Normally Romans is not one of my favorite books in the New Testament, I reserve that for the books of John, Hebrews, and Revelation. Yet a few weeks ago I was reading in the book of Romans, and I was struck by the following:

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
(Romans 5:1-5)

I love Moroni’s discourse on faith, hope and charity, but somehow this statement by Paul is just as touching. I never noticed experience after patience before. And then there is hope. What is it about experience that brings hope into our lives, and what is it about patience that brings experience? If everything were easy, as often times we want, then would we really learn patience that brings experience and ultimately hope?

So many times I have put down my own trials as not significant because I see so much suffering among others I love. I see their lives as so much harder. But in doing so, do I discount what I learn from my own sorrow and tribulation? Perhaps they see life much the same way?

I remember being in nursing school, single, taking 20 + credits a semester. Life was busy, but I just had me to worry about. There were married women, some divorced, all trying to carry the burden of raising a family at the same time they were going through school. I was amazed at how they did it; I was sure I could not do the same. One of them said to me: ” I do not know how you do it.” I was one of the few freshmen in the class, not only taking the nursing classes, but also doing the prerequisite courses that the others had already completed to get into the program. (Going into the program right out of high school, those courses had to been done at the same time as the nursing classes.) I was also doing the required classes for my music scholarship, and institute classes. I was busy but I thought to myself, “I just have to worry about feeding me; I do not have to worry about feeding a family, or doing laundry for more than myself.” I thought I had it easy.

Those of us on either side of the fence thought it was harder for the other. I think we were in awe of what the other was doing. Did that mean that we learned patience? What about experience? I know that, of the things I have learned, I am not sure I have learned to completely appreciate my trials. I am not one of those that can say “I am glad I have gone through them.” There are many that I wish I did not have to go through, and I never want to walk through those refining fires again. They about did me in. Am I stronger for them? I honestly do not know. Am I better for them? Probably.

Hopefully I am more understanding and more forgiving than I was 20 years ago. I felt I learned something as I pondered this section of scripture. I learned something new, a new dimension to a favorite theme. I feel as if I have seen a harmonic chord rather than hearing it. I think this chapter deserves more time and pondering on my part. It has been a while since a scripture has touched me like that.

Learning is not always easy, but I enjoy it when it comes. So Paul, thank you for your discourse; I needed to be reminded of the grace given to all of us, and that all things are taught in time and in order, one little baby step at a time.

———

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As we reflect on the events of 9-11, and consider all the current difficulties facing people the world over, we wanted to address this question today — one we have heard often.

This question (or a variation of it, such as “If there is a God, why does He let bad things happen?”) is one that I think most of us struggle with at some level, at some point in our lives. It’s normal to want to have a life relatively free of pain; we are actually wired to want to avoid pain (think “fight-or-flight”). Much in our world (sometimes for good and sometimes for ill) is designed to help alleviate pain, or to at least distract us from it.

It’s hard sometimes not to envy others’ lives that seem to be easier, more “blessed.” Or on the flip side, to be so consumed by the inequalities of life so as to lose hope and feel buried in despair. Or to feel so helpless because we can only do so much to help alleviate the suffering in the world.

Sometimes, to those who believe (or who want to believe) in God, the struggle with pain and the desire for relief from suffering can equate to a trial of faith.

“If God is really there, why doesn’t He intervene?”

“Why haven’t my (their) prayers been answered?”

“How long do I (they) have to wait on the Lord?”

“Does God really care about me (them)?”

“Why does God let innocent people suffer and die?”

The list of questions that sometimes come could go on and on.

There has been much written on this subject, by people of many faiths and persuasions. For each person, finding peace in the midst of trial will probably be a little different.

Following are two clusters of truth that help me not only accept my own challenges, but also process the broader questions about the issue of human suffering. This is not meant to be an exhaustive summary of Mormon doctrine or of my personal perspective. I share only a few things that help me address this question. I welcome your thoughts as well (comments are moderated, so don’t worry if they don’t show up immediately).

1. Mortality was not meant to be easy. The opposition and pain is part of a loving plan — a plan designed to allow us to learn by experience now and to eventually enjoy great eternal blessings.

