You can read more about Kenna at this Deseret News article: Open, honest, and vulnerable: one blogger’s journey. Or visit her blog at http://ileftmyheartinnz.blogspot.com/. (You’ll see that the links in this post take you to more reflections at Kenna’s blog.)

My name is Kenna Christensen, and at the age of 21 I was divorced.

Growing up I witnessed lasting marriages in my life. I was raised being told marriages meant forever. I went into marriage believing that no matter how hard it got, love in a marriage always persevered.

My short-lived marriage was no walk in the park. We were poor. We were learning to somehow morph two-former lives into one – values, beliefs, habits, bank accounts, you name it. I now had a permanent roommate, which took some getting used to, but despite all of that – there was not a thing in the world I wanted more than a successful, happy and lasting marriage, and there was absolutely nothing I wouldn’t have done to earn that, so when my former husband decided to throw the towel in, my whole vision of marriage, as well as my world – were completely and entirely shattered.

Looking back a year and a half later, I can confidently say that there were two specific things that got me through it: time, and knowing with every fiber of my being that God loved me, He was there for me, and He would never leave me – even if at times it would feel that He had. I was not in it alone. My Savior had felt this pain – He had felt this pain so He could help me overcome it when it was my turn to experience it. The betrayal, the agonizing confusion, the endless questions. The dismay, the disbelief, the wet pillows, and the darkest most hopeless moments. He knew this feeling, He had walked this path before, and He was prepared and waiting patiently to walk me through it now.

I needed peace; He blessed me with it. I needed to know the answers; He extended me faith so I no longer did. I needed to find forgiveness; He lent me His so I could lend it to someone else. I needed hope; and He has reminded me every day that He lives, He knows me, He loves me and God’s plan is far, far better than my own.

I am a Latter-day Saint. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have a testimony that God lives, that He loves me, and that if I live worthily – my blessings in the next life will greatly exceed my trials in this one. I know my Father in Heaven lives. I know He sent His Son to die for me, and I know that They are lovingly watching me, constantly cheering me on, and perfectly guiding my each and every footstep.

To those who have experienced divorce or currently are, whether it was your own or a loved one’s, to those of you who have been married for any length of time, to those of you who have felt the blessings of an eternal family jeopardized, whether that loss was within or without of your control: God loves you. He knows you individually. He knows your pain. Go to Him with your anger. Go to Him with your broken heart. Tell Him you can’t do it anymore. Ask Him to take your load for a little while. He will carry you. He will walk beside you. He will never leave you. Always remember and never forget that in your most hopeless moments, the moments you are lying on the bathroom floor, physically ill with absolutely no desire to go on, remember that those are the defining moments of your life, those moments God gives you in love, because only He sees who you can become.

The post Facing trials with faith: Divorced at 21 appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Question: “Is there a place in an LDS world for a divorced woman?”

Response by Marsha Steed Keller

I was once young and full of hope and excitement, promise and innocent dreams. I married my first date and high school sweetheart, waited for him on his mission and then became engaged a month after he returned home. Soon we had four beautiful children, a temple marriage and I was the bishop’s wife. Then, life turned upside down.

I found myself at 42, a single mom, no college degree and feeling shattered, hopeless, broken and filled with fear. I also found that being single in the church is very different than being married.

I could sugar-coat it and say that it is all how you look at it (people said that to me); that it is only for a little while until you heal (estimated a year) or that that it will all work out in the end (which it will, but NOT what I wanted or needed to hear at the time). I won’t. Instead I’ll be honest. Being single in a church that has a firm and solid foundation of family and marriage, can be difficult when one is or becomes single. Sometimes it feels like fitting in is impossibly difficult. That is the truth. However. . . . It is not a bad place. It is not a scary place (with some tools to help) and it is not an impossible place to be.

The leaders are very VERY cognizant of the single adults in the church. Truly they are. They pray daily for Church members, and they meet and plan constantly for what will best serve the different life circumstances of the members of Christ’s body.

What I will do, is share five things that I found helped me immeasurably to navigate my time as a single woman.

First and foremost, remember who you are. Remember that you are still and always a daughter of the Most High God. A queen-to-be, a child of infinite worth. This is essential, though sometimes difficult to remember. Remember it.

