One of the things I didn’t understand for the first 40 years of my life (I call those my 40 years in the wilderness) is that when we seek healing and help from God, there are layers of healing that can happen when we become aware of our thoughts.

I  have suffered from OCD and anxiety since I was a young child. For many years, I also suffered from dysthymia (a low-level form of depression —  “persistent depressive disorder” that is less pronounced than major depressive disorder but still impacts life in a significant way).

I can still remember as a child praying earnestly for God to take away my fears. But they never went away. I was so confused by this!

And I think at some point in my tween/teen life I gave up asking. (My heart hurts to even write those words.)

Now let me say that I didn’t lose my testimony. I still believed in God. I felt God guide me throughout my life, especially in major decisions (although I was always, always afraid that somehow I would make the wrong decisions and mess up my plan forever). I felt the Spirit on many occasions. I was diligent in scripture study, prayer, church attendance, and temple worship. I served a mission. I married in the temple. I did everything active Mormons do. (I don’t share this at all to boast; this is just what my journey looked like.)

I also share these things to show that all the doing of my Mormon life was not sufficient to heal my mind, heart, and spirit.

In spite of my religious habits, which were done with a good heart and real intent, I wasn’t ever consistently at peace. I was ignorant to how my own thoughts were sabotaging my spiritual health and leaving me weary of life. (I believe God unveiled me to this reality at a time when things were right in my life. But I also believe that my life could have been different had I known what I know now. And so I share in hopes that others “can be more wise than [I] have been.“)

The messages in my head were pretty constant, and included things like “You are not enough.” “What if you go through all of this life thing and find out you didn’t make it?” “You should be able to fix yourself. You have a testimony. Why aren’t you happy?” Or I would feel mad at God because I had so little peace. I would listen to conference talks and talks at church, and I would read scriptures, and I would attend the temple. And my brain still ended up feeling hopeless, seeing all I wasn’t doing. Then, because I had such a testimony, I thought the answer was simply to be more religious, to work harder to be more diligent, more dutiful.

Those in the Church who suffer from anxiety and depression may relate to some of these thoughts. Even though I had a testimony and was earnestly active in the Church, I simply didn’t know how to believe in God’s love for me (even though I could believe in it for others!) because THESE. THOUGHTS. WERE. SO. LOUD. (Yes, the all-caps was on purpose.)

I can’t speak for God, but I feel like He didn’t answer those little-girl prayers to simply take away my fears, because He knew that my 40 years in the wilderness would teach me something about my Egypt, my bondage.

God was allowing me to learn by experience to seek truth by learning through life experience what was not truth. He wasn’t ignoring me or torturing me. He was simply allowing me to experience my fall so I could know what the contrasting, personal, on-this-side-of-the-veil salvation would feel like when it was time for that healing to start to come.

I had to reach a pretty low point where I wanted more than some sort of quick-fix relief from my pain, fear, and shame. Life and health issues also brought me to a point where I couldn’t work harder or more. I had to learn how to work differently. What I needed was healing at my core, at that root level of my thoughts. That healing for me couldn’t start to happen until I connected with others further along this specific, thought-level approach to seeking the healing power of Christ.

I needed to know, first, that healing. is. possible. And I needed guidance on the how.

For me, angel-from-heaven therapists were a start and have been critical to my healing. But the real change for me started happening when I followed through on the heaven-sent idea to attend 12-step meetings, which I have been attending regularly for five years now. Immersing myself in a healing community has been life-changing. The Twelve Steps also have taught me the how of accessing the Atonement. It’s the different work that my mind and spirit had actually been desiring to understand since my youth. (I still remember asking people in my teens what it meant to put things at Jesus’ feet. I knew the what. But no one ever explain a how that I could wrap my head around. The Twelve Steps changed that for me.)

With that hope from hearing others’ stories of healing, and learning from their how, I eventually started to engage my own process of learning to identify and start to surrender these voices in my head. (Think of Moses’ experience in Moses 1 where he first experienced truth about God’s nature and power as the foundation to be able to recognize how much the devil truly was not God. I was a faithful member of the Church, so temple-recommend type of obedience was not my issue. But obedience alone to the commandments was not enough to heal my mind. My fallen thoughts were a channel for the devil to have a hold on my life.)

Along the way, I also have had impressions (personal commandments!) to do things like yoga and meditation as well (great tools for helping one learn how to observe one’s thoughts in a non-judgmental way and to be more present rather than obsessed with the past or the future).

I now understand that because my OCD and anxiety started when I was barely at the age of accountability, perhaps even before, the false beliefs around which my mind developed have been around for a long, long time. I now understand that it will continue to take time for the layers to be revealed to me, but I’m learning to cherish the process. God shows up in amazing ways to let me know that the real truth about Him is nothing like I had imagined in the hamster wheel of my head. As we learn in Lectures on Faith, we can’t really exercise faith in God unless we have a correct understanding of His character and attributes. Through this find-and-surrender/replace process, I am coming to know a God who is more gentle, loving, kind, patient, and ever-ready to help me than I ever could have dreamed. He meets me where I am and takes me one baby step, one thought at a time, to show me more of who He really is. He isn’t angry when I can’t just figure it out or fix myself.

