You have probably heard the phrase, ‘Your body is a temple.’ Many faiths have temples, special places of worship and of great beauty, in which believers seek closeness with the Divine. Those who visit the temple would never disrespect or defile it in any way. Similarly, we should feel the same way about our body, treating it with respect by avoiding harmful substances and behaviors. The Apostle Paul said, “Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”¹ We can do this by following the Word of Wisdom.

The Word of Wisdom

One way that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints show their respect for the body and mind given to them by Heavenly Father is to follow the Word of Wisdom (WOW). We know that praying and attending church can help us form a relationship with the Lord, however, how we treat our bodies and minds is also important in strengthening this relationship and helping us to be worthy to receive the Holy Spirit.

The Word of Wisdom refers to a revelation had by the Prophet Joseph Smith in 1833 about the physical well-being of the Saints. It was formally accepted by the Church in 1851. Doctrine and Covenants 89 provides that the Saints should not use tobacco, wine, strong drinks, or hot drinks (interpreted by the prophets to mean coffee and black tea) and should eat meat sparingly. It encourages the use of herbs, grains, fruits, and vegetables, but does not require a vegetarian diet.²

Over the years, the importance of the WOW has been shown in ways that could not have been imagined during the early days of the Church. We know now how damaging tobacco products can be. How many of the almost 140,000 people a year in the United States who die from lung cancer or those who suffer for years with impaired breathing from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) would give anything if they could start over and not take up smoking?³ How many people wish they had not prioritized alcohol over family, work, or driving safely?

The Word of Wisdom and Today’s Generation

Though the Word of Wisdom was given to us over a hundred years ago, it is still relevant to us today. In 1949, David O. McKay, then President of the Church, discussed how views on harmful behaviors can change. In the early 20^th Century, it was unusual for women to smoke, and even considered not very ladylike. Over a short span of time, however, in large part due to advertising aimed at women, women’s smoking went from being hidden to openly shown in films. What had been unacceptable only a few years prior, had become accepted and fashionable.⁴   Classic movie fans might remember the iconic scene between a cool Bette Davis and a suave Paul Henreid as they share a cigarette in ‘Now Voyager.’ Who wouldn’t want to start smoking after seeing the beautiful Ms. Davis in that scene?

The same can be said for many of today’s habits, that is, advertising and popular culture make questionable behaviors appear typical and accepted. For example, many young people decide not to smoke tobacco and turn to vaping, or e-cigarettes, as an alternative. In vaping, the user inhales flavored oils using what is often a stylishly designed device. While it may seem like a good substitute for smoking, vaping is not harmless. According to the US Surgeon General, e-cigarettes contain particles that can be inhaled, chemicals that cause lung disease, and even heavy metals such as lead. ⁵ Most people would not knowingly put these things in their bodies, but since vaping is portrayed in popular culture as hip and trendy, and with little information about the health hazards, they don’t question the habit. In addition to lung problems, people have been seriously injured after the vape pen exploded in their face. And like many habits, vaping wastes money that could be better spent.

Another popular habit is stopping at the coffee shop. You already know that drinking coffee is against the WOW. It’s best to avoid coffee shops, but it is also understandable that you may want to socialize with friends who frequent them. If you do go in, take care when choosing a drink.  Even drinks that don’t have ‘coffee’ in the name, may contain it. Mochas, macchiatos, and lattes are coffee drinks. If you do order a drink, don’t be shy about asking if there is coffee in it. Green tea is also popular, but green tea is simply unfermented black tea and drinking it is against the Word of Wisdom.⁶

While the Doctrine and Covenants does not specifically refer to opioids, ecstasy, or other illegal and legal substances in common use today, we can know they are against the Word of Wisdom. As President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “The Word of Wisdom is a basic law. It points the way and gives us ample instruction in regard to both food and drink, good for the body and also detrimental. If we sincerely follow what is written with the aid of the Spirit of the Lord, we need no further counsel.” And “we will know what is good and what is bad for the body, without the Lord presenting us with a detailed list separating the good things from the bad that we may be protected. We will learn by this faithful observance that the promises of the Lord are fulfilled.”⁷  A good rule of thumb if you aren’t sure a substance is prohibited by the WOW, is to consider whether it may be addictive or otherwise impair your mental or physical health. Also, if you continue to buy this item or engage in a behavior such as gambling, will it mean that you won’t have enough money for obligations and essentials? If the answer is ‘yes,’ it is probably best to leave it alone.

