“I think we all have that mothering instinct; and we desperately need each other, especially as women.” – Dr. Liz Hale, clinical psychologist.

The challenge for Day 2 of the “Motherhood Matters” campaign is summarized below:

Recognize there are all kinds of mothers – those that work, those who stay-at-home [sic], single mothers, and women who have never given birth. Be aware of how often you judge other women, and practice recognizing the worth of all kinds of mothers.

The quote for the day was from Oprah Winfrey: “Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.”

Those who have adopted children could attest to the reality of this statement, as well as those of us who have women in our lives whom we call our “second moms” or who have a motherly role in our lives. (Oh, how I love the women who have walked my stage of life before and can offer me support, love, and insight!)

I stumbled on this post on the Christian site “Women of Faith” the other day, and think it’s fitting for Day 2’s topic: Other Mothers.

You may be a woman who needs an Other Mother. You might be a woman with Other Mothering to give. Truth is, you’re probably both. I hope you will seek out the Other Mothers you need and give Other Mothering liberally to the girls [and I would add boys] coming up the path behind you.

As a woman of faith myself, I think this concept of mothering others is a legacy that Mother Eve left for us. It hit me a few years ago when I was pondering her title as the “mother of all living” that I needed to adopt the same title, and seek to have a mother heart toward all those who cross my path — particularly children. I remember Eve when a neighborhood child knocks on my door for the umpteenth time. Or when a child is sitting in a grocery cart behind me in line. Or when someone does something that I let get under my skin.

Who has been or is a mother figure in your life? When have you felt that blessing of being able to nurture those who are not your own flesh and blood, or not part of your immediate family? What helps you have a mother heart toward others who cross your path?

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

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There has grown in me an overwhelming testimony of the value of daughters of God. So much depends on them. In my visits with the sisters, I have felt that there has never been a greater need for increased faith and personal righteousness. There has never been a greater need for strong families and homes. There has never been more that could be done to help others who are in need. –Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President

Unless we enlist the attention of the mothers and daughters and sisters—who have influence on their husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers—we cannot progress. –President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman. …[A]ll women have within their divine nature both the inherent talent and the stewardship to mother…. –Elder M. Russell Ballard, member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

While circumstances do vary and the ideal isn’t always possible, I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation. –Elder L. Tom Perry, member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

The Lord has placed upon parents the primary responsibility for the spiritual nurturing of their children. Sometimes this responsibility falls to a single parent. My own mother was relatively young when my father died, leaving her alone with four children. But she faced her adversity with faith and courage, promising us that if we stayed on the road of truth, the end would be better than the beginning. Like the children of valiant mothers in the Book of Mormon, “we [did] not doubt our [mother] knew it” (Alma 56:48). Brothers and sisters, I understand in a personal way the great influence of mothers. -Elder Bradley D. Foster, of the Seventy

All women, regardless of age, marital status, and personal circumstances, can have great influence for good. We can all “mother” children and youth around us in our families (nuclear and extended), neighborhoods, communities, church congregations, and other places. We can all look for those around us who need our loving care and succor. As we turn to God for guidance and seek to prioritize our lives so that the most important relationships get our best time and effort, we can be powerful instruments in His hands for eternal good.

This video was created using the words of a dear apostle (now deceased), Elder Neal A. Maxwell.

We know so little, brothers and sisters, about the reasons for the division of duties between womanhood and manhood as well as between motherhood and priesthood. These were divinely determined in another time and another place. We are accustomed to focusing on the men of God because theirs is the priesthood and leadership line. But paralleling that authority line is a stream of righteous influence reflecting the remarkable women of God who have existed in all ages and dispensations, including our own. Greatness is not measured by coverage in column inches, either in newspapers or in the scriptures. The story of the women of God, therefore, is, for now, an untold drama within a drama.

…[R]ighteousness is not a matter of role, nor goodness a matter of gender. In the work of the Kingdom, men and women are not without each other, but do not envy each other, lest by reversals and renunciations of role we make a wasteland of both womanhood and manhood….

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.

Read the entire text of Elder Neal A. Maxwell’s talk “The Women of God.”

Video created by Seth Adam Smith, a Mormon producer, originally found here. You can also find it on YouTube.

(This post has been slightly edited from the original.)

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As Mother’s Day approaches, the concept of motherhood and mothering cannot be avoided. Greeting cards for Mothers, Grandmothers, and even Fathers who have been the “mother” at home appear on the shelves. As usual, I search for the plainest, most dull card around- sometimes even getting a blank card with a flower on the front. I write on the inside, “Happy Mother’s Day”, sign it and send it to my mother.

I have had a strained relationship with my mother stemming from abuse as a child. At best, I speak to her twice a year- and that is plenty for me. When I was 15, and finally starting to overcome and look forward to exiting my painful home life, I was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome– in my case, I have no uterus (but I have fabulous fully-functioning ovaries). Quite in character, my mother began a series of lectures on how I was evil in the pre-existence, how children were being protected from me because I would be a terrible mother, how God choose to punish me in “this way”, how adopted children were violent/bad/sickly (therefore the reason they were up for adoption) not to mention accusations of unchaste behavior.

Soaking all of this in and fully believing that no man would ever want to marry me, I stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. I hated my mother and never would be a mother- so why go? I could not stand and receive a carnation as a “future mother”. I could not bear testimony of my adoration for my mother. If there was ever a place I did not belong, it was in church on Mother’s Day.

