we are all mothers Archives - Women in The Church of Jesus Christ

“The Nature to Nurture”

Women Seeking Christ — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 08:31:53 +0000

Recently in the April 2010 General Conference, Elder M. Russell Ballard said this:

There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.

This — the importance of nurturing as a primary role of women in God’s plan — is something we talk about a lot as Mormons. And yet, sometimes questions arise: “How can I nurture others?” “What if I’m not the ‘nurturing’ type?” “What if I’m not a mother myself?” The “nature to nurture,” as Elder Ballard calls it, is something we believe can manifest itself in many ways. We each have different personalities and strengths and weaknesses, but each of us has opportunities to nurture — all the more so if we look for and create opportunities to reach out to others.

Here are two powerful — yet very different — examples of nurturing women who have inspired us.

Lorien’s daughter had been asked to conduct the opening hymn. During the beginning of the hymn she got a little lost in the meter. Sitting on the second row, I had a clear view of her sweet 12-year-old face. I watched intently as she kept grinning while also trying so hard to figure out where she was in the hymn and get back on the beat. At one point she even mouthed the words,

“Help me.”

From my vantage point I could also observe Lorien, who was sitting directly across from her daughter, but in her periphery. Lorien clearly wanted and tried so desperately to help out her daughter. But her daughter couldn’t see her.

Read the whole story in the post, Amen sister.

—

Lynn McPherson has lived the gamut of experience, from abused wife to homeless mom to homeless advocate. She’s gone from being agnostic to being a born-again Christian to recently joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But her heart was one of a nurturing woman long before faith in God became part of her life. What inspired her to pull her little family out of life on the streets?

It was a mother’s love, and an attitude that she would never be denied the opportunity to see the day when her children could eat their own meals, in their own house and sleep in their own bed.

“I didn’t believe in God. I didn’t believe that he believed in me,” McPherson said. “My faith in him didn’t bring me through those years of terror. His faith in me did.”

Read more about her journey, and particularly about her walk from Canada to Mexico (nearly 2,000 miles) to raise awareness of the plight of the homeless.

Someone who knows Lynn said:

Lynn’s a good reminder that we don’t judge people for why they need something: If you’re able to do it, and they need it, then you give it.

– – – – – – –

Of course, for those who are mothers, one of the most important ways to seek to develop the “nature to nurture” is within the realm of the normal ebb and flow of day-to-day life with children. We appreciated this reminder about the nurturing that mothers do every day, about how even the routine elements of life really can be sacred, divine work.

Holiness can be found in things as small as preparing a family dinner, things as mundane as continual loads of laundry waiting endlessly to be done, and in things as simple as a two-minute discussion with a child on the way to soccer practice. Holiness can be found in all that we do as mothers as we let the Savior into our lives.

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Motherhood Series: Unexpected Life

Women Seeking Christ — Thu, 06 May 2010 10:32:42 +0000

Editor’s note: This essay was posted a few months ago, but we thought it fit perfectly in this week’s series on motherhood. Jennifer shares how she has been blessed to fulfill her desire to mother, even though she has never had children of her own. As Sister Sheri Dew once taught, and as has been taught by other leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, We Are All Mothers.

~by Jennifer

I’m living an unexpected life. But aren’t we all?

My eight-year-old declaration of my life’s work was: I am going to be a mother. My second grade teacher didn’t like that; she kept insisting that I needed to pick a “profession.” I was adamant. I would be a mother, and that was final. Everything I have done from that day forward pointed to that eventual goal. Important decisions all centered around how to best prepare myself to be the kind of mother I knew I was meant to be.

My 13-year-old heart was drawn into the world, with the images of famine in Ethiopia and personal participation in a Church-wide fast for famine relief. I knew one day I’d go to that country to help. My mother heart (see Julie Beck, Ensign or Liahona, May 2004) reached out in compassion as it was being prepared to fulfill my life’s work. My unexpected life’s work.

Years have passed. I’ve obtained various academic degrees. I’ve worked many jobs. I’ve served in many capacities and I’ve seen some of the world and the children of the world. I’ve never married.

I have unexpectedly never expected a child.

