Download the pdf version of Elder Oaks’ address.

Read a transcript of Elder Oaks’ address.

Watch the video here or below.

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I know this is the true Church of our Savior Jesus Christ and that we are led by a living prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

My story:

My life challenges started at a very early age. I was eight years old when I was first molested. He was a friend of the family and I had a child’s love for him. He broke my heart and severely injured my spirit. Unable to tell my parents, my trust of people around me was shaken. I became very insecure and frightened of life. When I reached my teens, my insecurities and lack of participation in school activities became evident and a concerned counselor started drawing me out and I felt comforted by his concern. But, once again my life was jolted when he betrayed my trust. One day he offered me a ride home. I accepted his kind gesture. I soon realized he had other intentions. We took a ride into the hills near our town and the unspeakable happened. Once again I was shaken to the core and afraid to go to my parents. I had no idea how to deal with any of this and so I pushed the thoughts and feelings deep inside. I didn’t have any close friends at school and my insecurities became overwhelming.

I started going to a neighborhood church and felt some comfort but still I had no answers to why bad things were always happening to me. I was convinced that bad things only happened to bad people ant that I was being punished. I met a boy who belonged to another church and we started dating. School became increasingly harder for me to deal with. When I was sixteen and my boyfriend nineteen I convinced my parents to allow me to get married. I was then dropped out of school.

A couple of years into my marriage my husband and I started having very heated arguments. We were both so young and immature. It became an abusive relationship with my husband using physical force. After our son was born, I decided that the best thing for both me and my son was to leave this marriage. I was more fearful for my son than for myself. Once again I was left with the thought and feeling that I was a bad person.

It was very hard being a single mom at the young age of nineteen. I started having severe migraine headaches that often made it hard for me to go to work, or be a mother. I started suffering with depression as well. I had long since stopped going to church, I couldn’t see the point. My friends changed and my lifestyle became one that I am now ashamed of. And soon drugs became an escape from all my worries. At least I thought so at the time.

Even though this was a time of spiraling out of control, I did meet a man who was stable and who had healthy life goals and was willing to be a father to my son, and so, we were married and a year later we had a daughter. I still suffered with migraines and depression. I was also still painfully insecure and that was a problem for my very outgoing, enthusiastic husband.

At some point all of these physical, mental and social challenges became too overwhelming. Prescription drugs and illegal drugs became a part of my life again. I was what you would call a “functioning addict.” My marriage of seventeen years ended and I really went into a tailspin. I became so frightened of life. I was completely convinced that my life had no worth.

Mid-October 2004 I tried to end my life. I was found unconscious, barely breathing and rushed to the hospital. I was put on a respirator. My two sisters, one in California, and the other in Utah, were contacted by my former husband who is a doctor. They have since told me they thought they were coming to bury me.

After five days I regained consciousness and was taken off the respirator. My two sisters were standing by my bedside. Both my sisters have been members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since they were in their teens. One of my sisters reached over the safety bar on the bed and laid her hand on my arm and asked me if I would like a priesthood blessing. At the same time that she asked that question there was a whisper in my other ear. Jesus whispered, “Are you ready to do it my way?” I knew it was Him because of how specific those words were to me. I also knew it was Jesus because of the love, warmth and comfort that fell on me. I have never felt such love in all my life! Such pure love! I said yes to both questions. Any questions I had about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were answered in that moment.

It’s my testimony that Jesus lives and his Atonement will make everything right. Heavenly Father’s love has healed me. I do not suffer from depression, overwhelming insecurities, nor do I feel like I’m a bad person. As my faith grows and my knowledge of the gospel grows I realize that bad things happen to good people. We are here to be tested. Our lives are subjected sometimes to those who choose to use their agency in a negative manner. When those times befall us, He will comfort us.