In fact, one of the most important truths that has come to light is that it is simply not my job to change or fix myself. That doesn’t mean I sit passively. I can use my agency to surround myself with people engaging in this process. I can be willing to learn from the pain of my unhealthy thought patterns, and let the pain teach me (rather than expecting God to anesthetize me). I can choose to pray for courage to seek knowledge and insight from the pain that my hamster-wheel thoughts cause me (rather than trying to force myself to think differently — which only breeds shame — I can practice being kind to myself in that process). I can do my usual Mormon stuff (scriptures, prayers, church, temple, service) and also do the things that I now know help me stay plugged into this process and the hope for healing (my 12-step meetings and study of 12-step recovery stories and truths, taking walks with friends who are engaged in a similar process).

As I become aware and gently observe thought patterns that do me harm, I can journal and (especially) talk to others about what I am seeing. But it really gets exciting when I then turn to God to start giving Him my false beliefs and letting Him give me truth to replace those beliefs. I call this the divine find-and-replace process.

Again, I used to just expect Him to make my mind better, to make me feel better. I was confused and hurt and scared when He didn’t. This was an innocent desire, but an ignorant one.

I wanted a cure, but God wanted me to find the healing power of Christ.

I wanted instant relief, but now I realize He wants to give me more than that.

He wants to give me experience engaging Him in a very personal way. He wants to heal me at my core. It is a very individualized, sacred process. There are patterns of truth that appear in what others experience in this process (which is why I treasure my 12-step meetings), but the truths I practice believing are mine, from God, for me. I write them on my mirror and in my journal, and I ask support people to help me practice believing them. We practice believing together.

It is in identifying my personal pavilions —  my own fallen, false beliefs (again, many of which I developed when I was a tender child) — that I become ready for Him to teach me about who He really is. How He really feels about me.

I am coming to believe that this is what Alma talks about when he talked about exercising faith. Faith isn’t about outcomes. It’s about a process. For me, it’s about God helping me identify the weeds that were choking out my seed that has been there all along, wanting to grow. He is helping me prepare the ground of my mind to create more space for Him.

This kind of faith is so much different than when I was trying to somehow earn God’s fixing power by simply being more religious. Without meaning to, I was treating God like a vending machine by focusing on the quick-fix relief I wanted. I now understand that He wants to engage a sweeter-than-sweet-fruit process with me that I can plug into every day.

I am repeating myself, I know. But the principles and patterns in this process are so powerful!

It’s also important to know that I have not been magically cured of my OCD or anxiety (although the persistent, depressive state I was in is all but gone). My brain still has a tendency to get stuck very easily. But I have tools now. Tools and truth. I feel like I have been given new life.

And, interestingly enough, my weak things allow God to show me His strength. Were all of my mortal weaknesses taken from me, I don’t think I would desire to lean on Him like I do now. (The words of Paul and Moroni mean so much more to me now.)

This week, I’d like to share a few stories (including ones I have just across this past week) that reflect some of these tools and truths. Only one resource that I will share will be from the Twelve Step world; I realize that not everyone will need or benefit from 12-step work. But the principles found in this process are true, and they show up in a lot of different ways, in a lot of different tools and techniques. I gain confidence in truth when those patterns appear.

Because even as this is a spiritual process, it’s also a very earthy one. Our brains are part of our fallen selves, and when we can work with God to bring our thoughts more into alignment with spiritual truth, I think it’s a way for us to experience more of the joy that God intends for us in this life. Through this process, I am coming to believe that we can experience glimpses of resurrected joy on this side of the veil.

For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element…connected, receive…joy;

And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.

The elements are the tabernacle of God; yea, man is the tabernacle of God, even temples

I share these experiences, tools, and truth because I know there are others out there like me. I know there are many people who are suffering (sometimes ignorantly, often in silence) with their own shame and hamster-wheel thoughts, whether because of mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar or other disorders; childhood abuse or trauma; adult traumas — or simply just because we all have layers that develop because we are mortal. Through the journey we call life, our mortal brains find quick-fix ways to make sense of our world, and often the false beliefs and coping mechanisms that develop along the way take up space where God wants to give truth.

I hope that some of what is shared here can be helpful. I know God cares about your pain. Don’t give up on the process; the pain can actually show you where He wants to heal you. Find others who can help and who understand. There is hope! Healing is possible!