There have been minutes, days, months…years of heartache and anguish of this unfulfilled dream. Wondering what I failed to plan that “kept me” from realizing my dream. Wondering if I should have said “yes” to some of the men who’ve crossed my path. Wondering if my expecting was somehow wrong.

But there have also been moments of clarity.

Moments of certainty.

I am living the life I am meant to live.

This IS my perfect life.

AND I am a mother.

A mother of thousands, really.

My decision to teach seminary [youth scripture class for ages 14-18] opened my heart to this reality. It struck me, once again, the other day when I received a picture text of a one hour old baby… the newborn daughter of one of my former students. I must have done something for him to remember ME and want me to know about this child entering the world.

Or the text I received just this morning from a former student entering the missionary training center: “Thanks for your patience, love and support. I love you! Jesus is the Christ and has restored His gospel once more! God be with you ‘til we meet again!” I never expected that.

A year and a half ago I took the trip of a lifetime, traveling to the Holy Land, seeking holiness. I wanted to change. Imagine my surprise when the thought came powerfully to my mind and heart: You need to work on a PhD. So I did. I came home and was enrolled in courses two months later. I’m in my second year now.

A little over a year ago I met two women who reminded me of my desire to work with the children and families of Ethiopia. I begged them to take me. They needed someone to do research for their organization. It was serendipity. A miracle, really. Unexpected.

I’ve traveled to Ethiopia. Every day includes something to help the children and families I met and will meet. The children of Ethiopia have won my heart. I pray for them, I think of them, I love them. They NEED a mother. (Did you know there are over four million orphaned children in Ethiopia? Over 12% of all children? )

I was studying the Abrahamic Covenant the other day. Oh how I love Father Abraham! I have always thought of the promise of multiplying in the context of bearing children. (See, for example, Genesis 22:17-18, Genesis 32:12.) I’ve expected that multiplication would perhaps only be later for me. In the next life.

Not anymore.

During this early morning scripture study, I felt that sweet whispering: “I’m multiplying YOU so you have a greater capacity to love them.” Multiplying unexpectedly.

I suppose I needed a will alignment. I know that as I’m learning to want what HE wants me to want, my course is smoother, straighter, satisfying. Who knew that my children would come in such painless ways? Who knew that they’d be so vast in ages, experiences, needs — and even live on different continents?

Who knew?

He knew.

He knows.

And so do I.

Oh, how I love mothering.

Just as I expected I would.

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First Person: Unexpected Life

Women Seeking Christ — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:02:21 +0000

~by Jennifer

I’m living an unexpected life. But aren’t we all?

I have unexpectedly never expected a child.

But there have also been moments of clarity.

Moments of certainty.

I am living the life I am meant to live.

This IS my perfect life.

AND I am a mother.

A mother of thousands, really.

Exactly a year ago I met two women who reminded me of my desire to work with the children and families of Ethiopia. I begged them to take me. They needed someone to do research for their organization. It was serendipity. A miracle, really. Unexpected.

Not anymore.

During this early morning scripture study, I felt that sweet whispering: “I’m multiplying YOU so you have a greater capacity to love them.” Multiplying unexpectedly.

Who knew?

He knew.

He knows.

And so do I.

Oh, how I love mothering.

Just as I expected I would.

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Portraits of Mormon Women: Jennifer

Women Seeking Christ — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 08:16:56 +0000

-by Michelle

This is Jennifer, and she is a Mormon woman — a woman who has had a significant impact on my life.

I first met Jennifer when I was a mousy 12-year-old, beginning the adventure called junior high school. Jennifer was my P.E. [physical education] teacher.

To help you understand one reason why she had such an influence on me, it might help to know a little about me. I wasn’t a typical teenager, especially not at first. I was socially backward, a bit of a tomboy, and more interested in studying and sports than in boys or clothes. If you were to read my “All About Me” journal from that stage in my life, my answer to the question “I like to spend most of my time thinking about….” was:

“Basketball.”