Before I was baptized, I worried about forgiveness. I worried about whether Heavenly Father would forgive me if I couldn’t forgive those who had trespassed against me. Matthew 6:14-15, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” I talked to Elder Hansen (who was the missionary teaching me and who would be baptizing me) about my concerns and he suggested that I fast and pray. I also talked to the local Relief Society President. Sister Hunt loaned me her scriptures and showed me how to use the Topical Guide and the Bible Dictionary. I took her scriptures home, fasted, prayed and read scriptures that night and the next day. I can’t really say that I had any earth shaking revelations, but at some point, an indescribable peaceful feeling came upon me. I no longer had any ill feelings left and I was able to pray sincerely for those who had hurt me. I then felt like I could enter the baptismal waters and enter into those sacred covenants and start my journey of enduring to the end.

I know I’m not alone on this journey. I know that I can call on Heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, to help me through any challenge and he will give me the strength to endure.

—

Editor’s note: This post originally appeared on this site on June 12, 2008.

The post When Bad Things Happen to Good People: One woman’s journey to overcome the effects of abuse and addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Not long ago, I sat in our Sunday meetings at church and listened to a very well thought out, well prepared and inspired lesson on the remarkable Prophet Joseph Smith.  A few things really struck me as listened to the moving lesson. Most profound is that, I knew Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and that was re-confirmed to me with 100% certainty. I have always had very strong feelings about the Church and the truth of it and because of that, I have never questioned the validity of Joseph Smith because I knew it all to be true. Besides having been given the spiritual confirmation that he is a true prophet, there is no way a man would have endured what he did had he not believed in what he was doing to be irrevocably true. He endured so much, suffered so much and did so much to restore Christ’s gospel on the earth. What an amazing burden that must have been but he demonstrated faith beyond my comprehension. I fear I would have been a coward; I do not think I could have endured what he did. He loved his wife and children dearly yet to bring to pass “the work” it required him to be gone much of the time. I am not sure what quality of life he had, from what I have read he suffered a great deal but I am sure he knew the reward in heaven for blazing the trail and for preparing the way for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saint to thrive in the last days.

Joseph Smith had a very strong testimony and he wrote eloquently about his feelings. Below are a few quotes that I found rather moving.

“I am like a huge, rough stone rolling down from a high mountain; and the only polishing I get is when some corner gets rubbed off by coming in contact with something else, striking with accelerated force against religious bigotry, priest-craft, lawyer-craft, doctor-craft, lying editors, suborned judges and jurors, and the authority of perjured executives, backed by mobs, blasphemers, licentious and corrupt men and women—all hell knocking off a corner here and a corner there. Thus I will become a smooth and polished shaft in the quiver of the Almighty.” (History of the Church, 5:401.)

That quote is so applicable to all our lives, we ARE refined and beautified through our trials and sometimes the attempts of adversary to weaken us actually makes us stronger and better.

Joseph Smith wrote the following from Liberty Jail after receiving letters from his loved ones:

“We need not say to you that the floodgates of our hearts were lifted and our eyes were a fountain of tears, but those who have not been enclosed in the walls of prison without cause or provocation, can have but little idea how sweet the voice of a friend is; one token of friendship from any source whatever awakens and calls into action every sympathetic feeling . . . until finally all enmity, malice and hatred, and past differences, misunderstandings and mismanagements are slain victorious at the feet of hope; and when the heart is sufficiently contrite, then the voice of inspiration steals along and whispers, ‘My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.'” H(istory of the Church, 3:293; the last portion of this paragraph was later canonized in D&C 121:7–8.)

What a beautiful verse of Scripture on what it feels like to be humble and to forgive others. How bright the light he must have been even amongst great darkness around him, he KNEW what he was doing and there was still great peace and light. Isn’t there a great lesson for us in these few words about how we handle our trials and our enemies?

As President of the Church, the Prophet Joseph received constant guidance from heaven. “It is my meditation all the day,” he said, “to know how I shall make the Saints of God comprehend the visions that roll like an overflowing surge before my mind.” (History of the Church, 5:362)

Oh, how I love this quote! He could not contain himself, he could not restrain himself, regardless of the consequence he was moved to righteous obedience in restoring this great gospel of Jesus Christ.

