(Photo is a stock photo from images.lds.org)

~by Michelle

My son was at a Young Men’s camp this week (where we live, the Church’s Young Men’s program is merged with the Boy Scout program). It may sound simplistic, but I felt like he came home a better young man.

Of course there were all the elements of camping — smelly latrines, campfires, silly antics (this time it was mini flame-throwers in boys-will-be-boys style). There are probably things he hasn’t told his mother about other such antics, and maybe that’s for the better.

But I could tell that something more went on at the camp.

They held twice-daily devotionals, one focusing on Duty to God principles (Duty to God is the program for young men in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and the other focusing on different people from history who exhibited “velvet and steel.” I still have yet to hear more about this, but like my son said, “You can sort of figure out what it meant.”

I am grateful for the leaders who took the time to plan a camp that would be fun but also meaningful. They allow the boys to be boys, but also are mentors for them to learn what it means to be a man, a priesthood holder, a future husband and father, a man of God. They gave them opportunities to not just learn but to teach. Each young man had a turn preparing and sharing thoughts for their devotionals.

Today is Father’s Day. And today, I’m thinking not only about my own father, and about my good husband who loves our children with all his heart, but about the future father my son will be. And about how the Church‘s Young Men’s program is helping him to grow up to be a man of velvet and steel — a man of compassion and gentleness, a man of courage and strength and conviction and commitment.

This to me is what the priesthood is about. It makes my momma heart happy to send my son off for a week and watch him come back even more committed to be a person who cares about God, faith, family, love, service, purity, goodness.

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In many places, Father’s Day is tomorrow, Sunday June 17. At the Mormon Channel, you can watch various videos that celebrate fatherhood and talk about how important it is in God’s plan for His children.

For example, this video called Fathers and Sons is a touching story of a father and son who were able to draw closer to each other in spite of differences.

This counsel comes from Elaine Dalton, worldwide leader of the young women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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I loved Sister Elaine Dalton’s talk from General Conference this last weekend. I can testify to the power of righteous fathers and the importance of priesthood presiding in the home because I was raised by the kind of father Sister Dalton describes. I am convinced that part of the reason I am so passionate and confident about the power of womanhood in God’s plan is because of my father. Following are some of the ways my dad exhibited righteous fatherhood and manhood.

First and foremost, I have never doubted my dad’s faith and testimony. He is a stalwart example of faith in Jesus Christ, in His gospel, and in Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. His life has been dedicated to the things that matter most. My dad has been deliberate about sharing his faith with us. Whenever I read Alma 32, I think of him. (It’s a chapter in the Book of Mormon about how faith is a like a seed.) I love to hear him talk about the gospel. He teaches and testifies with power and conviction. I know that my dad knows.

He sings his faith as well. He took me to our ward choir practices from the time I was a young girl. I am sure that is part of why choral singing became such a love for me. Singing has played a significant role in my life and my faith. Just a few years ago, he rejoiced in the opportunity to sing in one of our church‘s General Conferences. (You can read more about his experience, and enjoy some of his testimony in this post: Singing in General Conference.) I’m still waiting for him to write a song about Alma 32. (hint, hint)

I have always known I could ask my dad for a priesthood blessing. Even now, though I can and do ask my husband for blessings, every few months when my dad stays with us for a night while he attends local meetings, both my husband and I make it a point to ask him for father’s blessings. I will never outgrow my appreciation of feeling my Dad’s strong hands gently laid on my head as he seeks inspiration and speaks with power, love, and faith. These blessings have always been a guide and an anchor for me. And sometimes they have been nothing short of prophetic. I feel strong glimpses of Heavenly Father’s love and my eternal worth when my dad gives me blessings.

I remember monthly PPIs (“personal priesthood interviews”) growing up, held on fast Sundays (the first Sunday of the month). Dad would let us talk about whatever was on our mind. Because I knew that was built into our routine, I would often reserve the most tender and private concerns during my growing-up years for these interviews. My dad was called as a bishop (a leader of a local congregation) when I was 14. For many teens, that might have seemed like a nightmare or embarrassment, but for me, it was a comfort and blessing. Not only could I talk to my dad as my dad, but I could receive his counsel as my bishop. I struggled with self-esteem issues when I was a teen, as many do. But my dad helped me have confidence in myself, and in my growing testimony, which I also sometimes doubted.

Dad made it a priority to be home, which meant that the delicious and regular meals mom made were regularly enjoyed as a family. Now that I’m a mom, I appreciate so much more what that really meant — what my parents made happen every night. Family rituals matter.