With love,

Michelle

MormonWoman.org admin

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Image credit: Wikimedia Commons; Photographer Girlfierce Photography. Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. The photo is entitled “One Step a Time”

There’s been a theme showing up in my life the past few days, something I wanted to write about. It’s summed up in one word: Obedience.

That word, though. Sometimes it can give me a little bit of a panic attack — not because I don’t believe in it, but because my perfectionistic self has spent a lot of time over the years hand-wringing about my inability to be perfectly obedient to all of God’s commandments all of the time. I am also easily overwhelmed at the checklists of what Good Mormons Do. In addition, I have sweat a lot of bullets over the years about how very short I fall in being like the Savior in terms of character traits.

Because, after all, He was perfect. 

And I’m not.

Many months ago, I set to trying to understand this key doctrinal principle better. I turned to Nephi in the Book of Mormon, because Nephi talks a lot about obedience. I thought maybe he’d be able to teach me something.

Teach me he did. (Well, the Lord taught me, but you know what I mean.)

I was reminded, of course, that Nephi was an obedient soul. He lived the law of Moses. He cared about the Ten Commandments (or else he wouldn’t have cared about the whole Laban thing). And, like I said, he just talked a lot about obedience. It mattered to him.

But what I noticed as I studied more about Nephi and his obedience is that a good portion of the time when he was talking about obedience, he was talking about obedience to personal revelation, not about the general commandments God gives us all. (Again, obedience in that sense mattered to him.)

But this additional insight about obedience really mattered to me, because suddenly it made obedience more personal — something that isn’t just about me trying to be a Good Christian or a Good Mormon, but about me coming to know what God wants me, Michelle, to know and do in my own life.

I’ve been thinking about Nephi again this week. I read a letter from a nephew who just entered the Missionary Training Center. His letters are amazing. (Speaking of Nephi, he organizes his letters into “Large Plates” general stuff and “Small Plates” spiritual insights. Love it.)

As I read his letter to one of my daughters, a thread appeared in his letter. I combine something he said in the Large Plates part of his letter with something from the Small Plates.

We’re currently teaching a tentative atheist…who has lots of questions. Our discussions are super fun but we always manage to get across an important central message and commitment regardless of her slightly random questions. She’s progressing and seeks more light and truth every day, and is willing to do so by keeping commitments (D&C 93:28). [Read that scripture — it matters to this post.]….

There are three main levels of scripture study: learning information, gaining insight, and receiving revelation. The first one builds knowledge, the second builds understanding, but the third will always include personal application and a call to action by the Spirit. I realized that I am too often blinded by information and too easily satisfied with insight that I don’t gain the most important objective.

In a similar vein, the high level of repetition in church lessons, the scriptures, and ordinances of the gospel and temples are not intended for informative purposes alone, but to facilitate revelatory experiences….

Receiving revelation will only increase our faith if we act on it. Hence, Laman and Lemuel built no lasting faith from signs and angels because they didn’t act upon the answers the received.

That insight about Laman and Lemuel really struck me. A key thing that separated them from the happiness that Nephi and his people found was simple obedience, acting upon what they had seen and learned.

It was with my nephew’s thoughts rolling around in my mind and heart that I re-read the first talk in the Saturday afternoon session of October 1972 General Conference.

The life of the Savior is replete with instances where he applied the principle of “Thy will be done, not mine.” Christ’s ability to apply this great principle in his life made it possible for him to become perfect.

As we apply “Thy will be done, not mine” in our lives, we will likewise move toward perfection and true happiness….

To obtain the desired happiness on this earth and in the world to come, we must steadfastly face trials and tribulations regardless of the form they take, with the spirit, “Thy will be done, not mine.”

My mind then drifted to a quote that is shared in the Church’s 12-step program — a program that for me is a key part of my spiritual life. This is from Elder Neal A. Maxwell:

“The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. It is a hard doctrine, but it is true. The many other things we give to God, however nice that may be of us, are actually things He has already given us, and He has loaned them to us. But when we begin to submit ourselves by letting our wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him” (“Insights from My Life,” Ensign, Aug. 2000, 9).

(As a side-note: This is not an easy concept for me to grasp, in part because I sometimes simply don’t know that I know what God’s will is. That is part of my hand-wringing, too. Sometimes I spend so much time and energy worrying about what God wants me to do, afraid of doing something wrong. And yet…what I am learning as I come to know God better is that His will often makes itself known. I don’t have to wring my hands or worry myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever have to wrestle (again, I think of Nephi), but God does find ways to let me know what He wants me to do. More on that in a minute.)

A couple of hours after this train of thought was moving in me, I happened to need President Uchtdorf’s most recent talk (He Will Place You On His Shoulders and Carry You Home) for something I was working on. Once again, the message of willing obedience was right there for me to ponder.

Because [the Good Shepherd] loves you, He will find you. He will place you upon His shoulders, rejoicing. And when He brings you home, He will say to one and all, “Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.”

