(Me with my dad at a petting zoo, circa 1982 or 1983)

One of my favorite memories is from when I was a little girl – I’m wearing a dress that my mom made me, my hair is curly and I’m standing on my dad’s toes. He’s wearing jeans and tee-shirt (a red one with a fish on it that reads “Every man must believe in something, I believe I’ll go fishing.”) and he is dancing me around the kitchen while singing the alphabet song. This is the way that I learned my ABC’s. We danced and he sang over and over again.

Looking back, I see how much I learned from my father. He’s an attorney by trade. He taught me how important education is. He taught me how to work hard and how to play hard. He taught me the importance of being together as a family, too. People always assumed that since he was an attorney, we were well off financially. My dad worked in his own practice, going to work at eight in the morning and coming home at five. His evenings and weekends were always available for family time. Looking back I see that he could have worked for a different law firm and potentially made more money, but that wasn’t as important to him as having time to spend with the family.

My dad is not a practicing member of the LDS church, but he was (and is) supportive of us. He would help my mom to get the five of us kids ready for church. He would lead us in prayers over the food at the supper table. He presided over Family Home Evening. He came to church if one of us was speaking or if it was the Father’s Day program in sacrament meeting. In my teen years, my faith wavered because of this – in my mind, I didn’t understand how my dad, the smartest man I knew, didn’t believe. With time, I’ve come to understand that it’s okay that we don’t believe the same things. He respects what I believe, and I respect what he believes.

There were a few things that my dad did while I was growing up that really showed me that he loves me. One was always coming to watch me perform – whether it was the play I wrote and directed with my best friend in junior high school, church basketball games, or recreation league softball games. He and my mom even came to watch once when I was on a bowling league after high school. Another thing he did was read the books that I was reading. He didn’t always comment on them (whether he liked them or not), but it was something that bonded us together.

My dad expected a lot out of us – responsibility, honesty, respect, kindness, and more. But he always gave us the same in return.  I could not ask for more in a father.  I love him.

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My parents divorced when I was very young, but throughout my childhood I remained very close with my father. When I was young, high-school aged, we talked on the telephone almost every day. He lived in Canada and I in Utah, so the means in which we were able to nurture a close relationship was during our short summer visits and to share our lives via phone. I remember discussing with him experiences from my day, daily jibber-jabber that most teenagers are fascinated with and most certainly the kind of talk parents get easily bored with. Nonetheless, my dad was always interested and eager to hear about my life and also my feelings about life. He offered great counsel and validation for a young girl struggling to find her place in this world. He was a blessing to me in a huge way as he always made me feel important even though deep down, I didn’t.

On August 23rd 1993 my father passed away after struggling with a long series of illnesses. I missed him, I loved him and I needed him. Years later I ran across a cassette tape with old answering machine recordings on it. In those days the answering machines were not built into your phone like voice mail is today, they were external pieces of equipment that actually recorded the messages onto a cassette tape. So I popped the cassette into my tape deck (again, a piece of equipment from the past) and began listening. After a few minutes of listen to rather meaningless messages from friends and boyfriends I heard the expected in between messages ‘BEEP’ followed with heavy breathing and a pause… I knew it was my beloved father…. my heart paused in excitement to hear his voice again,  then… a loud gregarious belch and ‘HANGUP.’ I immediately began laughing as I knew exactly who that was. My father was a jokester, the best prankster known to man. He was always up for a laugh even at the expense of being ill mannered. That was my dad, my loving, caring, affectionate and larger than life dad.  I was brought back to that moment in time when that sweet phone belch use to make me feel so special. I stopped the tape and sat on my floor utterly enjoying the moment with tears in my eyes, absorbing the flood of feelings as I remembered the warmth and affection of my loving father.

WHAT I LEARNED from this experience is that sometimes it is the little, simple things that mean the most. Sometimes the way in which we show love and affection is passionate and sincere but other times a simple belch on the recorder will do the trick. Though my father was a passionate loving man and easily expressed his affection to me and others. He was also great at showing it in other ways as well. That phone belch will rest in my memory as a very simple yet effective way of my father expressing to me, in his own way that he was thinking about me, loved me and cared for me deeply.

One of my favorite quotes about parenting is from Alvin Prince that said “Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” That was my father, always filling others’ buckets.

Interestingly the lessons I learned from my father about loving others has made an abiding impression upon me about the importance of fathers (and mothers) and their expression of love towards their children.  In many ways as a mother I have been influenced by my late father who showed me in vibrant colors the importance of loving others and showing it. Sometimes it is by small and simple means (Alma 37:6) that we share affection to those we love and other times overflowing and consuming, the important thing is that we do it. I love my father and miss him greatly. I am so very grateful for the many lessons he taught me, especially for the lessons about relationships and paramount ways that I am worth loving, for he loved me abundantly and I knew it.

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Today’s post is by Sue.

Happy Father’s Day!

My husband is the kind of father every child needs and deserves to have but doesn’t always get. Sadly, those who are not blessed with such fathers become painfully aware of it over time, for they must navigate life in the absence of that strong, supportive presence from whose influence every young person should benefit.

The fortunate ones, those who do have a stalwart and loving father in their lives, may never fully appreciate their good luck. Being parented by a strong, devoted man who gives his all to create a safe, secure place for you to grow and thrive makes it’s hard to even imagine living outside the shadow of that sheltering tree he provides. Not that you don’t value the branches that protect you, just that you don’t know what it’s like to brave the elements without them. And you never will know either, not until your father passes away, and even then you will somehow feel his influence in a way that comforts and sustains you. The essence of a good father is never really removed from his children, even when his physical presence is gone.

One of my sons, a pretty wonderful father in his own right, is a marriage and family therapist who has counseled adolescent offenders incarcerated in the criminal justice system. These are generally young men whose standards are either skewed or non-existent, gang members who have committed murder or other violent acts with little or no remorse. Their world of struggling for survival has seldom been peopled with supportive, hands-on fathers, and almost never with men who were ready and willing to model behavior conducive to a healthy, positive lifestyle. This son of mine has always appreciated and looked up to his dad, but working in juvenile hall has probably given him a more meaningful understanding of the powerful role a father plays in the lives of his children.

Of course, I have always understood the role my husband plays in our family, and on this Father’s Day, I want to take this opportunity to thank him. I am grateful that my children have grown up beneath his sheltering tree, and I share with them the gift of knowing that someone solid, steady, and reliable will always stand beside me. As hard as he works, as all-consuming as his schedule can be, I know with certainty that he is ready to drop everything to support his loved ones in time of need. His constant, enduring (and endearing) commitment is to making life better for the people he serves so selflessly––the family he has sacrificed himself for every day of his married life.

p.s. It has always been a comfort to me knowing that all of us are born with a Heavenly Father, whose love and concern for us are infinite. His tender care and compassion are extended to every man and woman who seek Him, and His influence in our lives and hearts is more powerful and perfect than we can imagine. How grateful I am for His kind and constant presence in my life.

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By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Fathers are to provide their families with the necessities of life and protection.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

En Español:

To all you fathers out there, and to our own fathers, we say: Happy Father’s Day! Feliz Día del Padre!

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