I had more than one person recommend this devotional address to me last week. I’m glad I listened to it.

Craig Manning is a sports psychologist at Brigham Young University who has taken what he has learned from personal experience, academic study, and years of coaching/consulting to identify truths and tools that can help people access the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

He has used these principles to help himself, athletes, business people, musicians, and those seeking recovery from addictions.

The post Tools and truths of healing from sports psychology appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Mark’s story has been one of the most influential in my life. I have heard him share his story multiple times. The false beliefs he developed began when he was a young child. (Next time you hear about an addict, and wonder why they just don’t stop doing what they are doing, please don’t assume that they are “just making bad choices.” So often — in fact, almost always — they need healing from deeply-seeded false beliefs that have often existed for years, if not decades (often since childhood).

I will be eternally grateful to people like Mark who bravely, repeatedly have share their stories to  help others find hope. They have been my little-s saviors on Mt. Zion.

(Watch the video below or by clicking on the image above. You can also read Mark’s story of addiction recovery and deep beliefs-level healing.)

The post Stories of healing: God is always reaching out appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

One of the things I didn’t understand for the first 40 years of my life (I call those my 40 years in the wilderness) is that when we seek healing and help from God, there are layers of healing that can happen when we become aware of our thoughts.

I  have suffered from OCD and anxiety since I was a young child. For many years, I also suffered from dysthymia (a low-level form of depression —  “persistent depressive disorder” that is less pronounced than major depressive disorder but still impacts life in a significant way).

I can still remember as a child praying earnestly for God to take away my fears. But they never went away. I was so confused by this!

And I think at some point in my tween/teen life I gave up asking. (My heart hurts to even write those words.)

Now let me say that I didn’t lose my testimony. I still believed in God. I felt God guide me throughout my life, especially in major decisions (although I was always, always afraid that somehow I would make the wrong decisions and mess up my plan forever). I felt the Spirit on many occasions. I was diligent in scripture study, prayer, church attendance, and temple worship. I served a mission. I married in the temple. I did everything active Mormons do. (I don’t share this at all to boast; this is just what my journey looked like.)

I also share these things to show that all the doing of my Mormon life was not sufficient to heal my mind, heart, and spirit.

In spite of my religious habits, which were done with a good heart and real intent, I wasn’t ever consistently at peace. I was ignorant to how my own thoughts were sabotaging my spiritual health and leaving me weary of life. (I believe God unveiled me to this reality at a time when things were right in my life. But I also believe that my life could have been different had I known what I know now. And so I share in hopes that others “can be more wise than [I] have been.“)

The messages in my head were pretty constant, and included things like “You are not enough.” “What if you go through all of this life thing and find out you didn’t make it?” “You should be able to fix yourself. You have a testimony. Why aren’t you happy?” Or I would feel mad at God because I had so little peace. I would listen to conference talks and talks at church, and I would read scriptures, and I would attend the temple. And my brain still ended up feeling hopeless, seeing all I wasn’t doing. Then, because I had such a testimony, I thought the answer was simply to be more religious, to work harder to be more diligent, more dutiful.

Those in the Church who suffer from anxiety and depression may relate to some of these thoughts. Even though I had a testimony and was earnestly active in the Church, I simply didn’t know how to believe in God’s love for me (even though I could believe in it for others!) because THESE. THOUGHTS. WERE. SO. LOUD. (Yes, the all-caps was on purpose.)

I can’t speak for God, but I feel like He didn’t answer those little-girl prayers to simply take away my fears, because He knew that my 40 years in the wilderness would teach me something about my Egypt, my bondage.

God was allowing me to learn by experience to seek truth by learning through life experience what was not truth. He wasn’t ignoring me or torturing me. He was simply allowing me to experience my fall so I could know what the contrasting, personal, on-this-side-of-the-veil salvation would feel like when it was time for that healing to start to come.

I had to reach a pretty low point where I wanted more than some sort of quick-fix relief from my pain, fear, and shame. Life and health issues also brought me to a point where I couldn’t work harder or more. I had to learn how to work differently. What I needed was healing at my core, at that root level of my thoughts. That healing for me couldn’t start to happen until I connected with others further along this specific, thought-level approach to seeking the healing power of Christ.

I needed to know, first, that healing. is. possible. And I needed guidance on the how.

For me, angel-from-heaven therapists were a start and have been critical to my healing. But the real change for me started happening when I followed through on the heaven-sent idea to attend 12-step meetings, which I have been attending regularly for five years now. Immersing myself in a healing community has been life-changing. The Twelve Steps also have taught me the how of accessing the Atonement. It’s the different work that my mind and spirit had actually been desiring to understand since my youth. (I still remember asking people in my teens what it meant to put things at Jesus’ feet. I knew the what. But no one ever explain a how that I could wrap my head around. The Twelve Steps changed that for me.)

