lds addiction recovery Archives - Women in The Church of Jesus Christ

WoPA Week: This Addiction is Not About You

Women Seeking Christ — Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:17:15 +0000

Thanks to our guest poster, ElizabethH, for submitting this post. We are continuing our series this week for wives of those struggling with pornography/sexual addiction. The hope is to reach out to those who are struggling with a loved one in addiction, and to also let these wives share some of what they are learning — both for the sake of other wives in their situation, but also for those who may know a WoPA. WoPAs need support as much as the ones in addiction do. Becoming educated about how addiction impacts a spouse can help those who want to help wives heal. Here are a couple of articles that might be worth a read, one by Dr. Jill Manning and the other by Geoff Steurer, both sex addiction experts. There is also a great and free PDF book by SA Lifeline called Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction.

– – – –

This Addiction Isn’t About You

by ElizabethH

I wish that it was easy to believe the people who say that my husband’s porn addiction “isn’t about you.” But I struggle to believe them because, of course, it is about me. Isn’t it? If he loved me enough or valued our marriage enough or valued my feelings enough he would never have started looking at porn. Let alone watched enough enough porn to become addicted to it! So it must be about how skinny I am, or how I look, or because I stay home with our kids rather than pursuing an impressive career. How could his porn use not be about me or about our relationship not being enough?

Watching my husband struggle through three months of withdrawal symptoms has been educational. He’s had a cold for three months, minor panic attacks, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, poor concentration, feelings of worthlessness and says that his heart “just pounds all the time.” I read online that an addict said that it was easier to give up heroin than porn. I’m shocked that my husband’s symptoms are continuing and I guess I’m starting to believe that statement “It’s not about you” is true.

It’s ironic that as my husband is starting to have the ability to feel intense love for me and a desire to be close to me that I do not reciprocate. At any other time in our marriage I would have been giddy for him to feel and act the way he now acts around me and would have been delighted by how he now treats me, but not now. I learned that I have been married to someone who can look me in eye and lie convincingly.

What I mourn most about my marriage is the damage it caused to my inner voice. The voice I ignored when it told me “that’s a lie,” or “you’re worth more than that.” How do you recover a voice that you can’t even hear anymore because you’ve refused to listen to it and numbed your feelings for years?

When I told someone last night that “It isn’t about you!” I meant it. I knew it was true. It’s true because her husband is a sex addict and a liar who convinced her, and perhaps himself, that his addiction was about her. But my inner voice surfaced to call that belief a lie and know it was a lie. Part of my recovery is to learn how to apply that compassionate part of my inner voice to myself. To allow my inner voice to drown out the toxic shame that threatens to overwhelm me. To allow my voice to be compassionate to myself; because I can not control my husband’s addiction I can only control myself and my voice.

The post WoPA Week: This Addiction is Not About You appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Facing and Overcoming Addiction — Resources and Personal Stories

Women Seeking Christ — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 08:33:18 +0000

The Church has a new website on overcoming pornography addiction. The site, called Combating Pornography, includes resources for those who struggle with pornography addictions (including a special section for youth who may be addicted), as well as for spouses, parents, and leaders of those with addictions. If you or someone you love has a pornography addiction (or you may suspect that is the case), this site has a lot of helpful information.

There is also an Addiction Recovery Program that the Church provides. It is a 12-step addiction recovery program, very similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, but (with permission) adapted to include LDS principles and beliefs about God and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The Addiction Recovery study guide can be a helpful resource, and information about free and confidential addiction recovery group meetings which are provided in many areas of the world. You can also contact LDS Family Services in your area for more information about this program.

The Guide is also available in audio format and in several other languages besides English.

– – – – – – –

There was a series about addiction a couple of months ago that caught our eye. We admire the courage of people who have shared first-person accounts of their struggles with addictions.

Light it Up (about the struggle with a cigarette addiction)

The Refiner’s Fire (about the struggle with binge eating)

Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way (one woman’s perspective as the spouse of someone with a pornography addiction)

Confessions of an Addict (a woman talks about both her husband’s pornography addiction — and her own, via romance novels)

Healing Through the Atonement (one man’s journey to overcome a pornography addiction)

Jagged Little Pill (a woman’s struggle with prescription drug addiction)

We also had a post here a while back from a Mormon woman who struggled with and overcame her pornography addiction.

The post Facing and Overcoming Addiction — Resources and Personal Stories appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Links We Like: Variety of Topics Discussed at BYU Education Week

Women Seeking Christ — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 07:59:56 +0000

This week, thousands of people gathered at Brigham Young University in Provo, UT (USA) for the annual Campus Education Week. About 200 speakers addressed eager listeners on over 1,000 different topics.

You can find nearly three hundred talks from past Education Week events (in various formats, including audio, video, and some transcripts) here at byutv.org.

See some summary stories from this week’s gathering linked below:

Valuing Gender Differences — Read some great thoughts from Carrie Wrigley on the importance of understanding and appreciating the differences between men and women.

How are we saved?— Ted M. Bair discussed different beliefs about grace and salvation, including the Mormon view of grace and works.

Another presentation on grace was given by Eric D. Huntsman.

“Discovering great truths and people from around the world” — While the previous two presentations addressed some of the ways the LDS faith may differ from some other religions, S. Michael Wilcox shared thoughts on similar threads of truth found in various religions, and how we can benefit from learning from others’ beliefs.

Psychologist Dr. Rick D. Hawks spoke about the challenge of addiction, addressing three stages of addiction and the importance of getting past just the stage of abstinence. “”We can get your body off [addictive substances] in two or three days. That’s easy….But [that alone isn’t a cure], because the spirit and mind become addicted, too.”

Nephi, Mary, and Sacred Tree Symbols: Daniel C. Peterson, a professor of Islamic studies and Arabic, discussed the ancient diety figure Asherah, as it relates to the symbolism of the tree of life as found in the Book of Mormon.

The post Links We Like: Variety of Topics Discussed at BYU Education Week appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.