Making Changes

Living in harmony with the Word of Wisdom may seem daunting at first. Perhaps you aren’t sure if you can do it. Maybe you’ve smoked since you were a teen. Maybe you can’t imagine giving up Friday nights at the bar with the gang. But change is possible. I was never a big coffee drinker, but I did drink tea. I had tea with meals, tea at work, tea when I was sick, tea all the time. Nothing fancy, in fact, regular supermarket tea was fine with me. As my son got older, we had many happy evenings together sharing a pot of tea. So, it was especially difficult for me to give it up. When I started to investigate the Church, I substituted cocoa for tea, but over time, I found I didn’t even need to do that. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with hot water with lemon. What worked for me in making the change was thinking of the Word of Wisdom as a whole. All the components work together for a healthier life and one more connected to the Spirit. Following the Word of Wisdom is also important because it is one of the ways we show our worthiness to enter the temple. Having experienced the blessings of the temple, I do not want to lose them because I can’t say ‘no’ to a cup of tea.

As you begin following the Word of Wisdom, you can turn to the missionaries. They can help you find a smoking cessation program. They can guide you to Scripture that will encourage you to make other choices when you are tempted to engage in behaviors that are against the WOW. There are fun, drug and alcohol-free, social events at church for all ages. If you feel unsure of yourself, attend church functions so that you won’t be surrounded by temptation. Find outlets such as exercise, being of service, crafts, reading Scripture, or listening to uplifting music to occupy your mind. Even if you are not yet a member of the Church, the missionaries would be happy to give you a blessing to help you with your struggle. The Lord has promised that if you go to Him “with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.”⁸  Know that you can change. Trust in the Lord and do not doubt yourself. You can do this!

The Blessings of the Word of Wisdom

We are all mortal and subject to human frailties. Following the Word of Wisdom does not mean we will never get sick. But it may be much easier to avoid or recover from illnesses if we start from a good base, one that is free from the use of harmful substances such as addictive drugs, tobacco, and alcohol and that is nourished by a variety of healthy foods. Following the WOW can help us have a clear mind, making it easier to make good choices for ourselves and our families.

We can be at peace, knowing that our behaviors are less likely to be the cause of marital strife, poor job performance, a car accident, or misspent finances. Adhering to the Word of Wisdom allows us to be ready to receive spiritual promptings so that we can be guided by the Holy Spirit. The Word of Wisdom is a great source of strength that helps us, as the scripture says, “to run and not be weary and walk and not faint.”⁹

Resources:

1. 1 Corinthians 6:19–20.
2. Doctrine and Covenants 89.
3. https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/dcpc/research/update-on-cancer-deaths/index.htm
4. Conference Report, Oct. 1949, pp. 185–86.
5. https://e-cigarettes.surgeongeneral.gov/
6. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2019/08/vaping-coffee-tea-and-marijuana?lang=eng
7. Improvement Era, Feb. 1956, pp. 78–79.
8. Mosiah 7:33.
9. Doctrine and Covenants 89:20.

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An Interview with the PA Manager of the Church

Ally Isom, Senior Manager of Public Affairs with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was interviewed by Doug Fabrizio of Radio West. They discussed the details of the church disciplinary process as described by the Church.

During the interview, Isom states that the church defines apostasy as when “members turn away from the principles of the gospel, or corrupt principles of the gospel, or make unauthorized changes in Church organizations or priesthood ordinances.” She continues to say that expressing personal views is one thing, but it’s a completely different situation when an individual begins to actively draw others away from clear gospel doctrine. She explains the dangers of this by quoting President Gordon B. Hinckley: “Small aberrations in doctrinal teaching can lead to large and evil falsehoods” (from LDS.net).