With that hope from hearing others’ stories of healing, and learning from their how, I eventually started to engage my own process of learning to identify and start to surrender these voices in my head. (Think of Moses’ experience in Moses 1 where he first experienced truth about God’s nature and power as the foundation to be able to recognize how much the devil truly was not God. I was a faithful member of the Church, so temple-recommend type of obedience was not my issue. But obedience alone to the commandments was not enough to heal my mind. My fallen thoughts were a channel for the devil to have a hold on my life.)

Along the way, I also have had impressions (personal commandments!) to do things like yoga and meditation as well (great tools for helping one learn how to observe one’s thoughts in a non-judgmental way and to be more present rather than obsessed with the past or the future).

I now understand that because my OCD and anxiety started when I was barely at the age of accountability, perhaps even before, the false beliefs around which my mind developed have been around for a long, long time. I now understand that it will continue to take time for the layers to be revealed to me, but I’m learning to cherish the process. God shows up in amazing ways to let me know that the real truth about Him is nothing like I had imagined in the hamster wheel of my head. As we learn in Lectures on Faith, we can’t really exercise faith in God unless we have a correct understanding of His character and attributes. Through this find-and-surrender/replace process, I am coming to know a God who is more gentle, loving, kind, patient, and ever-ready to help me than I ever could have dreamed. He meets me where I am and takes me one baby step, one thought at a time, to show me more of who He really is. He isn’t angry when I can’t just figure it out or fix myself.

In fact, one of the most important truths that has come to light is that it is simply not my job to change or fix myself. That doesn’t mean I sit passively. I can use my agency to surround myself with people engaging in this process. I can be willing to learn from the pain of my unhealthy thought patterns, and let the pain teach me (rather than expecting God to anesthetize me). I can choose to pray for courage to seek knowledge and insight from the pain that my hamster-wheel thoughts cause me (rather than trying to force myself to think differently — which only breeds shame — I can practice being kind to myself in that process). I can do my usual Mormon stuff (scriptures, prayers, church, temple, service) and also do the things that I now know help me stay plugged into this process and the hope for healing (my 12-step meetings and study of 12-step recovery stories and truths, taking walks with friends who are engaged in a similar process).

As I become aware and gently observe thought patterns that do me harm, I can journal and (especially) talk to others about what I am seeing. But it really gets exciting when I then turn to God to start giving Him my false beliefs and letting Him give me truth to replace those beliefs. I call this the divine find-and-replace process.

Again, I used to just expect Him to make my mind better, to make me feel better. I was confused and hurt and scared when He didn’t. This was an innocent desire, but an ignorant one.

I wanted a cure, but God wanted me to find the healing power of Christ.

I wanted instant relief, but now I realize He wants to give me more than that.

He wants to give me experience engaging Him in a very personal way. He wants to heal me at my core. It is a very individualized, sacred process. There are patterns of truth that appear in what others experience in this process (which is why I treasure my 12-step meetings), but the truths I practice believing are mine, from God, for me. I write them on my mirror and in my journal, and I ask support people to help me practice believing them. We practice believing together.

It is in identifying my personal pavilions —  my own fallen, false beliefs (again, many of which I developed when I was a tender child) — that I become ready for Him to teach me about who He really is. How He really feels about me.

I am coming to believe that this is what Alma talks about when he talked about exercising faith. Faith isn’t about outcomes. It’s about a process. For me, it’s about God helping me identify the weeds that were choking out my seed that has been there all along, wanting to grow. He is helping me prepare the ground of my mind to create more space for Him.

This kind of faith is so much different than when I was trying to somehow earn God’s fixing power by simply being more religious. Without meaning to, I was treating God like a vending machine by focusing on the quick-fix relief I wanted. I now understand that He wants to engage a sweeter-than-sweet-fruit process with me that I can plug into every day.

I am repeating myself, I know. But the principles and patterns in this process are so powerful!

It’s also important to know that I have not been magically cured of my OCD or anxiety (although the persistent, depressive state I was in is all but gone). My brain still has a tendency to get stuck very easily. But I have tools now. Tools and truth. I feel like I have been given new life.

And, interestingly enough, my weak things allow God to show me His strength. Were all of my mortal weaknesses taken from me, I don’t think I would desire to lean on Him like I do now. (The words of Paul and Moroni mean so much more to me now.)

This week, I’d like to share a few stories (including ones I have just across this past week) that reflect some of these tools and truths. Only one resource that I will share will be from the Twelve Step world; I realize that not everyone will need or benefit from 12-step work. But the principles found in this process are true, and they show up in a lot of different ways, in a lot of different tools and techniques. I gain confidence in truth when those patterns appear.