But, you might be thinking, what is the catch? Surely I have to do more than simply wait to be rescued.

While our loving Father desires that all of His children return to Him, He will force no one to heaven.⁴ God will not rescue us against our will.

So what must we do?

Usually, my brain gets ready for the checklist, or the injunction we often hear to keep ALL of God’s commandments. But like I said (even though I’m a basic commandment follower), that concept of ALL overwhelms my anxious, perfectionistic mortal brain. President Uchtdorf’s thoughts reflect more of what I’ve experienced as I’ve come to understand more about how God works in my life.

[Coming to Christ] requires a little faith. But do not despair. If you cannot muster faith right now, begin with hope.

If you cannot say you know God is there, you can hope that He is. You can desire to believe.⁸ That is enough to start.

Then, acting on that hope, reach out to Heavenly Father. God will extend His love toward you, and His work of rescue and transformation will begin.

Over time, you will recognize His hand in your life. You will feel His love. And the desire to walk in His light and follow His way will grow with every step of faith you take.

We call these steps of faith “obedience.”

Elder Richards says that obedience is the key to perfection. And that was how I was going to title this post.

What I felt as I read Elder Richards’ talk, though, was more along the lines of what President Uchtdorf said. This kind of line-upon-line obedience that President Uchtdorf describes is an obedience that I can wrap my brain around. I can seek to engage with God, today, seeking to see His hand, today, and by doing this each day, I can increase in faith and faithfulness. I can increase in grace and truth…just as Jesus did.  (Huh. Maybe it’s easier to be like Jesus than I thought.) The difference between me and Jesus is that I have a Savior to make up the difference. He had to walk it all perfectly (but how did He do it? By engaging with God each moment, each day), and because He did that, all I have to do is start where I am, today. It’s my job to be mortal. It’s His job to make up the difference.

Start where you are (another President Uchtdorf phrase)! Isn’t that a hope-filled thought? One day at a time, we can be perfected as we become more perfect in our trust in God’s will and love for us — collectively and individually.

As I wrote this post, a favorite insight from a 12-step author I love came to mind. I end my post with her thoughts.

“I’ve learned some ideas about God’s will for my life, about God, and about my relationship to God. God’s will is not an outside, impossible, forced agenda for my life. If it’s God’s will, it happens. Usually, it happens naturally, without any control efforts required on my part.

“At times, there have been hard lessons to learn. These lessons had to be learned, however, to work things out inside me so I could have the best possible life.

“Usually, I have to wait longer than I want to. And much letting go is involved in the process.

“God’s love is immediate and powerful, yet gentle, healing, and nurturing. It takes into account what I want and need. God’s will contains discipline, not deprivation….

“Stepping into God’s care is a gentle step, one that brings peace and harmony.” (Melodie Beattie, A Codependent’s Guide to the Twelve Steps, p. 55)

– – – – –

Posts from this week’s General Conference Odyssey are below.

– All Things Work for Good, Even Detours by Nathaniel Givens
http://difficultrun.nathanielgivens.com/…/all-things-work-f…

– – – –

Posts from last week’s Odyssey (highlighting the 1972 Saturday morning session) are below:

– Home is Heaven’s Construction Site by Nathaniel Givens
http://difficultrun.nathanielgivens.com/…/home-is-heavens-…/

The post Obedience — Start where you are #ldsconf Odyssey appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Two of our most recent comments have been from people affected by addiction, and so this post is for them and for others who are silently struggling, wondering what to do.

Whether you are the one struggling yourself with addiction, or have a loved one who deals with addiction, please know that there is hope. Whatever the particular addiction (whether it be substances like drugs or alcohol or behaviors like pornography  use or video game addiction), know that you are not alone. Finding recovery communities to help you find information and support can make a big difference for you. Please know that there are many people working tirelessly to help you get more help, information, and support.

Following are just a few of the resources that are out there that we hope might help. (Please feel free to email us at mormonwomen a’ gmail for more specific information. We have a network of people who are willing to help you with your specific struggles, whatever they may be, and we are here to help you connect with those who can help.)

