It’s been quite a firestorm online since the news was leaked that a policy change around the children of same-sex couples was made this week. Here is the official video, an interview with Elder D. Todd Christofferson, that gives some context and explanation about the policy change. (You can also watch the video and read the transcript at this Mormon Newsroom link.)

The whole gamut of reactions has shown up on social media. There are some for whom this policy was a logical clarification of already-clear doctrine about marriage between a man and woman being central to God’s plan. There are many for whom the policy raised questions, especially as to why children of same-sex couples were so directly affected by this policy. There are some who are angry and some who feel deep hurt on behalf of those this policy will affect. And, of course, there are some who are misrepresenting and demonizing this policy — an unfortunate but not surprising response. (Stating the obvious, there will always be a range of responses to something so charged.)

For me, the surprise I felt lasted only minutes and my feelings quickly settled into a sense of gratitude for clarity in a complex and continually-changing political, cultural, and social landscape. The issue of same-sex marriage as it relates to my faith is something I have thought and pondered for a decade and a half, perhaps more than almost any other topic except perhaps doctrine relating directly to Mormon women.

I shared some initial reflections on my personal Facebook wall as to why this policy made sense to me, and as people engaged with me, it quickly became clear (although not surprising) that the range of emotions and reactions was broad and varied. I was grateful for people who would engage in conversation and share their thoughts, because I think we benefit when we seek to understand others and also feel safe to engage and be honest even when disagreeing.

I hope that we can all be sensitive to those around us and to that range of feelings that people are having right now. Our leaders have told us repeatedly that it’s okay to have questions. As Elder Christofferson noted yet again, it’s not okay to advocate against the leaders, but it’s okay to wrestle and, when necessary, even pound on the door of heaven for understanding, peace, perspective, and insight.

I fear that there is a misconception that people either completely agree with this policy or completely disagree. What I’m seeing is that a fair number of people are wrestling. There is a tension here that Elder Christofferson captures quite beautifully that can be hard to navigate: How do we reach out in love to all our brothers and sisters, while also unflinchingly upholding the now-all-the-more-clear divine mandates around the doctrine of marriage between a man and a woman, and the corollary to that doctrine, which is that sexual relations are only sanctioned by God when between a legally married husband and wife, man and woman? And how can you not feel a tug at your heart for the children who are and will be affected by all of this?

My husband and I had a chat with our nephew and his wife yesterday. (Incidentally, our nephew is the author of this post, which went wildly viral on Friday, a post that has incited a lot of vitriol online. How easy it can be to demonize someone you don’t know. Love needs to flow both ways. This can be hard not just for those who are affected by the policy, but for those who support it.)

I am sobered by the reality that for some, a change like this can feel like the last straw in a years-long wrestle around this issue. The thought that came to mind was that it can feel, for some, very Abraham-like. It can feel impossible, baffling.

I was reminded of this quote tonight, and am struck by how relevant it feels because of the perplexing nature of Abraham’s test (and because of the tender feelings of a loving parent that were involved in what he faced):

“I heard Joseph Smith say and I presume Brother Snow heard him also-in preaching to the Twelve in Nauvoo, that the Lord would get hold of their heart strings and wrench them, and that they would have to be tried as Abraham was tried. And Joseph said that if God had known any other way whereby he could have touched Abraham’s feelings more acutely and more keenly he would have done so. It was not only his parental feelings that were touched. There was something else besides. He had the promise that in him and in his seed all the nations of the earth should be blessed; that his seed should be multiplied as the stars of the heaven and as the sand upon the sea shore. He had looked forward through the vista of future ages and seen, by the spirit of revelation, myriads of his people rise up through whom God would convey intelligence, light and salvation to a world. But in being called upon to sacrifice his son it seemed as though all his prospects pertaining to posterity were come to naught. But he had faith in God, and he fulfilled the thing that was required of him. Yet we cannot conceive of anything that could be more trying and more perplexing than the position in which he was placed (Journal of Discourses 24:264).”

There is little someone like me who isn’t walking that path with this particular policy can say to take away that pain. It’s just there. But I do believe that we each have to walk our Mount Moriahs. I have felt tastes of such tormenting tensions in my life, and there have been times they have almost broken me — some quite recently, in fact. When you are backed against the wall of faith, it can feel like it may press life out of your soul.