Joseph Smith has taught me that it is important to be courageous in the cause of Christ and that is OK to be unpopular in the eyes of others. Having a testimony of the gospel of Christ also means having a testimony of the man that gave his life restoring it. I am so grateful for him and for his remarkable work.

—-

For more on Joseph Smith, click here.

For more We Believe posts, click here.

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“As part our Midwifery studies we are researching the Mormon religion and any effects it may have during pregnancy and child birth. What are the views on pregnancy, and child birth particularly on medical intervention? Also do you have any particular traditions or beliefs?”

Answer: By Brenda**

I am currently pregnant with our fourth child and have had all of my children within private medical care in California. All of my children have been delivered by midwives employed by my health care provider. I found all of my midwives to be expert, caring and attentive. Good luck in your studies!

I’ve divided my response into sections, based on the process of conception to birth. Feel free to ask more questions if I have missed something that you wonder about. Of course, consider this personal perspective and not official doctrine. For official information on these topics, you can search lds.org on relevant topics.

1. Since medical intervention can begin even with the process of conception, let me start there. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we believe that the Biblical command to multiply and replenish the earth is still in effect and that the greatest joys in this life and the next will be found in family life This is one reason why Mormons in general tend to be a group that has larger families than average.

Family is so important to Mormons that LDS couples who long for a family may choose to use medical intervention to aid in fertility if they find that they are unable to conceive. (Foster care and adoption are also options for a LDS couples struggling with infertility.)

We also believe that life is precious and that the power to create it is sacred, reserved for marriage between a man and a woman, to enable children to be born to a father and a mother.  We believe in chastity before marriage and fidelity after. Thus, in our doctrine, abortion is not considered an acceptable type of birth control. LDS women may implement various other types of birth control as they prayerfully make decisions with their husbands about the size of their family, but on the average, we often have larger families than many.

You might be interested to read the following links. To learn more about an LDS perspective on Birth Control please read the following link:  “Birth Control” I encourage anyone interested in this topic to read all the associated documents given in this link. Very informative. For more information about LDS doctrines that relate to family life, you can read the following: The Family: A Proclamation to the World

2. During the pregnancy a mother and father may or may not choose to do genetic testing. Since we believe that life is precious, many (if not most) LDS women will choose to continue a pregnancy knowing that a child may have genetic or physical defects to give their baby the opportunity to have a body. We believe that all people are spirit children of our Heavenly Father who need a body to progress spiritually and physically and so just the opportunity to receive a body is of great worth to a new soul coming to the earth. Although this is a painful situation for mother and father to give birth to a child with known defects, they seek to prepare themselves emotionally and spiritually. Many mothers find joy in their children for as long as they live (seconds to years) and the children often find satisfaction in life if they are mentally capable of doing so.

Abortion in pregnancy is only considered an option in extremely rare circumstances when the pregnancy threatens the life of mother, or in cases of rape. Even then, the counsel is to be prayerful and to earnestly seek guidance from God about such difficult situations.

If a child can be benefited by an in-utero surgery, LDS parents would carefully consider whether to do procedures that would aid both mother and child. There is nothing in our doctrine discouraging such intervention.

3. Most LDS women in the United States go through normal physician care throughout their pregnancy. That may vary from country to country since we are a worldwide church and every culture is a little different in that regard (and every country has different levels of care). LDS women who are pregnant are typically quite healthy because of our health code called The Word of Wisdom. It encourages all people to avoid alcohol, drugs and smoking, not only during pregnancy but throughout life. Our health code also encourages healthy eating and regular physical activity.

Despite these good practices, mothers may still have various problems that can arise during pregnancy. Most LDS couples would welcome medical assistance that would keep both mother and child safe.

LDS mothers in the United States typically make their own birth plans. Most choose to have their babies in hospitals but some choose home births. Some will LOVE hospitals that provide epidurals while another mother will think it best to have a completely “natural” (drug-free) birth. There is a lot of room for opinion and choice in this regard, and in all aspects of our church. Choice is paramount; even if an LDS woman makes a choice that is inconsistent with doctrine, that is her right. We all have the freedom of choice.

