Question: “Is there a place in an LDS world for a divorced woman?”

Response by Marsha Steed Keller

I was once young and full of hope and excitement, promise and innocent dreams. I married my first date and high school sweetheart, waited for him on his mission and then became engaged a month after he returned home. Soon we had four beautiful children, a temple marriage and I was the bishop’s wife. Then, life turned upside down.

I found myself at 42, a single mom, no college degree and feeling shattered, hopeless, broken and filled with fear. I also found that being single in the church is very different than being married.

I could sugar-coat it and say that it is all how you look at it (people said that to me); that it is only for a little while until you heal (estimated a year) or that that it will all work out in the end (which it will, but NOT what I wanted or needed to hear at the time). I won’t. Instead I’ll be honest. Being single in a church that has a firm and solid foundation of family and marriage, can be difficult when one is or becomes single. Sometimes it feels like fitting in is impossibly difficult. That is the truth. However. . . . It is not a bad place. It is not a scary place (with some tools to help) and it is not an impossible place to be.

The leaders are very VERY cognizant of the single adults in the church. Truly they are. They pray daily for Church members, and they meet and plan constantly for what will best serve the different life circumstances of the members of Christ’s body.

What I will do, is share five things that I found helped me immeasurably to navigate my time as a single woman.

First and foremost, remember who you are. Remember that you are still and always a daughter of the Most High God. A queen-to-be, a child of infinite worth. This is essential, though sometimes difficult to remember. Remember it.

Second, remember that being divorced is a different experience. It is not who you are, it is simply an experience you are currently having. It may change (probably will) in this life, and it may not, but it is not who you are. It is simply a place you are plunked in at the moment for either your own learning, the education of others, or both.

Third, remember to have fun. Really. Take time for yourself, even if it is only 20 minutes. Refill however you refill the best. Chocolate, silence, running, friends, whatever. Just do NOT dry up until you are worthless to everyone including yourself.

Fourth, remember that if you WANT the Celestial Kingdom, you already have an eternal mate . . . Somewhere. He exists. Now. Somewhere he is thinking about you, loving you, hoping for you, and making himself worthy of you, just as you are praying for him, thinking and longing for him and knowing that your union (though interrupted at the moment ) is eternal. It isn’t a future event, it exists now, you just don’t know him yet (ask Michael Buble’!)

Lastly, and honestly the most importantly, keep at it. Keep getting up. Keep reading your scriptures even when you don’t want to. Keep attending church even when you aren’t sure it even matters anymore and it only causes you to cry all the time. Keep singing the hymns, even when the memories are so strong you can’t get the words out, and keep praying, even when you aren’t sure that there is anyone listening. There is! I know, I’ve felt all of those things, and learned that HE never leaves. When we are ready, we return, and His arms are always always ALWAYS open.

Is there a place? Yes. That doesn’t mean that it is the same place as before. A broken cup, even if repaired perfectly, still knows how it feels to be dropped and broken. You will always have this as part of your experience. But you can be even stronger and more beautiful through it all, through the Atonement. And you can have compassion for others walking this path.

You are divine. Different isn’t a bad thing. You are worthy of fun and laughter and you are loved deeply and eternally right now. You can keep going. Endurance isn’t a chore, it is like a diamond, enduring, brilliant, stronger than most anything and always reflecting the light it receives outward in a dazzling array of color.

There is a place for a divorced woman, right there in the second row, next to the wounded stranger who also has no wedding ring on, but a heart that is a home to every tender soul.

p.s. Now I’m once more a ‘married Mormon woman’, I found my unlikely heartmate with a cowboy hat on!

