most of all, I’m hopeful that I will be able to one day down the road have my children look at me and say, “My mom is a woman who knows – she knows Jesus , she loves Him, and she taught us to love and serve Him, too.”

I’m hopeful that my children will grow up and remember principles their dad and I teach them as we sit together each night reading from the scriptures, the LDS Church magazine for children, and sharing what we know about the gospel.

I hope, every morning, that I prioritize my day in a way that puts my family and the Savior first.  I hope we always have this much love and laughter, hugging and fun in our home.  I hope I can remember more frequently that the best place to be is on the floor cuddling my little children, and telling them how much I love them.

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For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

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Last night I prayed for a “snow day.”

“Just a foot or so, dumped at about 5:55am so they cancel school? Please? I could use a day off!”

I knew it was selfish, but I relished the thought of sleeping in, and another long weekend!

The thought haunted me through the night, though, and I write this to share why.

After the initial guilty pleasure at the thought of a possible “snow day,” I remembered that maybe someone else was praying that no snow would come. Someone who was two weeks overdue who had scheduled today as the day for their baby to be born! Someone who needed to travel to visit a sick mother, or attend a funeral, or a major business meeting. Or someone who just couldn’t take one more snow storm!

There are times when conflicting prayers are sent up to God:

Prayers by opposing sports teams, hoping that their team might come off victorious
Prayers by opposing armies in battle, each thinking they’re in the right
Prayers by one that a son might live and be healed, while others pray for his sweet release

Even the Savior, Jesus Christ prayed such a prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane. As He knelt, knowing that He would have to suffer for our sins, He prayed:

“O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…”

There was one big difference, though, as He continued:

“nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” (Matthew 26:39)

He knew that God, our Heavenly Father, was mindful of Him, and He wanted to do God’s will. He knew that His Father saw the big picture, and trusted in Him. He had learned that our way isn’t always the best way.

I am learning to do the same: I’ve learned to pray for safety for the players in a game, or that life lessons will be learned if my team’s losing. I’m learning to pray for people to be able to feel peace and God’s love even when they’re surrounded by conflict or devastation. I’ve learned to prayerfully turn things I can’t control over to God who knows if it would be better for someone to live on or pass on, or which angel to put in my path. As I do so, I realize I’m allowing God to work on my behalf, unfettered by my limited understanding.

So I took my prayer back, and left the weather in God’s hands. And, miraculously, I’ve been able to enjoy a quiet morning at home writing about Him and His love. A morning I wouldn’t have had with all the kids home. He knew better than I did that I would need that time alone, without kids, to be able to write about His Son’s great example of humble prayer, and of the blessings of praying “Thy will be done.”

And somewhere, maybe someone is having their baby, or traveling clear roads, or enjoying the beauty of a blue sky because I was willing to “let go and let God.”

That is my prayer now.

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“As part our Midwifery studies we are researching the Mormon religion and any effects it may have during pregnancy and child birth. What are the views on pregnancy, and child birth particularly on medical intervention? Also do you have any particular traditions or beliefs?”

Answer: By Brenda**

I am currently pregnant with our fourth child and have had all of my children within private medical care in California. All of my children have been delivered by midwives employed by my health care provider. I found all of my midwives to be expert, caring and attentive. Good luck in your studies!

I’ve divided my response into sections, based on the process of conception to birth. Feel free to ask more questions if I have missed something that you wonder about. Of course, consider this personal perspective and not official doctrine. For official information on these topics, you can search lds.org on relevant topics.

1. Since medical intervention can begin even with the process of conception, let me start there. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that the Biblical command to multiply and replenish the earth is still in effect and that the greatest joys in this life and the next will be found in family life This is one reason why Mormons in general tend to be a group that has larger families than average.

Family is so important to Mormons that LDS couples who long for a family may choose to use medical intervention to aid in fertility if they find that they are unable to conceive. (Foster care and adoption are also options for a LDS couples struggling with infertility.)

We also believe that life is precious and that the power to create it is sacred, reserved for marriage between a man and a woman, to enable children to be born to a father and a mother.  We believe in chastity before marriage and fidelity after. Thus, in our doctrine, abortion is not considered an acceptable type of birth control. LDS women may implement various other types of birth control as they prayerfully make decisions with their husbands about the size of their family, but on the average, we often have larger families than many.

You might be interested to read the following links. To learn more about an LDS perspective on Birth Control please read the following link:  “Birth Control” I encourage anyone interested in this topic to read all the associated documents given in this link. Very informative. For more information about LDS doctrines that relate to family life, you can read the following: The Family: A Proclamation to the World

2. During the pregnancy a mother and father may or may not choose to do genetic testing. Since we believe that life is precious, many (if not most) LDS women will choose to continue a pregnancy knowing that a child may have genetic or physical defects to give their baby the opportunity to have a body. We believe that all people are spirit children of our Heavenly Father who need a body to progress spiritually and physically and so just the opportunity to receive a body is of great worth to a new soul coming to the earth. Although this is a painful situation for mother and father to give birth to a child with known defects, they seek to prepare themselves emotionally and spiritually. Many mothers find joy in their children for as long as they live (seconds to years) and the children often find satisfaction in life if they are mentally capable of doing so.