4. If there are any problems (with mother or child or both) at or after the birth , any and all medical procedures deemed beneficial would be considered and most often taken.

You might be interested to know that doctors, midwives, and nurses who are attending LDS women and children who are very sick may encounter what is known as a Priesthood blessing. In this case two men (often the father/husband and a friend or leader of their congregation) will lay their hands on the head of the afflicted member (mother and/or child) if it is medically possible, often preceded by an anointing with oil. Sometimes premature or ill infants can only be touched gently with a finger or two through an incubator. During the blessing, the words offered (much like a prayer) are whatever the man feels is right to say. These blessings are usually given in conjunction with appropriate medical assistance, not in replacement of such help. If a woman is alone, or if her spouse is not an LDS Church member, she may ask medical staff to contact local clergy members in the area for a blessing like this.

You might also be interested in the following as well:

-The choice whether or not to circumsize a new baby boy is left completely up to the parents.

-The choice whether or not to breastfeed is completely up to the parents.

– The choice whether or not to immunize is up to the parents. (It should be noted, however, that the Church does help with immunization programs in underdeveloped countries, and also requires immunizations for missionary service in such countries.)

– Most LDS parents regularly and freely use pediatric care, particularly in more developed countries.

– We do not believe in infant baptism (children in our church are baptized at age 8). In fact, we believe that all children are born perfect and if they die as children, they are saved through Jesus Christ’s atonement. Of course, the physical loss of a child is tragic; LDS parents will seek solace from friends, family, clergy members like their Bishop [congregation leader], and they may choose to seek professional help to deal with their grief. But the loss of a child during pregnancy or at birth would not trigger a lament by believing LDS parents for the spiritual well-being of the child.

5. Since we are a worldwide church, regional customs may influence other choices at birth, like keeping the placenta and burying it at home. Church members are often encouraged to keep customs that are beneficial to their lives that are in keeping with church doctrine. If all goes well with mother and child, a birth is a very happy event in our culture.

I cannot speak to all of the regional customs of LDS people around the world, but in my family my husband stays with me throughout the birth and for my entire hospital stay. After delivery he holds the baby and takes a bunch of pictures, then he goes out and buys me my favorite type of pie and we eat it together. Our other children will visit us in the hospital with Grandma and Grandpa.

I hope this gives you some insight and information about how members of my religion react to medical intervention during pregnancy and birth as well as LDS customs that affect childbirth. We are very open to medical care and are appreciative to the helpful staff that administer it.

I wish you the best in your studies. Thank you for your desire to serve women and children and their families in this sacred process of helping a child come safely to this world.

– – – – – – –

**Please note: The answers in “Ask a Mormon Woman” reflect the thoughts, perspectives, and experiences of individuals. Although here at Mormon Women: Who We Are, we strive to have our content consistent with the Church’s doctrine and teachings, we do not speak officially for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For official information about or from the Church, please visit www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.

Have a question you would like to ask? Send an email to us at gmail, with username ‘mormonwoman’

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service \ˈsər-vəs\

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French servise, from Latin servitium condition of a slave, body of slaves, from servusslave, 13th century.

synonyms: help, use, benefit

Definition: contribution to the welfare of others

There is something extra-ordinary about serving others. Doing something for another person blesses both the giver and the receiver. It is more than karma, it is the power of two people connecting in ways that brings out good qualities in each. There have been books written about this magical feedback loop, presenting the idea separate of any religious theories. They state that service will benefit a person regardless of the religious views attached to it. I believe this is true, but it is incomplete. I believe service is most illuminated and best understood when viewed in light of the greatest act of service ever performed: the eternal saving atonement of Jesus Christ.

Christ is our ultimate exemplar in service. In every parable, every action, every sermon, He taught us about service through words and action. It then is no surprise that this time of year, when we celebrate Christ’s birth, we are encouraged to serve; and we willingly do so more than any other time of the year.