• The Church’s Addiction Recovery program includes meetings for both those who are addicted and those who are afflicted by the addiction of a loved one. The free downloadable Addiction Recovery Program Guide is currently addressed more toward those in addiction, but the principles within can help those who have loved ones in addiction.
• There is a workbook (not officially published by the Church but it is very consistent with LDS beliefs, including a multitude of quotes and scriptures from Church leaders, as well as excellent information about addiction and recovery). This manual is written more specifically for loved ones of those in addiction. It includes extensive information about the emotional impact of addiction on a loved one, and specific steps that one can take to find healing through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The manual is also free for download. You can find it at Healing Through Christ.
• For the sister who is struggling with a husband with an online gaming addiction, we would highly recommend the Healing through Christ manual and seeking out a family support group through LDS Family Services or even an Al-Anon or another -Anon group. While the specific drugs of choice may vary, the dynamics of addiction and its effect on loved ones are similar and quite consistent across the board. As you reach out and associate with others who understand how his addiction affects you, you will come to see how you can find peace and healing from the pain you have experienced. It is real and there is hope! We also just found this thread on another site where people have shared some of their personal experiences with this challenge of a loved one with a gaming addiction.
• For the sister working on recovery from her own sexual addiction, we encourage you to reach out to this woman who understands what you are facing. She might be able to help you with your question. (See more about her blog below.)
• SA Lifeline has an excellent manual called Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction
• Find a listing of many LDS blogs from people walking the path of addiction recovery, and of loved ones of those struggling with addiction at LDS Addiction Recovery Blogs.
• We have a personal stories index here at Mormon Women of people sharing their experiences with pornography/sex addiction. Most stories are from loved ones of addicts (and given the audience of our site, most of them are from women).
• Not yet added to that list is the blog written by an LDS woman who is in recovery from sexual addiction. Her name is Sidreis. Read her sexual addiction recovery blog here. She also recently shared her story at a blog called Rowboat and Marbles (that site has a lot of information, written by an LDS man in recovery from sexual addiction).
• For wives of men struggling with sexual addiction, there is also a private forum where women can reach out for help and support in a community of other women who are walking this path. You can also find multiple resources and links at this site, LDS Recovery and Healing Resources.

The post Resources for those affected by addiction (their own or that of a loved one) appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Do you know someone who struggles with addiction? Do you struggle with addiction yourself?

Don’t let shame drive your response to your loved one, or to yourself. Healing is possible. There is hope.

If you are a loved one of a sex addict, we have a list of resources and stories that we hope might be helpful. There’s a forum for wives (and ex-wives, or even girlfriends, sisters, mothers of sex/porn addicts) that can be found here. (Find resources for those dating individuals who have struggled with or are struggling with pornography use and/or sex/pornography addiction here.)

For those who struggle with addiction, there are stories in our personal stories index that we hope will also be helpful for you. And please take a moment to watch this video clip, including reflections from people who have walked the path you are on and found hope and healing. There is hope! But you need to seek help. Find a 12-step support group, a friend, an ecclesiastical leader, a professional counselor, a loved one — someone you can confide in whom you know would be willing to help you get on the path to healing.

The post Sexual Addiction Recovery: There is Hope! appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

A woman talks about her experiences struggling with divorce, drug addiction (she was involved in drug dealing as well). She became weary of life, even just wanting to be done. For 27 years she was in so much pain.

She cried out to God in prayer and felt His help. She found Jesus Christ in the Bible. She read the invitation to “seek and ye shall find” and she continued to try to build her faith. In this video,  “Jesus Christ is the Way,” she testifies of how her knowledge of Jesus Christ and His atonement has helped her in her life, helped her find more peace and perspective … and helped her feel more love for herself.

The post “Jesus Christ is the Way” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Michelle

After gathering many responses to the recent question from one of our readers, I thought it would be useful to address one of the topics that came up in some of the comments: depression (and/or the use of anti-depressants by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

It”s not an uncommon topic to be brought up — why, if Mormonism claims to have a “plan of happiness” are some Mormons taking anti-depressants?

While I understand the knee-jerk response to some studies that show that Utah has a high rate of anti-depressant use, to use such data to conclude that Mormonism is harmful seems to miss several relevant points.

1. Many people who live in Utah are not Mormon; thus statistics coming from Utah should not automatically be assumed to be statistics about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In reality, most Mormons live outside of Utah. And there are other states that have a higher-than-average percentage of LDS people in their populations (states in which anti-depressant use is not, relatively, as high).

2. Part of the way active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints live includes not partaking of alcohol, drugs, or tobacco — substances that are often used by people to deal with stress, pain, struggle.

3. Mental illness is something recognized as just that — an illness. Often there isn’t an external cause. Some people are predisposed to depression. That’s not to say that external events or triggers can’t make things worse, but there are simply too many factors that come into play with mental illness to make declarative statements about Mormonism from one set of data.

4. On that note, one researcher* [Daniel K Judd] who has studied the topic of mental health extensively has discussed how prescription use in general (much for well recognized health issues such as diabetes or heart problems) is higher in Utah, which could correlate to perhaps more medical coverage, more education about health issues, or any number of other things…the point, again, being that there are other factors and data to consider before making any conclusions. (Interestingly, this researcher has data that would indicate that religious people may have better mental health than their non-religious counterparts.)