So, naturally, my P.E. teacher would be high on the list of people who might be able to impact my life. And Jennifer did. She was a young, dynamic, energetic teacher. I liked her enough as a teacher to sign up for her Spanish class as an eighth grader. She was as much fun there as she was in the gym. I got involved as a line caller for the volleyball team and I tried out and made the basketball team in the eighth and ninth grades. (Yes, you guessed it, she was the coach.)

I grew up in an area where there were many Mormons around, so it was not unusual for her to talk in Spanish class about her mission in Chile. I knew from the get-go that she was passionate about the Church, about her mission, about life, about people. She joined the Church when she was 17, and is the only Mormon in her family. [We’ll be featuring her conversion story on a later date.]

Junior high was a very difficult time for me, and being involved with sports was one of my saving graces. Having a teacher and coach like Jennifer made a difference. She believed in me. She encouraged me. It sounds cliché, but she was someone I could look up to. And she has lived up to that admiration.

We have kept in touch over the years. After I moved onto high school, Jennifer chose to change careers; she opened an office as an insurance agent and has built an incredibly successful business. She has fun maintaining contact with past students by helping them with their insurance needs. (We get birthday cards from her every year!)

Jennifer loves to golf. She loves to travel with friends and family. One of her favorite pastimes combines her love of travel and her love of sports: she set the goal to attend baseball games in all the stadiums in the United States!

Jennifer is 51 and has never married. This is what she says about being single in a church that highly values marriage and family:

“People have often said of me, ‘you have such a great attitude about being single.’ I usually reply, ‘What other options do I have?’ Life is too short and too full of opportunities to cry in your cup. The happiest single women I know are the ones who live their lives to the fullest, and THEN if the opportunity to marry comes along, they have already a rich life to share.

“When I was 18, and had been in the Church for just one year, I received my “Patriarchal Blessing,” which is a little like a “road map” to life, setting out our challenges, blessings in life. I was at the time “waiting” for “my missionary” whom I planned to marry, who would be home in 10 months. I listened as the Patriarch [the person who gives the blessing, or better said, gives voice to the blessing] said, ‘You will be sealed to a worthy young man in the temple, and share the glorious blessings of the priesthood’ (so far so good). Then he said, ‘be prepared to face disappointment and discouragement before you make your choice.’ Well, you could have knocked me right off that folding chair! That certainly didn’t meet the requirements of the path that I had planned for my life! But now, 33 years later, that blessing has been one of the greatest sources of comfort I’ve ever had. When a romance doesn’t work out, I always think, ‘that’s okay, this too must all be part of the plan.’ I guess that’s why I’ve always had ‘such a good attitude’ about being single. (But He’d better be saving a really good one for me!!) 🙂 ”

It’s easy to see that one of the characteristics that I most admire in Jennifer is her trust in the Lord.

I have also, over the years, watched with admiration how she has devoted much time to her callings [church responsibilities] serving in the Young Women’s organization [for young women ages 12-18] in various capacities, including as a president. She has also served as a Primary president. She has taught Sunday School for the adults (called Gospel Doctrine). In her many callings, she has had numerous opportunity to work closely with — and even to teach! — priesthood leaders. We had an interaction about the fact that some people think that Mormon women are somehow second-class citizens, or less valued because they are not ordained to the priesthood. She had this to say in response:

“I am in awe of all that the Mormon men in my life do to help me. Some would say I am naïve, but I have served as a Primary president and a Young Women president, under two different bishops [congregation leaders], who continually asked “what can we do to help you?” Not to mention being a Gospel Doctrine teacher twice and having to teach in front of seminary teachers, institute teachers, stake presidents and a mission president, who have never made me feel any less than a brilliant gospel scholar.”

She also talks about some of the blessings that came through the years as she gave her heart to service. In particular, she reflects on the years she spent serving in the Young Women’s organization:

“I made dozens of friends with the women I served with, with the mothers of the young women I taught, and even with those young women themselves who are now in their 30s. I was so busy serving that I didn’t realize the Lord, without my noticing, had sent so many women into my life, whom I now consider my eternal friends. In giving, I got so much more back. I feel like it all comes down to: ‘You get what you give.'”