I enjoy serving others, I get a kind of high from doing it. It’s not about being better than another person, it’s not only about platitudes, it’s not just about physical needs. It can be about lifting a person. Sometimes it helps a person realize that they are of worth, if another person sacrifices to come to their aid. It is the way in which God connects us, brothers and sisters, to each other and in the process, to Him.

In high school I gained an exuberant spirit for service. There was a time where I challenged myself to serve another person every day. This challenge created wonderful experiences that I still remember. One is a service project I participated in with other teenagers. It took place around the holidays and was called “The Basket Project.” We divided into groups and took a humble (AKA- puny) basket of fruits and nuts to people who might be lonely. While there we sang a song or two, made conversation (as only awkward and rowdy teenagers can) and left with a prayer. The activity culminated in a group testimony meeting, where we shared the feelings and experiences we had during our visits. It was a moving spiritual experience for me every time, often moving me to tears. Eventually my daily service challenge wore out, but I kept the general belief that it is good to serve others daily.

Now my daily life is much different. If I didn’t serve others daily I could get hauled into court for child neglect. It is the life I chose, I completely take responsibility for it, and I knew going in what it would entail (in a very general way). I see now that my service experiences as a teenager were just toe dips into the large pool of Christ-like, self-less service that I now swim in daily. I don’t go around telling others about the service I perform, it’s more enjoyable to do it than to talk about it. Every single day I serve until I fall into bed exhausted.

Our governments and communities are at their best when we willingly serve. Most, if not all, religions encourage service. As important as service is, it alone cannot save another person. We cannot do everything necessary to make someone else happy, healthy, and saved. There is a level of personal responsibility needed for a person to enjoy the best qualities of life. When a person is doing what they can for themselves, and then add to that the grace, mercy, and power of Christ, they can, over time, secure those sought after qualities of happiness, well-being and salvation. No one else can fully give or force those things upon another.

The illuminated service I spoke about earlier wisely takes into account the need for every person to ultimately rely on more than human service. We must rely on a higher power. We cannot rely on the arm of the flesh, it will fail us. Christ is our constant companion, ever faithful, ever wise, always serving and saving. It is a blessing in my life to serve Him as I serve others.

____

For more on another post on service, click here.

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For posts on service from the More Good Foundation’s websites, click here.

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In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all women 18 years and older belong to the largest women’s organization in the world: the Relief Society. It was established in 1842 by Joseph Smith.

I have always loved being a part of the Relief Society. Transitioning from the Young Women organization to Relief Society when I turned 18 was easy for me. I looked forward to the activities, and learning to be a good wife and mother. I was glad to go to class with my mother each Sunday.

Over the years, I have been able to attend many activities. I’ve learned a lot from other sisters in the organization, from more effective scripture study to wreath making. I’ve been able to serve people around me. I’ve become a better wife, a better mother, a better homemaker, and a better child of God.

When we moved 800+ miles from home a little over two years ago, I had a hard time. It was a move that I knew we were supposed to make, but knowing that doesn’t always make it easy. It was hard for me to leave behind my family and friends and the ward that we had been in for seven years.

The first Sunday that we attended our new ward, I really felt the power of the Relief Society. As we sat in sacrament meeting, I felt a peace wash over me. I realized how blessed I am to be a part of a church that is the same no matter where in the world where we attend. After sacrament meeting, we went to Sunday school and then I went to Relief Society. Sitting in the room that week, I was welcomed by many.

That was when I realized that I belong to a sisterhood–a sisterhood of women that I can count on and depend on, a sisterhood of women that will reach out to me and help me, a sisterhood of women who help me to feel I belong, and that I have a place to turn. I have a group of women; ranging in age from young to old, married and not, mothers, grandmothers and childless; that believe the things that I believe. That hope for the things that I hope for. That value the things that I value.

I am eternally grateful the insight of the prophet Joseph Smith. He knew that women would need other women to turn to in times of need and in times of happiness. We are blessed to have so many sisters in the church, no matter where we turn.