5. As to what it means to be Mormon and be dealing with depression or other mental illness: Faith is not something that automatically removes the trials of life. We don’t claim as Mormons to not have trials. In fact, once you get to know any Mormon well, you will surely find that he or she has plenty of problems. And our problems are really no different from anyone else’s. We have health issues, physical and mental. We have family struggles. We have job and financial stresses. We have hard things happen. People sometimes have hard things happen as members of the Church (someone is unkind or does something wrong…like recent news stories about people who were defrauded by fellow Church members). Again, we don’t claim to live pain-free lives, and we definitely don’t claim to be perfect, or that Church members don’t sometimes make bad choices.

But we do claim to have beliefs that, when understood and lived, can help us face trials in life, and give peace and perspective in the midst of adversity.

I liked this quote from Alexander B. Morrison, who is a former member of what is called the Quorum of the Seventy (a leadership group in the Church). His daughter has struggled with depression, and he’s even written a book on the topic of mental health in the context of faith.

In the Book of Mormon we read that the Nephites, who had been obedient to God’s laws, “lived after the manner of happiness” (2 Ne. 5:27). What a wonderful and insightful thought: if we are obedient and follow God’s commandments, we will be happy.

It is important to understand, however, that happiness does not imply the absence of adversity. Every individual experiences temptation, opposition, and trials that test faith and endurance: “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11). (From the article Myths about Mental Illness — a recommended read)

I think it’s important to acknowledge that not all Mormons are happy all the time, and some struggle a lot. Some of this includes struggles with mental health. But that doesn’t take away from the reality that for many (if not most) Mormons, our faith can help us find the strength and courage and hope to keep on keeping on through the hard times…and to even try to learn from them.

We believe we are here in this life to be tested, that the struggles in life have a purpose, and that this life is not all there is. As we look to Christ and lean on God in hope, we seek to come to know ourselves and God better through our trials, and trust that God will help us through them. We also believe that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, God can change us, little by little, and help us so that we can better face difficulties with courage and patience.

Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you but on what happens inside of you; it is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life. -Harold B. Lee

This is a process, to be sure, and it can be extremely difficult, and that happiness is not necessarily something we feel constantly. But it is something that is real, even for many of us who deal personally with the reality of mental illness.

———-

*Daniel K Judd, “Religion, Mental Health, and the Latter-day Saints (see also this article: Why High Anti-depressant use in Utah)

For more information and thoughts on this topic see the following:

Personal story about facing clinical depression: Battling Clinical Depression, “Finding the Light from Within”

More information, research, and responses about the topic of Mormons and anti-depressant use, see this article and this Encyclopedia of Mormonism entry on mental illness. For one study that showed that LDS women are actually less depressed than non-LDS women, see this USA Today article. (Note that the Encyclopedia of Mormonism article states that Mormon women run about average with the population at large, and Mormon men suffer with less depression than the average.) 

For more information on LDS views about mental illness, see here.

For LDS resources in dealing with different types of mental/emotional struggles see here or here. For an indexed list of articles on the topics related to mental and emotional illness (and other topics as well), see this resource list.

This post was edited from the original.

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We received the following question from Len a couple of weeks ago:

I’m Jewish, and I know this might seem like a weird question, but I can’t stop thinking about it: Why do all of the Mormons that I know seem so happy? So genuinely, positively happy? Why do their personal lives seem so fulfilled? Even the Mormon missionaries that I see on the street seem so warm and kind and are always smiling. I really don’t understand how they can be that way 24/7. Is it just an act? Or is it real? I know that Mormons struggle too (everyone has bad days), but I’m really puzzled to see an entire group of people emanating joy, success, and happiness.

Len, this isn’t a weird question at all. We hope it will be beneficial to read responses from several different people; we’ll be posting some of those responses over the next few days. 

One key reason why you may sense this happiness from members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormons”) is because of our religious beliefs. For example:

Mormons Believe in Hope
(see submissions below by Jen and Susan)

~by Jen

I think this true happiness that is so apparent comes from the that we as a church really truly believe in HOPE!  That knowing that Heavenly Father lives and loves us and communicates with us through the spirit and modern day prophets makes our connection to Him very real. It also can/should give the prospective that no matter what life sends us here on Earth, if we listen and follow what we are told to do from our Heavenly Father we have the promise from the most high power that He will not ever leave us alone through any hard times. In fact that He will help us through them and we can overcome any trial that life will send our way.  Most of all that God loves us so much that he sent us a Savior to aide us in our journey through life.  Our Savior has already overcome everything and we just have to choose to follow him in order to overcome anything.  One of the best parts is that Heavenly Father trusts us enough to allow US to make the choice to follow.  We are not forced we are asked to follow, and given a promise that if we do follow we will come out on top. If we mess up, and make the wrong choice, He has given us a way around that also. It doesn’t mean it is not hard.  It doesn’t mean it is not going to be a constant battle sometimes.  It doesn’t mean that we will not be challenged to a point that seems unbearable at times.  It simply means that we can find hope in knowing that because of a loving Heavenly Father we will be empowered and victorious over anything that might be hard for us.  This gives us hope in the face of adversity and that is what makes it possible for us to find/have hope. A hope for true happiness.  If we choose to stay on the Lord’s side we are promised true happiness and given the many tools (ie family, prayer, scriptures, spirit, forgiveness, love, mercy, etc) to have it.