The post Is there a place for a divorced/single woman in the Church? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Using Media

• In the Home
• For Lessons
• Sharing the Gospel

Accessing Media

• Mobile
• Internet TV
• Podcasts/RSS Feeds
• YouTube
• Facebook
• Twitter
• iTunes
• Audiobooks
• E-Books
• Live Online Broadcasts

Creating Media

• Share Your Photos
• Helping in the Vineyard

Media Library Information

• About
• FAQS
• Video Player Features
• Video Player Requirements

Quick Links

• General Conference
• Scriptures
• Church Music
• Mormon Channel
• Mormon.org
• Youth Site
• Newsroom

The post LDS Media Library — Videos appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Willing Sanctification

~by Marsha

I am one of those women who never feels ‘good enough.’ It seems like no matter how much I try, no matter how many things I accomplish; it is never ‘enough.’ I always seem to see the flaws, the places I could and should have done better. That makes it difficult to receive compliments, and to be content with any accomplishment.

When I was teaching Seminary [an LDS youth scripture study class for teens 14-18], we had the lesson on the sacrament. I knew all the typical Mormon answers about it. I was well aware of the lists of why and how and what. Suddenly however, as I was reading the prayers on the bread and water** aloud, I was struck by two words. 1) “sanctify” and 2) “willing.”

Deep into my heart that first word settled. I heard myself telling the students what ‘sanctify’ meant: to ‘make holy.’ I could literally hear my voice, watch my hand writing on the chalkboard and feel the word like a tangible thing settle into my soul. I was not in charge of sanctification! It had nothing at all to do with me. I was simply a ‘willing’ student, child, servant. If I am willing, I can be sanctified—made holy–because of the Savior.

The sacrament means so much more to me. I am still imperfect. I rarely have a whole Sabbath where I feel I am connected to the Spirit as I would wish. I still struggle to keep my mind centered, my heart pure, my actions reverent. I still find myself thinking about dinner, about my need to talk to sister-so-and-so. . .and these days, cuddling my new grandson. Yet. . . I am not in charge of the sanctification. I am merely in charge of being willing.

I am willing. I just received a calling that I’ve had six other times in my life. (It’s often the curse and blessing of Mormon music people to have this happen.) It isn’t my preferred calling, for many personal reasons, and yet, I am willing to serve. I don’t always serve happily with the attitude I ought, and yet I serve. As I serve, as I give my will to the Lord, I am made holy.

Tiny bit of bread by tiny bit of bread. Little sip of water by little sip of water. Small services, open hearts, tears, smiles, failures and trying again, each individually turn my heart towards sanctification. I am not perfect. Most days I struggle for the ‘good’ let alone the ‘better’ or ‘best’. . . But I KNOW I am willing. Perhaps that is what is most important.

Perhaps that is enough.

– – – – – – – –

**Sacrament Prayers

The prayers on the Sacrament are set prayers. There are only a handful of those, and all have to do with ordinances in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are the scriptures most heard by Mormons because they are repeated every week.

Prayer on the bread: “O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen [Moroni 4:3].”

Prayer on the water: “O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this wine  to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them; that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen [Moroni 5:2].”

(Since August 1830 (D&C 27) a revelation substituted water instead of wine.)

The post The Sacrament and “Willing Sanctification” appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

This poem was written at what was a difficult time, four months before my first husband left after 22 years of marriage. The holidays were difficult for several years until I regained my focus and realized that the holiday was about celebrating what I did have, not what I did not. It was a shift in consciousness that allowed me to once again enjoy.

However, I am also keenly aware that for those in a similar situation, grieving also must occur. Feeling that you ‘shouldn’t’ feel this way isn’t any more productive than denying that you do and pushing through the grief and loneliness.

For me, writing was cathartic. It put in front of me the words of my despair, my need, my hope, and my knowledge that somewhere, sometime out there there would be something better than ‘this,’ where I was.

To those who may be grieving at this time of year, perhaps the most encouraging thing I could share would be the understanding that wherever the loneliness sits at the moment, it doesn’t mean it will always be there, even when it feels like it.  Embracing the love that already surrounds you, recognizing the deep longing, and hoping for a time when happiness will again reside was for me the greatest comfort.  “And it came to pass. . . ” — not to stay.