We talk sometimes in the Church about how all women can be mothers — nurturers — even if they are not raising children of their own. Jennifer exemplifies that kind of nurturing influence — with former students, with friends’ children, with the young women and children she has served, with missionaries who are serving (she’s an avid missionary writer).

A personal example comes from when I was serving a mission. When I arrived in South America, I was both excited and scared. I realized quickly that I had a long way to go before being able to fully understand and communicate. I could tell it was going to be a hard adjustment.

To my surprise and delight, Jennifer had planned ahead enough to get an aerogram mailed before I had even left the United States. Hers was the first letter I received. (If I recall correctly, it was waiting for me when I arrived in the country.) I still have that letter. Her words of encouragement and testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel still echo in my mind, still mean so much. I shared those words with my mom a few years ago when she was embarking on a three-year mission with my dad to a foreign language mission (speaking a language she didn’t know).

There are many other things I could share about Jennifer, but time and space won’t allow it for now. I look forward to letting her share more of herself at a later time. But suffice it to say that to me, Jennifer exemplifies so much of what Mormon womanhood is all about. She lives a life of confidence. She loves life, even as she acknowledges its challenges. She knows who she is. She knows that God loves her and that He is aware of her and involved in her life. She faces trials (including decades of chronic health struggles) and disappointments with faith and perseverance — and with a balanced blend of realism and humor. She has dedicated much of her time to serving others. I count it a blessing to call her my friend and a dear sister in the gospel.

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First Person: Motherhood for the Motherless and Infertile

Women Seeking Christ — Sun, 11 May 2008 17:44:06 +0000

Special thanks to Sherrie for sharing this with us!

As Mother’s Day approaches, the concept of motherhood and mothering cannot be avoided. Greeting cards for Mothers, Grandmothers, and even Fathers who have been the “mother” at home appear on the shelves. As usual, I search for the plainest, most dull card around- sometimes even getting a blank card with a flower on the front. I write on the inside, “Happy Mother’s Day”, sign it and send it to my mother.

I have had a strained relationship with my mother stemming from abuse as a child. At best, I speak to her twice a year- and that is plenty for me. When I was 15, and finally starting to overcome and look forward to exiting my painful home life, I was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome– in my case, I have no uterus (but I have fabulous fully-functioning ovaries). Quite in character, my mother began a series of lectures on how I was evil in the pre-existence, how children were being protected from me because I would be a terrible mother, how God choose to punish me in “this way”, how adopted children were violent/bad/sickly (therefore the reason they were up for adoption) not to mention accusations of unchaste behavior.

Soaking all of this in and fully believing that no man would ever want to marry me, I stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. I hated my mother and never would be a mother- so why go? I could not stand and receive a carnation as a “future mother”. I could not bear testimony of my adoration for my mother. If there was ever a place I did not belong, it was in church on Mother’s Day.

I did have a testimony, so although seriously doubted and disbelieved my own worthiness for membership, I kept attending church. Having left home a few years later, I queried an Institute teacher about how to not be sealed to one’s family. I did not want to be “sealed” to my parents, though I loved my father, my sense of betrayal, resentment and frankly, downright hated for my mother was keeping me from emotionally progressing. I didn’t date returned missionaries for fear they might see through what I thought was my inherit wickedness. I thought they would demand to know why I had not repented for whatever I had done to beg the infertility curse from God. I hated who I was and wanted to be free, so I assumed that other than apostasy, there must be some way I could be “un-sealed” from my parents. This query startled my sweet, almost elderly institute teacher, and he invited me in to his office to talk about why I might not want to be sealed to my parents.

The meeting was short, yet profound. I briefly told him who I really was. (Keep in mind, my mother taught me some very warped and incorrect things about sealings- i.e. children are sealed to their parents as virtual slaves for eternity). This sweet institute teacher told me that I need to be eternally grateful to my mother for giving birth to me. Beyond that, he said, ‘You owe her nothing”. I was knocked out. I owed her nothing but gratitude for birth. I cannot express how liberating that was for me… and yet, how difficult it was to come to terms with being grateful to her for giving birth to me. Since the age of 7, I had entertained ideas of suicide, finding myself jealous when I heard people being diagnosed with cancer, and being killed in car accidents (no kidding!). I thought I had no reason to live. Somehow, this advice liberated me. I was not trapped as an eternal slave. I was infertile, but not trapped.