Because even as this is a spiritual process, it’s also a very earthy one. Our brains are part of our fallen selves, and when we can work with God to bring our thoughts more into alignment with spiritual truth, I think it’s a way for us to experience more of the joy that God intends for us in this life. Through this process, I am coming to believe that we can experience glimpses of resurrected joy on this side of the veil.

For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element…connected, receive…joy;

And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.

The elements are the tabernacle of God; yea, man is the tabernacle of God, even temples

I share these experiences, tools, and truth because I know there are others out there like me. I know there are many people who are suffering (sometimes ignorantly, often in silence) with their own shame and hamster-wheel thoughts, whether because of mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar or other disorders; childhood abuse or trauma; adult traumas — or simply just because we all have layers that develop because we are mortal. Through the journey we call life, our mortal brains find quick-fix ways to make sense of our world, and often the false beliefs and coping mechanisms that develop along the way take up space where God wants to give truth.

I hope that some of what is shared here can be helpful. I know God cares about your pain. Don’t give up on the process; the pain can actually show you where He wants to heal you. Find others who can help and who understand. There is hope! Healing is possible!

With love,

Michelle

MormonWoman.org admin

The post Tools and truth for healing false thoughts and beliefs appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

One of the things I appreciate about being a part of this effort is to read the words of my fellow brothers and sisters. Their perspectives and experience enrich my experience engaging the words of the prophets. Of course, we don’t want our posts to replace the words of the prophets, but we hope perhaps this project will inspire you in some way, as it has us.

The other posts from this week’s reading, which focused on the Saturday Afternoon Session of the October 1971 General Conference, are at the bottom of the post.

– – – – –

My brothers and sisters, it is my desire and hope that I might say something meaningful to those who find themselves confused, discouraged, and lost in this mixed-up world—something that will give each one encouragement and faith that there is a way to find oneself.

So begins Victor L. Brown in his October 1971 talk, “I Was in Prison, and Ye Came Unto Me.”

I write this post with similar hopes.

In this mortal world, where the veil blocks our view and understanding of what we knew when we lived with God before, it is no wonder that sometimes we feel alone, afraid, confused, and overwhelmed. My head knows the truths of the gospel; I can give all the answers about why I shouldn’t feel alone, afraid, confused, or overwhelmed. But sometimes in my mortal weakness, I still do. (Perhaps you do at times, too?)

When I’m feeling this way, personal stories of hope and healing reach my heart faster than just about anything.

Before reviewing Elder Brown’s talk, I would like to share one of my favorite stories of hope and healing, from a friend named Mark. I hope you will take a moment to watch this video.

Mark had spent five years in the Arizona State prison system and immediately ended up in trouble with the law, which landed him back in the criminal justice system. For nine years.

He talks of having “unmistakable feelings that God was reaching out.”

“God, I believe that you’re there, and I believe that you are trying to help me. What I don’t understand is why. Why would you want to help me – I’m a convict, I’m an addict, I’m an alcoholic and I haven’t tried to follow you? Why would you want to try to help me?”

The answer? “It’s because I love you.”

Mark gained a conviction of God’s reality and a testimony of the Church. He was able to serve a mission. He went to BYU. After a hard break-up with a girlfriend, the hole in his soul that he’d tried to fill with addiction started to call to him again, and he ended up back in addictive behavior, including using, living on the streets, and robbing a store at gunpoint. As Mark sat in the bushes, hiding from the police after the robbery, the horror of what he had done hit him. He felt so hypocritical — after all, God had saved him already once before, and he felt he had thrown that away. And now he had caused terror in the life of another human being as he had held up the store.

Mark had the gun, this time pointed toward himself, ready to end his life.

And then the words came clearly to his mind:

“I’m still here.”

Mark followed the prompting to turn himself in. He spent nine more years in the prison system, and with the help of 12 steps (a guide to the Atonement), turned his life around. He is now married with a son and shares his tender, powerful testimony with others as a missionary in the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program.

– – – –

I grew up in a strong home, with parents who loved each other and the gospel. I was a good kid, a rule-follower, always active in the Church, always the obedient child (except with that eighth grade science teacher — I don’t know what my deal was with him, but I was such an obnoxious student in that class). I served a mission at 21, loved serving in the Church in college, in graduate school, as a young single adult starting my career on the East coast, as a young married, and as a young mother.

But even with my testimony and all my church activity, I had my own hole in the soul. I loved God as well as I knew how — by serving Him and being obedient — and was devoted to His work. But, quite frankly, I also feared Him (and not in the way the scriptures encourage us to fear God). I perceived Him more like a referee waiting for me to make a mistake, than a Father ever-ready to help and lift me. I could genuinely testify of and believe in His love for others, but I always worried that I wasn’t doing enough to deserve His love myself. I felt His guidance in my life decisions, but I didn’t ever feel settled, safe in His arms. That unsettledness only added to my shame, because I was a good Mormon! I knew I should feel better, happy. But I often didn’t.