I recall a time when my oldest was quite young, maybe about four or five. He had watched me, his mother, struggle with chronic health issues (which I have had for several years). He asked a pointed and poignant question: “Mom, why do people sometimes get sick?”

Obviously, it was a loaded question. And obviously, I felt an urgent desire to give him a clear answer that might help his young mind to understand truth.

God did not fail me in that moment. I had a very distinct idea come to mind.

I grabbed a couple of hand weights, and started pumping them. I may have even had him try.

You know where I went with that, of course.

We still will often talk in our family about how we can look at our trials as spiritual weights. Think about the metaphor; we have to literally break down muscle tissue in order to have our muscles strengthened. Our spirits will be tested in similar ways through the pain and struggles of mortality. But like a caring, wise trainer, God will often give us opportunities to stretch, to push through pain, to keep going —  beyond where we think our limits might be sometimes — because He knows what benefits lie in spiritual resistance.

There are many scriptures that capture my thoughts on this. One is Romans 8:18: “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

Faith to me includes holding onto the fact that even though the pain is real — and I believe God knows and empathizes with that — God knows and understands so much more than we do about the purpose of opposition now, and what awaits us after this life. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, there is redemption from death through the resurrection (which will come to us all), and the possibility for glory beyond our comprehension.

Another critical part of this plan of mortality includes what we call agency in Mormon doctrine — the opportunity God gives us to make choices based on knowledge that we have, to learn by experience, to have the opportunity to grow and gain wisdom through trial and error. That fact alone makes mortality very, very messy. We are all imperfect beings. We all make mistakes, and we make them often. Sometimes mistakes are serious, even sinful, and can cause great disruption, pain, and suffering for others — even for those who are innocent. As hard as it is to comprehend, even all this messiness has a place in God’s plan.

Here is my second cluster of thoughts, which build on what I have discussed above.

2. Pain can help us find out more about ourselves, gain compassion for others, and discover more about God and His plan — and about the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Regardless of whether one believes in God, adversity does give one an opportunity to dig deep for the wherewithal to rise to the challenge. Again, books have been written about the triumph of the human soul in the face of severe trial. We can discover that we are stronger than we think we are when we are put to tests of character, patience, endurance, forgiveness, courage and many other virtues. We can learn things that perhaps may not be easily learned any other way but through the “school of hard knocks.”

I discussed this question with a friend of mine today. Jenny shared this thought:

I think God already has a pretty good idea of who we are. But we don’t. Through our experiences in life we come to know ourselves better. When you read an incredible story about someone helping Jews during WWII or running into the World Trade Center to save someone on 9-11 do you ever wonder ‘Would I do that if I were there?’ Well, to me that is some of what life is about. To see what we will do when faced with hard situations.

One of our prophets, Spencer W. Kimball said something that I have leaned on more than once when considering this question:

If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the Father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, … agency, would be ended. No man would have to live by faith.

If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no…agency. … There would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life….

The opposition and unpredictable (messy!) nature of how life unfolds is an essential part of God’s plan for us, for our eternal growth. It’s resistance training at its finest!

Adversity also can help us have compassion for others, and can enable us to serve and help and lift another. Empathy is a powerful tool in healing hearts and lives and relationships. Love can do much to alleviate the suffering of others, and can motivate us to want to help others in need. (Sometimes God won’t intervene because He gives us the chance to step in and serve!) Forgiveness in the face of suffering inflicted by another’s poor choices also expand our capacity for love and compassion.

I am especially compelled by the notion that, if we will let them, our trials can help us find God and His strength and grace, which surpasses anything that we can find or do on our own. A scripture comes to mind from 2 Corinthians. Interestingly, Paul had prayed to have a “thorn” removed from his life. Rather than having it removed, he got this answer from the Lord:

And he said unto me, My ^agrace is sufficient for thee…

And then Paul shares the insight that changed how he sees his affliction:

…for my ^bstrength is made perfect in ^cweakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may ^drest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in ^ainfirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in ^bpersecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am ^cweak, then am I ^dstrong.

While it’s definitely not easy to find pleasure in pain (and I think it takes experience to let that gift of perspective distill), I have  caught glimpses of that power of Christ, brought into my life through the influence of the Holy Ghost. I have seen and felt that power in the lives of others as well. Even when people don’t realize it, I believe their ability to find light in the darkness comes through Jesus Christ as a blessing from God.

