All my life I’ve wanted just a little more sleep to do the right thing. To earn God’s love. Crazy I know but there it is. I tell people I’m a recovering oldest daughter. Must do it right.

Now it’s about pleasing God and not doing it right. That new attitude is the result of what I now call my happiness program but when I started it I called it my “survive-the-day” program. My first husband had gone off to live the life of a gay artist. I was a single mother and the sole financial support of eight children with my own business, finishing up my college degree and serving as the activity chairman in our ward. I had 48 hours of things to do each day and only 20 hours to do it.

That’s when I started my “survive-the-day” program. I figured God knew what was coming in the future – when a client might decide to change the appointment I’d just spent all night preparing for or a professor would give us extra time for a project. He knew what was essential. So each day I took my very long list of things I needed to do to God and asked Him what to do. He told me. He’d have me cross things off the list and add a couple of things I hadn’t listed (i.e., call and set visiting teaching appointments.) I did that. And God took my overburdened life, got it under control, sent my second husband Parker – a generous man of Scottish ancestry (he’ll give you the shirt off his back but not the money to buy it with) into my life and gave me a completely different life than I had written out on my five year goals.

Then I stopped doing it because, hey, my life was under control. Until it got out of control again. After I married Parker, I stopped being an executive in the high tech industry, started marketing products online, was serving as Relief Society president in our branch, and still had two sons and an additional two foster sons at home. Once again God took my life and made it work. More than made it work. Taught me, changed me and gave me new understanding that changed my life. What did I learn?

While serving as Relief Society president in our small branch I came to feel His total love for His daughters some of whom were messing up royally in my opinion, but apparently not in God’s, because He always just told me to bring them comfort and cheer not advice on how to shape up. After a couple of years it finally sank in that He loved imperfect me that much too. But I still kept trying to “do it right.”

Seven years ago we sold all of our stuff, got a friend to handle the Internet business and drove off to serve missions, using the program I now thought of as God’s “tasks-for-the-day” program to plan our days. Our first senior mission was Spanish-speaking Albuquerque, New Mexico where we did not learn to speak Spanish but did learn excellent Spanglish. We started a successful irreverence program in one extremely unfriendly ward, hauled young missionaries around since we had unlimited miles for our car and they didn’t, checked apartments and taught and baptized a few dear friends – the best part.

In the middle of that mission where we were both committed to keeping all the young missionary rules and feeling overwhelmed as a result God finally said gently but firmly, “Stop trying to do it right and just do it well.” Oh.

Our second senior mission was to Alaska where, to my great relief, I was not eaten by a grizzly bear. We did eat fresh seal, lots of salmon and some caribou. Again we went to God for our tasks and ended up entering 8500 names of Inupiaq ancestors into a genealogy database. Parker also had the unique experience of baptizing a young man in the just-barely-thawed Arctic ocean.

Today we live on 38.5 acres in wild wonderful West Virginia. I wanted to be near as many grandchildren as possible and Parker wanted free natural gas. Which we have thanks to the gas well on our property. Once again I’m serving as Relief Society president in our small branch where Parker is first counselor to the branch president.

I blogged and emailed about the experiences of turning my life over to God on a day by day basis then collected the writings together into a book. Or three. But I just didn’t know what it was all about. I asked God what the theme was since it looked like just a bunch of strung together anecdotes to me.

He said it’s about learning to be happy. And that’s when I really got it. It’s what Christ meant when he said “the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.” John 8:29

It’s not a “survive-the-day” program or a “God’s-task-for-the-day” program. It’s a “how-to-be-happy-soul-deep” program. Each day I take my very long list of things I want, ought, need to do to God and ask Him what He wants me to do. He tells me. It’s often not easy to do. But I do it. All day while I’m doing it I feel His love and pleasure. And I’m happy. And I’m not even 70 yet. Must still have lots to learn

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~by Jess

Hi!  My name is Jessica but most just call me Messy Jess.  I grew up in the Mormon Church. I married in the temple at age 26 and eight years later I am happy to be a stay-at-home mom with four children. I like to be active and busy.  My two favorite things right now is photographing my children’s every move and working out at the gym.

As a child I moved over 45 times before I graduated from high school.  Life was hard.  Most of my life lessons were learned from my mother as she lived the gospel as a single parent.  Her life was full of grace and sacrifice and service.  It is because of my mother that I have become who I am today.

I gained my true testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ after I graduated from high school.  Until then the gospel was something that had been taught to me – the ways of my family.  I took care of many children in their homes as their caregiver.  I experienced different ways of lifestyles and religion.  I spent summers on the island of Nantucket where many churches bellowed their sermons and music filled the Sunday morning air.  I relished the time I spent wandering from church to church being a guest in their house of worship.  It made me question the way I was raised and made me think about God and his purpose.

I pondered how Joseph Smith must have felt with so many churches claiming to be the true church as well as the faith and desire he had to serve God and to know who He was.  I myself wanted to know God and to know what God wanted from me.  I wanted to know if the things my mother had taught me were true.  I needed to know for myself if the things written in the scriptures were true.