___

For more information about the Relief Society, see here.

For more We Believe posts, click here.

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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my family took a camping vacation to the redwoods. In the middle of the night I woke up to sharp pains in my abdomen and back. I tried to wait the pain out, hoping it would pass, but finally I decided to pray. In answer to my prayer I felt impressed to go to a hospital as fast as possible. I woke my husband and children and asked my husband for a Priesthood blessing. In the blessing, he asked that the Doctors and nurses would be able to correctly identify my ailment and treat me accordingly.

As we rushed to the hospital overwhelming pain overtook my body and I could feel contractions starting on the front of my belly, but the bulk of the pain resonated in my lower back. The nearest hospital was called Saint Dominic, a Catholic hospital, and it was over 12 miles away.

I was immediately admitted into Labor and Delivery because of my contractions. My body arched and dry heaved, not knowing how to rid itself of the pain. After asking me several questions about the source and type of pain I was experiencing, one nurse whispered to my husband, “I think she has a kidney stone, the contractions are just a reaction.”

After dozens of unsuccessful injections and IV attempts to stop the pain, my nurse was moved by an overwhelming compassion for me. We found ourselves alone for a moment because my husband had taken my children into to the hall to shield them from my screams.

She said, “I feel that you are a Christian.”

“Yes.”

“Can I pray over you?”

“Yes.”

Then she offered an open and heartfelt prayer to God pleading for Him to burst my yet undiagnosed kidney stone into a million pieces, that it might pass and let my body rest. She repeated her request over and over. I poured my faith in Jesus Christ into her prayer and we both said, “Amen.”

Hours later, results from my X-rays confirmed a badly swollen kidney due to a kidney stone. I was advised to get a shunt placed into my body to relieve the swelling in my kidney. After learning about the shunt I was worried and knew that I would prefer the stone to pass, as my nurse prayed for, if at all possible.

The next day, my kidney stone burst into a million pieces, without any medical treatments, as my nurse had requested.

This experience reminded me of a scripture found in the Bible.

“Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matt 18:18-19

There are many differences in doctrine taught by the various Christian denominations. But this experience taught me that when two people are united in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, despite differences that may exist in doctrine, miracles can and will happen. I know God lives. I know God loves me. I know God is good. My nurse knew these things too.

I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, is true. I believe that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and that prophets continue to deliver God’s word to men and women today as they did in the past. But I also believe in Christianity as a whole. I find it powerful that so many people of different ethnicities, countries of origin and religious traditions can “agree on earth” that Jesus is the Christ. In fact, because we agree or touch on that one vital truth, I believe that Jesus Christ can be in the midst of us all.

For more We Believe posts, click here.

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~by Jenna Consolo

Treats are the easy part of Family Home Evening, this tradition that has us gather our families around us every Monday night for a gospel lesson, an activity or game, some songs, a prayer, and then, for many families, refreshments.

I am an ardent believer in Family Home Evening. I have tried to faithfully hold it every Monday night, and the kids look forward to it.

Me? I do not, always. It’s like exercise. Sometimes you hate doing it, but you’re always glad you did it once it’s over.

I remember Family Home Evenings in my family growing up. Like a circus they were, with nine children for my parents to entertain, uplift, and educate, while keeping a modicum of control. The cycle continues in my own family now, circus and all, no matter my pleas (or threats) to the contrary. But I will persist because I believe in the promises made by a prophet to those who will obey. And, I think it really does make our family happier. Eventually, anyway.

With a recent Family Home Evening, the treat was easy to decide on. I knew I didn’t want something too sweet because of all the Halloween candy that had been consumed over the previous several days, so Lion House Banana Bread went into the oven early in the morning. But the lesson?

As the kids have gotten older, I have felt more pressed to make every lesson count. The weeks that the teens have left in our home are numbered and the pressures they face outside of our home are increasing. I want to pack a punch with our family time. I think long and hard each week. I search idea websites and the oodles of manuals and resources that I have here at home. And sometimes, at a loss, I pray. This was yesterday.