Real struggles with anxiety and depression surely contributed to some of this struggle, to be sure. But over the past few years, I have come to realize that at the core of my unsettledness — that hole in my soul — was a set of false beliefs about God that I’d been carrying around my whole life. I was in my own kind of prison without really knowing it, definitely not knowing how to get out.

Joseph Smith taught: “It is the first principle of the gospel to know for a certainty the character of God.” “I want you all to know Him,” he said, “and to be familiar with Him.” ² We must have “a correct idea of his … perfections, and attributes,” an admiration for “the excellency of [His] character.” ³ (Quoted by Elder Holland in “The Grandeur of God.”)

Stories like Mark’s have helped me come to understand the nature of God more fully.

No wonder I liked Elder Brown’s talk.

– – – –

Jim and Ed found God and the Church in an “unlikely setting” — the prison system. Just like Mark, these were men who had spent years wandering aimlessly in life, violating laws of God and the land. And, in God’s way at time, they also discovered a loving God ready and waiting to help them.

Jim’s story was one of a broken home and painful childhood. He got in trouble with the law. But while there, he was introduced to an LDS chaplain.

“Even though he found himself in prison, he had taken the first step to a freedom he had not known existed.

“After a few weeks of exposure to the program of the Church specially designed for prison life, he said he was able to give up smoking. He became involved in the various religious programs sponsored by the Church social service agency. He said, “I haven’t smoked a cigarette since that day. I haven’t had a cup of coffee since December of last year.” He goes on to tell of the good feeling of accomplishment in overcoming bad personal habits.

“He also tells about the family home evening program conducted by his home teachers. He explained that he would have given up in discouragement many times had it not been for this wonderful couple who had been assigned as his home teachers. He said they actually loved him as a son, something he had never experienced in his life, even as a little boy. In his own words: “I have been in this program since June 16, 1970. For these sixteen months, I probably made more changes in my life—inside these walls away from the rat race of society—that I know are going to determine my whole future more than the first twenty-three years of my life before prison. I had no idea at all what the LDS people were or what the Church was until I went to prison.

“I am not proud of being in prison, but I am proud of my experience while being there.”

Jim graduated from the Church’s inmate Institute program, and was, at the time of the talk, planning to prepare for baptism after he had paid his debt to society.

Ed also was ministered to through a loving couple and family who loved him like their own flesh and blood. He graduated from the inmate Institute program, and was asked to speak at the graduation services that Elder Brown had attended.

As he stood at the pulpit, he took a piece of paper from his pocket. Holding it up to the audience, he said: “You probably can’t read this, but this is the most important document in my life. This is my baptismal recommend that will permit me to be baptized next Thursday.” Ed was baptized. After his confirmation, he walked over to a corner of the room where he could be alone and wept. He wept even more when he was ordained a deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood.

I love how Elder Brown ends his talk by saying that

There are many who find themselves in circumstances similar to those of Jim and Ed—not necessarily confined to a correctional institution, but nevertheless in prison, a prison from which legal authorities cannot release them, a prison of personal habits such as alcohol, drugs, immorality, selfishness, dishonesty, laziness, aimlessness; yes, these can be more confining and damning than any state prison.

I submit that we all have our chains that bind us, and not all are as obvious as some of the ones listed above. Take, for example, this list of things mentioned in Elder A. Theodore Tuttle’s talk from 1971. He quotes a Deseret News article:

“’We chase paychecks, and don’t give a second look to the glint of the rising sun on a snow-topped peak.

“’We chase our way through the appointments of a crowded desk calendar, and fail to take time to chat with the next-door neighbor or to drop in on a sick friend.

“’We chase social pleasures on a glittering noisy treadmill—and ignore the privilege of a quiet hour telling bedtime stories to an innocent-eyed child.

“’We chase prestige and wealth, and don’t recognize the real opportunities for joy that cross our paths. …’”

Elder Tuttle continues:

“Someone rephrased this thought: ‘Too often we are involved in the thick of thin things.’

In modern revelation the Lord said:

“Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

“Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men. …” (D&C 121:34–35.)

Here is instruction to straighten out our values.

Note again the admonition: “their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world”—not on the things of the spirit. And they “aspire to the honors of men,” rather than seeking approval of God.

Or take the things that have kept me imprisoned through so much of my life — things like fear of the future, obsessed perfectionism, “performance=worth” beliefs, insecurity, feelings of being “not enough.” My way of aspiring to honors of men came simply in wanting approval and reassurance in my insecurities, and never wanting to say ‘no’ because I worried about what people would think of me if I did.

And somehow I did not believe that I could get assurances from God in that personal way.