A Thorough and Thoughtful Article at Patheos.com

Latter-day Saint convert, Karen Trifiletti, also posted a thoughtful article at Patheos called John Dehlin and Kate Kelly: Reflections on Church Discipline. In it, Karen discusses “loving disciplinary action,” calling failure to discipline a less-loving choice:

Today, professing Christians—as well as progressive parents—are almost afraid to practice discipline out of fear of appearing uncaring. But actually choosing not to discipline, in the case of grievances of Church doctrine or behavior, is the uncaring, least merciful course, for the offender and for the body of Christ.

Church discipline invites a change of heart, and keeps “the body of Christ free from influences that weaken others’ faith in Jesus Christ and his teachings,” Karen says.

Of particular concern to Karen and all the members of the Church is an understanding of the use and nature of “priesthood,” which we define as the power and authority to act in God’s name. The priesthood is a blessing that comes with membership in the “true and living” Church, and the idea that it is somehow limited to men in administrative callings is a wrong idea.  Says Karen,

The priesthood is infinite, and is continually poured out and its powers and blessings are shared as the Lord has designated. There is no scarcity of it, nor does it need to be re-distributed according to secular versions of functional equality. All women have access to the power of the priesthood and equal access to God.

Read more about the infinite blessings of the priesthood on LDS.net.  If you are confused by the claims of the Ordain Women group and wondering about their ‘grievances,” this is a must-read, shared by the same author.

An Experienced Mormon Leader Reflects on Church Disciplinary Councils

Also a very worthwhile read on the subject of church discipline in Mormonism is a piece called Middle Aged Mormon Man — Why I Love Church Disciplinary Councils.

My views regarding church disciplinary councils come from almost a decade of actively participating in them as a bishop, and a member of Stake councils. I have had the privilege and responsibility to participate in dozens of councils over that time.

MMM comments on the palpable feeling of the presence of the Holy Ghost at these councils, perhaps more profoundly felt than in any other process of service.

I have witnessed the power of the Atonement of Christ heal broken hearts and darkened spirits. I have seen the very real change of countenance in the face and eyes of many repentant souls who sought, and found, forgiveness.

In the midst of this controversy, these three articles can give you a clear picture of the purpose, context, and content of Mormon disciplinary councils and show how church discipline is guided by a loving Heavenly Father through the presence of the Holy Ghost.

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I recently shared a comment about mentoring women who are interested in business. (Others can talk to mentors in other fields, but this is my area of expertise.) I thought I would make a post out of my comments.

I’ve been involved in mentoring students (mostly women in business students) for over a decade, and the topic of Mormon women, motherhood, education and the tension women sometimes feel with LDS teachings of family first + education/preparation is something I’ve been passionate about for a long time.

First, the thoughts and quotes:

I think, also, when women can understand that education helps prepare them to serve in the kingdom however and wherever they may be led/called, it can add more of a ‘whole’ to the whole issue rather than being framed as an either/or scenario.

Mary Cook gave an excellent talk on this subject at BYU a few years ago (summary here:http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/58136/More-fit-for-the-kingdom-more-used-would-I-be.html). Some of the ideas that she shared in that talk also appeared in this New Era article: https://www.lds.org/new-era/2009/04/more-fit-for-the-kingdom?lang=eng

I also think this talk by a female BYU-I professor captures the tension beautifully. http://www.byui.edu/Documents/instructional_development/Perspective/V7n2PDF/v7n2_hurley.pdf

Lastly, this quote from Eliza R. Snow is one of my favorites:

“Don’t you see that our sphere is increasing? Our sphere of action will continually widen, and no woman in Zion need[s] to mourn because her sphere is too narrow.

“God bless you, my sisters, and encourage you, that you may be filled with light, and realize that you have no interests but in the welfare of Zion. Let your first business be to perform your duties at home. But, inasmuch as you are wise stewards, you will find time for social duties because these are incumbent upon us as daughters and mothers in Zion. By seeking to perform every duty you will find that your capacity will increase, and you will be astonished at what you can accomplish.” (quoted in Daughters in My Kingdom)

I think consecration and personal revelation are key to dancing in the tension. I believe God cares about what we have to offer, and yet He offers, first, all that He has to offer if we will seek to follow His plan. I believe firmly that as we do this, and seek His guidance, He will lead us in how, when, and where to use the talents He has given us all along our life’s path. He’s the best mentor there is!