Through the next few years, I learned that I can forgive, but not have a relationship with my mother. And I am truthfully VERY grateful to her for a number of things. Wacky doctrine and neglect aside, she taught me about the Book of Mormon, how to sew and how to drive a car. Those things deserve an annual card with the words, “Happy Mother’s Day”, nothing else.

But the Mother’s Day church thing… still wasn’t okay with that. I was very uncomfortable sitting in sacrament meeting with people professing such gratitude for their parents and children. I realize now that I was deeply envious; they had mother who the believed with all their heart loved them and I was infertile. What was the point for me? I felt like an orphan who would never be a mother. So, about 10 years ago, as another horrific Mother’s Day approached, I decided to focus on nurturing and mothering, not the ability to bear a child, but the ability to love a child. I wrote heartfelt letters of gratitude to the Young Women leaders who taught me, my seminary teacher who I loved deeply and an aunt who had always listened to my hopes and fears without judgment.

For the first time, Mother’s Day meant LOVE for me. I am eternally grateful to these women- who taught me about make-up, set marvelous examples for me, complimented me when I looked nice, encouraged me to pray and study and live the gospel, and more importantly- one brilliant YW leader who told me that being infertile meant that I would really, truly marry a good man who would love me for me, not for my body. A few short years later, she was right, I did marry a wonderful man.

Finally with an extraordinary man at my side, the emptiness on Mother’s Day ended and it simply became a day of primary talks, not directed at barren me. I could sit through the meeting without anger, though I still had sadness and a sense that perhaps if I were really a good person, I might deserve to be blessed with a child. It was all based on me being good…could I ever be good enough? How were these pregnant single mothers still “more blessed”, therefore more righteous than me? Then I read Following Christ. It hit me, somewhere in-between the pages of this book- that my infertility was a result of the fall of Adam- i.e. mortality. I had done nothing to offend God, I was not “blessed” with this challenge, I am simply mortal! I am mortal! That is all! Not good, not bad or otherwise- just human. 100% Dumb luck. What an epiphany! (I now think: “duh”!!!) But it took me ages to really learn this and apply it to me. Infertility wasn’t my fault. God didn’t hate me. He loves me. He wanted me to have everything, so He sent His Son. I FINALLY understood it, and begged His forgiveness for the past anger towards Him.

So now- Mother’s Day- I love it. My fabulous husband has always bought me cards, flowers and/or gifts on Mother’s Day because I am a mother in spirit, I am the woman of the house, I nurture, I love… and my husband is fabulous. I get to celebrate Mother’s Day as a holiday for me BECAUSE I am a woman. I understand now, that being a woman is all I ever needed to be maternal. I understand that not everyone is like me, emotionally, spiritually, physically. But we- as women- all are mothers in one way or another. Our potential for nurturing is beyond limit.

So this year, I am looking forward to Mother’s Day with a greater joy than ever. If I were not infertile, I would still be considered within child-bearing years, so I have time and ability to begin alternative processes of becoming a mother. I understand that infertility NEVER limited my ability to be a mother, it just meant I needed to take a different path. And there is nothing even remotely wrong with that.

One of the most profound conclusions that I have come to over these trying years is that a significant number of women also struggle with Mother’s Day. Perhaps they are adopted, feel unsettled, imperfect, have lost a child, lost a spouse, or feel motherhood as oppressing. For me, as soon as I decided that motherhood wasn’t about me and my experiences/limitations, but the celebration of nurturing in mother earth, in admiration of imperfect but loving women who set tremendous examples for me, it became a day of celebration. No honor, but celebrating the women sitting by me who church shush their babies, celebrating the elderly women who give me a kiss and a hug every Sunday just because they can, celebrating the character of nurturing, true motherhood. The celebration of nurturing and womanhood became more glorious and applicable to me than ever before.

Happy Mother’s Day to all women out there! All women regardless of our unique situations because we have the ability to love and nurture and are mothers, regardless of our mortal place in time.

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