Crawford, I am so sorry to hear about this. You are right that the Church’s core beliefs include being a strong family. Unfortunately, the Church cannot stop people from making bad choices, suffering from mental illness or other problems, or living in ways that don’t align with Church beliefs.

The Church is primarily there to provide ministering support to each individual in a family. Your son is welcome to reach out to the bishop of the local congregation for a priesthood blessing of peace and clarity about what to do in this heartrending situation. God cannot stop someone from making bad choices, but He CAN support family members who suffer because of those choices.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your son has a hard legal and emotional road ahead. I have watched others go through this difficult trial, and I know how horrible it can get. I also know that those who learn how to find God in such difficulty find a strength that can emerge that is beyond their own. I cannot do much but extend my love and care and invitation to find ways to reach out to God in your suffering even as you watch your son fight the legal and other battles that he is facing your son. I will pray for you all tonight.

Jade, first of all, I apologize for the delay in a response. As you can see I haven’t done much of anything here for a while. Life has been insane.

THANK YOU for your honest, vulnerable comment. I want to be sure you know that I don’t consider this a rant at all! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. My heart goes out to you and I hope some of what I say might be helpful.

Please know that you aren’t alone in your life experiences. The concept of obedience can sometimes be used in abusive ways (both in relationships and sometimes even within someone’s own mind) and I have seen it cause problems for several friends, and this can be true both in and outside of Mormonism, as you have experienced. Again, I am so sorry for what you have been through.

Please also know that the trauma of such mis-application of these concepts *can* be overcome. In my observation, that process is very personal, so I wouldn’t pretend to prescribe what that should look like, but I can share some of what I’ve observed in others’ journeys.

– I have seen a lot of women benefit from help from therapists who understand the concept of betrayal trauma. This is often used in intimate partner betrayal healing, but it also has powerful truths and tools for trauma in a religious setting as well. Trauma is a body’s way of self-protection. Healing opens up new ways of responding to life, relationships (and faith!).

– Many women suffer from confusion about God and even rejection of Him as they face the reality of their abuse/betrayal. That you have a relationship with Him that is so deep and personal is wonderful. Cherish and rely on that! He truly is the core answer to this journey, both your healing journey and your spiritual/religious questions.

– I believe and have seen many, many times over how God works with people to unpeel the layers that keep high-alertness and other survival mechanisms in place. As one of my favorite authors (Melodie Beattie) writes, defense mechanisms often save lives…until they will often reach a point where they no longer serve such a benevolent purpose and turn to causing more harm than good. That turning point comes in God’s way and time, and it opens up space for even more healing.

(That said, if you feel defense mechanisms about some of what you read here, that could be as much about how things were written or expressed as about truth. So take whatever works and leave the rest, at least for now. And take your questions to God. HE is the source of truth and can bring resources, people, etc. to help answer your questions. We messy mortals often don’t do a very good job explaining how He works — and learning how He works really is so personal!)

– Even with that said about God, my observation has also been that there is often a very practical element to healing that is critical to working through the kinds of questions you are posing. So don’t feel like you have to jump in full throttle with everything you read about Mormonism. Trust your process. Your healing journey is yours. Claim it and trust it….

– As you explore things like Mormonism, I would urge you to trust what DOES click. Of course, trust what doesn’t (yet?) click — your triggers are information for your journey and can guide you with boundaries for your healing. These things are gifts in their own weird way because they show each of us where we need God’s healing and help. But so are the things that resonate with your soul somewhere beyond the trauma. (I don’t know how God speaks to you, but that transcendent ‘beyond’ my mortal body’s way of dealing with stress and confusion is how I recognize Him. In fact, He and I have a sort of deal where if He wants me to get a message, He has to use some other channel than the one that leaves me worried, confused, or wanting to pull my hair out. —because for ME, sometimes my brain would translate obedience in ways that left me fearing God. This is NOT what He wants me to feel. Duh. But I had my own healing from OCD stuff that I had to engage in to learn that. Still learning!))

As a verse in the Book of Mormon says, “even if you can no more than desire to believe, let that desire work in you.” It sounds like the seeds of some of our beliefs resonate with your spirit. Let those seeds work in you as you continue to work through your very real trauma and valid questions.