Dad has always been a good provider, which enabled my mom to stay home — something that was a blessing for our family, and continues to bear fruit a generation beyond. There aren’t words to express the gratitude I feel for my parents in how they worked together to do what was right for our family, in faith.

My father loves my mother. It’s something I’ve always known, because it is shown and expressed regularly. For example, my parents have gone out on weekly dates since before I can remember. I didn’t always love that as the oldest child left to babysit, but the message was clear: Marriage matters. Mom matters. Love matters.

I’m the oldest of four girls. Never have I felt “less than” because I was a girl. Never did we hear Dad pine for boys. In fact, he has such a tender love and unfettered enthusiasm for his daughters that he’ll talk about us anytime someone gives him the chance! I think we all ended up knowing that women matter to God because the women in Dad’s life matter so much to him.

My dad has been a champion of me and my dreams throughout my life. I was just remembering a photo of him in shirt and tie (home early from work), with hands grasping the chain link fence as he watched me in a high school tennis match. I can still remember his whoop when I got my mission call (it might have had something to do with the fact that we served in the same country!). When I told him about my idea to get an MBA, he was first to cheer me on and help make that happen. He continues to reinforce me now as I am seeking to dedicate my life to my family and to my faith, and to service. I have loved serving with him on a college advisory board; he is an advocate of using skills and resources for service, of “giving back.” I am touched to hear him talk about reading this site every day — a simple way to show support for his daughter.

So I hope he is reading today. I love you, Dad. Because of you, I know that priesthood presiding is not something to be feared, but something that incorporates all that is good about God and His plan — faith, testimony, equal partnership, sacrifice, responsibility, diligence, righteousness, personal excellence, service, family relationships, support, respect, and love.

I know you’d be the first to say you’re not perfect, but you are so very, very good. And I am so grateful to be your daughter.

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There’s still an hour of Father’s Day left here, and I wanted to share a little more Father’s Day content in celebration of fathers.

First, this article, written by a friend of mine, is great. “Fathers Provide Lifelong Protection for their Daughters.” Besides being insightful, the last part of the article made me laugh out loud!

Here’s a lovely video featuring a song sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I’m grateful for my father’s faith in our Heavenly Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ. I love you, Dad! I’m also grateful to be married to a man who cares so deeply about teaching our children with faith.

And read a father’s reflections on this day on how being a father is teaching him about the love of our Heavenly Father.

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To recognize Father’s Day, here are several articles written by various Mormon women on the topic of fathers.

Our Sheltering Trees: Fathers [Read another post by Sue on her blog:

The Arrow Is Only As Good As Its Bow]

Phone Calls from Dad

Fathers and Sons – Video

To Preside, Provide and Protect: The Roles of a Mormon Father

Video: A Father Indeed (Un Verdadero Padre)

A Father’s Responsibility and The Proclamation on the Family

My Father

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(Me with my dad at a petting zoo, circa 1982 or 1983)

One of my favorite memories is from when I was a little girl – I’m wearing a dress that my mom made me, my hair is curly and I’m standing on my dad’s toes. He’s wearing jeans and tee-shirt (a red one with a fish on it that reads “Every man must believe in something, I believe I’ll go fishing.”) and he is dancing me around the kitchen while singing the alphabet song. This is the way that I learned my ABC’s. We danced and he sang over and over again.

Looking back, I see how much I learned from my father. He’s an attorney by trade. He taught me how important education is. He taught me how to work hard and how to play hard. He taught me the importance of being together as a family, too. People always assumed that since he was an attorney, we were well off financially. My dad worked in his own practice, going to work at eight in the morning and coming home at five. His evenings and weekends were always available for family time. Looking back I see that he could have worked for a different law firm and potentially made more money, but that wasn’t as important to him as having time to spend with the family.

My dad is not a practicing member of the LDS church, but he was (and is) supportive of us. He would help my mom to get the five of us kids ready for church. He would lead us in prayers over the food at the supper table. He presided over Family Home Evening. He came to church if one of us was speaking or if it was the Father’s Day program in sacrament meeting. In my teen years, my faith wavered because of this – in my mind, I didn’t understand how my dad, the smartest man I knew, didn’t believe. With time, I’ve come to understand that it’s okay that we don’t believe the same things. He respects what I believe, and I respect what he believes.

There were a few things that my dad did while I was growing up that really showed me that he loves me. One was always coming to watch me perform – whether it was the play I wrote and directed with my best friend in junior high school, church basketball games, or recreation league softball games. He and my mom even came to watch once when I was on a bowling league after high school. Another thing he did was read the books that I was reading. He didn’t always comment on them (whether he liked them or not), but it was something that bonded us together.

