A disclaimer for all of my posts is this: I am not authorized to officially interpret anything. These are just my personal thoughts. Your mileage may vary.

Recently in a Facebook group I belong to, a poignant question was posed — a question asked by a young girl to her mother — about why girls don’t pass the sacrament in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My pondering and study and personal impressions have led me to agree what Sister Cheryl Esplin shared in a General Conference talk on the sacrament, given a couple of years ago.

“Aaronic Priesthood holders represent the Savior when they prepare, bless, and pass the sacrament. As a priesthood holder extends his arm to offer us the sacred emblems, it is as if the Savior Himself were extending His arm of mercy, inviting each one of us to partake of the precious gifts of love made available through His atoning sacrifice—gifts of repentance, forgiveness, comfort, and hope.”

This concept was brought to the forefront of my mind again on Christmas day, as my mom gave each of her grown daughters a print of a painting called “Sacrament Meeting” by Don Christensen. It’s one I had never seen before. The artist’s recorded experience (you can read it here) mirrors a vague memory I have of an experience I had.

But my personal feelings about all of this come mostly from my study of the scriptures and my own experiences with the Spirit.

First of all, the Savior Himself instituted the sacrament with His apostles right before His death. It was, from the beginning, a very personal — and presided-over — ordinance. He held, broke, blessed, and passed the bread Himself. He held, blessed, and passed the cup Himself.

I think this is so important to consider. The Savior first gave this ordinance to His apostles, those who would be charged with continuing the Church after His death. But the ordinance was instituted as a very personal experience. One by one the apostles partook of the emblems of the Savior’s sacrifice and were invited to ponder what it meant.

After His resurrection, when ministering to the Nephites in the Americas, He instituted the sacrament among them. Again, He was presiding over the ordinance.

He first took the bread, brake it, and blessed it. He then gave it to His disciples. He then commanded the disciples to give the broken pieces of bread to the multitude. Before repeating the process with the wine, He taught about how the sacrament was to be administered in the Church, and that it needed to be done with priesthood authority:

“And when the multitude had eaten and were filled, he said unto the disciples: Behold there shall one be ordained among you, and to him will I give power that he shall break bread and bless it and give it unto the people of my church, unto all those who shall believe and be baptized in my name” (3 Nephi 18:5, emphasis added).

He then repeated the process with the wine — blessing it, giving it to the 12 disciples, and then commanding them to distribute it to the multitude.

In 3 Nephi 20, the Savior visits the people again and repeats the pattern of giving the sacrament to His disciples and then commanding them to give the sacrament to the multitude. This repetition of the ordinance — and the pattern of delegated authority with this ordinance — to me is not insignificant.

In Restoration scriptures, we also see the Savior teaching that authority is essential to administering of the sacrament.

“The priest’s duty is to preach, teach, expound, exhort, and baptize, and administer the sacrament…”(Doctrine and Covenants 20:46).

Interestingly, though, the Doctrine and Covenants also talks of deacons and priests not being authorized to administer the sacrament.

“But neither teachers nor deacons have authority to baptize, administer the sacrament, or lay on hands… (Doctrine and Covenants 20:58).

However, the scriptures also talk about teachers and deacons assisting priests in their duties.

I think it is worthwhile to consider these patterns that appear in the scriptures and how they might relate to how things are done today. To me, what is done today is consistent with scriptural patterns and how I understand priesthood keys and authority and their purpose and functioning.

• When Jesus was present, He did not delegate the breaking of the bread or the blessing of the sacramental emblems. But He knew He would not be present always, so…
• He taught in more than one place and time that the sacrament and its administration is a priesthood ordinance that requires authority.
• He gave the sacrament to His apostles/disciples and then commanded them to give to the multitude. (I think this pattern is reflected in the fact that the presiding authority gets the sacrament first, and also that the sacrament cannot be given without authorization of one who has keys for that ordinance.)
• He did delegate the distribution of the sacrament, but the responsibility was still given to those who had authority to act in His name.
• The authorized administration of the sacrament is part of the commandments given to His apostles (and the 12 disciples in the Americas).
• Delegated authority is an obvious part of that commandment in both the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants.