– – – – –

Whispers of the Season,
Reflections of the past,
Desires for the future
Bound and held so fast
Against the weary memory
And the green and red hued fray,
Thoughts adrift in misery,
Bound in stress of day.

Tucked amidst the green
Of the merry Christmas tree
Will there be found within a bough
A wish or two for me?

Closing eyes so very tight,
Holding breath against the fear
That Santa has nothing in his sack
To bring relief or cure
For what desires lay hidden
And what sweet passions die
Deeply in a woman’s soul
Expressed in murmured sigh.

Is there a word unqualified,
Acceptance without question
Or the softest feathered touch from one
Who finds my company spun;
With laughter and sweetened muse,
Passion’s dark bold embrace,
Intelligence and confided lore
Smiles upon a tear-stained face.

Tentative vulnerablity,
Giggles of secrets shared,
Inspiration’s’ electricity
Desires subtly compared,
The avid focus of attentive eyes
From one who feels the same?

Look within and see the shadows
Faintest flutters exclaim,
There is a heart unfettered,
Bathed in my name’s echoed cry,
And in enchanted evenings
A baby’s lullaby.

Tell me it be possible
There is one other soul
Bound with whispered dreams
Unequaled, complete and whole.

Is there fashioned another
That will with me share,
Glistening poinsettias, silver bells,
Into a glowing fireplace stare?

I don’t believe that elves have packed
Santa’s bag with things I write
Or that he is aware of the pull
Of scented flickering candlelight.

Shimmering in magical Christmas mist
Does Mrs Santa hint so blissful,
Of limpid pools of breathless wonder
When miracles are possible?

If she does, there may be a chance,
Slim perhaps but still,
Perchance there is something
In Father Christmas’ fill
For a lady with a silent wish
Who can’t quite abandon hope
That one day somewhere amongst the tinsel
And the unsealed envelopes
There will be an unwrapped gift
Tucked in the gleaming holiday decor
The marvelous breathtaking surprise
Of simply being adored.

© Marsha Rose Steed Keller 12/01

The post “Whispers of the Season” (Poetry) appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

What are you grateful for?

I’m grateful my missionary is serving the Lord. I’m grateful that my children are pretty much healthy, happy and contributing to society. I’m grateful that even through the difficult years, they all came through with loving relationships, open hearts and generous spirits. I’m grateful to have found someone who loves me unconditionally and who makes life fun. I’m grateful for a long extended family, back through the generations that are examples to me and help me know the paths to take. I’m grateful for a Savior who extends His hand to me when I’m tired, when I’m dancing for joy, when I’m distraught, and when I’m humbled.

I’m grateful for a God who listens to my every whine, complaint, desire, frustration, joy and gratitude. I’m thankful for the Spirit that directs, teaches, comforts, nudges, reminds, whispers and warms. I’m grateful for friends who do the same. I’m grateful for artists and musicians and composers and writers who share their talents with me. I’m grateful to live in a country that while imperfect, is a place I love. I’m grateful for the gospel that connects us, instructs us, guides us and supports us as we strive to support one another. I’m grateful for trials and for all the relationships in my life, past and present, that have taught me, molded me and sculpted me into who I am becoming. I am grateful for beauty, music, dance, literature, nature, sparkly things and shoes!

I’m grateful for technology (when it works!), pictures, art, graphics and email! I’m grateful for my home, my desk, my fluffy blanket and my pillow! I’m grateful for Oso (even when he soils the carpet… Gggrrrrr) . . . . For our wonderful ward, for my missionary’s companions, our leaders, our friends all across the world! For Facebook and Visiting teaching, for authors, artists, composers, perfume and dental floss. . . . It is pretty easy to go on and on isn’t it?

And I’m grateful for my family. What a joy to be knit together in a circle of love and warmth and family.

The post What are you grateful for? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.