Many thanks to Juliana for this beautiful post. You can read more from at her blog, Skipping Past Cornfields, and in another recently-published essay entitled “Loving Away the Fear.“

I have decided that I love middle age…that is, aside from the need for bifocals and the figure that seems determined to sag no matter how many hours I spend lifting weights. I love watching my youngest child learn to read at the same time that her older brother grows into a man while serving as a missionary. I love moving past the honeymoon phase and the period of disillusionment to reach the beautiful reality of a mature marriage. I love thinking about my next career and mentoring others as they begin to discover their wings. And I love figuring out who I am now that I have less to prove than I did as a student or as a corporate professional.

Who am I? I am a writer, or at least I aspire to be one. I am a teacher. I am a wife and mother. And I am a believer.

Why am I Mormon? I came by my religion the easy way. I inherited it from folks like my Great-Great Grandmother Decker who crossed the plains as an almost single mother and helped found Parowan, Utah. But my faith, the reason I stay? Now that raises a different question entirely. My wilderness hikes and forest prayers have never led me to burning bushes or shining pillars of light. No angel ever stopped my tracks on the road to Damascus.

And yet, like the Savior’s companions in a storm-tossed boat, I have received the witness of peace. I have read the scriptures, seeking for wisdom, and marveled as words once spoken to prophets took new life in direct answer to my pleading. I have knelt in prayer and felt the warmth of the Comforter envelop me. I have taken the advice of the prophet Alma to experiment upon the word (Alma 32:27), acting on subtle promptings, and I have watched my faith grow as the Lord took my hand.

I have a close friend who challenges my faith. She cannot fathom how I can accept the history of polygamy in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or support a priesthood to which I cannot be ordained. I have thought a great deal about that. Every Mormon woman at some point has to grapple with her relationship to these issues of faith and others like them, and unfortunately epiphanies come with a built-in “non-transferrable” clause. God knows the value of a good test of faith, and pioneer ancestry hardly makes one immune to the need for conversion.

For me, that conversion has come in stages. As a young adult, fresh out of the comfortable arms of home, I read scriptures on a mountainside in Wyoming and recognized a tender mercy in the magnificent double rainbow that appeared just when I needed a creative “hello” from my Heavenly Father. As a young widow, I came to the quiet realization that God’s plan of happiness was true. The plan became more than merely a lesson taught by young missionaries or enthusiastic Sunday School teachers. We really do live again. Families can last forever.

And here, in my middle age, I am beginning to learn to trust in God’s love for me, for all of His children. I have seen too many prayers answered to claim coincidence. Joseph Smith once said, “I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.” (Joseph Smith-History 1:25)

While the angel Moroni very kindly lets me sleep at night, God has sent me numerous angels from all walks of life. He continues to supply the wisdom that I lack. I cannot deny that. I am a believer.

Juliana Wallace
Chatham, Illinois

The post A Portrait at Half-Life appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Once again, we have a few more responses that we’d already received to Len’s question before it ever posted here. Thanks to those who have contributed their own thoughts and experiences. (To comment, please go to the original post here.)

Our first response today comes from Koreen, who is not a Mormon herself, but has many family members who are. The emphasis on and principles taught about the importance of family are one thing that really stick out to her.

~by Koreen

I hope you don’t mind if I reply too. I have also tried to figure out what is different about “the Mormon population.” There are many faiths that hold many of the same beliefs as the LDS church and [use scriptures like the Bible] that are followed by many religions. So, what’s different about the LDS church?

Here’s my “outsider’s” point of view. Almost every Mormon I know is an emotionally healthy person. Why? One word…family. I have had experiences with many religions and none have as much focus on family as the LDS church. Children raised in the LDS church are loved and nurtured. Those children grow up to become emotionally healthy adults. I once read that the number one factor in helping an individual overcome an illness (be it physical or mental) was the level of their support network. If someone knows that they are loved unconditionally and that someone (or several someones) always has their back, they are much more likely to get through the trials of life more quickly.