One of the things I love about priesthood ordinances is that you can ponder them for a lifetime and not stop get insights about them. To me, the sacrament continues to be an ordinance that teaches me the more I ponder it, both at a doctrinal and a personal level.

To me, the fact that the sacrament is administered by males is not something to be coveted by women and young women, but something to be cherished and pondered. I think priesthood execution can signal something to our minds: Christ is in it all. He’s in the taking, breaking, blessing. He’s in the emblems. He’s in the passing, the giving, the desire for all to partake. To me, priesthood has come to signal to my mind, “This is what Christ would be doing if He were able to be in millions of places at once.”

That we all help pass to each other along the pews is something that some would say is also significant. That has never struck me in the same way that it does others because the authorized element of the ordinance is important and meaningful in my mind, and because we don’t see that pattern reflected in scriptural text. To me, scriptures do present a more ‘vested’ responsibility in the giving of the sacrament to the Church, and I think it’s important to not dismiss the fact that this is a priesthood ordinance through-and-through (from authorization to administration) as a cultural oversight.

And yet, I think there are always layers to truth and surely in the Church we are both receivers of the heavenly gift of the Atonement and the Spirit, and we are also able to help others partake of the blessing of the Atonement.

Either way, though, all of the pondering of the scriptures to me still takes me to one place: that to me the focus of the sacrament should be mostly on the receiving of it and on Who the Giver truly is. The Savior gives Himself to us in it all, and we — each of us, all of us, male and female, old and young — have the opportunity each week and through the collective experiences of a lifetime to learn what it means to receive, to partake, to be nourished, to be filled, to be loved by the Son of God and by His Father.

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~by Michelle

Today is the anniversary of the day when Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery received the Aaronic priesthood by the laying on of hands by the very person who held that priesthood in the Savior’s day: John the Baptist. Consider it! An angel sent from the presence of God came to restore priesthood authority to the earth — the same authority that led the Savior Himself to ask John the Baptist to baptize Him!

It’s no small thing to proclaim the reality of the ministering of authorized angels, but that is precisely what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints proclaims. And the process of this restoration of truth and authority began with the visitation of God the Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph Smith.

So what does the restoration of the Aaronic priesthood mean for all of us? When John the Baptist gave Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery the Aaronic priesthood, he said:

“Upon you my fellow servants, in the name of Messiah, I confer the Priesthood of Aaron, which holds the keys of the ministering of angels, and of the gospel of repentance, and of baptism by immersion for the remission of sins….” (D&C 13:1)

We also read that:

“The lesser priesthood … holdeth the key of the ministering of angels and the preparatory gospel;

“Which gospel is the gospel of repentance and of baptism, and the remission of sins” (D&C 84:26–27).

Often when we speak of priesthood, we speak of those who hold it or hold offices within it. But the heart of what priesthood means is what blessings it unlocks to each of us, if we are willing to receive those blessings.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks says this about Aaronic priesthood:

What does it mean that the Aaronic Priesthood holds “the key of the ministering of angels” and of the “gospel of repentance and of baptism, and the remission of sins”? The meaning is found in the ordinance of baptism and in the sacrament. Baptism is for the remission of sins, and the sacrament is a renewal of the covenants and blessings of baptism. Both should be preceded by repentance. When we keep the covenants made in these ordinances, we are promised that we will always have His Spirit to be with us. The ministering of angels is one of the manifestations of that Spirit….

[T]hrough the Aaronic Priesthood ordinances of baptism and the sacrament, we are cleansed of our sins and promised that if we keep our covenants we will always have His Spirit to be with us. I believe that promise not only refers to the Holy Ghost but also to the ministering of angels, for “angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ” (2 Ne. 32:3). So it is that those who hold the Aaronic Priesthood open the door for all Church members who worthily partake of the sacrament to enjoy the companionship of the Spirit of the Lord and the ministering of angels.