I told God about my concerns for my family, the things weighing on my heart for each of my children. I asked Him what He would have me teach. And very clearly, yet softly, came the answer.

Service.

I stayed on my knees for a time, thinking. Yes, service. To one another. There is too much contention. Too much mean-spirited humor. Too little kindness. How can we have the Spirit in our home if we’re not even nice to each other? How can testimonies grow in mean little hearts?

I went back to some websites and found just a few scriptures. The classics.

“When ye are in the service of your fellowmen, ye are only in the service of your God.” (Mosiah 2:17)

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” (Mark 8:35)

I found a great quote by Elder Robert J. Whetton that said, “Every unselfish act of kindness and service increases your spirituality. God would use you to bless others. Your continued spiritual growth and eternal progress are very much wrapped up in your relationships—in how you treat others.”

Yes, yes, this is the perfect lesson for us. Teens who are struggling with their own spirituality–who find it difficult to be sober and reverent–need to be reminded that their growth is connected to the way that they treat people.

I decided to have the kids play “The Biggest Loser,” a Family Home Evening idea I found on the internet that plays off of a weight loss reality television show. But in this game, points are given for “losing yourself” in the service of others.

I knew it was the right lesson. Still, evenings are chaotic. Homework is strewn about. I’m teaching piano until 6pm, and then dinner (which was, thankfully, cooking in the crock pot) had to be assembled, served, and eaten. The Teenage Girl gets home from work after 7pm, and then the battle begins with the toddler, who every week wants so badly to be a part of “Family Evening,” but who is the main source of disruption and frustration. One chance, I tell him. Again.

We sing a song, “Have I Done Any Good.” Teenage boy rolls his eyes and moves his lips, but without producing a sound. The toddler jumps from the couch where he is sternly directed to sit without moving, and begins to dance wildly around the room. Teenage girl is feeling homework pressure. I can see it in her face, but she never complains. Now the toddler is jumping on the teenage boy who is laying on his stomach on the living room floor. I get up from the piano, and put him back on the couch. Keep smiling. Talk sweetly.

A prayer. (Hasn’t worked yet.)

A few announcements and then we stop again because the toddler is now kicking the boy on the couch with both feet, and with all his might. I pick him up and carry him, crying and begging, up to his bed. As I come back down the stairs, having been gone for, maybe 15 seconds, the boy on the couch is now crying and holding his stomach. Apparently in that 15 seconds, the teenage boy has “played too rough” and has punched him and knocked the wind out of him.

Seriously?

So, then sweetness goes out the window. I am sick and tired of teenage boy thinking that his bad attitude can control this family. He has his hand out way too often to be given that kind of power, and I won’t stand for it. So, now he has his head down. Way down. But I don’t think he is ashamed, as much as he is ticked off and cursing me in his mind. Fine, let him.

I sit down. I want to cry. I want to run from the room and curl up in my bed. Throw it all out the window. The tension is thick. I wonder in my mind, “What is the point? We should just do this another night.”

But no. We are supposed to have this lesson, darn it.

I take a deep breath, and I look at their faces. I start to cry, but only a little. I tell them how much I love them, and how important this is, and how just that afternoon I had been on my knees asking Heavenly Father what I should teach them, and I just knew this is what He wanted. They each read a scripture. I read the quote to them, and told them that if we are unhappy with how we are feeling spiritually, then we need to examine the way that we are treating one another (myself included, of course). I told them that Heavenly Father wanted us to play a game this week, and were they willing?

Yes. I told them the game. I even told them that if they thought I wasn’t being serious, that they should ask Heavenly Father themselves and receive their own confirmation that this is what our family should be doing this week. I bore my testimony to them. The Spirit in the room changed. Even teenage boy looked up through his hair at me.

I gave them each a baggie with 50 pennies in it. I told them that for each act of service they did for a member of our family, they could put a penny inside the jar. But no mention of the acts of service can be made. The person who gets rid of the most pennies, who loses himself in the service of others most frequently throughout the week, is the “Biggest Loser” and will win a prize.