But I have come to believe all the more as I have walked some of my own personal Moriahs that this is some of what we are here to experience — not because God is some sadistic being, but because there is no other way to truly come to trust Him unless you aren’t up against something impossible, unmanageable, beyond mortal reach and understanding. Paraphrasing Ezra Taft Benson, we all will find times when we are backed against the wall of faith.

If I may, let me take you back to the conversation yesterday. As the four of us sat and shared our thoughts, I envisioned those who may be feeling like Abraham might have felt — afraid, perplexed, pressed, baffled. I pictured Father Abraham walking up Mount Moriah, alone. What a walk that must have been! No one could walk that path for him. His choice to make that journey of faith was between him and his God. (Even President Gordon B. Hinckley, the quintessential optimist, described the road back to God as a lonely one, one requiring deep faith.)

And surely, if people had know what Abraham was going to do, many would have declared him insane at best and evil at worst.

But rather than being left with the image of a lonely Abraham, I am grateful for the insight my husband shared about this seemingly-impossible scriptural story. Yes, Abraham had to pass this test. Only he could decide if he would follow through with what God told him to do.

But he did not walk up Mount Moriah alone.

His son, Isaac, was there, walking beside him. As my husband reminded us, Isaac is a type for the Savior. He is the One who walks with each of us, the One who actually was sacrificed on our behalf. He is our ram in the thicket, the One who exemplifies both perfect love and taught the law that leads back to God. He is the One who can help us through our heartrending trials. He is the One who makes compensatory blessings possible — for example, to children who cannot be baptized for a time.

He is the answer to it all, whatever it may be.

We can (and I think we should) keep an open dialogue about all of these issues, and allow people to be where they are in their journey with it all. I firmly believe that those who seek insight and understanding from God will, in God’s way and time — line upon line — receive insight, help, comfort, and clarity.

But perhaps more than anything, I pray that especially those of us not in pain right now will prayerfully be ready to reach out to those who are struggling, ready when the Spirit prompts to testify that they do not walk their paths alone. God is there, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. We can all come to know and feel and realize that as we walk our own journeys in spite of — and perhaps more particularly because of — our Mount Moriah experiences. Abraham would not have known the power of his own faith and the wonder of the angel and the ram had he not walked that lonely road in faith.

God bless those of you who may be walking such mountains now. Know that you are loved and cared for by many, most especially by God and His Son.

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The statement concluded with a reminder to maintain civil discourse on this divisive issue, which is a message we have heard numerous times, both specifically about the gay marriage issue and also in general.

You can read more about the Church’s position on gay marriage in the following articles:

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Same-sex Marriage and Proposition 8 (includes a list of links to videos and articles that explain more of the Church’s position, and also includes a link to the coalition that worked to organize people to pass Proposition 8 (the coalition is not affiliated with the Church))

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The Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s Music and the Spoken Word program was voted into the National Radio Hall of Fame.  Enjoy some clips from the program on the Radio Hall of Fame website.

You can listen to the program on Sunday mornings at 9:30 a.m. Mountain Time.

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The statement that was read as part of the announcement of the Church’s choice on this matter included the following explanations regarding this decision:

In drafting these ordinances, the city has granted common-sense rights that should be available to everyone, while safeguarding the crucial rights of religious organizations, for example, in their hiring of people whose lives are in harmony with their tenets, or when providing housing for their university students and others that preserve religious requirements.

The Church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage.

The Church has taken a firm stand on upholding the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman and is devoted to also protecting religious rights, as Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently explained. But this effort to work together with city leaders in Salt Lake a illustrates, as Michael Otterson (managing director for Church Public Affairs) explained, that we “belong to a church that believes in human dignity, in treating others with respect even when we disagree – in fact, especially when we disagree” (emphasis in original).

For more information on the Church’s position regarding same-sex marriage, see this statement, issued during the time when Proposition 8 was on the ballot in California, USA. You can also see some videos and other information that the Church provided during that time here.

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LDS Church Apostle, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, addresses recent graduates on the topic of religious freedoms and liberty (full text). He says, “Religious values and political realities are so interlinked in the origin and perpetuation of this nation that we cannot lose the influence of Christianity in the public square without seriously jeopardizing our freedoms.” Summary of the talk can be found here.

Elder Oaks answers questions about his talk below.

See here for more information about the Church’s stand on selected public issues, such as the following:
Political Neutrality
Child Abuse
Abortion
Same-Gender Attraction
Embryonic Stem-cell Research
Euthanasia and Prolonging Life
Capital Punishment

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However, there are also those who recognize that Mormons, just like any other group or individual, have the right to speak out and get involved on issues that are important to them. You can read some statements of those who have offered there support here.

