In my professional life, my work is to explore how we can be well in a digital world. There are so many facets to wellness — mental, physical, emotional, social, spiritual. We talk about civic wellness as well — about the impact of digital life on our ability to talk about hard things and solve hard problems.

For me, this continual interest in understanding wellness is not just my job. I’ve long been fascinated with human nature and behavior (my background is in Psychology and studying the human side of organizations and systems). But beyond all of that still is something deeper.

And once in a while, in my networking and study and reflection for work, I come across material that stops me in my tracks.

I recently learned about a new initiative called AI and Faith, seeking to bring the perspectives of people of faith into discussions about and design of Artificial Intelligence. In talking with one of the leaders of this organization, I learned about some of the work of Andy Crouch. Crouch is an author of several books; he was the executive editor of Christianity Today for four years; he’s involved in other organizations like Fuller Theological Seminary and the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.

I’ve only started his newest book, but the following video gives a glimpse into what he sees as the antidote to the negative impacts of technological advances. To be sure, progress has its upsides, but, as he notes, it also has its paradoxes.

How he connects some of his thoughts into Romans 16 is thought-provoking and inspiring. I’ll never look at the chapter the same again (which, as Crouch helped me see, was not written by Paul, but by a person named Tertius.)

In addition to the video below, I wanted to share a snippet from his newest book that I just started (this share is not promotional, it’s emotional; what he said moved me deeply).

In the first chapter, he shares his perspective on what early Christianity was: a radical kind of social revolution, a movement toward the truest kind of inclusion in divisive times.

Much like the struggles of our day, there was increasing fragmentation and stratification of society as the quest for wealth and power became more of a focus in an “ever-more complex and urbanizing empire.” But, Crouch notes, “The Roman empire was a lonely place for almost everyone, powerless or powerful.” So what was the countercultural movement about?

People from all walks of life and social strata came together — such as the group greeted and seen and acknowledged by Paul in Romans 16 — around a shared belief. “They had come to believe, against all evidence and social convention” (and in the face of oppression in the culture and in the political power structure), “that they were in fact fully persons and that they had discovered the way to a flourishing life together.” (Of course we who are Christians know that that belief was not fabricated by them, but instilled by their belief in Someone who sees all as equals, and Who gave His life for each one.)

If you have ever seen a portrayal of the kind of excess and social inequality found in these ancient times, you can imagine the contrast he draws as he describes what early Christians did instead.

“[G]roups of men and women, Jews and Greeks, slaves and free…enjoyed a very different kind of meal. In halls that were accustomed to to feasts that signaled the status and significance of the host, this community would pass a single loaf of bread from hand to hand, in remembrance of someone not present. In place of reverent toasts to the emperor, they would sing songs both ancient and new that spoke of a different king and kingdom.” (The Life We’re Looking For, p. 17)

I won’t ever think about my church’s sacrament in the same way, either.

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As this site was originally designed to help those not of our faith learn more about women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we’re including this interview with Lita with the Center for Latter-day Saint arts. Lita is a convert to the Church, a mother of five, a passionate learner, a performer, a licensed social worker, and, most importantly, an ardent follower of Jesus Christ. Everything she does is with the intent to help bring people to Him.

The post “Someday He Will Come’ appeared first on Women in The Church of Jesus Christ.

More thoughts to come on this…. Here’s the link to the official statement.

On December 20, 2013, a federal district judge in Salt Lake City issued an order legalizing same-sex marriage in Utah, striking down century-old state laws and a state constitutional amendment that defined marriage exclusively as between a man and a woman. The United States Supreme Court has put that ruling on hold pending consideration of the issue by an appellate court. During the interval between the district court ruling and the Supreme Court stay, numerous same-sex marriages were performed in Utah. Legal proceedings and legislative action in some other states and countries have given civil recognition to same-sex marriage relationships.

As we face this and other issues of our time, we encourage all to bear in mind our Heavenly Father’s purposes in creating the earth and providing for our mortal birth and experience here as His children. “God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:27–28). “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Marriage between a man and a woman was instituted by God and is central to His plan for His children and for the well-being of society. Strong families, guided by a loving mother and father, serve as the fundamental institution for nurturing children, instilling faith, and transmitting to future generations the moral strengths and values that are important to civilization and crucial to eternal salvation.

Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

Just as those who promote same-sex marriage are entitled to civility, the same is true for those who oppose it. The Church insists on its leaders’ and members’ constitutionally protected right to express and advocate religious convictions on marriage, family, and morality free from retaliation or retribution. The Church is also entitled to maintain its standards of moral conduct and good standing for members.

Consistent with our fundamental beliefs, Church officers will not employ their ecclesiastical authority to perform marriages between two people of the same sex, and the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages. Nevertheless, all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises so long as they respect our standards of conduct while there.

While these matters will continue to evolve, we affirm that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us to love and treat all people with kindness and civility—even when we disagree.

As members of the Church, we are responsible to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to illuminate the great blessings that flow from heeding God’s commandments as well as the inevitable consequences of ignoring them. We invite you to pray that people everywhere will have their hearts softened to the truths of the gospel, and that wisdom will be granted to those who are called upon to decide issues critical to society’s future.

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I recently had the opportunity to read Sheri Dew’s book, Women and the Priesthood: What One Mormon Woman Believes. (You can read some of my reflections on the book as part of a series recently published at LDS Living.)

I should note that I don’t usually share book reviews on this site; we have made a deliberate decision to make this a non-commercial space. But I am making an exception for this book because I believe the doctrine of the priesthood and the doctrines that surround it are so priceless and important. I have long had a deep passion for the power of womanhood in God’s plan (hence the creation of this site!). It is my hope that sharing about her book can help someone want to do more to study and ponder “life-changing, mind-expanding eternal principles” (p. 10) that relate to and bump up against the questions that many people have about why Mormon women aren’t ordained to the priesthood.

In fact, one of the things that sticks out most to me about the book is that Sister Dew wrote it with the hope that “it will spur men and women alike to study, ponder, pray, discuss, and seek revelation for themselves” (again, p. 10) on doctrines related to the plan of salvation and women’s role in that plan.  (At the back of the book are blank pages for writing notes and reflections — a nice touch.)

Sister Dew writes, “My prayer is that what follows will either stand as a second witness to what you already know to be true or propel you forward in your own journey of spiritual discovery” (p. 14). 

For me, reading this book was more of a “second witness” experience. At the same time, the way Sister Dew organized and developed her ideas was not what I was expecting. As I read, I was intrigued and delighted by how her book invites the reader to take several steps back from the question of why Mormon women don’t hold priesthood office to consider more fully doctrines such as the reality of God and Jesus Christ and the Restoration, the importance of personal revelation, the eternal nature of our existence, the central role of motherhood in the plan of God, the critical place of the temple and its ordinances, and the importance of conversion (and more).

These are doctrines those of us who are members of the Church both need to have more deeply rooted in our hearts and need to share more with the world.

I would like to invite Mormon Women: Who We Are readers who are members of the Church to “join the conversation” (to use words from Elder Ballard) about important doctrines such as these. As Elder Ballard said in an Education Week talk earlier this year:

We need now for you women of the Church to know the doctrine of Christ and to bear testimony of the Restoration in every way that you can. Never has there been a more complex time in the history of the earth. Satan and his minions have been perfecting the weapons in their arsenal for millennia, and they are experienced at destroying faith and trust in God and in the Lord Jesus Christ among the human family.

All of us—men, women, young adults, youth, and boys and girls—have the Lord and His Church to defend, to protect, and to spread throughout the earth. We need more of the distinctive, influential voices and faith of women. We need you to learn the doctrine and to understand what we believe so that you can bear your testimonies about the truth of all things….

In the spirit of hoping to facilitate a little of what Elder Ballard has invited us to do, and in the spirit of Sister Dew’s hope for her book, I asked the publisher of Women and the Priesthood if I could give away a copy of the book. They have agreed to send a copy to one of our readers. Again, this is not my usual modus operandi, but I am excited to give someone the opportunity to read it.

AND the invitation I would then extend is for the receiver of the book to share some thoughts here (or on a personal blog or Facebook wall) about some of the doctrines explored in the book and/or to simply share personal testimony about the Savior and the Restoration of His gospel. 