Immediately after closing song, prayer, and refreshments, I went to Teenage Boy and put my arm around him as he sat at the table. I apologized to him and told him, with a kiss on the cheek, how much I love him. Then I went upstairs to wash my face. Teenage boy came and met me in the bathroom. Towering above me as he does now, he put his arm around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” What a moment! And then? He started looking around for acts of service. He saw the flashlight next to my bed and replaced the batteries for me. He hung out in my room after the others had gone to bed, and told me about his friends, and school.

This morning there are already several pennies in the jar. Scripture study went much more smoothly this morning. We talked about the steps that Nephi followed to receive his own personal revelation. The kids were helping each other, passing out red pencils, and opening up Book of Mormons.

Family Home Evening works. It won’t work once. It won’t work now and then. But consistently, patiently, over the weeks and months and years, it will work.

The post Family Fridays: Family Home Evening appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

As the article explains, our meetinghouses are both places of worship and centers of social activity. We hold service projects, such as blood drives and humanitarian projects; we have scripture study classes and congregational family and youth activities (including dances, sports, and many other activities). (For examples of stories on our website about ward [congregation] activities, see here, here and here.)

You can see some pictures of the inside of LDS meetinghouses here, or take an interactive virtual tour here.

Our meetinghouses are different from our temples. You can learn more about Mormon worship services and what makes chapels and temples different here. If you are interested in learning more about what the inside of temples looks like, or more about temple worship, please see the following Mormon Women articles that have numerous links and resources.

Ask a Mormon Woman: What does the inside of a temple look like? (v.2)

What does the inside of a Mormon temple look like?

Ask a Mormon woman: What can you tell me about Mormon temples? (includes links to articles that help explain more about the ordinances that take place inside LDS temples)

What the Temple Means to Mormons

The post Links We Like: Chapels and Temples — Glimpses inside each, and how they differ appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Life gets so crazy sometimes that the goals we set as families can fall by the wayside. But one goal our family has been able to hold onto is eating dinner together. It doesn’t happen every night, but most nights it does.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t perfect. We have our share of unruly family dinners. Recently there was a night where Mom and Dad kept reminding the kids not to argue, only to end the meal with an argument themselves! We have more laughter than tears mixed in with our food, though.

Sometimes we turn music on after a blessing on the food, but usually there is no background noise, with the television off as well. It gives us a chance to talk about what happened to each family member during the day or about the world at large. I wouldn’t call our meals quiet; it’s finely orchestrated chaos. We have four children, and my husband and I take turns sitting by the two-year-old because it is a time-consuming and messy chore. It can be hard to make sure everyone is heard, but usually we do manage to listen to everyone.

We use paper plates a lot in our house because I struggle with my health, which limits how much I can accomplish. It isn’t pretty or necessarily friendly to the environment but it’s what we have to do right now to get along. For the same reason, we sometimes have take-out food, but guess what? You can eat take-out around the dinner table! Just because you aren’t a world-class chef doesn’t mean you can’t sit together to eat and talk.

The kids do their part to help too–setting the table, clearing it, filling the water pitcher, stiring the soup, etc. While the they might complain, we still do make them help. It is part of being a family – accomplishing something by working together.

Our family dinners are touchstones. We all meet together, really, only once a day. Oh, we’re crossing paths and in the same house throughout the day. But truly conversing together and thinking about the same things happens only at dinner. While we’re already gathered together around the dinner table we take a few minutes for what some would call a religious devotional. We call it scripture reading, where we will read and talk about the gospel, if everyone is congenial.

Our blessing on the food also happens to be our family prayer, where we pray for things in addition to the food (e.g., an extended family member who is sick, an area of the world with a natural disaster). We try to simplify our religious practices because we have small children, while still including religious principles we feel are important.

Eating dinner with my family is something I enjoy. Our food and our families are both great blessings from God; how fitting it is that we can enjoy and give thanks for them together.

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For more Family Friday content, see here.

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