~By Laurel

Surrounded by cardboard boxes turned time capsules, I shifted through the newspaper clippings, pictures, and journals that made up my life so far. I lifted from one of these boxes a green leather journal that held my thoughts from my teenage years; and as I did so, an envelope fell to the floor. It was my life list. When I was 14 years old, my young women instructor handed out slips of paper one Sunday and instructed us girls to list the things we wanted to attain by age 24—a life list. I wrote out my list effortlessly and quickly; I knew what I wanted. I had always known. My list read:

1. Go to college and get a degree.
2. Be married.
3. Have 5 kids.
4. Fly on an airplane for the first time.

We sealed our lists in envelopes, not to be opened for 10 years, and scrawled across their fronts, “Do not open until 1994.” Now, here I was breaking the seal unceremoniously and staring at my life list again more than 10 years later. More than 20 years later. When I wrote that list each item seemed so simple to attain, and I assumed that each of them would come to me effortlessly and exactly when I wanted them to—certainly before I was 24 years old.

Nine years after drafting my life list, my life was loosely following my plan. At age 23 I graduated from college and checked off item 1 from my list. I had my Bachelors degree in one hand, but I did not have my husband in the other. I entered a phase of life that I had never counted on, never even considered. Single life. Corporate life. I began work at a mid-size corporation and met with clients around the country. I quickly crossed off item 4 from my list, but two items still languished on my list. I was on a life detour. This wasn’t the plan I drafted for myself in my young women class. I constantly looked over my shoulder at that life list and at the person I thought I should be.

For the next 10 years I spent my days in a corporate cubicle meeting deadlines and furiously doing my work. In the evening, I luxuriously flopped on my couch in my condominium and ate a cold cereal dinner. At the end of my day I smiled and sprawled in my queen-sized bed. Travel perks. Disposable income. A killer corporate wardrobe. Who could ask for a better unsolicited life? But in its corners and edges, the guilt creeped in of not living up to that life list. Of not becoming the person that 14-year-old girl expected me to be.

I was 33 years old on my wedding day—not the 24 years old I had imagined. My wedding day marked a distinct line in the sand—it marked where my unsolicited life could step off and my planned-for life could step in. But it wasn’t that simple. I had gotten used to my unsolicited life and its self-indulgent ways and wasn’t sure about letting it go. Those feelings surprised me, which caused me more unexpected guilt.

Married life moved fast, and by my fourth wedding anniversary I was the mother of two children. One summer afternoon I pointed my double stroller filled with my 2-year-old son and infant baby daughter toward a nearby walking trail. The trail was popular among the stroller-pushing mom set and with lunch- hour-walking corporate women alike. With my casual clothes and hair pulled into a ponytail, we all knew that I wasn’t a corporate woman. Each time I passed a corporate walker, my guilt told me I was supposed to be out in the corporate world doing something with my degree and making my way. I wanted to appease my guilt and scream at these walkers, “No, you don’t know! I have a degree! I had a career! I had a frequent flyer card! Four years ago I was YOU! I could still be you if I wanted to.” But it’s no use…the stroller and Baby Bjorn are not the corporate uniform. Guilt. So much conflicted guilt. I resented that I felt this way—why did I feel guilt for living the life that I had originally planned for back in that young women class so long ago?

Months passed. An offer to take on a freelance writing job presented itself, and I temporarily delved back into my unsolicited life—my former identity of efficient conversations and conference calls. For weeks I stole time from my usual mothering duties and feverishly worked toward my deadline. On deadline day, I used every last minute and found myself backed up against the last FedEx pickup of the day. In my hurried frenzy to make the pickup time, I left my two kids with my husband and rushed out the door.

As I walked briskly from my car to FedEx’s front door, I realized that this felt familiar. So many times in my corporate life I had sprinted to FedEx to make a deadline. This felt like Corporate Me to be doing this thing… walking fast clutching 300 loose pages stuffed into a FedEx envelop. I looked down and noticed that I was even wearing a jacket I wore back in my corporate days. I thought to myself, “No one looking at me knows I’m a mom. I don’t have a stroller or a Baby Bjorn, and I’m not walking slowly so short, 2- year-old legs can keep up. I look like a regular corporate woman.” I thought I’d play it out. I’d pretend to be the old me for a minute. I walked assertively into FedEx and started the familiar process of sending something Priority Overnight—such a corporate woman thing to do. I put my purse-not-a-diaper-bag on the counter. There, staring back at me was the diaper and wipes I’d shoved in there the day before. My cover was blown. Busted. Betrayed by diaper wipes.