That power in my life can bridge the gap between me and heaven. It helps me understand more about the Savior’s Atonement, and about the deep and abiding love of my Heavenly Father and His Son. As I trust in that power, my faith is enhanced.  Hope increases. I feel strength beyond my own. I am able to see trials more as stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.

When Jenny and I first started talking, she summed up her thoughts simply. She essentially said, “‘Bad’ is relative; it’s in the eye of the beholder.” She talked about recently hearing stories about those who suffered severe trials — life-threatening cancer, being involved on the front lines in World War II. There was a theme in these stories, which was, “I’m a better person because of what I suffered.”

I will say again that I don’t think that God is unaware of how hard “bad” things can be. And I believe He doesn’t fault us when we honestly struggle. I think honesty about our struggles can help us face them, find the good, and find God. Too much focus on the pain, however, can bring despair and hopelessness, which at their core are not of God. We don’t have to punish ourselves when we may feel those emotions, but I believe it helps to recognize that fundamentally, God is a God of hope. The message of the Atonement of the Savior, Jesus Christ, is a message of hope. The plan that includes the pain of mortality is a plan of hope. Because we are His children, God can help us find hope in the midst of suffering, and perspective in the midst of trial.

When we try to see some good in our bad times, or at least trust good is there somewhere (or will unfold sometime — now or eternally), glimmers of light can shine through even the darkest times. Any effort to try to choose that kind of light is a step forward. Sometimes that progress comes a little at a time, and sometimes in the moment, it can feel like one step forward and two steps back. But I can’t imagine that any effort at choosing to “find the silver lining” is wasted. The more we choose hope, the more I think we are empowered to choose it again, and the more we recognize and enjoy the perspective and peace amid trial that can come into our lives as we do.

Truly, as Jenny noted, anytime I read or watch a story about someone who has overcome great adversity, that theme of finding some good in the bad is always, always there. This isn’t just about a superficial optimism in my mind, but in digging deep to choose a measure of hope even when it seems nearly impossible to do, and even when things don’t work out as we want.

So, why do good things happen to bad people? I know I don’t come close to understanding it all, but I do know there is a God. He is real. He loves us. Pain is not evidence that He doesn’t care, but is part of an eternal plan for our growth, progress, learning, and development. I hold onto those realities as I face daily pain of chronic illness and other trials, and as I sometimes am weighed down by the pain others experience. In the end, I trust in the truth that Jesus Christ is our “high priest of good things to come” (Heb. 8:6; Heb. 9:11). Because of Him, I — you, we — can have hope.

For more perspective on this topic, see the video below (in English and in Spanish). This video, entitled “Finding Hope,” shares the story of a survivor of 9-11 and how, through his faith in Jesus Christ, he has found blessings in his life in spite of — and even because of — his involvement in that tragedy. (“Una Nueva Esperanza” — Un hombre describe el trayecto recorrido desde la tragedia del 11 de septiembre de 2001 hasta una nueva esperanza por medio de la fe en Jesucristo.)

——–

**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” and (other content on this site) reflect the thoughts and perspectives of the administrators at Mormon Women. Although we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit mormon.org or www.lds.org.

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Hannah and Rob in front of the Frankfurt, Germany Temple

On Friday, my husband Rob and I are leaving Paris, where we have been living for three months. Rob has been busy working for an NGO (non-government organization) while I have been learning French and enjoying some time off before I start graduate school in the fall. As exciting as it sounds, moving to a different country is full of adjustments and ups and downs.

One major change was that we had just moved from Utah, where there are 13 active LDS temples, to France, where there are none. Depending on where you live in France, a visit to the temple can mean a trip of several hours, since the closest temples are in Germany, the Netherlands, Switzerland, and Spain. (The same can be said of other countries in which there are no temples. Rob grew up on a small island in the Pacific Ocean, and the closest temple is a 7-8 hour plane ride away in Hawaii.)