– – – – –

Resources for women who are interested in connecting with female mentors or others interested in business:

– BYU Management Society. There are women in business involved in chapters all over the world. Some chapters have specific women’s groups to help with networking and mentoring. See https://byums.org/women-professionals . If there is not a Women in Business group in your area, consider starting one. See http://byuwomeninbusiness.blogspot.com/2011/12/starting-women-in-business-group.html for ideas.)

– With the internet (see LinkedIn and Facebook, blogs, and more), women can take initiative and connect with LDS professionals in places all over the US and elsewhere.

– For students at BYU, there are robust women in business clubs at both the undergraduate and graduate levels. These clubs have regular opportunities to network with professional LDS women.

Undergraduate Women in Business club: http://womeninbusiness.byu.edu/

Graduation Women in Management club: https://sites.google.com/site/wimbyu/)

– As an FYI, the undergraduate club will be holding an event on March 13. Elaine Dalton will be speaking and there will be opportunities to connect with people in various emphases within the business program. http://www.marriottschool.net/womeninbusiness/major-shopping-event-registration/

– The Marriott School has several advisory board where female mentors might be found. http://marriottschool.byu.edu/advisoryboard/

– The BYU Management Society held a Women in Business conference in 2011. There were several dynamic and accomplished women who were invited to speak and participate. http://marriottschool.byu.edu/conferences/wibc/

– Several of the women who participated in the Women in Business conference were featured on the blog for the conference who are excellent mentors to follow on Facebook and elsewhere (e.g., Whitney Johnson’s Harvard Business Review blog posts (http://blogs.hbr.org/whitney-johnson/), personal blog (http://whitneyjohnson.com/), Chrysula Winegar’s blogs (e.g., http://chrysulawinegar.com/, http://whenyouwakeupamother.com/).

See many more Mormon women in business featured at http://byuwomeninbusiness.blogspot.com/

p.s. The non-profit Aspiring Mormon Women also has a list of other resources for women in professions such as law, medicine, science, and more. http://aspiringmormonwomen.org/resources/

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Two excellent talks were given this week on topics that were similar. Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke at BYU-Idaho in a talk called, “Witnesses of God.” And R. Albert Mohler, Jr. gave a forum speech at Brigham Young University in Provo called “Strengthen the Things that Remain: Defending Human Dignity, Human Rights, and Human Flourishing in a Dangerous Age. (You can watch the video here.) Dr. Mohler is president of the president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. 

Here is but one example of the common threads of thought expressed in these bold discourses:

From Dr. Mohler:

There is no secular ground that can support and defend human rights. Furthermore, there is no secular system that can adequately rank the claims to various rights that human beings present. Just look at our current situation. Demands for erotic liberty — the unrestrained right to full individual sexual expression, fulfillment, and legitimacy — now routinely trumps religious liberty.

Professor Mary Ann Glendon of the Harvard Law School has warned of the collapse of all human rights when everything is transformed into secular “rights talk.” Right and wrong collapse as meaningful categories when everything is a matter of competing “rights.” But without right and wrong, there is no way to say that the denial of basic human rights is wrong.

From Elder Oaks:

The denial of God or the downplaying of His role in human affairs, which began in the Renaissance, has become pervasive today. The glorifying of human reasoning has had good effects and bad. The work of science has made innumerable improvements in our lives, but the rejection of divine authority as the ultimate basis of right and wrong by those who have substituted science for God has many religious people asking this question:

“Why [is] the will of any of the brilliant philosophers of the liberal tradition, or, for that matter, the will of the Supreme Court of the United States . . . more relevant to moral decisions than the will of God”?[1]

Those who have used human reasoning to supersede divine influence in their lives have diminished themselves and cheapened civilization in the process.

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I’m not really sure how to write this. I only ever discuss controversial things with my husband because I know that he will still love me and not think worse of me. But my heart has been stilled and I think now is the time to attempt to find words for the thoughts in my heart. I hope that my friends are still friends, even if we now find ourselves in opposite fields of view.