So when I started to hear stories like Mark’s when I brought my perfectionistic, people-pleasing self to the 12-step program, I started to consider that if God can reach out to someone who has just robbed a bank, could He not reach out to me with the same kind of clear, direct, personal love?

If He will find someone in prison and give them freedom, can He not do that for you in whatever may be keeping you feeling stuck in your life?

As mortals, we are find ourselves prisoners in one way or another at times. The message of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that we are all free, through Him, if we will receive what He has done for us and let Him change us, calm us, comfort us, help us.

As I pondered this week’s readings, I was reminded of a favorite scripture that was one my mission trainer and I would cheer en voz alta while leaving our apartment.

“[S]hall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free.”

This scripture is written about the salvation for those who have passed on without the gospel in their lives through temple ordinance work for the dead. But as I reflected on Elder Brown’s talk, I felt that it is a scripture about all of us. We can all be redeemed from our prisons, raised from our own spiritual death — whatever may separate or distract us from the love of God — through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

“Avanzad, en vez de retroceder. ¡Valor, hermanos; e id adelante, adelante a la victoria!”

– – – –

Other posts from this week’s General Conference Odyssey:

The post “The prisoners shall go free” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I am excited to share that the Mormon Channel has a new video series called #12StepstoChange, talking about the power of 12-step work to help people heal from addiction. Starting September 1st, as part of Addiction Recovery Month, Mormon Channel will feature a story a day from people who have used the 12 steps. Each day will focus on a different step. Edit: You can watch all the videos here.

I plan to share some of that content here, and encourage you to watch the Mormon Channel’s social media channels for updates as well. Find it on Facebook, on Twitter (and YouTube). Or watch the dedicated website page here for updated content.

I also want to say that 12 steps can help with many other things — not just the typical addict’s story (which stories, by the way, are amazing!). I have been doing 12-step work for three and a half years now. I went because there was a lot in my life that was weighing me down, and God guided me to the rooms in various ways over a course of years of time, even before I finally decided to commit to regular attendance and working the steps. (More about my experience here and here.)

I had no idea what to expect but this is some of how my involvement with 12-step recovery and community has changed (and continues to change) my life:

– I found answers about the Atonement that I’d been seeking since my youth (e.g., how do you turn your burden over to Christ?)
– I discovered truth about God that I’d ached to understand but couldn’t access because I had broken beliefs in my brain about Him and was too consumed with earning my worth.
– As a result, I’ve come to know myself with more clarity than ever, and am developing more compassion and understanding for others.
– I’ve come to appreciate the plan of salvation, particularly the doctrine of agency and the need to learn by experience.
– I learned a language (and keep learning more) and a toolkit that have changed my life. This is such a gentle process, and it flows in a “wisdom and order” way that is elegant and clearly divine.
– I have learned that vulnerability, honesty, and asking for help are key to finding God and forging friendships that I hope will last into the eternities. I feel like I’ve experienced glimpses of Zion — changed hearts being knit together in a room where it’s safe to be a messy mortal, to admit your powerlessness, and to testify of God’s amazing, gentle, unspeakable power.

For me, there is no meeting in the Church that is regularly and consistently more powerful than 12-step meetings. I can see why Jesus spent time with people who knew they needed Him, who had nowhere else to go. Humility and reliance on the Savior brings power. And so does the simple willingness to walk into a room seeking help or insight and inspiration about the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is truly sweeter than sweet to witness it in others’ lives, and to experience it in my own.

The post #12stepstochange appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

During Education Week at BYU, Elder Bednar asked that we flood the internet with our testimonies. He said, “My beloved brothers and sisters, what has been accomplished thus far in this dispensation communicating gospel messages through social media channels is a good beginning—but only a small trickle. I now extend to you the invitation to help transform the trickle into a flood. Beginning at this place on this day, I exhort you to sweep the earth with messages filled with righteousness and truth—messages that are authentic, edifying, and praiseworthy—and literally to sweep the earth as with a flood.”

So I am going to share my thoughts and testimony of Jesus Christ.

My name is Michelle Iverson. I am a wife, mother, teacher, writer, missionary, and disciple of Jesus Christ and I believe that love is a super power!

It is a power we use in everyday life as we care for our families and friends, serve others through our work and church callings, and share the gospel. But there are also those defining moments in life where we get to find out what we are made of and it is in those moments that we can call on love to help us make it through.

When I was a very little girl I was sexually abused by my grandfather. This was a very scary experience for me that continued on for many years. I felt confused because I really loved my grandpa and I loved myself, but what I was experiencing made me wonder if I should love either one.

Those early defining moments in my life created a wall around my heart. I no longer saw myself through eyes of love. In fact, I hated myself. When I looked in the mirror, I could never see who I really was. I saw something so far from the truth. I could only see a broken, ugly, and unlovable image looking back at me. I carried secrets and those secrets were heavy and dark.