The temple is a place where members of the Church go to perform vicarious saving ordinances for those who have died, and this act of service has provided a great amount of comfort and relief for me in times of need. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has described frequent temple worship as “the source and strength and power in times of need.” He said, “[W]hen we keep the temple covenants we have made and when we live righteously in order to maintain the blessings promised by those ordinances, then come what may, we have no reason to worry or to feel despondent.” (1)

We scheduled a trip to the Frankfurt Germany Temple in the middle of June, when we had been in Paris for just about six weeks. Some family friends of ours were kind enough to host us for the weekend at their house and to let us accompany them to their stake temple day. At the time I was struggling with the French language, the culture, the exchange rate, and being home alone all day while my husband was working. I couldn’t even understand the proceedings of our church meetings without Rob leaning over and telling me what was going on. In all aspects of my life I felt like I had hit a wall, and the world was still going about its business while I was stuck in my own world of self-pity. In short, I needed to reconnect with my spiritual self.

Sitting in the temple, surrounded by friends, my husband, and other members of the Church brought me such a warm feeling of peace and familiarity that I had been craving for so many weeks. I thought that our weekend visit to the temple was going to be the vacation from my so-called “problems” that I needed. In fact, being at the temple was an opportunity for me to learn what I needed to change in my life to feel better about my situation, a situation that would not be solved by sitting at home while eating spoonfuls of plain Nutella out of the jar.

I left Germany that weekend with a renewed desire to quit resisting and resenting change. (After all, this stage in my life marks the beginning of countless changes I’m going to be making.) More importantly, I also had a renewed desire to make my home a temple by making a bigger effort to invite the Spirit into our home, since I no longer had the luxury of driving the five minutes from our apartment to the Provo Temple. Almost every Sunday since we have been here, someone in our Paris ward has mentioned the importance of making our homes a temple because the prospect of a temple in France is still so far away. Who knows where life will take us next? I learned that I need to be prepared for any situation that puts us far away from easy temple access. Elder Gary E. Stevenson [a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy] said, “There exists a righteous unity between the temple and the home… Whether our living space is large or small, humble or extravagant, there is a place for… gospel priorities in each of our homes.” (2)

This small, seemingly unimportant trial that passed as quickly as it came was an important lesson for me: that “you are never lost when you can see the temple,” (3) no matter what country it is in.

1) Elder Richard G. Scott, “Temple Worship: The Source of Strength and Power in Times of Need,” May 2009 Ensign
2) Elder Gary E. Stevenson, “Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples,” May 2009 Ensign
3) Elder Gary E. Stevenson, “Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples,” May 2009 Ensign

While living in Europe, Hannah visited two other Latter Day Saints meetinghouses, pictured below.

These pictures are of the Hyde Park LDS meetinghouse in London, England.

And this picture is from an LDS ward building in Bayonne, France.

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Today my husband called me with some unsettling news while I was washing the dishes. Prior to that call, my mind had already been caught up in my hefty to-do list for the week. My heart began to be troubled. There were many people to worry about and lots of things to do. I was overwhelmed.

Luckily for me, my toddler was napping and the older kids were at school. So I dried my sudsy hands off and kneeled on the rug in front of my sink. With my hands clasped and head bowed I poured my feelings out to my Heavenly Father in prayer.

I rose, blinking away a tear or two, and resumed doing the dishes. After pouring the detergent and turning the knob on the dishwasher to “normal wash,” I felt a warmth wash over me. It felt like a glow had entered into my spirit and infused my heart with peace. I felt confident that I could accomplish my tasks and a resolution to the problem my husband called about would come in time.

When I was young, ages 3 – 12, I learned a song that taught me about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. It is called I am a Child of God, with words written by Naomi Ward Randall and music by Mildred Tanner Pettit:

I am a Child of God

And He has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with Him some day.

This song frequently comes racing to my mind in times of trouble and fear. It reminds me that I have a loving Father in Heaven who listens to and answers prayers. Just as He answered mine today.

To compliment this experience, I also wanted to share this beautiful rendition of Soy un hijo de Dios (I am a Child of God) sung by Rebecca Lopez and accompanied by Mark Goldstein.

For more Our Thoughts posts, please click here.

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Elder Maxwell says:

Jesus has given that same instruction [to “be of good cheer”] to others before, when the stressful circumstances in which they found themselves were anything but cheerful. For instance, he told the original Twelve to be of good cheer when, on the surface, there was nothing to be cheerful about….[H]ow could Jesus expect the Twelve to be of good cheer? Because, the Savior said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33; emphasis his.)