Second, remember that being divorced is a different experience. It is not who you are, it is simply an experience you are currently having. It may change (probably will) in this life, and it may not, but it is not who you are. It is simply a place you are plunked in at the moment for either your own learning, the education of others, or both.

Third, remember to have fun. Really. Take time for yourself, even if it is only 20 minutes. Refill however you refill the best. Chocolate, silence, running, friends, whatever. Just do NOT dry up until you are worthless to everyone including yourself.

Fourth, remember that if you WANT the Celestial Kingdom, you already have an eternal mate . . . Somewhere. He exists. Now. Somewhere he is thinking about you, loving you, hoping for you, and making himself worthy of you, just as you are praying for him, thinking and longing for him and knowing that your union (though interrupted at the moment ) is eternal. It isn’t a future event, it exists now, you just don’t know him yet (ask Michael Buble’!)

Lastly, and honestly the most importantly, keep at it. Keep getting up. Keep reading your scriptures even when you don’t want to. Keep attending church even when you aren’t sure it even matters anymore and it only causes you to cry all the time. Keep singing the hymns, even when the memories are so strong you can’t get the words out, and keep praying, even when you aren’t sure that there is anyone listening. There is! I know, I’ve felt all of those things, and learned that HE never leaves. When we are ready, we return, and His arms are always always ALWAYS open.

Is there a place? Yes. That doesn’t mean that it is the same place as before. A broken cup, even if repaired perfectly, still knows how it feels to be dropped and broken. You will always have this as part of your experience. But you can be even stronger and more beautiful through it all, through the Atonement. And you can have compassion for others walking this path.

You are divine. Different isn’t a bad thing. You are worthy of fun and laughter and you are loved deeply and eternally right now. You can keep going. Endurance isn’t a chore, it is like a diamond, enduring, brilliant, stronger than most anything and always reflecting the light it receives outward in a dazzling array of color.

There is a place for a divorced woman, right there in the second row, next to the wounded stranger who also has no wedding ring on, but a heart that is a home to every tender soul.

p.s. Now I’m once more a ‘married Mormon woman’, I found my unlikely heartmate with a cowboy hat on!

The post Is there a place for a divorced/single woman in the Church? appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Editor’s note: We are grateful to Bonnie for sharing this tender and personal piece on trials and hope. We felt it a fitting piece for the Easter season. She chose to have her post shared on this day, because, she says, “I often have talked of my ‘Thursdays’ and the fact that Sunday always comes. Still, Thursday is the “scary” before the dark Friday. It’s during the scary that I’ve needed the perspective to know what it is I’m involved in, what I’m birthing.” Bonnie blogs at Bonnie Blythe.

~by Bonnie

A wave of nausea washed over me as I felt the familiar tightening again, the groan rising silently in my soul: “here it comes.” Long minutes of pressure built, my body wringing itself, then it ebbed away and I stood up straighter, my hands unclenching the surround in front of the kitchen sink. In the quiet, tired, freshening minutes I sipped a cool drink and moved slowly around, shrugging my shoulders and breathing deeply. The contractions would come again, but for now I could move freely.

Giving birth or watching it occur teaches something of the cyclic nature of most pain. It has an ebbing and flowing quality over time, peaking in such intensity that, if we didn’t understand that it was temporary, would be overwhelming. When each pain abates, there’s a resting period in which we reorient ourselves to the world around us and can connect with something outside of ourselves in a way that is completely impossible during the contraction. Pain has a peculiarly alienating quality. When it peaks, we are often forced to stop and focus on it to the exclusion of all else, but if we wholly surrender then, we can disappear into it.

When my husband, after a 4-month separation, told me to get out of our house (which I had agreed in lengthy divorce negotiations to give him), I had no place to go. He hoped that I would decide that I couldn’t make it alone, forget the divorce, and let him return, with our lives returning to the violent roller coaster they had grown to be. I prayed fervently because I knew that God loved us and would make a way for our escape. I felt the words, “plan to move in May” in my heart, and fretted over how I could convince a spiteful, malevolent man to wait five more months for us to move without giving in and letting him move back.