I truly am grateful for the knowledge that I have of our Heavenly Father’s plan, the understanding that I have been given, the hope that I have been blessed with, the faith that gets me through my trails and to be a part of such a great family!!  I am also very grateful that I am truly happy!!!

– – – – – –

~by Susan

Here’s my perspective. You’re right, everyone has challenges, trails and heartbreaks and they all make us sad, discouraged and frustrated. That’s life sometimes. The difference is, how we chose to let those things affect us. I believe that, people that have faith in a higher power than themselves, believe that things will get better and, with that higher help, they will be able to get through the trial or they have faith that eventually it all will workout for good. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, not only believe in a loving Heavenly Father and  his son Jesus Christ, but also have access to inspirational men and women that are encouraging and helpful when they say things like,

“So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.”

(President Thomas S. Monson)

My husband and I have a favorite radio host who is Jewish, his name is Dennis Prager.  One of his themes is, “Happiness is a moral obligation.”  He concurs with what President Monson says that, “So much in life depends on our attitude.”

Mormons have a hope in Jesus Christ. Because we believe he is the Savior of all mankind, we have faith that he knows us personally, and is aware of our needs, concerns and trials. The people you mention in your question,  believe that the Son of God not only knows their life but knows them by name, when you believe that, it makes it possible to look beyond the trouble and discouragements in life, and easier to recognize all that is good and count the blessings.Lastly, when you count the blessings in life and avoid dwelling on the difficulties, you just feel happier. You can’t help it.

– – – – –
In a post already published on Mormon Women (entitled “It’s Fun to be Me,” Susan also shares the following about how the gospel adds to the happiness she feels: 

[A]s a Mormonwoman, I know who I am. I know why I’m here, what life is about. When you know that, it gives you perspective on everything else. It’s fun to have a sure measuring stick for life. It’s not fun to have to guess. It’s fun to know.

In a strange way it’s good to be me because I know I can be better. I am familiar with my weaknesses. They are not hard to figure out for me. They are obvious, and I claim them as my own. It’s good to be me because I know they don’t have to be permanent. It is fun to be me because I have faith and hope in my life because of the Savior.

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“Our busy lives force us to focus on things we do from day to day. But the development of character comes only as we focus on who we really are.”

—Elder Russell M. Nelson, 2000

There is something fantastic and magical about the beginning of a new year. Sort of like the feeling I try to impress upon my kids as they rest their weary heads on their pillows after a “bad day,” feeling all but defeated by the world.  We often repeat to each other in a courageous attempt to move forward “tomorrow, is a fresh start!” A new year is definitely a fresh start in so many ways but so is every day, indeed, a  fresh start. The day-to-day increments of improving ones self is powerful and profound, particularly as you look back on the windy road traveled. A new year provides a splendid opportunity to sit back, ponder, pray and evaluate your life, where you are relative to where/who you want to be. It is only upon reflecting on where you have come from, that you see how far you have gone, sometimes one time breath at a time.

In the refining process of life, trial and error, we gradually become new people, shaped by our choices and the many consequences (good or bad) that follow. Growing and progressing with each and every day, (hopefully) becoming better and better with every bend in the road, a  truly magnificent opportunity. One of my favorite quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell is about the opportunity we can gain as we face trials:

Rather than simply passing through trials, we must allow trials to pass through us in ways that sanctify us. (Neal A. Maxwell, “Enduring Well,” Apr. 1997.)

This is so very profound! SO often I lay down my head at the close of a day, feeling as if I have taken a beating from every direction, but in that is a glistening opportunity for me to become and BE a better human being, a better woman, a better daughter of God. If our goal is to ultimately be more like Him (which mine is), to live in His presence one day, then how could I possibly expect to go through life without having experiences (often times trying) that indeed sanctify?

There is an interesting dichotomy in life which suggests we are suppose to be happy and content with who we are and the lives we have been given but to also have goals and be working towards something more. I believe there is a divine balance (that in and of it’s self is a personal goal of mine) that when done with inspiration is a extraordinary way to navigate through life with purpose.  Setting meaningful and thoughtful goals is a perfect opportunity to sanctify, cleanse, rid our selves of the unneeded “baggage” we so often get attached to. Goals, when committed to, help us step out off idle and get moving forward. Setting goals can be painful at times because it requires us to be vulnerable and look squarely at our weaknesses and areas that need growth or improvement. That is hard, Anais Nin said it perfectly “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. That is the overwhelming fidgety feeling I get every January 1st as I contemplate my list of goals aka “New Years Resolutions.” Sure there is always a little disappointment at what didn’t happen, but unfailingly  SO much more did SO I gladly take the plunge to dig deep, soul search into those areas of my life that need it most, even if it stings a bit, that is OK.