The doctrine of the Aaronic priesthood does not limit the blessings of the ministering of angels or baptism or repentance or remission of sins. It’s a marvelous thing to ponder what priesthood ordinances and covenants can mean in our lives, to ponder what the sacrament is about.

For me, when the young men who hold the Aaronic priesthood pass the sacrament (an ordinance that has been tied to delegated priesthood authority since ancient times — see 3 Nephi 18:5), I imagine in my mind’s eye what the people of Bountiful experienced. I imagine Him being the One inviting those who hold His priesthood to minister in this way, with Him watching by and guiding the process.

I marvel at the message of the Restoration and am so grateful for the power, perspective, and peace that the doctrine around priesthood ordinances brings into my life. I am grateful to know that the priesthood of God is on the earth, and that the blessings of the priesthood are available to all who will receive them.

“[The Lord] doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God….” (2 Ne. 26:33)

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I’ve added this to my list of resources for Pondering Mormon Women and Priesthood. Sheri Dew obviously has a strong testimony of the value of women in Heavenly Father’s plan, and she shared some of that with a reporter in an interview in Europe. Even speaking practically, without much doctrinal background, she captured some of what the women of the Church do and have done since our early Church history.

She also talks with a doctrinal focus for the women who attended her presentation at this particular Time Out for Women gathering. Her words are reflective of things that Elder Ballard recently said in his BYU Devotional address during Education Week. There are patterns in these teachings that go back decades as well. Note, for example, the quote from Bruce R. McConkie in Sister Dew’s talk. Note the quotes by President Joseph F. Smith, John A. Widtsoe, and James E. Talmage in Elder Ballard’s talk. Similar teachings exist in various other resources listed in the previous post on pondering priesthood.

Following are some of the quotes to which I refer:

Here’s the Bruce R. McConkie quote (Sister Dew quoted part of this, and you can read the whole talk by Elder McConkie here. This address was given at a dedicatory service for the Nauvoo Monument to Women.)

Where spiritual things are concerned, as pertaining to all of the gifts of the Spirit, with reference to the receipt of revelation, the gaining of testimonies, and the seeing of visions, in all matters that pertain to godliness and holiness and which are brought to pass as a result of personal righteousness—in all these things men and women stand in a position of absolute equality before the Lord. He is no respecter of persons nor of sexes, and he blesses those men and those women who seek him and serve him and keep his commandments.

Sister Beck’s talk “An Outpouring of Blessings” captures in even more detail how sons and daughters of God are equally blessed by the priesthood. Her general summaries are very similar to what Sister Dew talks about as well, though.

The blessings of the priesthood, which “are available to men and women alike,”3 are woven in and through and around their lives. Each of them is blessed by sacred ordinances, and each of them can enjoy the blessings of spiritual gifts by virtue of the priesthood….

I am grateful that through the infinite fairness and love of God, all men and women were given equal partnership, gifts, blessings, and potential through priesthood ordinances and spiritual gifts. Because of the priesthood, which is woven in and around and through our lives, every power, every covenant we need to do our life’s work and walk back to our heavenly home has been poured out upon our heads.

As Sister Patricia Holland said in her article about LDS womanhood, truth is found in patterns. There are powerful patterns in teachings about the priesthood. To stop only at analyzing administrative duties stops one short of seeking and understanding more about doctrinal truths related to the partnership of men and women in God’s eternal plan for His children.