My dad expected a lot out of us – responsibility, honesty, respect, kindness, and more. But he always gave us the same in return.  I could not ask for more in a father.  I love him.

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Last month my husband and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. My parents watched our kids so we could have a weekend away. What a treat! We drove up the “lost coast” of California and spent two luxurious nights in a Bed and Breakfast near the sea. We went hiking on the surf-beaten bluffs of Mendocino, felt the sun beat down through the sky-scraping canopy of the redwood forest and ordered dessert after fancy meals. I was in heaven.

But it wasn’t the time we spent taking long walks on the beach that made me think, “I’m one lucky girl.” Nope, it was a singular conversation my husband and I had over soup, salad and bread sticks at the Olive Garden on the way to our destination that made our tenth anniversary trip one to remember.

Our travel conversation had been light, flirtatious and fun. We tried to talk about news and our interests instead of the kids and work. But even before our first basket of warm Olive Garden bread sticks appeared, I could tell my husband had an agenda for our dinner conversation.

“Do you remember when we went to tithing settlement and the Bishop asked us if we were having family prayer regularly?”

“Yes! Why couldn’t he have asked us about Family Home Evening or our callings or something else we’ve been doing really well?”

“Well, it’s not often that a Bishop has the chance to give a family advice on how best to improve their spirituality. We need to try harder to have morning and evening family prayer. I think that following his advice will make a big difference in our family in the long run.”

After making plans on how we could better implement family prayer my husband went through an inventory of the social, emotional and physical needs of each of our daughters and we made decisions together about how to meet the needs of each of our children. We also assessed my current health conditions and found ways to lighten my load.

We talked about how to save more money at home, and at the business, to assure that we were living within our means, paying our tithing and if possible, saving for our future.

My husband was particularly concerned for the safety of the girls and me. We talked about putting better Internet safeguards on our computers and decided that living without TV hadn’t been so tough. We discussed drop-off and pick-up procedures at school and how a tire on my van needed to be fixed.

This was one of many a great conversations we’ve had over the last ten years. But, I would have never known my husband to be such a leadership dynamo if I had continued on the initial path I took as a young newlywed. During the first year of our marriage we had power struggles over money, fights over decision making autonomy and gender role discrepancies. We were both working, I was making more money, and I looked to have a greater income potential. My husband resented the fact that I held money decisions over his head and forced an unbalance of power in our relationship. It took a lot of late night “discussions” and prayer for my heart to soften toward the principles taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Here is a paragraph from that inspired document that is particularly poignant to me now.

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to providethe necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

Because I believe in modern day prophets and apostles, I was willing to try to implement these principles in my marriage before fully understanding them. At first glance, it felt counter-intuitive to let my husband preside when I was the natural leader in our family. But giving my husband the space to lead our family has improved my character, given him a huge boost of confidence, and has given me the space to focus on motherhood and my other talents. Through his loving example, my husband has shown me that leadership is more than just being organized and vocal. Service, patience and love are just as effective as check lists and budgeting spreadsheets when rearing a family. Together, we make a really balanced partnership.

I want to note that I feel that the final line of the paragraph I quoted above is of great import, “Disability, death or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” There are many situations where women share or are solely responsible for the roles of provider, presider or protector in their homes because their husbands are unable or unwilling to do so, or are absent for one reason or another. In my own family’s narrative my grandfather died in his 40’s leaving my grandma and her daughter (my mother) to fend for themselves. My grandmother felt overwhelmed and terrified in her new role as provider, presider and protector. But did she ever overcome! Financial dynamo, budgeting wizard, hard working, and computer savvy are just a few of the descriptions that come to mind when I think of Grandma.

In my own life, the opposite happened when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and my husband had to take on the roles of mother and father as I battled immobility and pain until we found a medication that helped ease my symptoms. From my own life and the life experiences of those around me, I have learned that ideals and reality sometimes have a large gap between them and can “necessitate individual adaptation.”  Prayers, friends and family helped make that gap more navigable for me.

I found that by following the prophetic counsel found in the Proclamation on the Family, even before gaining a testimony of it, yielded surprisingly pleasant results. My husband was willing and prepared to preside, provide and protect in our home. I liked not feeling responsible for EVERYTHING. Making the decision to change my ways prepared my heart for the time when my health would fail and I would need help from my husband more than ever. I hope that by continuing to strive to live by the precepts taught in the Proclamation, my husband and I will to grow together in love and respect and our union will continue to yield surprisingly pleasant results.

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