To enter the giveaway, simply leave a comment here or on our Facebook page sharing a snippet of your testimony and/or something you hope to be able to understand a little better by reading Sister Dew’s book.

OR if you have a personal blog, you could also write something there and then link back to it either here in the comments or on our Facebook page. (We’d love to help you get more traffic to your site as you seek to share your testimony with others.)

OR you could submit a guest post if you prefer.

The goal is obviously to invite sharing and discussion and testimony building about the doctrine of Christ, the doctrine of the priesthood, the reality of the Restoration of the gospel, the way questions asked in faith can lead to personal revelation and insight…. Let the Spirit guide. But join in the conversation!

Deadline to be entered into this giveaway is Saturday night at midnight, MST.

I am grateful to Sister Dew for taking and making the time to gather her thoughts and numerous quotes and teachings about such important, powerful doctrines. These doctrines mean everything to me; studying and pondering them throughout my life has enriched my life immensely. I look forward to hearing more of what you have to share about your faith and testimony, or about the questions you may have that you hope the Spirit can help you understand more fully. 

Warmly,

Michelle

Managing Editor, Mormon Women: Who We Are

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Preface:
I approach this topic with some trepidation because I know it’s a tender one for many. I want to say upfront that my intent is not to disregard such people. On the flip side, I believe that the doctrines discussed below can actually help us all understand better why things in the Church may appear to be unequal to some but really aren’t. There is divine purpose in the organization of the Church, in the gender roles as they are defined in the Proclamation and elsewhere, and in the differences that exist between men and women.

I want to also say that I realize that there is no exact cookie cutter that can represent “male” and “female” traits universally and unequivocally. In some ways, I have felt all my life that I don’t fit some “classic” female traits or roles (I was a tomboy as a youth; I have never been one to feel feminine in demeanor or style; homemaking or mothering skills in many senses don’t come naturally to me.) But I’m striving.

I believe the teachings below with all of my heart. Even as a person who sometimes feels like a bit of an exception to the rule naturally, I believe that I am here to develop certain traits, to focus on certain roles and responsibilities, and to be a partner to my husband in our family and a sister in the gospel working alongside other women in partnership with the men. The truths taught below give perspective on why this is our charge, and how following God’s plan and the order of His kingdom makes it possible for us to grow and develop in ways that can lead us to our heavenly home and goals.

I realize also that I am fortunate in that many of my family and church experiences have been positive with regard to a sense of equal partnership. Have they been perfect experiences? No. I believe this is all a process for all of us, and as such, sometimes people will let us down, will abuse position or power, or will act unilaterally instead of in a spirit of partnership. This has happened on occasion in my life, and it’s very, very difficult to deal with. This does not mean, however, that the organization or system that God has designed for families and the Church is wrong; it means that individuals still need to catch the vision of the true doctrine that can change their behavior (a la Pres. Packer’s oft-repeated quote). In my opinion, changing the system fundamentally (e.g., giving women priesthood, or eliminating different family roles and responsibilities, or whatever else people have discussed as options) won’t fix those problems. Only individuals embracing and living the doctrine as it should be can improve those situations where abuses happen.

If you are one in such a situation, my heart goes out to you. Cling to the promises that God has made that if *you* are faithful, no blessing will be withheld in the eternal scheme of things. That is no small promise. No matter what, know that even the trials you face in this imperfect world, with imperfect people trying to live the gospel, can be turned to your good. But my plea is not to reject the gospel because of the imperfections of people. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Know also that our leaders are aware of the fact that sometimes abuses happen. And still, they encourage us to cling to the truths of the gospel, not to try to change the way things are to prevent pain from people’s imperfections. Consider this from Elder Ballard:

In these latter days, we see people, increasing in number, who urge others to feel and voice dissent when frustration and hardship enter their lives. They would have us believe that the Church or its leaders are unfair to women, or that women are denied opportunities to realize their full potential within the gospel framework. Sisters, we know that the Church is made up of mortals, that priesthood leaders are fallible, and some may not always handle their stewardships with suitable sensitivity. However, I want you to understand this plain truth: the gospel of Jesus Christ provides the only way for women or men to achieve their full potential as children of God. Only the gospel can free us from the terrible effects of sin. Only by following God’s plan for us, with faith and determination to live ultimately in eternal families, can we qualify for eternal life in His presence.