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“Let [us] seek for wisdom instead of power and [we] will have all the power [we] have wisdom to exercise.” – Eliza R. Snow, in Daughters in My Kingdom, page 45

In her 2013 BYU Women’s Conference address, Sister Linda K. Burton, Relief Society General President (leader of Mormon women worldwide), declared:

“We rejoice that we are privileged to live in this season of the history of the Church when questions are being asked about the priesthood. There is great interest and desire to know and understand more about the authority, power, and blessings associated with the priesthood of God. It is our hope for this next sacred hour together that “the doctrine of the priesthood…[may] distil upon [our] soul[s] as the dews from heaven.”3

“We hope to instill within each of us a greater desire to better understand the priesthood. I testify that the Lord is hastening His work, and it is imperative for us to understand how the Lord accomplishes His work so that we may receive the power that comes from be aligned with His plan and purposes.”

Sister Burton boldly invites us to stand as our foremothers who “expressed their support for living prophets and for the practices of the Church. They defended themselves and…proclaimed their faith and their covenants. Sister Eliza R. Snow said: ‘It was high time [to] rise up in the dignity of our calling and speak for ourselves…. The world does not know us, and truth and justice to our brethren and to ourselves demands us to speak….’”

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been pondering the doctrine of the priesthood in earnest during the past few months, and I wanted to share some of the flood of recent resources that have been part of my personal study.

[Update to original post]: Elder Oaks in the priesthood session of the April 2014 General Conference talked about priesthood power, authority, and keys and how they relate to both women and men. Understanding the purpose of keys is so important to understanding Mormon women and priesthood. And here is the audio link.

[Update to original]: Here is the transcript of the talk given by Elder M. Russell Ballard at the BYU Devotional that was part of BYU’s Education Week. You can watch the video here: Let Us Think Straight

– As has already been mentioned in past posts, the focus of the Worldwide Leadership Training was on priesthood. Note the desire the leaders have to help us understand how the purpose of the priesthood — God’s power — is to bless all of His children. The blessings of the priesthood that come from covenants and ordinances (as well as simply even being able to enjoy the wonders of God’s creations) are available to all. The video image above is only representing one of many video clips in this training. The videos build upon and connect with each other, and in my opinion, they all culminated in President Eyring’s talk, the last of the videos in the series. Our leaders have asked us to watch and ponder all of these videos.

There is much to learn about the power of the priesthood as well and how it relates to the role of women in God’s work. This has been discussed in the recent spring auxiliary training meetings for both Relief Society leaders and Young Women leaders. Even as I will highlight a few segments of those training meetings below, I highly encourage listening to both training meetings in their entirety.

– I’ve already mentioned the presentation given by Sandra Rogers (member of the Relief Society General Board) during the Relief Society auxiliary training about Mormon women and the power of the priesthood. In that talk, resources for pondering priesthood were mentioned. Sister Rogers pointed those in attendance to Daughters in My Kingdom (especially chapter 8) and also the Church Handbook of Instructions (e.g., chapter 2, Priesthood Principles) for more insight on these topics. – See more at: http://mormonwoman.org/2013/04/22/mormon-women-and-priesthood-power/#sthash.4uoXAlsm.dpuf

– In the Young Women training, the two counselors in the former Young Women General Presidency devoted their presentation to teaching and testifying about priesthood power, and then in her president’s message, Sister Dalton emphasized more about how priesthood power is key to what women do in their callings.

– And again, chapter 8 of Daughters in My Kingdom helps explain how unity under priesthood keys is so important in God’s work. Unity is another theme that came out in the Relief Society training.

– Recently, transcripts from some of the 2013 BYU Women’s Conference talks were made available and interestingly enough, the Relief Society presidency’s topic was priesthood. Sister Burton’s and Sister Stevens’ talks stood out to me in particular because they reinforced personal inspiration I had received while preparing to engage the young women in my ward at the beginning of June’s lessons on priesthood and priesthood keys.

– Sister Julie B. Beck gave a fantastic talk at a conference at Southern Virginia University. Some of what she talked about included the doctrine of the priesthood.

– You can hear other thoughts Sister Beck shared in a Mormon Channel conversation about spiritual gifts, addressing some of the questions women have about gender issues in the Church.