As I grew up and started to date, I realized that I had some serious issues with trust and commitment. I saw men as untrustworthy, and so that is what I often attracted and experienced in my relationships. Several years after I returned from serving a mission, I met and married Tyler. A couple of years into our marriage, I discovered he was struggling with a pornography addiction. All of the fears and insecurities I had carried my whole life were unleashed again, and I was left wondering if there was a single man on the planet I could truly trust with my heart.

Here it was, another defining moment. I remember praying and venting all of my pain, loneliness, and anger to Heavenly Father one night. I laid next to Tyler and quietly cried in the dark. I was angry, but I knew that if I was ever going to heal my heart and the incorrect perceptions I had of myself, I had to learn how to love and it had to start with me.

Throughout my life, I have found that the overriding lesson here on earth is love. We are given many experience where we learn how to wield our superpower with faith and humility. True love, the kind that heals lives and changes hearts, comes from Christ. He is the source of our power and I have seen his grace and light work wonders in my life and literally “save the day” in the most heroic ways. Anything I have been able to overcome is only because of him. He has healed my heart, my children, and my husband.

My greatest desire is to love as he loves, and life is giving me many opportunities to practice. It is the difficult things we face that carve out a deeper reservoir of light within us and allow us to use our powers for good! I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that he lives! He is real, and when I look at myself now, I am looking for him.

Michelle Iverson is a wife, mother, author, speaker, teacher and follower of Jesus Christ. She loves to share her insights and experiences through her writing and teaching and seeks to restore well-being to the lives of those who suffer. After experiencing sexual abuse in her childhood, and sexual addiction in her marriage, she and her husband Tyler have become passionate about sharing their story. Michelle’s true passion is helping women overcome adversity through the “sacred art of self-nurture.”

The post #BecauseofHim — Healing from Abuse and a Spouse’s Addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Editor’s note: I had the blessing to hear this talk given at an LDS Addiction Recovery Program fireside in my area. The Spirit was very strong. Justin W. agreed to let me share his talk here. I have learned so much about the Atonement, faith, repentance, and God’s character from addicts in recovery. I am grateful for Justin and others like him who are sharing their stories. 

In June of 2007 I sat in my jail cell and opened a Book of Mormon that I had pulled from the book cart earlier in the day. I was alone which was unusual because usually we had two men in a cell. There had been a transfer that day and I had not received my new “cellee.” As I sat in my chair and began to flip through the pages a book mark fell out. I recognized the various scriptures as the ones that I had learned and tried to memorize many years before in Seminary. I decided that since I had some time on my hands I would read each of the scriptures listed. I read through several passages until I came to Ether 12:27. It was a verse I had read many times over the years. It is a verse spoken my Moroni as he translated the Book of Ether.

It says:

“And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

I had lost my job, my marriage, my home, my membership in the Church, I had lost my friends, my children did not respect me, I didn’t respect myself, I had no hope, no happiness, and I had finally lost my freedom. All these things I had lost to an addiction that had entirely and completely crushed me. I was weak, very weak. As I sat there and cried, feeling entirely lost and alone and without hope I wondered to myself how could this thing – this addiction ever be strength to me?

Frequently my wife and I will hear someone saying that they are having trouble trusting God particularly when we are working on step 3. I myself have felt this way at times in my life. Perhaps you have heard someone say that they don’t believe in God – using the justification that if there was a God he would not let so many bad things happen. I have learned for myself that one of the reasons people don’t trust God is because things don’t always work out the way that we think they should.

A few years ago I was enjoying the new life I had found by working the 12 steps. I had a good job, I lived in a beautiful neighborhood, I had started a little business that was doing very well, and I had a leadership position in the Young Men program in my ward. I had watched many of these boys grow up and we had a special bond that had been forged through years of campouts, rainouts, service projects and merit badges. I had worked very hard to turn my life around and to become a worthy Priesthood holder. I guess in the back of my mind I thought that earned me some sort of a “pass” from tribulation. Boy was I wrong.

Almost out of nowhere events developed in my life that caused all that to change. Within a few weeks almost all those things were gone. Also gone was the spiritual strength that comes from serving. I had not been attending 12 step meetings on a regular basis and as my spiritual strength declined and my self-pity increased I lost my focus – and relapsed.

When I started working the steps again I had no problem with steps one and two. My life wasn’t completely unmanageable – yet – and I knew that God’s power could restore me to complete spiritual health, but when I got to step three – decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ, or to trust in God, I said to myself you have got to be kidding me. I already tried that and look how that turned out. I had a tough time trusting God because my life wasn’t turning out the way that I thought it should. I even felt a little betrayed by God because he let this happen to me.