We here at The Mormon Women Website* wanted to express appreciation to those who have offered their support. We encourage people to remember that clearly it is not just Mormons who have felt strongly about and gotten involved in defending traditional marriage.

We also fully support what our leaders have recently said about the need for civility and respect on both sides of this issue. While we realize that there are those who have exhibited hateful or unkind behavior toward gays, any such behavior is not representative of what we believe (or what we are taught) is appropriate.

We do understand that some will view the Church’s position on Prop 8 as hateful behavior in and of itself. We hope that in time, people can come to see, as they study more about our beliefs and read more from our leaders and their teachings, that hate has never been the motivation for those of us who have supported efforts to protect traditional marriage.

If you would like to understand more of why the Church felt so strongly about this issue, you can find links to resources here. You can view videos on a website the Church created for Proposition 8 here.

*We remind you that while we strive to keep our content consistent with the doctrine and teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this site is not officially affiliated with the Church. For more information about the Church, visit mormon.org. You can also find more official commentary, press releases, and other information at the Church’s Newsroom site.

The post “Measured Voices Provide Reason, Support Amidst Proposition 8 Reaction” to Mormons appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Read one woman’s experience taking a stand for the issue: “I Hope You Know We’re Not Haters”.

The post One Mormon Women’s Experience Holding Signs for Prop 8 in California appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

The California Supreme Court recently ruled that same-sex marriage was legal in California. Recognizing the importance of marriage to society, the Church accepted an invitation to participate in ProtectMarriage, a coalition of churches, organizations, and individuals sponsoring a November ballot measure, Proposition 8, that would amend the California state constitution to ensure that only a marriage between a man and a woman would be legally recognized.

So begins the introduction to recent document entitled “The Divine Institution of Marriage,” created by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to help explain our involvement in a coalition focused on helping pass Proposition 8 in the state of California in the US. This document was created “to reduce misunderstanding and ill will.” We highly recommend this document as a clear explanation of why we feel marriage between a man and a woman is so important, important enough to get involved with a coalition focused on passing a legal measure that will keep the institution of marriage between a man and a woman.

We would like to note a sentence, also in the introduction, which reminds us all that “[t]he Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility towards homosexual men and women.” Our leaders have reminded us often that we should be kind, courteous and respectful of all people, and particularly so with regard to this issue.

For more links and information on this topic, see here.

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First, we wanted to say, as a group of women who care deeply both about our faith and also about those who are directly affected either by the California decision or by the Church’s stand on this topic, that our beliefs about gay marriage do not stem from a place of hatred, bigotry, or insensitivity to those whose lives this issue personally touches. Many of us know and care about those who are in homosexual relationships. We understand some of the struggles that these people face, and the desires they have to have their relationships legally recognized and accepted by society.

But these feelings of sympathy and a desire to be sensitive to the emotional and often-divisive nature of this issue cannot change the position we believe to be true. And this is because of the overall beliefs we have about the purposes of life and the eternal potential we have as children of God. We understand the desire to pursue dreams and hopes and goals for this life. We understand the desire to solidify relationships that are significant to a person. But God’s purposes go beyond this life. It is this eternal perspective that influences our view on this issue. The plan of God centers around the institution of marriage, defined by God as a relationship between a man and a woman — a relationship that can continue beyond the grave.

As Boyd K. Packer has said, “In the center, we…know that the ultimate end of all activity in the Church is that a man and his wife and their children can be happy at home. When influences come that challenge or disturb the possibility that… home will exist in the next world, provided you have the ordinances, we find great dangers in them.”

In a sense, from our perspective, it wouldn’t fully be loving and caring behavior for us to uphold anything that threatens the potential blessing of an eternal family, for anyone. We realize we cannot force this blessing on anyone, and we recognize that not all share in these beliefs, but perhaps one can understand why we take the position we do, believing what we do about our eternal potential and what is necessary to obtain the blessings God has for us if we are faithful to His plan. Society may redefine marriage, but God will not, and so we cannot, no matter how much we care about those whom we know struggle with our position on this issue.

President Hinckley said this:

“We love them as sons and daughters of God. …
“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.”

You can read more about our beliefs on this topic (and some people’s experiences with homosexuality) by linking to the following:

Compassion for Those Who Struggle
Loved One Struggles with Same-sex Attraction…and another article with a similar title
Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan
An interview with Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman
The Proclamation to the World on the Family

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