The purpose of this post, then, is to explore more about “God’s plan for us” and how the concept of equality fits into that plan, in the eternal scheme of things. As a warning, this post is long. It is also direct (hence part of the reason I wanted to write this preface); I believe it’s important to explore the doctrines openly. I want us to know the teachings of the Proclamation and our leaders, not simply discuss opinion on this topic. I have tended to not write as much with lots of quotes, but at some point, I believe that unless we appeal to the authority of our prophets and apostles who are the only people authorized to speak for God, we are basically putting ourselves back into a sort of pre-Restoration mode of lots of opinion but little absolute truth. We can’t simply discuss our opinions and perspectives and experiences; we need to have revealed, authorized truth upon which to rely. I believe that in the end, it is only by embracing and understanding these eternal truths that we as men and women can work together in unity and equality and “fill the measure of [our] creation.”

In a Church press release (it’s now been a couple of years ago), it was stated that “certain words in the Mormon vocabulary have slightly different meanings and connotations than those same words have in other religions.” I think this is also true about some words that have different meanings and connotations than in other contexts, such as the social sciences and even the culture at large.

Take the word “equality,” for example. When we talk about equality, particularly of the sexes, all sorts of thoughts and emotions and definitions and biases and even baggage are already present before a discussion even begins. For my purposes here, I begin with a couple of quotes to help us keep the right perspective in our discussion. Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

Free and open doctrinal discussion is important in gospel scholarship, but remember that most things have been put into place by God and simply are not subject to change. The doctrines and principles of the Church are established only through revelation, not legislation. This is God’s plan; we do not have the prerogative to alter or tamper with it.

Our task is to integrate the principles of the gospel into our lives so that our lives will be in balance. When our lives are in balance, before you realize it your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm that your Heavenly Father loves you and that His plan is fair and true and we should strive to understand it and enjoy living it.

Neal A. Maxwell (then assistant to the Council of the Twelve) shared some thoughts that can also be relevant as we discuss this sometimes tender topic:

[There is a danger and approach that] seizes upon a single, true principle and elevates it above its peer principles. This act of isolation does not make the principle seized any less true, but it strips that principle of its supporting principles. One can be incarcerated within the prison of one principle.

For instance, “peacemakers” are precious commodities, but peace-making must be tied to other principles or it can easily become peace-making at any price. Candor is an important attribute, but it must not be separated from genuine concern for those who will feel the consequences of candor. Paul’s counsel is to be sure that we are “speaking the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15.) Love and truth need each other.

Charles Frankel observed of those who would … subordinate everything else to “equality.”:

“The fallacies of … egalitarianism come largely from having ripped the notion of equality loose from its context. The result is to turn it into a principle vagrant and homeless, and identifiable in fact only if a quasi-theological context is unconsciously imported.” (“The New Egalitarianism and the Old, Commentary, Sept. 1973, p. 61.)

Elevating any correct principle to the plane of religion is poor policy. Just as one person makes a poor church, one principle makes a poor religion!

The doctrines of Christ need each other, just as the disciples of Christ need each other. It is the orthodox orchestration in applying the gospel of Jesus Christ that keeps us happy and helps us to avoid falling off the straight and narrow path, for on the one side there is harsh legalism and on the other syrupy sensualism. Little wonder that man needs careful and precise help, the guidance of the Spirit, in order to navigate under such stressful circumstances.

Little wonder we so need those eternal perspectives which come from looking at life through the lens of the gospel!

The purpose of this post is to consider the principle of equality through the lens of the gospel. While I understand that I certainly don’t have a corner on truth, I have seen clear patterns in what we are taught, and these teachings cross generations and also come from both male and female leaders.

I like to call this concept Eternal Equality. I want to explore this concept by considering doctrines and principles in the Proclamation (and as expounded upon by our leaders) that support and clarify this important, eternal principle. I believe such a perspective can help us understand greater truths than worldly perspectives and philosophies (such as feminism) alone can give, and can even sometimes help us recognize incorrect teachings in such perspectives.