I think it is through trials that I have grown closer to God. I think he wants us to remember Him and he wants us to talk with him in prayer.  He has always given me what I needed to progress and learn and grow. He has placed people in my life to help me.  Friends, teachers, mentors, and family.  Even when I felt alone I was never forgotten.  There were gentle reminders if I chose to look for them.

I am grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to know that I have a loving Father in Heaven and the miracles of forgiveness is through my Savior Jesus Christ.  I am so blessed to be able to teach this to my children so that they know who they are and whom to look for when they need encouragement or comfort and even to know whom to give thanks to.

Having a testimony of the gospel isn’t just something you believe in….it’s the way you live day to day.  It is who you are.  A child of God.  I pray that you will have the courage to allow God’s spirit in your life.  Yours truly, Jess

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My name is Heidi. I am 44 years old and have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints all my life. I currently serve in the Primary, and I love working with the children. My husband and I have been married for almost 23 years. We are parents to three children who are currently 19, 14 and 7. It has been interesting to have them so spread apart (by chance, not by choice) and it has given us the time to enjoy each one of them as individuals.

I love my husband and children very much. Loving them up and seeing to their needs does take up most of my time. However, when I do have extra time, I love to garden, read, write and, in the past, dance.  I am too old and tired for the dancing, now, but I absolutely adore music. I also love photography and doing family history research. Lately, blogging is pretty high up there on my list of hobbies, as is finishing my latest novel.  I am a total anglophile and have done a ton of reading on the British Isles. I adore well-researched historical fiction or any book that spoon feeds you history in a fictionalized setting. I love flowers and the color pink–those are two things that always have the power to lift my spirits, along with the best kinds of music.

I have had many experiences when I knew that my Heavenly Father was fully aware of me and my struggles. One that I often share is when my oldest was four years old. By this time I was 29 and the mother of only one child. Though we loved him with all our hearts, he was born with many disabilities and his future was unsure.  Coming from a family of eight children and the aunt of numerous nieces and nephews, it felt lonely and odd to be the mother of only one child.  Since the work of a parent is, in my estimation, the greatest/hardest/most enduring thing a person can do, I had been making our future family a matter of much prayer.  It weighed heavily on me that I felt like I had accomplished so little of lasting value at that point in my life.

Finally I felt sure that I was pregnant, however, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  Great was the despair at our house but we were careful to not discuss it in front of our four-year-old.  A few days later my husband and I were sitting at the breakfast table feeling glum when our little boy walked into the room and said, “Jesus is bringing me a little sister!”  I was so upset about my negative pregnancy test that I snipped at him.  “Well, did He tell you WHEN?”  My husband was wiser and started asking questions.  After conversing with our son, we felt positive that he had had a spiritual experience that told him he would soon be the brother of a baby sister. A few days later I took another test and I was indeed pregnant.

Eight plus months later, we were thrilled to deliver a baby girl.  During the course of my pregnancy many people tried to prepare us for a boy as my parents had mostly all boy grandbabies, but I knew without a doubt that it was a girl.  People shook their heads at my foolishness in proceeding with girly decor in the nursery and buying all girl baby clothes but I didn’t let that bother me and even announced her name to everyone several months before she was born.

When my son feels discouraged and that his life amounts to nothing, we remind him of the day he answered his parents’ prayers by announcing the arrival of his baby sister.  It helps him to remember who he truly is, indeed, who we all are: children of a loving Heavenly Father who knows our joys and sorrows and who loved us enough to send His Son, Jesus Christ, whose atoning sacrifice for us is the greatest gift that any being could ever receive.  Often we forget that this atonement not only pays for our sins but also makes up for our lacks.  As humans we are far from perfect and never will be in spite of our best efforts.  It will only be through His sacrifice that our imperfections can be made perfect.  On days that I feel especially inadequate for the tasks and responsibilities with which I have been blessed, I remind myself that whatever truly needs to happen, CAN happen if I have the faith to believe in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Heidi Ashworth is the author of Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind (a Regency romance novel), and is currently working on the sequel to this lively book.

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The things I enjoy most include: people, history, traveling, hiking, exploring, discovery, science, reading, backpacking, and basically anything outdoorsy. My major in college and my career go along with my interests — I hike through the wilderness conducting environmental surveys. I am a proud archaeologist!

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but my belief in it didn’t just come at one time. It has been gradually building. I notice that the times my testimony takes the biggest step is when I’m outside. At one time, I was digging out on the Arizona Strip (just north of the Grand Canyon) and every day before work I would stand on a ledge and look at the world around me. I would think about the beauty that I am surrounded by and the fact that it is here because of God’s grace. It is here for me, it is here for me to love, enjoy, and protect. He created this gorgeous world for us because he loves us.

Recently, I was recently hiking in Arches National Park (Moab, UT) and I went on a night hike to Delicate Arch. It was a full moon and as I came over the rise, and saw that majestic arch standing still in the moon light, I had the same thought come to me: God loves me. I knew I couldn’t  look at something like that and not think that there was a higher power out there.

I love being a Mormon Woman because I know I can still be myself and believe in the restored gospel. I believe that the church has given me stability, hope, and self-worth. When my life is spinning out of control I know that there is one constant that I can hold onto. I believe and know that I am a child of God. How can I not have self worth if I believe that? As long as I know that I am a child of God then there is nothing that can bring me down!

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