I also saw a 20/20 show many years ago on centenarians. They compared all kinds of factors for as many people as they could find that were 100 years or older. The number one factor that they all had in common was their ability to deal with loss. Not whether or not they smoked, or drank, or ate healthy, or exercised. None of those. It was their ability to remain happy in the face of life’s trials. And the LDS church has that going for it in spades.

I wonder what the divorce rate is for LDS members vs. the rest of the population. I bet it’s much lower. In my own opinion, it is due in large part to the emphasis on family. Men and women choose their relationship and family first…always, not just when it’s convenient. I believe that many divorces could have been avoided if each person put their relationship first. Should I watch this football game or should I play with my children? No question. Should I buy this thing I’ve always wanted or should I save the money for the dishwasher repair? No question. Should I stay and do this one more thing at work or be home on time to have dinner with my family? Dinner…hands down. Should I flirt back with my co-worker? Not even a fleeting thought. All the little things add up and make relationships successful. And children surrounded by parents in a healthy relationship learn to continue that cycle when they marry and have children.

Where does the emphasis on family come from? Well, from what I’ve learned, it’s the restoration of the church that God and Jesus originally intended many, many years ago – with the family being an integral part of that.

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~by Marsha

I only know about my own family, but what I can tell you from that perspective is that the members of my family have trials like anyone else, but the source that they gain strength from is an overwhelmingly loving and personal Father. When I look at my blessings, it is pretty easy to be joyful and to recognize the long legacy of strength that I come from. That uplifts and buoys my spirit. I also know that my vision of the future is bright, and clear, and encouraging. That makes my difficult days smaller and the hope of my future a brilliant beacon before all I encounter.

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~by Cheryl

I think it’s for many reasons. But one of the most important reasons is because we have knowledge of the Plan of God. That knowledge gives us peace, and that peace brings us happiness. It’s not an act; it’s truly how most LDS members feel. I also truly believe it stems from our knowledge of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We also know exactly where we came from, why we came here to Earth, what the point is of being here, and where we are going, and what will happen later. Ironically, this knowledge isn’t a “big secret” –anybody can learn this, we don’t hide it! (Thus our missionary effort.)

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The post Why do Mormons seem so happy? (part 3 — more responses) appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I’m Jewish, and I know this might seem like a weird question, but I can’t stop thinking about it: Why do all of the Mormons that I know seem so happy? So genuinely, positively happy? Why do their personal lives seem so fulfilled? Even the Mormon missionaries that I see on the street seem so warm and kind and are always smiling. I really don’t understand how they can be that way 24/7. Is it just an act? Or is it real? I know that Mormons struggle too (everyone has bad days), but I’m really puzzled to see an entire group of people emanating joy, success, and happiness.

Here are some more responses (and thanks to those who have shared their thoughts in comments).

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~by Chris

I suffer from chronic depression, I do what I can to relieve it, mostly I turn to the knowledge below, press on and remember what there is to be truly happy about.

John 15:9-11

9. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
11. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and your joy might be full.

This is an ancient writing, from many, that I believe to be true. I believe that Jesus is my Savior and that through this mortal existence He desires that I have happiness and joy through all the learning I go through here on this earth. As I face the many joys and trials in my life and that of our family I know we are loved by a wonderful Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world who desires we return to live with them again. They rejoice in our righteous choices and help us to see the way in our trials to become more like them and be their disciple. This brings and gives me the happiness to live each day to its fullest and be filled with joy, and I am.

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~by Ron

Understanding the purpose of life and the Plan of Happiness does really help us comprehend that principle and look to the struggles as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks… although it is often a lot easier said than done when we are in the middle of it all. Knowing the Savior is there for us, through His atonement, helps hugely if we will just ask Him for the help… and then generally the answer comes by going out and helping somebody else.

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by Liz

Everyone has trials, but for me, my firm belief in God and my Savior buffers the trials. High moments are more elevated, low moments are cushioned, because I know God knows me, and cares for me as an individual. I know He sent me a Savior; I know I can be redeemed. I know I can be with my loved ones forever, and that our Heavenly Home is only a step away. I look around and see His hand in everything; how could I not be happy, knowing He is there? There have been moments, when I’ll see a particular vista, and have to stop and catch my breath, because I’m quite sure God designed the entire universe to bring me *that* scene in *that* moment, just to delight me. The world around me is a joy; the good people in it are a joy; my family is a joy; my scriptures are a joy; my Sabbath is a joy; even my struggles can be refined to joy. God is good, He is constant, He “doeth only marvelous things”, and life, with all the sorrows and pains, can be a joy through faith in Him.