After months of bullying phone calls, through which I repeatedly explained how difficult it was to find a home when I hadn’t been employed for a decade and after which I always sobbed with the same hopeless frustration, May finally dragged around. I cleaned out our house and began moving things I wanted to keep into a storage unit, because I still had no idea where we would go. I did trust the Lord as I saw how he had preserved my life, several times miraculously. Not until the third week of May, however, did my future become clear, when my mother, distressed with serious and chronic health problems both she and my father faced, had a dream that opened her mind to ask me to come live with them and care for them. It was not something either of us had previously considered, but the 4th weekend in May I packed seven children and a house and moved. God had been faithful, though he had not chosen to make the way easy or encouraging or even clear. More than a decade later this period of my life marks a quantum leap forward in my relationship with God.

Everyone involved in birth nurtures a mother through her wave cycle of pain and refreshing because the most wonderful thing is happening: A baby is going to be born! When that baby enters the world, we draw great drafts of joy into our souls. While we support and rub and encourage her to hang on through the contractions, we hold that promise in our hearts. If we did not, birth would be terror.

Had I known during each badgering phone call – through court proceedings in which my ability to support so many young children was questioned, in my terrified moments of despair and self-doubt – that I was giving birth to a deeper confidence in myself and in the Lord and a whole range of gifts and qualities, it would have been easier to hang on. Such, however, is the process of birthing hope. We need mentors, attendants who’ve weathered the waves of pain, to describe that joy that we’ll eventually draw in great drafts into our soul, to gift us with a vision of hope wrapped warmly in our arms, our own child born of our pain.

I’ve given birth six times, two of those within minutes of one another. I’ve also ridden other waves of pain: being left at 20 years old by my husband, parenting alone, marrying a man who became abusive, protecting children in a home that could flash with anger, dealing with times of poverty and loneliness, miscarrying repeatedly, divorcing, losing my home several times, extended family strains, losing jobs. Often those experiences came one right after another in overwhelming waves that shook my self-confidence and challenged my faith. I didn’t know to what I was giving birth or that the pain would ebb away. Sometimes, it was terror.

When Jesus Christ entered the garden at Gethsemane, his disciples were still struggling within themselves to understand his mission. They were “heavy” and “sore amazed” wondering if this was the Messiah. He had spent three years teaching them who he was and what he could do, but in the darkness and the jostling stress of threats against their lives and his refusal to strike back, they wondered if he was who he said he was. It was a big thing to wrap their minds around.

It’s not unlike the dark periods of our lives, when, bullied by circumstance and consumed by contracting pain, we wonder if God is as powerful as what troubles us. We feel heavy and sore amazed. We have no idea what we’re giving birth to or when the breathtaking wringing of our souls will abate. We have no idea who we are intended to become. It’s a big thing to wrap our minds around.

Those dark moments of pain are a crucible in which we reach through space to a Savior or we surrender to the surge. If we choose, we can labor to birth a hope that will sustain and nourish our souls through a lifetime and an eternity. No less experienced attendant than our Lord Jesus Christ stands by us, holding out the promise that this breathing, squirming, infant hope, child of our pain, will be worth every wringing contraction of our soul.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Hang on. Breathe. Focus.

Hope is a mighty sweet baby.

– – – –

Bonnie is a Midwestern tumbleweed blown up against the Utah mountains and lodged, for the moment. Mother of six, grandmother of two, she welcomes anyone who wants to sit on her lap during church and play with her jewelry. A thriver (not just a survivor) of bi-polar depression, she has learned to work hard for happiness and treasures it in all its unexpected experience. She teaches gospel doctrine and relishes gardening vegetables and flowers, the crowning jewel being her native Kansas sunflowers with their 4-lb heads. She has worked in advertising and politics, homeschooled, been a naturopathic therapist and public schoolteacher, owned a consulting business, developed poverty alleviation programs with state agencies, and worked for the federal government in poverty programs. As soon as she conquers her addiction to cheesecake, she’d like to train for a half marathon. Her youngest daughter (Sam -12) will run with her to call the paramedics as necessary.