I believe in love, that it is our guiding force, our most prized possession, and one of the most inspiring emotions. I guess that is why this debate is so close to our hearts. We don’t want anyone to feel hate. We want to give our love wings and not have to admit that sometimes our imperfect human love can be wrong. I have loved the wrong people in my life. Love in and of itself is not wrong, but can be misplaced and misused. Love can be a strong willed emotion and run away with our hearts.

I hold a strong belief in my God and what he has spoken to me. He has spoken to me in many ways and we’ve discussed many things. I also know that not everyone has heard Him. If I had not heard Him I would believe many different things than I do now.

So I can see how I would think if I did not know the things I do. I believe that all men are created equal. I believe that people should be treated equally. Equality is a sentiment that speaks to the godlike qualities in all of us. But I know that though mankind is inherently good, our knowledge and understanding is limited. We have been given wonderful gifts to be able to reason together and find truth in the world, but we have only found a tiny portion of the truth that is out there to be told. We cannot understand all things, but we must stand by the things we know and allow ourselves the room and the time to be able to learn the rest.

I do know beyond anything I can form into words that God loves His children and desires for them all to be happy. All of them. Every single one. I also know that he wants us to feel love for another and experience the beauty and strength of family through the sacred institution of marriage between man and woman.

For some of you those two concepts seam mutually exclusive, but to me they coexist peacefully. Please do not think that I believe that some deserve happiness and not others. Please do not think that I believe that some are more worthy of love than others. Please do not think that I believe that some should have more rights than others. Please do not believe that I do not understand why others feel differently or that I can not respect them and their beliefs. I believe that people are created differently with separate and glorious traits and wonderful but different roles to fill and challenges to face. Each is an individual and deserves to be treated uniquely, not exactly the same as every other, but with respect to their own challenges and successes, according to their own needs.

I want to love everyone. I have troubles sometimes, but the great commandment to love your neighbor as yourself is one of my favorites. It is hard to disagree with someone you love, to risk losing relationships with best friends, ex-lovers, neighbors, and friends because you stand for different things. But my hope is that just as I respect any person who stands up to protect and honor another person, they will respect me for standing for what I believe what I believe will protect my family. I have respect for those that wish to formally acknowledge the sacrifice of committed relationships. However, I have greater respect for the Creator who knows all truth and created all people. He can tell how all things work and I cannot, so I must rely on His guidance to navigate the murky water of mortal experience and cling to the truth I do know.

I know that families matter and must be protected. So I stand with the family, for traditional marriage, and for the divine roles of men and women.

I hope my friends are still friends. I hope we can stand for different things and still stand next to each other, that we can hold our beliefs and still hold each other in our hearts. We each must choose what we believe will bring the world closer to whatever heaven we seek. Hopefully we can still travel along with each other and one day learn from our Father just how this all fits and how much He truly loves us.

Monica Lynn is wifey and momma dedicated to making life beautiful. You can follow her adventures at {domestic artistry}

From the February 2014 Ensigns article “Get Informed, Get Involved”:

As the ways of the world become increasingly distant from the Lord’s ideals, members of the Church will find themselves needing to speak up on issues of common concern. President Gordon B. Hinckley warned that a small minority may “make their voices heard until those in our legislatures may come to believe that what they say represents the will of the majority.” He reminded us that “we are not likely to get that which we do not speak up for.

“Let our voices be heard. I hope they will not be shrill voices, but I hope we shall speak with such conviction that those to whom we speak shall know of the strength of our feeling and the sincerity of our effort. Remarkable consequences often flow from a well-written letter and a postage stamp. Remarkable results come of quiet conversation with those who carry heavy responsibilities.”⁹

Such a proposition may be daunting—to voice unpopular views and to stand up for our opinions and beliefs when others may disagree—but when we stand with the Lord, we never stand alone.

Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “My challenge is that we join with people of all faiths who feel accountable to God in defending religious freedom so it can be a beacon for morality. We caution you to be civil and responsible as you defend religious liberty and moral values. We ask that you do this on the Internet and in your personal interactions in the neighborhoods and communities where you live. Be an active participant, not a silent observer.”¹⁰

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My parents are both converts to The Church Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a young and recently baptized married couple in Brazil, one of their biggest dreams was to establish their family in the “Estados Unidos” (USA), more specifically Utah, to be closer to the large body of unified saints there. What they wanted more than anything was to raise their children on high moral ground. This fact, is something they have always been proud of, “our family legacy,” as my dad always says.