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~by Sue

I always go to the Joseph Smith quote: “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”
― Joseph Smith Jr.

It really is an expectation/obligation to strive for happiness by being as Christlike as possible. It is hard to believe but important to understand that, despite the second by second disappointments, heartaches, sorrows etc. that the Father and his Son experience as they watch us fumble through life, they are perfectly happy and want more than anything else for us to join them in that state. This is in fact their “work and glory”. Happiness seems to me to be a choice rather than an experience. I don’t always choose it, but I think I do ultimately know how to attain it.

The post Why do Mormons seem so happy? (part 2 – more responses) appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

We received the following question from Len a couple of weeks ago:

I’m Jewish, and I know this might seem like a weird question, but I can’t stop thinking about it: Why do all of the Mormons that I know seem so happy? So genuinely, positively happy? Why do their personal lives seem so fulfilled? Even the Mormon missionaries that I see on the street seem so warm and kind and are always smiling. I really don’t understand how they can be that way 24/7. Is it just an act? Or is it real? I know that Mormons struggle too (everyone has bad days), but I’m really puzzled to see an entire group of people emanating joy, success, and happiness.

Len, this isn’t a weird question at all. We hope it will be beneficial to read responses from several different people; we’ll be posting some of those responses over the next few days. 

One key reason why you may sense this happiness from members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormons”) is because of our religious beliefs. For example:

Mormons Believe in Hope
(see submissions below by Jen and Susan)

~by Jen

I think this true happiness that is so apparent comes from the that we as a church really truly believe in HOPE!  That knowing that Heavenly Father lives and loves us and communicates with us through the spirit and modern day prophets makes our connection to Him very real. It also can/should give the prospective that no matter what life sends us here on Earth, if we listen and follow what we are told to do from our Heavenly Father we have the promise from the most high power that He will not ever leave us alone through any hard times. In fact that He will help us through them and we can overcome any trial that life will send our way.  Most of all that God loves us so much that he sent us a Savior to aide us in our journey through life.  Our Savior has already overcome everything and we just have to choose to follow him in order to overcome anything.  One of the best parts is that Heavenly Father trusts us enough to allow US to make the choice to follow.  We are not forced we are asked to follow, and given a promise that if we do follow we will come out on top. If we mess up, and make the wrong choice, He has given us a way around that also. It doesn’t mean it is not hard.  It doesn’t mean it is not going to be a constant battle sometimes.  It doesn’t mean that we will not be challenged to a point that seems unbearable at times.  It simply means that we can find hope in knowing that because of a loving Heavenly Father we will be empowered and victorious over anything that might be hard for us.  This gives us hope in the face of adversity and that is what makes it possible for us to find/have hope. A hope for true happiness.  If we choose to stay on the Lord’s side we are promised true happiness and given the many tools (ie family, prayer, scriptures, spirit, forgiveness, love, mercy, etc) to have it.

I truly am grateful for the knowledge that I have of our Heavenly Father’s plan, the understanding that I have been given, the hope that I have been blessed with, the faith that gets me through my trails and to be a part of such a great family!!  I am also very grateful that I am truly happy!!!

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~by Susan

Here’s my perspective. You’re right, everyone has challenges, trails and heartbreaks and they all make us sad, discouraged and frustrated. That’s life sometimes. The difference is, how we chose to let those things affect us. I believe that, people that have faith in a higher power than themselves, believe that things will get better and, with that higher help, they will be able to get through the trial or they have faith that eventually it all will workout for good. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, not only believe in a loving Heavenly Father and  his son Jesus Christ, but also have access to inspirational men and women that are encouraging and helpful when they say things like,

“So much in life depends on our attitude. The way we choose to see things and respond to others makes all the difference. To do the best we can and then to choose to be happy about our circumstances, whatever they may be, can bring peace and contentment.”