I did have a testimony, so although seriously doubted and disbelieved my own worthiness for membership, I kept attending church. Having left home a few years later, I queried an Institute teacher about how to not be sealed to one’s family. I did not want to be “sealed” to my parents, though I loved my father, my sense of betrayal, resentment and frankly, downright hated for my mother was keeping me from emotionally progressing. I didn’t date returned missionaries for fear they might see through what I thought was my inherit wickedness. I thought they would demand to know why I had not repented for whatever I had done to beg the infertility curse from God. I hated who I was and wanted to be free, so I assumed that other than apostasy, there must be some way I could be “un-sealed” from my parents. This query startled my sweet, almost elderly institute teacher, and he invited me in to his office to talk about why I might not want to be sealed to my parents.

The meeting was short, yet profound. I briefly told him who I really was. (Keep in mind, my mother taught me some very warped and incorrect things about sealings- i.e. children are sealed to their parents as virtual slaves for eternity). This sweet institute teacher told me that I need to be eternally grateful to my mother for giving birth to me. Beyond that, he said, ‘You owe her nothing”. I was knocked out. I owed her nothing but gratitude for birth. I cannot express how liberating that was for me… and yet, how difficult it was to come to terms with being grateful to her for giving birth to me. Since the age of 7, I had entertained ideas of suicide, finding myself jealous when I heard people being diagnosed with cancer, and being killed in car accidents (no kidding!). I thought I had no reason to live. Somehow, this advice liberated me. I was not trapped as an eternal slave. I was infertile, but not trapped.

Through the next few years, I learned that I can forgive, but not have a relationship with my mother. And I am truthfully VERY grateful to her for a number of things. Wacky doctrine and neglect aside, she taught me about the Book of Mormon, how to sew and how to drive a car. Those things deserve an annual card with the words, “Happy Mother’s Day”, nothing else.

But the Mother’s Day church thing… still wasn’t okay with that. I was very uncomfortable sitting in sacrament meeting with people professing such gratitude for their parents and children. I realize now that I was deeply envious; they had mother who the believed with all their heart loved them and I was infertile. What was the point for me? I felt like an orphan who would never be a mother. So, about 10 years ago, as another horrific Mother’s Day approached, I decided to focus on nurturing and mothering, not the ability to bear a child, but the ability to love a child. I wrote heartfelt letters of gratitude to the Young Women leaders who taught me, my seminary teacher who I loved deeply and an aunt who had always listened to my hopes and fears without judgment.

For the first time, Mother’s Day meant LOVE for me. I am eternally grateful to these women- who taught me about make-up, set marvelous examples for me, complimented me when I looked nice, encouraged me to pray and study and live the gospel, and more importantly- one brilliant YW leader who told me that being infertile meant that I would really, truly marry a good man who would love me for me, not for my body. A few short years later, she was right, I did marry a wonderful man.

Finally with an extraordinary man at my side, the emptiness on Mother’s Day ended and it simply became a day of primary talks, not directed at barren me. I could sit through the meeting without anger, though I still had sadness and a sense that perhaps if I were really a good person, I might deserve to be blessed with a child. It was all based on me being good…could I ever be good enough? How were these pregnant single mothers still “more blessed”, therefore more righteous than me? Then I read Following Christ. It hit me, somewhere in-between the pages of this book- that my infertility was a result of the fall of Adam- i.e. mortality. I had done nothing to offend God, I was not “blessed” with this challenge, I am simply mortal! I am mortal! That is all! Not good, not bad or otherwise- just human. 100% Dumb luck. What an epiphany! (I now think: “duh”!!!) But it took me ages to really learn this and apply it to me. Infertility wasn’t my fault. God didn’t hate me. He loves me. He wanted me to have everything, so He sent His Son. I FINALLY understood it, and begged His forgiveness for the past anger towards Him.

So now- Mother’s Day- I love it. My fabulous husband has always bought me cards, flowers and/or gifts on Mother’s Day because I am a mother in spirit, I am the woman of the house, I nurture, I love… and my husband is fabulous. I get to celebrate Mother’s Day as a holiday for me BECAUSE I am a woman. I understand now, that being a woman is all I ever needed to be maternal. I understand that not everyone is like me, emotionally, spiritually, physically. But we- as women- all are mothers in one way or another. Our potential for nurturing is beyond limit.

So this year, I am looking forward to Mother’s Day with a greater joy than ever. If I were not infertile, I would still be considered within child-bearing years, so I have time and ability to begin alternative processes of becoming a mother. I understand that infertility NEVER limited my ability to be a mother, it just meant I needed to take a different path. And there is nothing even remotely wrong with that.

One of the most profound conclusions that I have come to over these trying years is that a significant number of women also struggle with Mother’s Day. Perhaps they are adopted, feel unsettled, imperfect, have lost a child, lost a spouse, or feel motherhood as oppressing. For me, as soon as I decided that motherhood wasn’t about me and my experiences/limitations, but the celebration of nurturing in mother earth, in admiration of imperfect but loving women who set tremendous examples for me, it became a day of celebration. No honor, but celebrating the women sitting by me who church shush their babies, celebrating the elderly women who give me a kiss and a hug every Sunday just because they can, celebrating the character of nurturing, true motherhood. The celebration of nurturing and womanhood became more glorious and applicable to me than ever before.

Happy Mother’s Day to all women out there! All women regardless of our unique situations because we have the ability to love and nurture and are mothers, regardless of our mortal place in time.

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Brooke’s Story

Michelle’s Story

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Sheri Dew: Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” (Moses 4:26))—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, Alma 13:2–4, 7–8 righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. (See Spencer W. Kimball, “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102.) Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

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