So they stood in long lines, filled out many forms, and waited…and waited…for six years. Then one day their request for permanent resident status was approved. That’s when our family (I was six at the time) moved. My dad jokingly recalls, “with four pieces of luggage and eight hundred dollars.”

Through hard work, and sheer grit, I saw my immigrant family struggle to survive. We worked as janitors, we delivered news papers, we worked odd construction jobs. I don’t think I ever saw my parents sleep. But I always saw them on their knees in prayer.

Now looking back at the upbringing they were able to secure for their children, the freedom from corruption and oppression they were able to give us, the opportunity every single one of us was able to access…their struggle was worth it.

This event happening on Tuesday is actually more than just a rally for marriage…to me at least. This event is about gratitude, and exertion of liberty. This event is the opportunity to stand as a collective body of saints for what matters most -our faith, our family, and our freedom.

That’s what brings me to you now. I wanted to share my story and why I want to personally go. It’s because my parents fought for me to have this very opportunity.  I remember waking up at 4:00 am and folding newspapers with my mom and dad. It’s for them that I’m going to this rally. It’s for the sacrifices they made to give me what I enjoy today. It’s for their marriage, the mutual covenant made between each other and God Almighty. It’s for their belief that the “Estados Unidos” is truly a place where if good men dwell, they will be free. It’s for Utah, the ‘city set high on the hill’, built from the ground up… out of nothing.

The very existence of my state was founded upon the backs of those who have gone before us. Courageous men, women, and children — families — that collectively gave their all for what we currently enjoy today. This is the legacy of Utah.

I want to stand with the large group of strong and courageous sons and daughters of those fathers and mothers that are counting on us to continue their legacy. I want to support this event with my presence.

-Carolina Sagebin Allen

Note: Mormon Women: Who We Are and the More Good Foundation take no official stance on events such as those mentioned above. Please remember, also, that this site is not an official site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

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More thoughts to come on this…. Here’s the link to the official statement.

On December 20, 2013, a federal district judge in Salt Lake City issued an order legalizing same-sex marriage in Utah, striking down century-old state laws and a state constitutional amendment that defined marriage exclusively as between a man and a woman. The United States Supreme Court has put that ruling on hold pending consideration of the issue by an appellate court. During the interval between the district court ruling and the Supreme Court stay, numerous same-sex marriages were performed in Utah. Legal proceedings and legislative action in some other states and countries have given civil recognition to same-sex marriage relationships.

As we face this and other issues of our time, we encourage all to bear in mind our Heavenly Father’s purposes in creating the earth and providing for our mortal birth and experience here as His children. “God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:27–28). “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well-being of society. Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and crucial to eternal salvation.

Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

Just as those who promote same-sex marriage are entitled to civility, the same is true for those who oppose it. The Church insists on its leaders’ and members’ constitutionally protected right to express and advocate religious convictions on marriage, family, and morality free from retaliation or retribution. The Church is also entitled to maintain its standards of moral conduct and good standing for members.

Consistent with our fundamental beliefs, Church officers will not employ their ecclesiastical authority to perform marriages between two people of the same sex, and the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages. Nevertheless, all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises so long as they respect our standards of conduct while there.

While these matters will continue to evolve, we affirm that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to love and treat all people with kindness and civility—even when we disagree.

As members of the Church, we are responsible to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to illuminate the great blessings that flow from heeding God’s commandments as well as the inevitable consequences of ignoring them. We invite you to pray that people everywhere will have their hearts softened to the truths of the gospel, and that wisdom will be granted to those who are called upon to decide issues critical to society’s future.