Also, if you experienced sexual abuse and would be interested in connecting with Mormon women working through traumas like that, feel free to join the private forum at hopeandhealinglds.com/forum. This forum was created after I saw the need for women suffering from trauma (mostly in their marriages)…but healing from trauma from sexual abuse can be very similar to what these women are facing. Also, they are a safe community where you can share about these kinds of life experiences in a non-judgmental setting. (I’m the admin over there. It’s through that role where I have read and seen hundreds of women and their stories of trauma (and its predictable patterns, regardless of the specific nature of the trauma), and have witnessed the healing process in ways that have impacted my life very deeply. You might get along with these Mormon women. 🙂

I will say again that I hope that if and as you continue to study more about our faith that you will come to understand that the core of our doctrine is to learn to trust God, first and foremost. Your personal relationship with Him is the foundation point of our faith. Start there. Keep nurturing that relationship with Him. Let HIM guide you in your next steps with what to do.

And feel free to keep asking questions. You can also email me at mormonwomen a/ gmail d/ com or hopeandhealinglds a/ gmail d/ com.

Godspeed to you.

~Michelle, admin

I loved playing sports as well. One of the things about a continually changing and growing church is that programs adapt to the growing needs of the international communities. I cannot, of course, speak for the Church, but I am confident that there were reasons for this change that likely extend beyond what those of us who grew up in the Church understand.

Still, I love the fact that many of our buildings worldwide include sports courts. 🙂

Kevin, thanks for your question. First, I will respond with the following quote, which is important for those who share questions like yours

From the official Church website: “The doctrinal tenets of any religion are best understood within a broad context and thoughtful analysis is required to understand them. … Some doctrines are more important than others and might be considered core doctrines. … A common mistake is taking an obscure teaching that is peripheral to the Church’s purpose and placing it at the very center. For example, the precise location of the Garden of Eden is far less important than doctrine about Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.”

I will highlight what you said that our foundation of faith is essential to understanding our views on topics such as these, but for genuine questions on the topic, we encourage you to research these questions by searching on lds.org, byustudies.byu.edu (e.g., https://byustudies.byu.edu/content/adam-ondi-ahman), fairmormon.org (e.g., the article highlights the quote above: http://en.fairmormon.org/Joseph_Smith/Garden_of_Eden_in_Missouri) about Adam-ondi-Ahman.

Most of all, we encourage people to study our core beliefs about God, Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, the Book of Mormon and restoration of the Church…all of which are essential to understanding who we are, what we believe, and how we live.

https://www.lds.org/church/news/history-and-doctrine-of-the-adam-ondi-ahman-revelation-subject-of-symposium-presentation?lang=eng
https://history.lds.org/article/doctrine-and-covenants-far-west?lang=eng

But either way, how does that fit with the description in Scripture of the
Garden of Eden having been located between the Tigris and Euphrates
Rivers. And assuming they were banished from the Garden’s location
as it is described in Genesis, are LDS members to believe that Adam and Eve travelled
from somewhere in the Middle East (perhaps Iraq or Ethiopia) to this far corner of
Missouri after God sent them out of the Garden?

Are there any archaeological reasons to believe thus site in
Missouri is a sacred site. Did Joseph Smith come to this
conclusion by revelation or by some kind of empirical evidence.

Obviously a great deal of Christian beliefs are based on faith alone
but this particular belief seems to break very distinctly from
other Christian denominations’ beliefs concerning this
geographical question.

Because I believe that I am my own master of my life, and in being a good person I am able to assist others to better their own life. My personality suits well with the lifestyle, however there are very hard edges that simply will not change. I refuse to allow men who are not my husband even consider they are able to control and or demand something of me.

Even my own husband does not demand that of me, we are partners and I hold his word higher than any one else that I know.

I am not sure if I would be suited to get along with other Mormon women…My life has hardened me in some respects, and I am exceptionally fearful of males to the point of therapy.

But I want to belong…I want a community I can be myself in. Without fear of being cast out for simply being vocal of my life experience and being tolerant and kind to even those who may not be living the life people want them to.

I won’t lie. Seeing some of the posts my brain balks. It’s like I run into a brick wall because of religious doctrine. I was abused by family over and over again all in the name of obedience to God. All in the name of the church to “be a better person for my family”. It wasn’t better for me…I was abandoned by my church to be left in pain and misery and when I asked for help I was rebuked and told that it was my fault for not being open enough to helping them.

So I don’t know…it gives me a headache…it makes me fearful to give up control to anyone. God has kept me safe but we have a very private relationship. It’s between me and Him. And that’s enough for me…I’m not sure I accept all of what Mormonism is about, but the core of it, the happiness and love is something that has always spoken to me…Sorry for the rant. I just…Don’t really know what to do.