– And one more from Sister Beck: Why We Are Organized in Priesthood Quorums and the Relief Society

– I was struck that both Sister Beck (former Relief Society General President) and Sister Burton (current Relief Society General President) spoke of Doctrine and Covenants 84. Sister Burton invited Mormon women to memorize verses 33-40. “By doing so,” she says, “I promise you that the Holy Ghost will expand your priesthood understanding and inspire and uplift you in wonderful ways.”

– Sister Burton invites us to study Doctrine and Covenants sections 13, 20, 84, 107, and 121 as well as Alma 13. I also think scriptures such as Doctrine and Covenants 88 and studying the ancient temple (such as can be found in chapters in Exodus) can teach us much as well.

– Sister Burton also notes that the temple is one of the greatest places to ponder and learn about priesthood.

– If you are familiar with the book by Sheri Dew and Virginia Pearce (The Beginning of Better Days), that to me is a must-read for every Latter-day Saint woman. These sisters also point us to the minutes of the Relief Society.

– Speaking of Sheri Dew, hear some of her thoughts that she shared with a journalist about “what Mormon women get.” 

– In my mind, key to understanding God’s leadership model is to understand the power of the council system. Mormon women leaders discuss that principle in this video.

– I have studied the Book of Mormon (twice through with just this focus) and other scriptures for patterns of how God’s love and power and ministering and delivering help reached to men, women, and children. In my personal study, I have found that priesthood and all that it entails is a powerfully inclusive doctrine when its purposes (to help bring us to Christ and connect us to God, and to connect heaven and earth) are carefully pondered. So often I hear women talk of reading the scriptures and thinking that women are somehow left out of them. I testify that they (we) are not. In the way that matters most — in receiving the blessings of the Atonement and the gospel of Jesus Christ and the power and reality of God’s love and deliverance and eternal blessings — we are not!

It is my personal belief that this is what our leaders are wanting us to understand. Priesthood is ultimatelyl not about who does what. It’s about what God wants to do for all of His children, if we will but receive the blessings He has to give.

– Critical to remember is what Sister Burton mentioned and what is often mentioned in conjunction with the doctrine of the priesthood. It is best understood through personal revelation.

Sister Burton reminds us, “Because the doctrine of the priesthood is best understood by revelation, it is essential to have the help of the Holy Ghost to reveal and distill the doctrine upon our souls. Elder Bednar reminded us that “this blessing is not restricted to the presiding authorities of the Church; rather, it belongs to and should be operative in the life of every man, woman, and child who reaches the age of accountability and enters into sacred covenants. Sincere desire and worthiness invite the spirit of revelation into our lives.”

– Talks and links that have been valuable for me in my personal study on this topic over the years:

Julie B. Beck, “An Outpouring of Blessings,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2006, 11–13

Dallin H. Oaks, “Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 24–27

Russell M. Nelson, “Keys of the Priesthood,” Ensign, Nov. 1987, 36–39

Sheri Dew: It Is Not Good for Man or Woman to Be Alone

Dallin H. Oaks: The Relief Society and the Church

Dallin H. Oaks: The Aaronic Priesthood and the Sacrament (Why this talk that he frames as being directed to the young men and their leaders? Because I think Elder Oaks’s teachings about the keys of the Aaronic priesthood illustrates beautifully how the priesthood’s purpose is to provide blessings to all. So, for example, through receiving the gift of the ordinances of the Aaronic  priesthood, we are able to access the blessings of the gospel of repentance, the opportunity to be baptized for the remission of sins, the blessing of the sacrament, and the blessing of the ministering of angels. The keys open the blessings to all who will partake.)