(President Thomas S. Monson)

My husband and I have a favorite radio host who is Jewish, his name is Dennis Prager.  One of his themes is, “Happiness is a moral obligation.”  He concurs with what President Monson says that, “So much in life depends on our attitude.”

Mormons have a hope in Jesus Christ. Because we believe he is the Savior of all mankind, we have faith that he knows us personally, and is aware of our needs, concerns and trials. The people you mention in your question,  believe that the Son of God not only knows their life but knows them by name, when you believe that, it makes it possible to look beyond the trouble and discouragements in life, and easier to recognize all that is good and count the blessings.Lastly, when you count the blessings in life and avoid dwelling on the difficulties, you just feel happier. You can’t help it.

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In a post already published on Mormon Women (entitled “It’s Fun to be Me,” Susan also shares the following about how the gospel adds to the happiness she feels: 

[A]s a Mormonwoman, I know who I am. I know why I’m here, what life is about. When you know that, it gives you perspective on everything else. It’s fun to have a sure measuring stick for life. It’s not fun to have to guess. It’s fun to know.

In a strange way it’s good to be me because I know I can be better. I am familiar with my weaknesses. They are not hard to figure out for me. They are obvious, and I claim them as my own. It’s good to be me because I know they don’t have to be permanent. It is fun to be me because I have faith and hope in my life because of the Savior.

The post Why do Mormons seem so happy? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

~by Chantal

“We think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting – any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples “ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends “you have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another. The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others.” –CS Lewis, The Four Loves, p. 85

Choice friends cross our life path at unexpected times and often in ways we don’t recognize at first. Severall years ago, my dear friend-to-be, Cindy, served as the Stake Relief Society President and is a midwife by profession. We had a Stake Relief Society service project in conjunction with the Relief Society broadcast that was no different than many others I’d attended over the years. And yet, this event would end up being a significant experience in the tapestry of my life.

This particular Saturday, we had gathered donations and were assembling birthing kits to go to Mozambique, Africa. Cindy had joined a medical team to give training to traditional birth assistants in rural Mozambique. These kits included a sheet of plastic (for the mother to lie on the ground), a shoe string (to tie off the umbilical cord), a razor blade, and several disinfectant wipes. She then showed a video from her experience there. I cried for the mothers in Mozambique. How is it possible that nearly half of the almost 6 billion people of the world live today in such abject poverty?

A few months later, in my role as Primary President in my ward [local congregation], we were setting up for a Primary activity. I was expecting our 5th child and had to leave early and to go to a doctor’s appointment for a routine monthly checkup — which I felt was a waste of time.

But this checkup turned out not to be routine at all. There was no heartbeat.

Ultrasound confirmed our baby had died inside of me. After a difficult induced delivery, our baby daughter, Ann, was born four days later with a kink in the umbilical cord. We held her, dressed her and buried her in the dust of the earth.

Here I became acquainted with death, grief, and God.

I am always astounded at the depth of pain I felt for a little one I had for such a short time. This heart-searing pain came from the depth of love a mother has for her baby, given only by God. My greatest desire was to hold, love, raise and nurture this beautiful daughter.

Grief was a confusing mystery to me. The anger, the depression, the forgetfulness, the loss of time and motivation all came in waves I did not recognize or understand. Most surprising to me was also the loss of self-esteem and confidence. It doesn’t seem to be mentioned much. But all that I was, all that I knew, all that I believed was crushed into tiny pieces, mixed together and left in a pile of mess at my feet. How do I begin from there?

I won’t go into much detail on the year following except to say that after much fasting, prayer and a priesthood blessing we decided to have one more little baby. Not to replace our little girl, for no one will replace, but we felt to move on. In full confidence and faith we were delighted to learn another little daughter would join our family. Having paid my dues to death and with such astronomical medical odds of such a problem, I moved on in courage, not fear, and hope.