There are many misconceptions about the purpose of life. Nephi [from the Book of Mormon] saw a future time when many would say “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die and it shall be well with us.” A more modern translation might be “He who dies with the most toys wins.” Life must not have gotten that message because as we all know mortality is challenging and will always have the potential to bring us sorrow and frustration as well as happiness. When life doesn’t act like we think it should we sometimes make God out to be the bad guy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

All people who travel through mortality will experience difficulty, sorrow, and suffering, even those whose lives have been almost beyond reproach. Consider the words that the Savior spoke to the Prophet Joseph as he languished in Liberty Jail:

“And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

It appears evident that our Father in Heaven gives us difficult circumstances at times because it is for our own good. Wise King Solomon was aware of this thousands of years ago when he wrote these inspired words:

“My son, despise not the  chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a  father the son in whom he delighteth.”

When Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden the Lord said “Cursed shall be the ground FOR THY SAKE.” Even the Savior himself – the most tender and perfect soul ever – learned from experience. Alma said of him:

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”

Our Heavenly Father is a God of high expectations. He wants us to become like him. His expectations for us are expressed by his Son Jesus Christ in these words: “I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.” Among the tools that are used to help us develop strengths, skills and Christlike attributes are trials, tribulation, and chastening. Because of our very limited and mortal perspective we may not always see the big picture and may even draw some conclusions that are not correct. A poem that is based upon a fable from the continent of India illustrates this principle well.

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a WALL!”
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, “Ho, what have we here,
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me ’tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a SPEAR!”
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
“I see,” said he, “the Elephant
Is very like a SNAKE!”
The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee
“What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain,” said he:
“‘Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a TREE!”
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: “E’en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a FAN!”
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
“I see,” said he, “the Elephant
Is very like a ROPE!”
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!

Each of the men correctly described their experience but because they only had a limited view – in fact they were blind, they all came to the wrong conclusion.

Almost immediately upon returning to 12-step meetings I began finding opportunities to serve others who were struggling. In order to really understand an addict you have to be one. It is an exclusive club, and having that inside knowledge uniquely qualifies someone to provide the type of compassion and guidance that is needed to enter the path of recovery. I was surprised to find so many friends still attending meetings – they were obviously a lot smarter than I was. They knew that this was a lifelong endeavor. During this time I met and married the love of my life – and before long I was a facilitator again with my beautiful bride at my side. At the suggestion of one of my dear friends my wife and I put in our papers to serve a mission and last year we were called and set apart. As my good Bishop put his hands on my head and gave me a blessing he told me that I had been allowed to endure such hard things so that I could better understand and love those that I would serve.

At that moment everything fell into place. I understood now the benefit of having been born into an alcoholic family with all of its destructive cycles; I could see a positive side to the addiction that had ravaged my life and the lives of those around me – especially my children. I could see the hand of the Lord in preparing me – sometimes through my bad decisions and sometimes through life events that He orchestrated to be an effective servant to my friends in recovery. I recognized – now – that had my life not taken such an unforeseen change in course just a few years earlier that none of these blessings would have happened. My Patriarchal Blessing promised me that I would have a choice wife that would be strength and a help to me throughout my life, I would also be a missionary and be privileged to help many throughout my life. These blessings had eluded me and I figured that I had lost those opportunities. Now I see that I never really was “off plan.” This really was the plan all along and God knew it. Before I was afraid to trust God because things didn’t happen the way I thought they should. Now I’m glad they didn’t and I have learned to trust God with all my heart, all the time, and in every circumstance.

Now, all these years later I reflect on that night in my jail cell feeling hopeless and alone and wondering how anything good could come from my addiction and I realize that it is the things I have gained through my recovery that make me strong. I have a close and loving relationship with my daughter and my sons, a beautiful wife who is also my best friend. The humility and compassion and nearness to Heavenly Father and my Savior, the new heart that I have, my friends, my calling, and the profound experience of seeing the hand of the Lord in my life are what the Savior meant when he said ‘then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

I closing I would like to read you the words of an Easter message the Church recently put out. It is entitled “Because of Him”:

“It was unthinkable, impossible, unfathomable, unprecedented, a single act that changed history, possibility, destiny, He was a carpenter, a teacher, an outcast, a leader, yet He did what no carpenter, teacher, outcast or leader had ever done, like all who preceded Him he lived and he died, but unlike all who had preceded him He rose from the dead, He lived again, He lives. Because he lives you and you and she and he and they – and we, all will live again. Because of Him death has no sting, the grave no victory, we can start again, and again, and again. Because of him guilt becomes peace, regret becomes relief, despair becomes hope. Because of him we have second chances, clean slates, new beginnings, there is no such thing as the end – because of Him.”

The post LDS alcoholic in recovery shares his story appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

When we first started posting materials and resources for those affected by pornography addiction (directly or indirectly), there weren’t many stories or easily-found resources. Over the course of the last three+ years there has been an explosion of work done on behalf of those struggling with pornography / sexual addiction and their loved ones. There are also more and more opportunities for people to volunteer and get involved in helping educate about the harms of pornography addiction.