Patricia Holland: A Woman’s Perspective on the Priesthood

Diane Magnum: Young Women and the Blessings of the Priesthood

Visiting Teaching message from March 2011: Under the Priesthood and After the Pattern of the Priesthood (just saw this Mormon Channel episode on that topic as well)

Russell and Lolly Osguthorpe: A Partnership of Equals (this is a whole other layer of understanding priesthood — understanding how it works in the home, in marriage); an Ensign article also discusses decision-making in the home

(This is not an exhaustive list, and I may add to it as I think of or find more)

[Updates to original post]

Women and the Priesthood — a lesson for women

Our Sisters Since the Beginning — talk given by Elder Bruce R. McConkie at the dedication of the Nauvoo Monument to Women

Cecil O. and Sharon G. Samuelson “Blessings of the Priesthood for All” — address from the 2013 BYU Women’s Conference

We are Women of God by Sister Sheri Dew

“Even as I Am” by Elder Mark E. Peterson

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A recent presentation given in the auxiliary training for Relief Society leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Sister Sandra Rogers, a member of the Relief Society general board, spoke on priesthood power available to Mormon women. (Her presentation begins just before the 39:00 minute mark). Her focus in the training was on the recent Worldwide Leadership Training meeting.

She beautifully distilled some important messages of the worldwide training meeting and how the doctrine of the priesthood relates to the work Mormon women do in the Lord’s work of salvation. We participate in that work through sharing the gospel with others, helping converts stay strong in the faith, helping reach out to those who are less active, doing temple and family history work, through gospel teaching, and through welfare work. Relief Society leaders unite with priesthood leaders in all facets of this work.

Sister Rogers talked of how God’s priesthood power is essential to do the Lord’s work of helping to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of all of Heavenly Father’s children. She testifies of the importance of the power of the priesthood (which she distinguishes from the  the keys and authority of the priesthood).

There are several ways Mormon women have access to priesthood power to do the work of God in our Church callings and in our homes.  Following are notes from Sister Rogers’ presentation. You can watch her presentation here. This topic of priesthood keys, authority, power, and blessings were also the subject of the recent Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting so we encourage you to watch those videos. Sister Rogers also pointed those in attendance to Daughters in My Kingdom (especially chapter 8) and also the Church Handbook of Instructions for more insight on these topics.

– – – –

Women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have access to priesthood power…

– When we receive priesthood ordinances

– When we “make and righteously keep” the sacred covenants we have made that are associated with priesthood ordinances

– When we participate in temple work and remember our covenants and the eternal blessings that are part of that saving, empowering work

– When we renew our baptismal covenants every week as we partake of the sacrament

– When we receive delegated authority as we are set apart in our callings

– When we work in unity in councils: ward councils, stake councils, family councils and in female auxiliary presidencies

– When we receive priesthood blessings

“Through delegated authority and personal righteousness” in our callings in the Church we can “act in priesthood power.” We “can receive inspiration, have access to gifts of the Spirit,” have the Lord’s sustaining power, and have the confidence that the Lord will help us in the work that we do.

Through making and keeping our priesthood covenants, all Mormon women can have access to priesthood power in “calling down the blessings of heaven” for ourselves, for our families, and for those within the stewardships of our callings in the Church.

From the Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting:

“Priesthood power…functions… in both the family and the church and its blessings are available to men and women alike.” -Elder Dallin H. Oaks

And from a talk Elder Oaks gave several years ago:

“The Prophet Joseph Smith told the early sisters that he had something better for them than a written constitution. Being organized under priesthood authority, they were to reject worldly concepts of power and seek the power that flows down from heaven for those functions and to those individuals who are using their time and talents in the Lord’s way.” -Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “The Relief Society and the Church”

Sister Rogers shared a story from Daughters in My Kingdom:

“Just as I was preparing to serve a full-time mission, my father left our family and the Church. Under these circumstances, it was difficult for me to leave home for two years, but I went. And while I served the Lord in a faraway land, I learned of my mother’s strength at home. She needed and appreciated the special attention she received from men who held the priesthood—her father and brothers, her home teachers, other men in the ward. However, her greatest strength came from the Lord Himself. She did not have to wait for a visit in order to have the blessings of the priesthood in her home, and when visitors left, those blessings did not leave with them. Because she was faithful to the covenants she had made in the waters of baptism and in the temple, she always had the blessings of the priesthood in her life. The Lord gave her inspiration and strength beyond her own capacity, and she raised children who now keep the same covenants that have sustained her.”