The post Birthing Hope appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

Deseret News
Published: Sunday, Jan. 15, 2012 7:00 p.m. MST

David Letterman knows how to get a laugh.Like most comics, he riffs on the day’s news, deadpans the camera and revels in audacity.”Oh, did you hear about this?” the host of CBS’ Late Show with David Letterman asked his audience recently. “A campaign staffer on the Newt Gingrich campaign was fired because he was making negative comments about Mormons. I thought, now, wait a minute — isn’t Newt in favor of multiple wives?”
Laughter rumbled from the audience followed by applause. The polygamy punch line is a familiar one when it comes to poking fun at Mormons — as though Mormons and polygamy are synonymous in mainstream media. Ironically, the practice that’s most linked to Mormons is a practice most Mormons oppose, according to a groundbreaking new study of Mormons in America released Thursday by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life.

According to the study, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unequivocally reject polygamy — only 2 percent said the practice is morally acceptable — evidence of a yawning gap in what Mormons believe and how they are perceived. Mormons’ opinions are overwhelmingly conservative, the study shows, but in many ways, their views are also surprising — especially when it comes to opinions on moral issues, divorce, homosexuality and polygamy.

Morality

Mormons also take a significant stance on moral issues in other areas, such as divorce, sex outside of marriage and consumption of alcohol.
Although teachings from the LDS Church emphasize the importance and eternal nature of t

he family, only 25 percent of Mormons surveyed said divorce is morally wrong, according to the study. That means Mormons are slightly less morally opposed to divorce than the general public.
“For Catholics, divorce does not exist. They think it is not only wrong but it is impossible,” said Matthew Bowman, member of a board of expert advisers to the Pew Research Center for the study and author of “The Mormon People,” a book on the history of the LDS Church. “That has not been true for Mormons. There is theological space for divorce within Mormonism. It is undesirable, but Mormons recognize it is sometimes necessary and sometimes the right thing to do.”

Other moral views revealed in the survey — 54 percent said drinking alcohol was morally wrong, compared with 15 percent of the general public — set Mormons apart, Bowman says. The assumption on the part of non-Mormons is that if Mormons think drinking alcohol is wrong, then they must think everyone who imbibes is morally flawed. That apprehension can make people suspicious of Mormons, and wary of an elitist attitude, he says.

Differences in moral viewpoints can create a stumbling block for Mormon acceptance — not only in high-profile arenas, such as a presidential election, but also in communities.
“What you find throughout the report is a tension,” said David Campbell, assistant professor at Notre Dame and an adviser on the study. “Mormons like to use the phrase, ‘Be in the world but not of the world.’ They are certainly living their lives in the world. They are active and involved in their communities, but they have these beliefs and practices that set them apart a little bit, and sometimes there is conflict.”

Homosexuality

Mormons have some of the most conservative opinions when it comes to homosexuality. The survey asked Mormons if homosexuality should be accepted by society or discouraged by society, with an option for neither, both or “don’t know.” The response — 26 percent said homosexuality should be accepted, 65 percent said it should be discouraged — puts Mormons as the least likely to say homosexuality should be accepted by society. But a 26 percent acceptance rate, with roughly 1 in 4 Mormons saying homosexuality should be accepted, might be surprisingly high to some.

Of particular interest is the fact that only 8 percent of Mormons surveyed identified themselves as liberal, and 66 percent said they were conservative. That means some of those who said homosexuality should be accepted also identify themselves as politically conservative, Bowman says. That distinction illustrates the complexity of Mormons’ opinion on sexuality — that it is rooted more in religious precepts than politics.
Still, it’s difficult to draw a conclusion about Mormons’ views on homosexuality based on the study, says Pew Research Center adviser Terryl Givens, professor of literature and religion at the University of Richmond.

“Results need to be viewed cautiously,” Givens says. “Official LDS pronouncements insist there is a distinction between (sexual) orientation and behavior, but the survey blurs that difference, probably leaving many Mormons unsure how to answer that question. What is clear, however, is that Mormons are trending toward greater acceptance of same-sex relationships, just as society as a whole is, although by a much smaller percentage.”

Polygamy

At one point 120 years ago, some Mormons practiced plural marriage, hence the association between Mormons and polygamy. The practice was discontinued in 1890, but the cultural association persists, perhaps in part because Mormons are sometimes confused with members of the Fundamentalist LDS Church, a polygamist group not affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In the October-November 2011 study of a national sample of 1,019 Mormons, 86 percent said polygamy is morally wrong. That’s a number that surprises Bowman.