At that moment I stopped and smiled. I dropped my corporate act and felt the conflicted guilt I had carried with me since I abandoned my corporate life suddenly melt away. I was happy to see those diaper wipes, and I was glad they resided in my purse. They reminded me of the two little people waiting for me at home. I am someone’s mom. For me, that is so much more important than proving anything to Corporate America.

I smiled as I looked at that life list, now 26 years later. The shear act of crafting it all those years ago didn’t guarantee me a husband by age 23 and 5 kids by age 40 as I had planned. How well-meaning that life list was. How wise my young women adviser was to suggest that her girls have expectations for themselves and live a purposeful, planned life. But what she failed to mention was that sometimes life doesn’t go as planned. How I wish I could go back—not to change the list, but to change how I reacted to it. How I wish I had had the maturity and wisdom to throw away the guilt when I found myself on a detour and instead embrace the happy and wonderful aspects of any unsolicited phase of life in which I found myself. How I wish I had stopped looking back at the life list, or stopped looking back at my corporate life, and just enjoyed the ride.

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” (-Jenkin Lloyd Jones, as quoted by President Gordon B. Hinckley)

The post Mormon Motherhood Essay: “Betrayed By Diaper Wipes” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Enjoy this new Mormon Messages video that includes powerful and encouraging words from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of Jesus Christ. (The full text of his talk, “Because She is a Mother” can be found here.)

El video de mensajes mormones: “La maternidad: Una asociación eterna con Dios” inluye un alentador tributo de un apóstol de Jesucristo a las madres que sacrificen y trabajan para criar a los hijos de Dios.

The post New Mormon Messages Video on Motherhood appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

…a post about another woman who has not yet married but who is nurturing dozens of children: Making a Difference, One Baby at a Time

…a series of posts celebrating the women who have influenced this mother’s life: I Have Learned Mothering from Them (scroll down to see the four-part series)

…a post by our own Sue who shares why she loves Mother’s Day (if you are one who doesn’t, this is worth a read): Mother’s Day Moves Me

…a deeply moving post about love and forgiveness and healing in a mother-daughter relationship: Bleeding Hearts

The post Motherhood Series: Links Celebrating Womanhood and Motherhood appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

The post Motherhood Series: The Source appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Recently, I signed up to make a cake as one of the table centerpieces they needed for a Relief Society Celebration social.

The day of the event, I got home at one o’clock in the afternoon, pulled all the ingredients out, and began preparing my masterpiece.

I could see it all now – a cake covered with little flags representing the world-wide sisterhood of Relief Society!

I found a perfect quote to go with it, and printed everything out while the cake was in the oven. I just needed to get it all put together by four o’clock.

A piece of cake, right?!

At two o’clock, the phone rang.

An emergency errand, but that was okay, the cakes were out of the oven, and this would give them time to cool.

A piece of cake!

Ri-i-i-ght!

When I got back, I started to lift the cake out of the pan, and cringed, realizing that it wasn’t going to come out easily. Somehow our family’s cakes never do!

I said a quick prayer and smiled a little as I remembered my mom’s cakes.

I called her while I continued to try to remove the cakes from their pans.

We shared a good laugh about cakes past and present, then said good-bye, and I began trying to frost what had become a crumbly mess.

(This picture is of the “good” side!)

The other side kept falling apart, and finally I did, too.

Great wracking sobs shook my body as I looked at the disaster, and knew I couldn’t fix it.

My teenage daughter came downstairs, concerned at my crying, and put her arms around me – I felt her love and Heavenly Father’s in that tender moment.

Two cans of frosting later, I decided to just cut off that side, frost the rest as well as possible, and call it a Legacy Cake, in memory of our family’s legacy of flopped cakes.

As I did, I remembered that my mother had passed on an even more important legacy than the flops – a legacy of faith, service, and love!

Here is what I wrote to cover the missing cake:

“This is a Legacy Cake.

When I was young, my mother would be asked to bake cakes for Relief Society functions. Knowing her weakness of never being able to get a cake safely out of a pan, she still willingly volunteered as needed.

Sadly, I have inherited her cake-making skill.