I heard someone recently say “goals, sham-oales… why bother… why set myself up for disappointment…?” Clearly they were not intrigued with the opportunity to set what could be life-changing goals and feel defeated at the list of past unachieved goals.  I was saddened at this comment because I knew the joy that comes from working everyday to achieve goals and the sublime satisfaction of knowing I am working (sometimes relentlessly) toward becoming a better person. I have a quote in my entry way that says “Everyday try a little harder, to be a little better.” That is the essence of why we are here. Some days those movements are minuscule and other days they are huge strides, the point being, it is important that we are progressing in one way or another, everyday. A life without goals is a life without direction.

Howard W. Hunter said “True greatness…always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time. (“True Greatness,”  1982.)

For me, the New Year tends to magnify my life experiences and in that context, brings into focus all that I am still yearning to become. The opportunity to set goals, re-evaluate who I am and where I am going is not something I take lightly rather it is a big deal. It is motivating and exciting to know I can become, with effort and diligence, a better person. Setting and achieving goals is a great way to become the person I desire most to be. One day, I hope to qualify completely to be in the presence of my Lord and Redeemer, the very one who made it possible for me to reform, change, and grow.

I am so grateful for the tradition of goal setting and the new year. It is a valuable tool that helps me along this path of life. It is a valuable tool that helps my children and husband too. As a family, at the beginning of every year ,we set family goals as well as personal goals. My husband and I also set goals for our marriage that have proven to be an extraordinary blessing and undoubtedly supplies us with a funny conversation as we look back at past years goals. 🙂 It helps us realize that life isn’t so bad, tomorrow really is  a fresh start. Even though at times it feels like we are treading water, we really are progressing in large part due to our efforts in keeping, remembering and striving to achieve our goals. If today did not yield to results we had hoped, we can keep those goals and aspirations close and focused and move forward with faith to the next day. There is peace in that. I love a new year and I love goals. Goals add meaning and substance to this wonderful thing called life!

Happy, Happy New Year! It is going to be a great one!

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This message of hope and faith can be found in various talks by LDS Church leaders, such as this talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “An High Priest of Good Things to Come”

The post Mormon Messages Video: “Look Not Behind Thee” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

by Heidi~

As a busy wife and mother, I often feel as if I am besieged by dozens of voices calling me to venture off in hundreds of directions.  Then there is the voice on top of all the rest, the one that questions which voice is the one that should be attended to first, or even at all.  It can be confusing, overwhelming and exhausting.  There are times, however, when a person can feel as if she is doing the right thing at the right time and the voices go quiet; when she is taking a shower after a hard work-out (no regrets there), when she is feeding her family a delicious and nutritious meal (I should really attempt that one more often) and, for me, when I am in the temple of the Lord. 

When I am in the temple, all the other voices are silenced, including the shrill one that is always questioning my choices and agonizing over the possible negative consequences.  “Maybe I should have put off the grocery shopping until tomorrow and done more to help my son with his homework today,” says the voice.  “It would probably be better to organize the garage this morning when it’s not too hot instead of taking a much-needed nap.”  And on and on it goes.  One of the greatest blessings of the temple, in my mind, is the peace and quiet that comes with knowing that I am in the right place at the right time.  Always. 

This does not mean that there are not sometimes negative consequences to temple attendance.  There are things that might not get enough attention or do not get done when and as they should, and there is always a concern when there are people in our home who need our care on a regular basis from whom we have taken time away.  Sometimes, the house you just cleaned up for the babysitter is in total chaos when you return home or an important phone call was missed or other things needing our attention are temporarily neglected.  Yet, if temple attendance were not a sacrifice, the blessings we receive through our attendance would not be as great.

Everyone who attends the temple sacrifices one or more of the following:  time, both that which is spent in the temple and the time spent getting to and from, money for transportation, whether by car or bus or some other means, or to pay a babysitter to be with your children, and/or energy that could be otherwise spent on things or situations that seem more urgent or pressing.  However, it is because we are willing to sacrifice in order to serve in the temple of God that we are blessed.  Sometimes the blessings are immediate simply through the peace I feel when I am there.  Sometimes it comes through the answer to an anguished prayer.  Sometimes, still, there are times when pushing aside my everyday responsibilities in order to go to the temple seems to lead directly to trouble and chaos.  When that happens, I hold fast to my faith in knowing that blessings directly related to my sacrifice await me and that the burden I endure in order to attend the temple will be relieved ten-fold in some unexpected or unimagined way.

In the end, the sacrifices I make in order to attend the temple are really more of an investment, the dividends of which are worth far more than anything I can produce on my own.  Like all sacrifices made in order the serve the Lord, temple service is something that pays us more than we can ever give.

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