Were it not for the confusion surrounding Mormons and the FLDS Church practice of plural marriage, Bowman says that statistic might not be as high.

“It’s my experience that Mormons have a fraught relationship with polygamy,” Bowman said of the study results. “There is a sense that rejecting polygamy identifies a member of the LDS Church and distinguishes us from the fundamentalists. That is a cultural signifier as much as a theological statement.”

Some who responded to the survey, 11 percent, said polygamy is not a moral issue.
Email: achoate@desnews.com

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~by Sarah

No one ever expects that they’ll have a marriage that ends in divorce, but in August 2009, while recovering in the ICU after complications associated with the birth of my 4th child, I finally determined I had the courage to leave my abusive husband of almost 9 years. Four days after leaving the ICU, and assisted by close friends, I gathered the children’s and my possessions and moved out. At the time, the children were: girl 6 ½; girl 4 ½; boy 2 ½; and girl newborn. Not only was my children’s father mentally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive, but as he had not provided for the financial necessities of life, I knew he would not be a source of financial support in the future either. This has proven to be correct. I would have to bear the sole financial responsibility to provide for the children. The thought of how this would be accomplished was overwhelming and intimidating. My family in Australia encouraged me to go back to my homeland so they could provide their support and help raise the children. Returning to Australia was not a viable option at that time for a couple of reasons: I didn’t yet know the custody arrangements; and, I was not a citizen of the USA; and if I left the country for 6 months or longer, I would permanently relinquish my residency status.

In December 2009, I began interning at various work sites through the Department of Workforce Services in an effort to refresh my skills and make myself more marketable to employers. It didn’t take long to determine that the skills and work experience I possessed would not be enough to enable me to provide sufficiently for my family. I knew I had to gain more education in order to qualify for the much- needed salary increase. Exactly what I would study and how I would pay for it weighed heavily on my mind.

When the divorce was finalized in May 2010, I was awarded sole custody of the children. After a generous donation from a dear friend, I became a citizen in October 2010.

After visiting a couple of campuses and exploring their courses of study, I still felt unsettled. A friend who had attended LDS Business College [LDSBC] a decade ago suggested I look into the courses offered there. Within moments of walking through the door, I sensed a feeling of warmth and security envelope me. Without having spoken to any of the staff or faculty, I knew I was supposed to attend the Business College. After a 21 year absence from any kind of formal schooling, I felt that it was the place that would provide the nurturing, supportive environment I desperately needed.

The boost of confidence I needed came when I found out that the LDSBC offered a Scholarship for single parents, and that I qualified for it. I remember when the email arrived that I had been granted the Scholarship, I cried from feeling overwhelmed with appreciation and joy. I decided right there and then that if the people who donated the funds for the Scholarship and faculty of the College believed I was worth the investment, then I would give my all to my studies and do my absolute best to ensure that those precious funds were not wasted on me. The donors may never fully understand how their gift has blessed my life. Within a few days of attending classes, delving into the textbooks, and getting to know my teachers, a feeling swelled within me that has grown and grown ever since. It was a feeling that distilled on me that ‘I can do hard things’. Learning has become a joy – I’ve learned to love learning. Watching myself accomplish things I felt were so unattainable only a short time ago, gives me courage to face all the uncertainties of life. As a direct result of the change in my heart, my children are being raised by a happier, more focused, more attentive, more life-loving mother. Now in my fourth semester, I’ve averaged a 3.98 GPA. Feelings of inadequacy and intimidation are gone and I see what I’ve accomplished in the past and have full confidence that my children and I have a bright future ahead of us.

Anyone who has heard me speak of my gratitude to the donors who have made it possible for me to attend the College know it is a topic very close to my heart, and usually accompanied by tears. I look forward to the day when I know the names of the individuals who have donated the funds, to look into their eyes, and thank them personally for allowing me the means to have my life transformed. I don’t expect if I were to meet them that I would have the words to describe my gratitude. A simple “Thank You”, though sincere and heart-felt, is so inadequate to really express my feelings of gratitude. When granted the Scholarship, I promised the donors I’d do my very best and assured them that their precious funds would not be wasted on me. I have kept that promise to them and will continue to do so. I too would like to donate to the Scholarship fund, so that other people in similar situations have the opportunities that have been afforded to me.