But it is with deep gratitude I have also inherited her faith, her desire to serve, her love of the scriptures, her love of Relief Society, and of the Lord. “

Thanks, Mom!

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When I was pregnant with my daughter I told everyone that I hoped I was having a boy. Looking into the future I didn’t think I could handle being the mother of a teenage daughter – all those hormones, boys, and friend issues – a minefield for a parent. I knew how I was as a teenager, and I did not want to deal with that!

Now that I’m in the middle of it, it is not the horror I feared. It’s probably because my daughter isn’t just ‘some teenager,’ she’s my daughter. The baby who somehow survived my first feeble attempts at buckling her into a carseat. The little girl who rode her first bike with slippers on because it was softer to pedal that way. The girl who moved across the country right before 6th grade and never got mad at her parents for it, despite the difficulty. And now she is the teenager who gets up at 5 am every school day to attend seminary (religious education).

Yes, teenagers do have hormones, we all do. She probably understands me best on my bad days because she’s had a few inexplicable bad moments herself. Boys really aren’t much of an issue just yet, for now she thinks most of them act like her 7-year-old brother. When that day does come I will be nervous, but I’ll also be happy for her, remembering the excitement of my first date. I can’t think of a person better equipped to help her deal with friend issues than someone who has had (and continues to have) friend issues herself.

My daughter and I were out in public once when an older person went out of their way to walk far around her. She looked at me quizzically.
“Some people are afraid of teenagers,” I said.

“Oh, yeah, we’re so scary.”

I should tell her I used to be scared too.

The post Teenagers aren’t Scary! appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Jen H.

As a mother of five, involved with many many things, I am challenged to find privacy anywhere. Just the other day after a long and exhausting day, I laid in bed and pondered how impossible it was that throughout my day I had not had a single moment where I was not being touched, rubbed, tugged at, sung to, talked to, hollered at, cried at, complained to, questioned, argued with, negotiated with, laughed at (or with) and on and on. I realized how hungry I was for a little simplicity and quiet.

I love (love love) being a mother, I love my children intensely and never wish my life was anything different than it is… However, as I have grown in to motherhood I have realized a weakness of mine that I wish to change.  I am by nature a very focused person. If I over-schedule and over-commit, the most important things in life unintentionally become subordinate to the less important things.  When I discipline myself and take the time to listen,  ponder and pray to my Heavenly Father, He reveals to me just what I need to know, right when I need to know it.

In this case, I was able to recognize my discomfort, realizing there was a larger need not being met. Had I not taken the time to reflect on the importance of quiet and the tremendous value of simple things (two things I have to work hard to obtain but essential for my quality of life) I would have missed this tender messages sent direct to me FOR me from my loving Father in heaven.

Every summer we take an extended hiatus to Utah and visit my mother  on “The Ranch.” A quick departure from the hustle and bustle of reality, to a slower paced, relaxed, paradise like environment. When I am there, my testimony grows almost spontaneously. While at home, it is very challenging if not nearly impossible to coordinate quality quite time with all the coming and going but it is nonetheless imperative for proper planning and prioritizing of a big family. Effective listening to those promptings of the spirit is KEY to proper self mastery. When I “plan my life” and prioritize effectively, I permit myself the opportunity to slow down and breathe and listen…. I then am flooded with little nuggets of personal revelation/inspiration and am embraced in the arms of quite reflection. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said:

“… We should lower the noise level in our homes so that the noise of the world will not overpower the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost….”

Though I have a wonderfully noisy home, our home can and should be “still” too. If it is hard to come by, than that probably means I need it most and should strive harder to lower the noise level, redirect my schedule to allow times for meaningful, uninterrupted reflection and conversations between myself and the Lord.

Distractions… There are OH so many distractions. It is easy to be thrown off track with often times essential and inevitable distractions,  that is part of life, the key is knowing how to get myself back on track. Elder Russell M. Nelson said:

“Some people on life’s journey forget who they really are and what is really important. Without sure identity and priority, blessings that matter most are at the mercy of things that matter least…. Eternal principles that govern happiness apply equally to all. “

Isn’t that the truth, when noise and distractions are present “blessings that matter most are at the mercy of things that matter least…”.

Every time I adjourn our visit from that wonderful paradise in Utah, I am filled with a new commitment to increase the quite in my home, to simplify and sanctify my home. It is not the things that are important, it is the people. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said:

“In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something.”