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Editor’s note: Both because of the quantity of searches we’ve had over the years from wives struggling with their husband’s addictions and because of my new(ish) job in the porn prevention world, you will continue to see posts on this topic from me. I think we as parents need to be discussing this more, sharing ideas and experiences (both successes and failures) with each other. Remember when Sister Beck invited sisters to fight against the plague of pornography? If you haven’t heard it, it’s worth a listen. Here’s the snippet where she urges us to rise to the responsibility to protect our children. This plea has been repeated recently by Elder Cook as well. “Our primary emphasis, however, should always be to make any necessary sacrifices to protect our own family and the rising generation.²⁰ The vast majority of them are not yet in bondage to serious addictions or false ideologies. We must help inoculate them from a world that sounds a lot like the Jerusalem that Lehi and Jeremiah experienced.”

Protecting our children needs to be our “primary emphasis”! We can’t just protect through filters or technology solutions, or by waiting for petitions or government action to take place. We have to lead out and help protect our children by being educated and aware ourselves (and getting help if we struggle with addiction!). And we need to help them develop internal filters through spiritual health, emotional health, mental health, and social/relational health.

It was a combination of a fifth-Sunday lesson from our bishop and the emotion and passion in Sister Beck’s voice that spurred me as a mom to get more educated about pornography addiction. The Spirit was working on me with intensity. I will be honest; I also had the nagging desire to bury my head in the sand and pretend pornography addiction really wasn’t as big of a problem as my bishop made it sound. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew I had to be deliberate and get educated and make protecting and preparing my children against pornography and addiction a priority.

Now that I have spent years becoming more educated, I realize that I started way too late thinking about this. My children were still in pre-teens/pre-pre-teen mode at the time, but now I have learned that teaching children media literacy (thanks, Beauty Redefined!) needs to happen a lot younger and very deliberately. I have learned more about the brain science of pornography/sexual addiction how even young children’s brains can develop addictions. From that point on when the Spirit spurred me out of my slumber, I was open and deliberate with my children about my hope to help them grow up without addiction in their lives. (That means we talk about more than just pornography, but we do talk a lot about that specifically.) I will say, too, that that meant a lot more than just talking about sex. (I’d been open with them about sex from the time they were young.) What I have learned is that talking to them about sex is NOT the same thing as talking to them about pornography!

I recently shared some resources for talking with children about cell phone safety. I wanted to share some resources that I hope can be helpful for you to learn more about pornography and sexual addiction, and about pornography prevention, so that you can be informed and empowered as a parent or grandparent or teacher to know how to help children navigate our porn-saturated world

(If you have a child already struggling with addiction, there are places you can go for support. For example, Healing through Christ has a workbook for loved ones of those in addiction. They also have phone meetings (email me at mormonwoman a/ gmail d/ com for more info and I can forward information from them to you).  The Sons of Helaman community is made up of LDS moms who are supporting each other and sharing what is helping them through this challenge. The Hope and Healing Forum has women (mostly wives, but some moms) who understand what it is like to have a loved one in addiction. LDS Addiction therapists who can help you navigate this include people like Brannon Patrick, Jeffrey Ford, Geoff Steurer, Tyler Patrick, Dan Gray, Kathy Kinghorn, Dorothy Maryon, Roger Stark, Mark Chamberlain, Rory Reid, Matthew Buckley (specializes in helping youth…just heard about him and his book) and others. Fight the New Drug has a new program coming out for youth struggling with addiction as well, called Fortify. You can email me for more names.)

I already shared a few links above. There is a lot more great educational material at sites like Net Nanny, Candeo, Covenant Eyes, Porn Harms, Fight the New Drug (linked above), SA Lifeline, Porn Proof Kids, and more. (I don’t have time to include all the resources of which I’m aware, but that can be a good start.)

If you can get your hands on this journal, there is a review of research done in 2012: The Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents: A Review of the Research (from Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention, in a special issue on Cybersex

Some good authors on the topic include Jill Manning, Mark Kastleman, Don Hilton, Mary Muller (you can preview some of her book about protecting innocents here), Steven Cramer. You can see more authors and books that have been listed at lds.org here.

I also highly recommend reading books and tapping into educational resources about shame. Brené Brown is a well-known researcher and speaker on this topic (warning, she has a bit of a foul mouth sometimes but the principles she teaches are brilliant). I also had the opportunity to read one of the books by a pastor named F. Remy Diederich, which helped me understand a lot about how I can help my children avoid being trapped in shame. And he kindly has offered to share them for free.