– – –

Interested in donating? You can donate to the Stella Oaks Scholarship for single parents here.

The post Sarah’s Story: A single mom finds hope through education appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

This poem was written at what was a difficult time, four months before my first husband left after 22 years of marriage. The holidays were difficult for several years until I regained my focus and realized that the holiday was about celebrating what I did have, not what I did not. It was a shift in consciousness that allowed me to once again enjoy.

However, I am also keenly aware that for those in a similar situation, grieving also must occur. Feeling that you ‘shouldn’t’ feel this way isn’t any more productive than denying that you do and pushing through the grief and loneliness.

For me, writing was cathartic. It put in front of me the words of my despair, my need, my hope, and my knowledge that somewhere, sometime out there there would be something better than ‘this,’ where I was.

To those who may be grieving at this time of year, perhaps the most encouraging thing I could share would be the understanding that wherever the loneliness sits at the moment, it doesn’t mean it will always be there, even when it feels like it.  Embracing the love that already surrounds you, recognizing the deep longing, and hoping for a time when happiness will again reside was for me the greatest comfort.  “And it came to pass. . . ” — not to stay.

– – – – –

Whispers of the Season,
Reflections of the past,
Desires for the future
Bound and held so fast
Against the weary memory
And the green and red hued fray,
Thoughts adrift in misery,
Bound in stress of day.

Tucked amidst the green
Of the merry Christmas tree
Will there be found within a bough
A wish or two for me?

Closing eyes so very tight,
Holding breath against the fear
That Santa has nothing in his sack
To bring relief or cure
For what desires lay hidden
And what sweet passions die
Deeply in a woman’s soul
Expressed in murmured sigh.

Is there a word unqualified,
Acceptance without question
Or the softest feathered touch from one
Who finds my company spun;
With laughter and sweetened muse,
Passion’s dark bold embrace,
Intelligence and confided lore
Smiles upon a tear-stained face.

Tentative vulnerablity,
Giggles of secrets shared,
Inspiration’s’ electricity
Desires subtly compared,
The avid focus of attentive eyes
From one who feels the same?

Look within and see the shadows
Faintest flutters exclaim,
There is a heart unfettered,
Bathed in my name’s echoed cry,
And in enchanted evenings
A baby’s lullaby.

Tell me it be possible
There is one other soul
Bound with whispered dreams
Unequaled, complete and whole.

Is there fashioned another
That will with me share,
Glistening poinsettias, silver bells,
Into a glowing fireplace stare?

I don’t believe that elves have packed
Santa’s bag with things I write
Or that he is aware of the pull
Of scented flickering candlelight.

Shimmering in magical Christmas mist
Does Mrs Santa hint so blissful,
Of limpid pools of breathless wonder
When miracles are possible?

If she does, there may be a chance,
Slim perhaps but still,
Perchance there is something
In Father Christmas’ fill
For a lady with a silent wish
Who can’t quite abandon hope
That one day somewhere amongst the tinsel
And the unsealed envelopes
There will be an unwrapped gift
Tucked in the gleaming holiday decor
The marvelous breathtaking surprise
Of simply being adored.

© Marsha Rose Steed Keller 12/01

The post “Whispers of the Season” (Poetry) appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

I know this is the true Church of our Savior Jesus Christ and that we are led by a living prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

My story:

My life challenges started at a very early age. I was eight years old when I was first molested. He was a friend of the family and I had a child’s love for him. He broke my heart and severely injured my spirit. Unable to tell my parents, my trust of people around me was shaken. I became very insecure and frightened of life. When I reached my teens, my insecurities and lack of participation in school activities became evident and a concerned counselor started drawing me out and I felt comforted by his concern. But, once again my life was jolted when he betrayed my trust. One day he offered me a ride home. I accepted his kind gesture. I soon realized he had other intentions. We took a ride into the hills near our town and the unspeakable happened. Once again I was shaken to the core and afraid to go to my parents. I had no idea how to deal with any of this and so I pushed the thoughts and feelings deep inside. I didn’t have any close friends at school and my insecurities became overwhelming.