[Editor’s note: This reminds me of something Sister Julie B. Beck said a couple of years ago in a BYU Women’s Conference address:

Recently I reviewed this Primary song. You’re familiar with it. It says, “Mine is a home where ev’ry hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood pow’r, With father and mother leading the way.” Mine is a home where every hour is blessed by the strength of priesthood power. That is your responsibility, sisters, to help your home be a home that is blessed every hour by priesthood power. It isn’t just when Dad is there. It’s not just when Mom is there. It’s not just when a priesthood ordinance or blessing is being performed. It’s every hour as covenants are kept.]

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Sue is one of those people for me.

I’ve been a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a “Mormon“) all of my life. I have been surrounded by strong, diligent people who have shared their convictions of the reality of God as a loving Father, and of a Savior who has power to heal hearts and change lives. I have heard people talk about the power of prayer. I myself am no stranger to the power of prayer and the reality of God. I have felt God’s Spirit penetrate my heart on more occasions than I can recount. I cannot express the gratitude I have for the faith I have, and for people who have helped strengthen that faith in word, deed, and quiet example.

But Sue has helped bring truth to my life in ways unlike anyone else. I’ve never felt quite the way I do when she talks about talking with – and getting answers from – God, when she testifies of His character and His love.

Perhaps it is because of where she’s been, what’s she’s been through. I don’t even know all of the details, but I know she has experienced a lot of pain in her life. When she joined the Mormon Church as an adult, she came with a lot of questions — questions that women who identify themselves as feminists might ask as they learn about (or participate in) our Church. “Why are men the ones who hold the priesthood? Why do men hold many of the leadership positions in the LDS Church?” She wondered and worried. Did God not care about, or trust, women as much as He did men? Did He think women were second-class citizens?

Even with these questions that troubled her, she continued on, diligently holding to this faith she had embraced. She had a conviction that she needed to be a member of the Church. She had spent years searching for something to fill her deep needs for meaning and purpose in life, and this Church provided many answers for her.

Still, these questions raged like fire in her mind and heart.

But rather than let them fester, she turned to God in earnestness.

Sue has shared glimpses of some of the conversations she had with God in prayer. Her pleas were raw, full of the pain and emotion that seared her soul. She held nothing back.

And God answered.

The answers didn’t come all at once. They didn’t necessarily come as she expected them to (and they weren’t always what she was expecting!). But they came.

An image of Sue that is burned into my memory is of a time she spoke (as she often does) with passionate wonder and intense gratitude. She had just related one of these tender, powerful moments when Heavenly Father distilled truth into her mind and heart, piercing the darkness she had felt. As she shared with me, she threw herself against her chair, arms and head flung back, as though she had been blown over by a strong gust of wind. She exclaimed: “How can we not have faith in such a Being as this?”

The absolute confidence she has in God is remarkable. She will often describe God as a “phenomenal Man” — perfect in His character, perfect in His love, perfect in His knowledge of us and our lives. And oh-so-desirous to free us from misperceptions and misunderstandings – distortions that keep us from understanding Him and His truths.

A part of me wishes that I could package her answers somehow for women who also have questions about how to manage that mental, emotional, and spiritual space where Mormonism and feminism may seem to irreconcilably collide.

But in the end, I realize that no human answers will be sufficient for the deepest questions and struggles that come with this journey called mortality.

My struggles are different from Sue’s, but the power of her example and conviction has left an indelible mark on my soul. Her experiences with God have strengthened my confidence in the process of prayer, and have increased my desire to seek — and find — Him.

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

~by Michelle

You can read more First Person essays here.

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