Of course, I cannot speak for the Church, and thus am sharing my own conclusions about this, but I do believe there is much support in the consistency and clarity with which we are taught, and power in considering the teachings and the threads throughout our leaders words (that includes women as well).

The post contains the following three sections:

• Eternal Equality Defined
• Gender Roles and Differences are Essential
• Equal Partnerships are a Key Part of the Plan

Eternal Equality Defined

First of all, to coin a phrase from Stephen Covey, I’ll begin with the end in mind. What does equality mean to God? I believe equality in the gospel involves much more than just this earthly life and what we do and are. The Proclamation states:

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life.

Men and women are equal before God first and foremost because we all have an equal “divine destiny” that can allow us to return to the presence of God and to enjoy all that the Father has to give, which includes eternal life and exaltation. God is “no respecter of persons” and thus all have the opportunity to enjoy the blessings of eternity. The key is to understand, embrace and follow the plan of God.

Elder Maxwell once said:

In the world to come, to these, the most faithful, our generous Father will give “all that [He] hath” (D&C 84:38). Brothers and sisters, there isn’t any more! (Emphasis added.)

In a very real sense, I feel I could simply end there. If we are ever prone to think that life or the Church or whatever else “isn’t fair” we might well remember what Elder Maxwell said. If God has promised all He has if we are faithful, what more can we want?

Still, continuing to explore this concept…. There are various talks that discuss this idea that we as men and women are equal before God because we all can receive the ordinances and experiences that are necessary to enjoy all the blessings of eternity. One talk that has remained fixed in my mind was from Sister Julie B. Beck, [formerly] the General Relief Society president. In a General Conference talk, she reminded us that:

The blessings of the priesthood, which are available to men and women alike, are woven in and through and around their lives. Each of them is blessed by sacred ordinances, and each of them can enjoy the blessings of spiritual gifts by virtue of the priesthood.

All faithful members of the Lord’s Church are equally blessed by priesthood ordinances.

I am grateful that through the infinite fairness and love of God, all men and women were given equal partnership, gifts, blessings, and potential through priesthood ordinances and spiritual gifts. Because of the priesthood, which is woven in and around and through our lives, every power, every covenant we need to do our life’s work and walk back to our heavenly home has been poured out upon our heads.

While there are many other quotes I could include, I will add only two for the sake of time and space, one from Elder Ballard and one from President Packer:

I pray for the Spirit of the Lord this evening as I teach a fundamental principle of the gospel that, if understood, will fortify and bless you sisters in your quest for eternal life.

Our Father in Heaven loves all of His children equally, perfectly, and infinitely. His love is no different for His daughters than for His sons. Our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, also loves men and women equally. His atonement and His gospel are for all of God’s children. During His earthly ministry Jesus served men and women alike: He healed both men and women and He taught both men and women.

The gospel of Jesus Christ can sanctify both men and women in the same way and by identical principles. For example, faith, repentance, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost are requirements for all of God’s children, regardless of gender. The same is true of temple covenants and blessings. Our Father’s work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of His children (see Moses 1:39). He loves us all equally, and His greatest gift, the gift of eternal life, is available to all.

The creation of the world, the atonement of Jesus Christ, and the restoration of the gospel in the latter days through the Prophet Joseph Smith all have one unifying purpose: to allow all of the spirit children of our Eternal Father to obtain mortal bodies, and then, through the gift of moral agency, to follow the plan of redemption made possible by the Savior’s atonement. God prepared all of this for us that we might return to our heavenly home, clothed in immortality and eternal life, to live with Him as families.

[T]he promise of exaltation remains an attainable goal for each one of us. The prophets have stated clearly that no blessing will be withheld from any of God’s sons and daughters if they love Him, have faith in Him, keep His commandments, and endure faithfully to the end.