I started going to a neighborhood church and felt some comfort but still I had no answers to why bad things were always happening to me. I was convinced that bad things only happened to bad people ant that I was being punished. I met a boy who belonged to another church and we started dating. School became increasingly harder for me to deal with. When I was sixteen and my boyfriend nineteen I convinced my parents to allow me to get married. I was then dropped out of school.

A couple of years into my marriage my husband and I started having very heated arguments. We were both so young and immature. It became an abusive relationship with my husband using physical force. After our son was born, I decided that the best thing for both me and my son was to leave this marriage. I was more fearful for my son than for myself. Once again I was left with the thought and feeling that I was a bad person.

It was very hard being a single mom at the young age of nineteen. I started having severe migraine headaches that often made it hard for me to go to work, or be a mother. I started suffering with depression as well. I had long since stopped going to church, I couldn’t see the point. My friends changed and my lifestyle became one that I am now ashamed of. And soon drugs became an escape from all my worries. At least I thought so at the time.

Even though this was a time of spiraling out of control, I did meet a man who was stable and who had healthy life goals and was willing to be a father to my son, and so, we were married and a year later we had a daughter. I still suffered with migraines and depression. I was also still painfully insecure and that was a problem for my very outgoing, enthusiastic husband.

At some point all of these physical, mental and social challenges became too overwhelming. Prescription drugs and illegal drugs became a part of my life again. I was what you would call a “functioning addict.” My marriage of seventeen years ended and I really went into a tailspin. I became so frightened of life. I was completely convinced that my life had no worth.

Mid-October 2004 I tried to end my life. I was found unconscious, barely breathing and rushed to the hospital. I was put on a respirator. My two sisters, one in California, and the other in Utah, were contacted by my former husband who is a doctor. They have since told me they thought they were coming to bury me.

After five days I regained consciousness and was taken off the respirator. My two sisters were standing by my bedside. Both my sisters have been members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints since they were in their teens. One of my sisters reached over the safety bar on the bed and laid her hand on my arm and asked me if I would like a priesthood blessing. At the same time that she asked that question there was a whisper in my other ear. Jesus whispered, “Are you ready to do it my way?” I knew it was Him because of how specific those words were to me. I also knew it was Jesus because of the love, warmth and comfort that fell on me. I have never felt such love in all my life! Such pure love! I said yes to both questions. Any questions I had about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were answered in that moment.

It’s my testimony that Jesus lives and his Atonement will make everything right. Heavenly Father’s love has healed me. I do not suffer from depression, overwhelming insecurities, nor do I feel like I’m a bad person. As my faith grows and my knowledge of the gospel grows I realize that bad things happen to good people. We are here to be tested. Our lives are subjected sometimes to those who choose to use their agency in a negative manner. When those times befall us, He will comfort us.

Before I was baptized, I worried about forgiveness. I worried about whether Heavenly Father would forgive me if I couldn’t forgive those who had trespassed against me. Matthew 6:14-15, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” I talked to Elder Hansen (who was the missionary teaching me and who would be baptizing me) about my concerns and he suggested that I fast and pray. I also talked to the local Relief Society President. Sister Hunt loaned me her scriptures and showed me how to use the Topical Guide and the Bible Dictionary. I took her scriptures home, fasted, prayed and read scriptures that night and the next day. I can’t really say that I had any earth shaking revelations, but at some point, an indescribable peaceful feeling came upon me. I no longer had any ill feelings left and I was able to pray sincerely for those who had hurt me. I then felt like I could enter the baptismal waters and enter into those sacred covenants and start my journey of enduring to the end.

I know I’m not alone on this journey. I know that I can call on Heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, to help me through any challenge and he will give me the strength to endure.

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Editor’s note: This post originally appeared on this site on June 12, 2008.

The post When Bad Things Happen to Good People: One woman’s journey to overcome the effects of abuse and addiction appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

(Laura on the left with good friend, Jaymie)

I am the fabulous Laura Stewart. I’m the youngest of 6 kids, and definitely unlike any of the ones before. I was raised in the same house, my parents never moved – they’re still there. I’m finding that the more I experience life, the more I realize that I had a flat out great childhood! I didn’t think so when I was in it though.