I want my home to “become something”… a quiet still haven from the noisy world and the battle ground of the adversary even amongst the chattering, wrestling and big family banter. Though this requires a great deal of strategic discipline and commitment, the blessings are profound which I have personally witnessed.  I have a found a new love for quiet and bear testimony to the importance creating space in my life to have that time. Striving for a more peaceful home free of unnecessary noises of the world and distractions which will then lend itself to a home full of important, meaningful, eternal relationships, home where “eternal principles that govern happiness” will be available to all.

“[S]eek not the things of this world but seek ye first to build up the kingdom of God, and to establish his righteousness; and all … things shall be added unto you” (JST, Matt. 6:38; see KJV, Matt. 6:33, footnote a)

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“True greatness…always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time.”  –Howard W. Hunter

A “house of order,” isn’t that what we all want and hope for? It is a righteous desire of mine but am continually challenged to find more effective and creative ways to keep order in our home with five kids and a busy life. This post is not so much about “chores” as it is about finding “tools” that help manage our home with greater efficiency and consequently with greater order. With order in the home, comes more love, more understanding, more service, more kindness and more needed balance.  I have found one tool that has really helped our big family.

When I hear an idea about parenting or motherhood that I like and seems to bring balance into a busy family life,  I hold on to it, massage it and if it fits…then I implement what fits in our home. Chores are something that are not necessarily my favorite to implement, but I feel they are essential nonetheless. In our house, chores play a big part of our daily life and help bring order and happiness to our home, in addition to providing valuable opportunities to teach important life lessons.  Teaching the children responsibility, self discipline, the value of joy after having accomplished a task and eventually learning the principle of self governing, is paramount. Since my family is still relatively young, I am hesitant to portray too much confidence in this arena because the verdict is still (way) out on our family…regardless that does not stop me from trying to succeed and love hearing about other families strategies as well.

I grew up with lots of brothers and sisters and much was expected of us in our family to keep “order.” For a period of my youth we lived in Elvis Presley’s drummers old house, down the mountain from Lake Tahoe. We had a big house, 2 acres of land, horses, cows, a garden, dog, cat and LOTS of grass. My mother knows how to work harder than any man or woman I know. I have vivid memories in the sweltering heat raking dirt and rocks for hours on end. As a kid, I thought she was just plain mean, working us nearly to death (or so I thought), but later in life I learned she loved us greatly and was teaching us a very important principle of responsibility and success. I also learned to appreciate the value of working together as a family and serving those that I loved. (see Mosiah 4:14-15)

In my family we have designed a specific chore system that works great for us however is not for everyone. I highly encourage every family to have some sort of consistency with their house hold responsibilities. To find the right ebb and flow requires some creativity and a great deal of commitment.

An old favorite author/professor PhD Glen Latham had a philosophy that I have long since adopted, it is the idea of letting your children “self instruct” (as much as possible) and “do not tell them things they already know.” We have implemented this strategy in several ways, one of which  has been particularly effective.  With five children, sometimes communication becomes easily taxed. With the hustle and bustle after school, I so often make the mistake of saying something to one child… thinking that because I can see the other children in my peripheral, they heard it also…that is rarely the case.  SO to eliminate much of the after school confusion, scheduling, and expectations we simplified things and came up with our “Dailies” (term used regularly in the film business). [See samples below.]

After the initial after school reunion with hugs, kisses, snuggles and visits about their day, and a snack to appease their starving little tummies, I refer them to their “Dailies” where it is expressed in bullet form each child’s responsibilities. (Of course you have to use common sense and be accommodating on occasion especially with our oldest son who is increasingly being assigned more time consuming homework.) At the bottom of our “Dailies,” I address what Mom and Dad are doing and if there is anything they need to be aware of as it pertains to Mom and Dad. We have one child in particular that really protests when we “go out” and does not like surprises, he would like us all to be together all the time and do nothing other than have den parties with him, so this gives him ample warning so he can emotionally prepare himself for our temporary separation.

Self-governing is a great long-term goal and will eventually come… until then, this has been a great tool in implementing the consistency and flow of household responsibilities. Dr. Latham was also a big believer of recording data and tracking progress and provide positive reinforcement. For people who love lists, this is a great system. I love lists and so do my kids, it is very satisfying to track progress and scratch things off my list when we have succeeded. Also by way of reward I will use this as an opportunity to recognize something special/helpful they have done for our family, they love this public acknowledgment. There are so many underlying blessings embedded within this structure.