Most of what men and women must do to qualify for an exalted family life together is based on shared responsibilities and objectives. Many of the requirements are exactly the same for men and women. For example, obedience to the laws of God should be the same for men and women. Men and women should pray in the same way. They both have the same privilege of receiving answers to their prayers and thereby obtaining personal revelation for their own spiritual development¦. In these confusing times, keeping our feet on the gospel path can be difficult. We hear many persuasive voices urging us to turn our backs on revealed truth and embrace the philosophies of the world. [We need to] keep our eternal perspective clear and unimpaired. (M. Russell Ballard, “Equality through Diversity,” Ensign, Nov 1993, 89)

And from Pres. Packer:

The whole physical universe is organized in order that man and woman might fulfill the full measure of their creation. It is a perfect system where delicate balances and counter-balances govern the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual in mankind.

The separate natures of man and woman were designed by the Father of us all to fulfill the purposes of the gospel plan.

Men and women have complementary, not competing, responsibilities. There is difference but not inequity.

And blessings bestowed impartially upon man and woman alike include:

-Baptism
-The gift of the Holy Ghost
-The testimony of Jesus
-Personal revelation
-The ministry of angels
-The responsibility to teach, to testify, to exhort, to edify and to comfort
-The faith to be healed
And many other spiritual gifts.

All under a uniform standard for worthiness.

And the highest ordinances in the House of the Lord they receive together and equally or not at all!

Note President Packer’s point that our separate natures are part of God’s plan, which leads into the next point I want to discuss.

Gender Roles and Differences are Essential

We are taught clearly and repeatedly that gender and our different gender traits, roles, and responsibilities are essential to God’s plan and to our potential for eternal equality.

The Proclamation states:

Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose….By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

Following are numerous quotes that in my mind help shed more light on these important concepts. Note that some of these quotes discuss not only our family roles, but our church roles and responsibilities as well. (All bolded emphasis is mine.)

Elder Scott said:

Our Heavenly Father endowed His sons and daughters with unique traits especially fitted for their individual responsibilities as they fulfill His plan. To follow His plan requires that you do those things He expects of you as a son or daughter, husband or wife. Those roles are different but entirely compatible. In the Lord’s plan, it takes two –a man and a woman–to form a whole. Indeed, a husband and wife are not two identical halves, but a wondrous, divinely determined combination of complementary capacities and characteristics.

Marriage allows these different characteristics to come together in oneness ”in unity” to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one–to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan.

Elder Ballard said:

Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they have different, but equally significant, duties in His eternal plan. We must understand that God views all of His children with infinite wisdom and perfect fairness. Consequently, He can acknowledge and even encourage our differences while providing equal opportunity for growth and development.

Our Heavenly Father assigned different responsibilities in mortality to men and women when we lived with Him as His spirit sons and daughters.

Both men and women are to serve their families and others, but the specific ways in which they do so are sometimes different. For example, God has revealed through his prophets that men are to receive the priesthood, become fathers, and with gentleness and pure, unfeigned love they are to lead and nurture their families in righteousness as the Savior leads the Church (see Eph. 5:23). They have been given the primary responsibility for the temporal and physical needs of the family (see D&C 83:2). Women have the power to bring children into the world and have been given the primary duty and opportunity as mothers to lead, nurture, and teach them in a loving, spiritual environment. In this divine partnership, husbands and wives support one another in their God-given capacities. By appointing different accountabilities to men and women, Heavenly Father provides the greatest opportunity for growth, service, and progress. He did not give different tasks to men and women simply to perpetuate the idea of a family; rather, He did so to ensure that the family can continue forever, the ultimate goal of our Heavenly Father’s eternal plan. (Emphasis added.)

Elder Bednar said:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11; italics added).

President Kimball said:

Our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences–with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and the priesthood–but the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord.
Remember, in the world before we came here, faithful women were given certain assignments while faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood tasks. While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to. You are accountable for those things which long ago were expected of you just as are those we sustain as prophets and apostles! (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p. 102.)

President Kimball’s quote brings out an important point. Men and women aren’t just given different responsibilities at home, but also in other roles as sisters and brothers in the gospel.

Sheri Dew also included this idea in her powerful teachings on this subject:

Two are usually better than one, as our Father confirmed when He declared that “it was not good that the man should be alone” and made a help meet for Adam — someone with distinct gifts who would give him balance, help him shoulder the burdens of mortality, and enable him to do things he couldn’t do alone. For “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” [This scripture is so important; note how many times it has been repeated!]