I am on my third husband. I married young, at twenty-one, and divorced two months later. I caught him doing cocaine on our kitchen table and I refused to be the woman that thinks things will change with a little love.

On to husband number two. We married in the temple, and did everything the right way. He was perfect. We loved baseball and traveled around in our bee-boppin’ Geo Metro from baseball diamond to baseball diamond. Finally, we got serious after four-and-a-half-years of marriage and had a baby boy. DJ was six months old when his father, my husband, died of cardiac arrest. DJ is now fifteen.

I’ve been married to Sam Stewart for thirteen years. I also got a two-for-one special and had twins that are now twelve years old. All boys.

I now help out in a preschool a couple of hours each day as the tech and they pay me for it! I love it. I do. When a four-year-old tells you your hair is cute, it makes your day! I’ve been doing that for ten years.

For fun, I volunteer somewhere. I spend time with my kids anxiously engaged in a good cause. It’s not the season for me to worry about what I think is fun, maybe that’ll come later, maybe not right now!

I have been the Young Women’s president, the Relief Society president and held various other callings. I LOVE nursery but love Stake Young Women Camp even more. That week away from the world is just good for the soul. It’s also absolutely and completely exhausting. I mean completely. But, it’s good.

One thing I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that it has taught me to recognize the tender mercies of the Lord. And when my mind is where it needs to be, I see them all over. When I lost my husband so suddenly, I had it good: I had people right there when I needed them; I had a supportive family. Not everyone has that.

I had my testimony strengthened when I had people close to me judging me and my ability to handle my husband’s passing at a young age, and to feel the Lord gently remind me that He loves me regardless, which has stayed with me forever. To feel my love deepen with Sam when our marriage hit a real rough spot due to my insensitivity, and having to fight for it does something to cement your eternal views and what it’s all about. This relationship goes on for eternity.

I love being a Mormon woman because that title alone brings great responsibilities and joys, and I welcome both. I still don’t understand when righteous Mormon women feel like they don’t measure up. Measure up to what? To who? That whole perfection thing? Nah, for me, it’s as simple as this: What season are you in? And what do you want out of it?

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For more Portraits of Mormon Women, please click here.

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QUESTION:
Kathleen, a faithful Catholic woman, asks this question: Do Mormons Believe in Divorce?

ANSWER:
~by Cheryl

The answer to this question is complicated. However, to put it simply, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes in marriage. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it says:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that not only is marriage central to the plan of God, but it can also last forever. Divorce, when used commonly and without much thought, goes against this plan.

This does not mean divorce doesn’t, shouldn’t, and can’t happen. Nor does it mean members of the Mormon Church are automatically “excommunicated” or “disfellowshipped” when divorce occurs. Many times, in situations where there is continual abuse (sexual, physical, mental, emotional) of a spouse (or of children), divorce may be the only option. Other times, women (and men) are left alone –abandoned–by a spouse. Sometimes adultery, severe addictions, illegal activities or other severe problems may plague a marriage, and because of this, divorce may be pursued.

The standard does not change, however. Mormon men and women are counseled to do everything they can to strengthen their marriages and families, making their marital relationships one of their highest priorities. Where there is hope and a chance of reconciliation, we are taught to do everything in our power to save our marriages. From the get-go, we are encouraged to date our spouses weekly, pray together, attend church together, go to the Temple together, “cleave unto each other and none else“, care for one another, and as President Gordon B. Hinckley (the 15th Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) once said:

I have long felt that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion…

Having many divorced family members myself, I know the pain divorce can cause families. I also know the pain that can come when divorce is not an option (or treated as not an option). Having seen both sides, however, it is easy for me to say that divorce should always be the last resort. I’m grateful for the knowledge I have that marriage is sacred and should be treated as such. I know that when there is love, respect, kindness, and hope, marriage can be wonderful! It may not always be easy, but through the principles of repentance and forgiveness, it is worth every effort.

In conclusion, here is a video that depicts some excerpts from Elder Dallin H. Oaks’ General Conference talk entitled,  Divorce:

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Do you have a question you would like answered? Please email us at ‘mormonwoman’ (or ‘mormonwomen’) at ‘gmail’ dot ‘com’.

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