I can not say enough how helpful these “Dailies” have been in creating a house of order.  Instead of me repeating five different times what our afternoon plans are or what my expectations are for each of the children, I simply remove the unnecessarily language and defer them to their “Dailies,” then all that energy can be saved to talk about more enjoyable things. Never again will a child of mine say… ” but Mom…I didn’t know” or ” you did not tell me that!” This small and simple thing has yielded great dividends!

A home with order, is a home of peace and happiness. A home where everyone does their part is easy… not always in execution but in results. A home where children are learning responsibility and self governing tools, is hopeful.  Life where there is progress, is rewarding. This is defiantly one tool we will stick with!

“An important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children is to teach them to work. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: ‘One of the greatest values . . . is the virtue of honest work. Knowledge without labor is profitless. Knowledge with labor is genius’ (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 704).” – James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, May 2003

“Our house is to be a house of order. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Eccl. 3:1). Such is true in our lives. Let us provide time for family, time for work, time for study, time for service, time for recreation, time for self—but above all, time for Christ…Then our house will be a house of order.” – Thomas S. Monson

The post Family Fridays : Dailies appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I recently found a picture that shows Jesus holding a little boy that looks just like my sweet three year old son.  I bought it and showed it to him as soon as I got home.

“’Oh! It’s Jesus holding Joshua! And Jesus said ‘I love you, Josh!'”

He decided he’d like the picture right next to his bed, so we went upstairs, got on pj’s, brushed teeth, and taped this picture to the wall right near his pillow.

He climbed in bed, turned at looked at the picture, and asked me “Do you remember that day, mom?”

Josh is my kid who loves our family photo albums most of all. He’ll flip pages very slowly, and tell you the story behind every single picture.

I asked him what day he wanted me to remember.

“Right there.  That day in the picture.  Remember when we went there?  Jesus gave me a hug and he whispered in my ear “I love you Joshua”.  Do you remember that day? I don’t really remember that day, mom.”

I could not convince Joshua that the picture next to his bed was a painting of a man that looked like Jesus holding a boy that looked like Joshua.  No – this was Jesus, and this was Josh.  Oh, his sweet innocence, my little lovely boy.

I leaned down and talked to him, looking in his gorgeous chocolate eyes.

Remember, Joshua, we haven’t gotten to hug Jesus since we were born.  I bet there was a time He did hug you and tell you He loved you.  You are right – Jesus loves you – and every one of us. And if He were here, I’m sure He’d pick you up, give you a big hug, and whisper “I love you Joshua” right in your ear.  Jesus loves you.  But since Jesus isn’t here, He gave us families to teach us and love us and protect us.  I am so happy Jesus let me be your mom.  I get to hug you. I get to love you, and I get to whisper in your ear “I love you Joshua”.

After I was done whispering in his ear, he shut his eyes, and I left the room, thinking that about this one thing I really want Joshua to know and carry with him in his heart forever:  Jesus knows him.  Jesus died for him, Joshua.  Jesus loves him.

For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you.  John 15:9

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For more We Believe posts, click here.

The post We Believe: Jesus Loves You appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

My daughter is seven years old and is learning to write paragraphs at school. Lately, I have found her practicing writing paragraphs at home and she presented two to my husband  that I thought were really sweet. I scanned in the originals, but will provide a translation for you below.

My DAD

I like my dad. I like my dad because he is very sweet. I like my dad because he will take me to work. I think that is nice. Wouldn’t you? You answer. When I was sad, he would always make me laugh. He would always tell me things that were so funny I would almost wet my pants. He will always make me as happy as can be. He may even do this for you. I’m sure he will. I like my dad!

My MOM

I like my mom. I like (my mom) because she wanted to bring me into this world. She was 25 when she had me. She thought I was beautiful even though I was small. I thought that was very nice to say. My mom was 23 when she was married. So two years later I was born. She has two brothers and one sister. I have two sisters. I was born in 2002. So here I am. I like my mom!

These notes made me very happy. Watching my children grow and learn is one of the greatest joys of my life.

—————

Do you have special notes or drawings you’d like to share that were made by your children? Please scan them in with a description to mormonwoman(at)gmail(dot)com. We’d really appreciate pictures similar to those found in The Friend magazine that depict Temples or Scriptural scenes that your children drew. Thanks!

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