Abortion in pregnancy is only considered an option in extremely rare circumstances when the pregnancy threatens the life of mother, or in cases of rape. Even then, the counsel is to be prayerful and to earnestly seek guidance from God about such difficult situations.

If a child can be benefited by an in-utero surgery, LDS parents would carefully consider whether to do procedures that would aid both mother and child. There is nothing in our doctrine discouraging such intervention.

3. Most LDS women in the United States go through normal physician care throughout their pregnancy. That may vary from country to country since we are a worldwide church and every culture is a little different in that regard (and every country has different levels of care). LDS women who are pregnant are typically quite healthy because of our health code called The Word of Wisdom. It encourages all people to avoid alcohol, drugs and smoking, not only during pregnancy but throughout life. Our health code also encourages healthy eating and regular physical activity.

Despite these good practices, mothers may still have various problems that can arise during pregnancy. Most LDS couples would welcome medical assistance that would keep both mother and child safe.

LDS mothers in the United States typically make their own birth plans. Most choose to have their babies in hospitals but some choose home births. Some will LOVE hospitals that provide epidurals while another mother will think it best to have a completely “natural” (drug-free) birth. There is a lot of room for opinion and choice in this regard, and in all aspects of our church. Choice is paramount; even if an LDS woman makes a choice that is inconsistent with doctrine, that is her right. We all have the freedom of choice.

4. If there are any problems (with mother or child or both) at or after the birth , any and all medical procedures deemed beneficial would be considered and most often taken.

You might be interested to know that doctors, midwives, and nurses who are attending LDS women and children who are very sick may encounter what is known as a Priesthood blessing. In this case two men (often the father/husband and a friend or leader of their congregation) will lay their hands on the head of the afflicted member (mother and/or child) if it is medically possible, often preceded by an anointing with oil. Sometimes premature or ill infants can only be touched gently with a finger or two through an incubator. During the blessing, the words offered (much like a prayer) are whatever the man feels is right to say. These blessings are usually given in conjunction with appropriate medical assistance, not in replacement of such help. If a woman is alone, or if her spouse is not an LDS Church member, she may ask medical staff to contact local clergy members in the area for a blessing like this.

You might also be interested in the following as well:

-The choice whether or not to circumsize a new baby boy is left completely up to the parents.

-The choice whether or not to breastfeed is completely up to the parents.

– The choice whether or not to immunize is up to the parents. (It should be noted, however, that the Church does help with immunization programs in underdeveloped countries, and also requires immunizations for missionary service in such countries.)

– Most LDS parents regularly and freely use pediatric care, particularly in more developed countries.

– We do not believe in infant baptism (children in our church are baptized at age 8). In fact, we believe that all children are born perfect and if they die as children, they are saved through Jesus Christ’s atonement. Of course, the physical loss of a child is tragic; LDS parents will seek solace from friends, family, clergy members like their Bishop [congregation leader], and they may choose to seek professional help to deal with their grief. But the loss of a child during pregnancy or at birth would not trigger a lament by believing LDS parents for the spiritual well-being of the child.

5. Since we are a worldwide church, regional customs may influence other choices at birth, like keeping the placenta and burying it at home. Church members are often encouraged to keep customs that are beneficial to their lives that are in keeping with church doctrine. If all goes well with mother and child, a birth is a very happy event in our culture.

I cannot speak to all of the regional customs of LDS people around the world, but in my family my husband stays with me throughout the birth and for my entire hospital stay. After delivery he holds the baby and takes a bunch of pictures, then he goes out and buys me my favorite type of pie and we eat it together. Our other children will visit us in the hospital with Grandma and Grandpa.

I hope this gives you some insight and information about how members of my religion react to medical intervention during pregnancy and birth as well as LDS customs that affect childbirth. We are very open to medical care and are appreciative to the helpful staff that administer it.

I wish you the best in your studies. Thank you for your desire to serve women and children and their families in this sacred process of helping a child come safely to this world.

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**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” reflect the thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of individuals. Although here at Mormon Women: Who We Are, we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.

Have a question you would like to ask? Send an email to us at gmail, with username ‘mormonwoman’

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We just found an enjoyable Mormon Times article that tells a little of the history of Women’s Conference. The Conference began in 1976, and was entitled “The LDS Woman: Potentialities and Promises.” Belle S. Spafford, who gave the opening address for the conference, predicted that it would someday be an event that would fill the Marriott Center. She wasn’t far off.

The first conference that year had about 900 participants; now around 20,000 women gather to listen, learn, serve, and strengthen one another. Sister Ardeth G. Kapp, former General Young Women’s President, who was involved in the early years, is quoted saying that BYU Women’s Conference “has become kind of a gathering place.”

For the many of us around the world who were not able to attend physically, we can gather virtually on May 14 and 15 to hear rebroadcasts of some of the addresses from the 2009 Women’s Conference. They will be available on May 14 and 15. More information can be found here.

And don’t forget that sharing station information and transcripts will be available on the official Women’s Conference website in the coming weeks. (While you are waiting, consider enjoying content from past years!)

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