Stuck: How to Mend and Move on From Broken Relationships (ePub File: http://bit.ly/1a6bWCb; Kindle File: http://bit.ly/17hMDeO; PDF File: http://bit.ly/17hMOXz. 

Healing the Hurts of Your Past: A Guide to Overcoming the Pain of Shame: ePub File: http://bit.ly/19bDbhC; Kindle File: http://bit.ly/1cpjzK8; PDF File: http://bit.ly/17cG7H9

Have you ever heard of the LDS Tech forums? This is an underused resource where tech experts from the Church gather in “crowdsourcing” mode to help the Church work on technical projects and to help members get answers to questions about technology. There is a whole section in the forums just for Family Safety with Technology. Topics in this particular space include discussions not just related to concerns about pornography (e.g., filtering technology (and the very real limitations and downsides of filters, or at least relying solely on filters — with some VERY wise advice), thoughts about using Facebook, more), cybercrime issues, general internet addictions (remember, parents, kids don’t have to be addicted to pornography to have an addiction that can hurt them), video game addictions, and more.

You can also find more information about technology solutions, internet safety, and how to communicate with your children at places like Enough is Enough, McAfee’s family safety center, the FBI’s website, and Women for Decency (including Digital Safety How-tos and tips for talking to children).

Women for Decency (the organization I work for) also has created a couple of programs for White Ribbon Week (a program used in some schools). While these are designed for a school’s parent-teacher organization (PTA, PTO), the principles are valuable for anyone with a stewardship for children — especially for parents! See two booklets that are free for download: I Have the Power and Let’s Get Real.

You can find more resources for talking to your children at BYU’s Continuing Education website (I already did a search for you!). In those search results you can find a multitude of documents shared at a BYU Women’s Conference Sharing Station, for example, or a handout about addiction and recovery.  found a couple of BYU Women’s Conference links, for example. There have been some programs on BYU-TV about pornography as well.

For teaching children about sexuality, A Parent’s Guide is at the top of my list. Jill Manning shared some thoughts at a Time Out for Women a couple of years ago. You will see that she has recommended books by Brad Wilcox and Richard and Linda Eyre.  (I do want to say that I disagree with the Eyre’s about a recent article they published…my thoughts are more along the lines of this post in response to their article — about how emotional health (not just talking about healthy sexuality) is KEY to helping protect children from porn.)

As I said before, this is an incomplete resource list. If you have other resources you would like to share, please leave them in the comments below! 

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Editor’s note: This is another article in our new series of BYU students sharing letters and reflections on scripture.

Setting Christ-centered Goals as a Family

by Ethan G.

After New Years my wife and I set many goals that we wanted to accomplish during the year, and habits we wanted to incorporate into our lives that would stay with us for our lifetime. Of course, with all New Years goals usually they never happen. Finally, a month later we got back into the groove of things and talked about our goals we had set and why they weren’t happening.

As we talked this past week a scripture came to mind from my reading in Helaman 5:12 which reads:

“And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.”

We then discussed how we both need to have our goals and desires based in Christ. We needed a united purpose and foundation to build on if we want to keep our relationship strong with each other and with our Heavenly Father. When we are united in our thoughts, desires, and actions we can become one with one another and as we aligned our desires with Heavenly Fathers will we would become one with the Godhead as well. The reason we talked about this was because our goals related to the will of God, we were just having trouble being motivated to get them done. And this came from purpose and remembering the big picture.

As we talked about our foundation and a vision of where we wanted to be the more motivated to get things taken care of in our lives. We then discussed Helaman 10:4-5 and replaced our names with Nephi:

“Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou hast not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments. And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.”

We have power within each of us. We can all receive the blessings of Heaven according to the will of the Father. It is all about what we have done and who we become. That determines that which is allotted unto us. So as my wife and I and whoever else is reading this, as we set our goals according to the vision of who we can become, we can have the same feelings as Nephi did when he heard a voice of the Lord those many years ago. We can become great if we would stay on top of the small and simple things. Thankfully now we are right back on track, working toward the greater good, improving ourselves, and preparing to be great influences on the lives of those around us.

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