With such discouraging, depressing, despairing events soon to transpire, Jesus Christ gave instruction to his apostles that must have seemed impossible as they moved through those events. They likely did not understand His final phrase, “I have overcome the world.”

Elder Maxwell continues:

Because Christ had overcome the world, the Atonement was about to be accomplished! Death would be irrevocably defeated! Satan would have failed to stop the unfolding plan of salvation! All mankind would be given—through the grace of God—immortality! Additionally, for those who would earn it, there would be the richness of eternal life! These were among the resplendent realities and the fundamental facts which justified the Twelve’s being of good cheer—not their grim, temporary circumstances! The precious perspectives of the gospel give to us this gospel gladness!”

Ah! Now we see. And gradually the Twelve saw, too.

It isn’t always easy to consistently be of good cheer. There are days when temptations and trials and afflictions threaten to get the best of us—days when we feel we have been given more than we can bear. And yet:

Thus we see, brothers and sisters, how we are justified in being of good cheer for ultimate reasons—reasons to be distinguished, however, from proximate circumstances. If, for instance, our attitude towards life depends upon the praise of men, the level of interest rates, the outcome of a particular election or athletic contest—we are too much at the mercy of men and circumstance. Nor should our gratitude for the gift of mortal life depend upon the manner in which we die, for surely none of us will rush eagerly forward to tell Jesus how we died!

Instead, Jesus calls upon us to have a deliberate trust in God’s unfolding purposes, not only for all humankind but for us individually. And we are to be of good cheer in the unfolding process.

Keeping an eternal perspective is absolutely essential in getting through this mortal life, intact and with good cheer, learning the lessons that our Heavenly Father would have us learn. Life isn’t always easy, but it isn’t always hard, either, and those respites can give us a breathing space to stop and remember our blessings and our knowledge and to remind ourselves of eternity. The things of eternity are far more important than the things of this world. It is just that right now we are in the midst of the things of this world and so it requires effort and focus to remember that this is not all that there is.

Elder Maxwell’s talk is encouraging and instructive. It gives me hope and reminds me to do my part—and to be of good cheer in the process.

– By Mary A.

Do you have a favorite quote you would like to share? Please send us an email at ‘mormonwoman’ AT ‘gmail’ DOT ‘com’ — Share an inspirational quote and include your thoughts about why it is meaningful to you.

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Our individual experiences may not always be unique, but they are always authentic. God will even take into account our perceptions of, as well as our responses to, our trials. For those of us who do not, for instance, find claustrophobia a challenge, it is difficult to measure the terror that comes to those for whom it is such a challenge. Thus, a friend may seem to struggle unnecessarily long before finally prevailing with regard to a particular principle of the gospel. But for that individual, the struggle was real enough! We need, particularly, to understand with kindness those who are asked to go out to do battle again on a familiar field–on the very battleground where they have already suffered defeat several times. Yet some of our most difficult victories will occur on new terrain–like Joseph’s in Egypt–when we do not have the equivalent of a “home court” advantage.

We must remember that, while the Lord reminded the Prophet Joseph Smith that he had not yet suffered as Job, only the Lord can compare crosses!”

-Neal A. Maxwell, “Taking up the Cross,” Fireside, 4 January 1976 (emphasis in original) (http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6139&x=71&y=9)

I love this reminder to be more gentle–not just with others, but also with myself. It’s so easy to be hard on other people when they just don’t seem to “get it” with regard to a certain gospel principle or practice, so it is important to remember that we can never know the full scope of the personal challenges they face. I am really grateful that it is not my job to make those comparisons and judgments–I will gladly leave that to the Lord!

As hard as we are on other people, I think often we are the most critical of ourselves. Honest self-evaluation, with the Lord’s help, is a key piece of repentance and growth, but that self-appraisal should not come at the expense of our own sense of worth and identity as beloved daughters of God–loved beyond measure even in our imperfect state.

Elder Maxwell’s imagery of the battlefield reminds me of another passage I love, from C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity:

Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.

I know I don’t always recognize the progress I’m making, so I really like this perspective on how the little things I do can add up to big gospel victories. And in the frustratingly common times I fall short, I’m grateful for repentance, and how the Atonement helps me hold the ground I might otherwise have lost.

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