Just in the next few months, there have been and will be several conferences that our readers might be interested in. There is also a new program for teens who struggle with addiction. The program is called Fortify. More information below.

– – – – –

On March 22, the Utah Coalition against Pornography will hold a conference. The UCAP conference theme is “Taking Charge of Change: Protecting Children and Families from Pornography“. From UCAP’s website: “Pornography has devastating effects throughout society. You can encourage change for good by becoming aware of the risks of pornography, understanding the solutions, and learning to talk openly about this issue. Our speakers are national leaders and local experts who will share insight into many aspects of this critical threat. Don’t miss this opportunity to become more informed and prepared to help others and speak up about the harm of pornography. You are an essential part of the solution!”

Topics that will be addressed include the following:

Opening Keynote – Pornography and the Consumption of Chaos: A Call for Education, Understanding, and Action
Understanding the Problems and Implementing the Solutions
Seven Online Traps for Kids
What Teens wished their Parents Knew
The Addiction Cycle
Understanding and Treating Betrayal Trauma
Pornography Addiction: Disordered Learning, Toxic Sexuality
Media Savvy Families: Protecting Families from Pornography by Developing Healthy Media Habits
Closing Keynote – Pornography: What’s the Problem? What’s the Solution?

Registration for this conference is $15. Conference is open to the public.

– – – – – – –

The Togetherness Project is holding a conference in Phoenix on April 26th. From the project website: “The Togetherness Project empowers women whose lives are affected by the pornography addiction and/or infidelity of a loved one by providing encouragement, education and community. We are a sisterhood of love, validation, and the rarest of friends. Our semi-annual conferences feature renowned sex addiction therapists, professional counselors and inspiring individuals who offer honest, realistic and validating discussions that enable us to rise above our collective challenges together.

Class/Presentation topics include the following:
Codependency as a Trauma Response
Intimacy, Connection and Addiction
Out from the Shadows of Betrayal and into the Light of Hope and Healing
Owning Your Story and Loving Yourself Through the Process
Straight Talk: It’s Time to Talk About Porn with Your Kids
What Do Happy People Know? (Positive Psychology)
The Power of Now
Trust vs Forgiveness: How They are Not the Same
Rise Above

Registration for this conference is $95 and is open to women only. Space is limited.

– – – – – –

Fight the New Drug has a new program called Fortify — designed for teens who are struggling with compulsive pornography use. Learn more here:

The post More Pornography Prevention and Healing Resources appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

But for now, here are three resources for wives — two of them are available today and one starts tomorrow.

Today, at 12:15 MST, there will be a FREE webinar entitled Addiction and Intimacy: How and Why Addictions Prevent Intimacy

Here are the registration details:

Please register for Addiction and Intimacy: How and Why Addictions Prevent Intimacy on Feb 18, 2014 12:15 PM MST

https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/3199177871474661890

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the webinar.

Furthermore, if you would like to register and can’t make it, email eric at addorecovery.com and someone will send you a digital copy of the free webinar.

– – – – – – – – – – –

TONIGHT, in Lehi, there will be a FREE conference for wives of pornography addicts held by LifeStar of Lehi.  For those who aren’t in the area, they will be trying to post a video recording of the event on their website AddictionHopeAndRecovery.com. For any questions, you can email lifestarlehi at gmail d/com

– – – – – – – –

There is a FREE six-week course on healing from betrayal trauma, sponsored by AddoRecovery starting on February 19th. You can sign up (and find out more information) here.

The post Resources (this week!) for Wives of Pornography Addicts appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

You can read more about this topic at lds.org, from the LDS topics section: Gambling.

The Church is opposed to gambling (including government lotteries). The principles behind this position include that gambling invites trying to get something for nothing. It violates the principle of work that is so important in God’s plan. Gambling is also addictive, and as such, people often squander money that they should or would have used for something useful (or even critical to survival). Some even resort to stealing or other behaviors.

That said, as members of the Church, we also understand that sometimes people will use the gift of agency that God has given them to make choices that are not good for their well-being and for their families and other loved one. This may be the case for some members of the Church who gamble, and/or are trapped in the grip of other addictive behaviors.

The Church has an addiction recovery program for those who struggle with addictions of any kinds. Loved ones of those in addiction are also invited to attend, and there is a section on the ARP website just for loved ones. (In some areas, there are family support meetings. Check the Addiction Recovery website for more information.)

**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” reflect the thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of individuals. Although here at Mormon Women: Who We Are, we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.

Have a question you would like to ask? Send an email to us at gmail, with either ‘mormonwoman’ or ‘mormonwomen’ as the username.

The post Ask a Mormon Woman: Is gambling allowed by your church? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.