But again at a regular appointment in nearly identical fashion and timing, there was no heartbeat. It had never even remotely crossed my mind that this could happen again. The surprise and shock was more than I could wrap my mind around. There are no words to express the stunned crushing blow that moment held. I literally thought my own heart would stop and I would die of pain on the spot as I collapsed to the floor. It is far more horrific when you know what is ahead and I was hysterical. I learned that death twice is exponentially more painful and difficult.

I fought depression with anger. I was mad. Mad at the world, mad at people, mad that I would have four out of six children to raise here on earth. Logically, I understood everything about the plan of salvation but my heart would not match my logic. The river of emotions came despite my knowledge and faith. It was several years but felt like a lifetime. I felt 90 years old. Then I was numb. I felt nothing. I wondered if as a mother I could ever find joy after such grief or if I would have to die first. I prayed many times my other children would forget and not be too damaged from the difficulty of those years.

Here is where my friendship with Cindy changed my life….

(Please follow this link for Part 2.)

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For more First Person posts, please click here.

The post First Person: Hope Arising from the Ashes of Grief, Part 1 appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Below, we give some highlights from his talk that stood out to us.

Elder Bednar discussed the importance of truth, “things as they really are.” He focused particularly on the truths about the importance of our bodies in the plan of our Father in Heaven, quoting from The Family: A Proclamation to the World, teaching us that as spirit children of God, we:

accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life.

Our bodies give us experience that is essential for our eternal growth. The adversary has no body, and as such, cannot have the opportunities and growth (and even challenges) available to us because we do. He does all he can to distort God’s plan, and to make us miserable like he is.

The devil seeks to influence us, Elder Bednar taught, to misuse our bodies, and to minimize the importance of our physical bodies in God’s plan. He warned against defiling of the body, and improper focus on body image. He invited us to learn “by study and also by faith” the ways we can discern what is and isn’t correct in relation to the proper use of the gift of a physical body.

Elder Bednar warned against extreme forms of extreme “entertainment” (sought for thrill or ego or social acceptance) that could put our physical safety at risk. He also warned against “digital distractions, diversions, and detours that have no lasting value.” Video and online games and social networking sites were two specific digital distractions he mentioned that can distort reality, rob us of the joy of eternally-important relationships, and even become addictions.

Elder Bednar made it clear that digital tools can be of great benefit when used for good purposes, but he reminded us that they can also be seemingly-harmless distractions that can numb our minds and spirits and gradually, subtly pull us away from truth and truly fulfilling relationships and activities. He pleads with us to not become so “engrossed in pixels, texting, ear buds, Twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and internet that you fail to recognize the importance of the physical body, and miss the richness of person-to-person communication.” What starts as “entertainment” can become enslavement if we are not vigilant.

He quoted from a sobering Wall Street Journal article, relating a tragic story about a man who spent so much time on Second Life (a virtual reality site), “married” to someone else, that he ignored his new wife of only seven months. Elder Bednar also quotes statistics from the article, illustrating that many who participate in online gaming tout their virtual relationships and experiences as being as good as, or even better than, “real-life” relationships and experiences.

He reminds us that electronic tools can also, of course, be used for outright evil and blatant disobedience of God’s commandments. But we found the more subtle ways media can distract from the richness of life and distort the truths of God to be the potent core of his talk. He quotes Paul, who reminds us that we “should know how to possess [our] vessels [bodies] in sanctification and honour.

We highly recommend his talk to anyone who uses the computer, who has children who do, who is wondering about the appropriate use of new media, and/or who desires to ponder more about the importance of the physical body in the plan of our Heavenly Father.

See other reviews here.

The post Elder Bednar’s CES Fireside Talk on Truth, the Body, and the Use of Media appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1:39)

24 And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;
25 And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them; (Abraham 3:24-25) (emphasis added)

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. (D & C 122:7)(emphasis added)

Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength: (Isaiah 26:4)

This seems to me a very basic summary of this mortal life–what it is for and how to get through it. First, the Lord’s purpose–to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Second, how the Lord will fulfill this purpose–by testing, trying, and proving man. Third, a reminder to man of what is happening to him–all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good. Fourth, a reminder to man of where help is–trust in the Lord because He has everlasting strength. (Naturally, man means mankind and includes women.)

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