Satan understands the power of men and women united in righteousness. He would have us believe men and women are so alike that our unique gifts are not necessary, or so different we can never hope to understand each other. Neither is true.

Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other, but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. Thus, no marriage or family, no ward or stake is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, men and women work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths.

These truths about the divinely appointed stewardships of men and women are largely lost on the world today. You will not find them on a TV sitcom or even, sadly, in some homes and wards. But they are not lost to the Lord, who has given us “a pattern in all things, that [we] may not be deceived.”

Said President Harold B. Lee: “Pure womanhood plus priesthood means exaltation. But womanhood without priesthood, or priesthood without pure womanhood doesn’t spell exaltation.“

I believe it is essential for us to realize that it would go against the plan to have men and women be equal in the sense of a worldly definition of this concept — to have completely equal responsibilities and roles. The Lord doesn’t want us to be only independent, self-sustaining individuals. His plan takes us a step further. He wants us as men and women (in families and in the Church) to have roles and responsibilities that complement and are interdependent. I’m not sure that word even captures the fullness of what partnership really means in God’s plan, but I do agree with then-Elder Russell T. Osguthorpe who noted in a powerful Women’s Conference talk (given in partnership with his wife) that equal partnership is something not understood by the world, because it is a gospel principle. We can’t reach our eternal destiny and eternal equality without such interdependence and without the differences that exist. And we can’t understand what partnership means without the Spirit unfolding the truths of this principle to our view. No feminist theory or analysis can fully do that.

Equal Partnerships are a Key Part of the Plan

The Proclamation reminds us that husbands and wives are obligated to work as “equal partners.” This principle also applies to men and women working in the Church, as has been mentioned numerous times above and will also be discussed below.

Following are only a few quotes on this subject. As with all the other topics, I could include many more.

President Hinckley taught that we are to “walk side by side with respect, appreciation and love for one another. There can be nothing of inferiority or superiority between the husband and wife in the plan of the Lord.”

He also has said that

Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood.

President Howard W. Hunter taught that:

A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto…. The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal) – that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership.

Elder Oaks said:

The family proclamation gives this beautiful explanation of the relationship between a husband and a wife: While they have separate responsibilities, “in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

President Spencer W. Kimball said this: “When we speak of marriage as a partnership, let us speak of marriage as a full partnership. We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 315).

President Kimball also declared, “We have heard of men who have said to their wives, ‘I hold the priesthood and you’ve got to do what I say.” He decisively rejected that abuse of priesthood authority in a marriage, declaring that such a man ‘should not be honored in his priesthood’ (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 316).

There are cultures or traditions in some parts of the world that allow men to oppress women, but those abuses must not be carried into the families of the Church of Jesus Christ. Remember how Jesus taught: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, but I say unto you …(Matt. 5:27-28). For example, the Savior contradicted the prevailing culture in His considerate treatment of women. Our guide must be the gospel culture He taught.

If men desire the Lord’s blessings in their family leadership, they must exercise their priesthood authority according to the Lord’s principles for its use:

“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge” (D&C 121:41-42).

When priesthood authority is exercised in that way in the patriarchal family, we achieve the “full partnership” President Kimball taught. [I believe it’s that kind of leadership that makes equal partnership possible in the Church as well.] As declared in the family proclamation:

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, [and] compassion” (Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

I had already bracketed a comment about how I think these principles extend to the Church as well, and Elder Oaks seems to agree.

Church callings are performed according to the principles that govern all of us in working under priesthood authority in the Church. These principles include the persuasion and gentleness taught in the 121st section, which are especially necessary in the hierarchal organization of the Church.

The principles I have identified for the exercise of priesthood authority are more understandable and more comfortable for a married woman than for a single woman, especially a single woman who has never been married. She does not now experience priesthood authority in the partnership relationship of marriage. Her experiences with priesthood authority are in the hierarchical relationships of the Church, and some single women feel they have no voice in those relationships. It is, therefore, imperative to have an effective ward council, where male and female ward officers sit down together regularly to counsel under the presiding authority of the bishop.

I included this long passage from Elder Oaks because he addresses abuses that should not exist; challenges that single women might face in feeling partnership in the gospel plan; and similarly the importance of partnership in the Church as well as the family.

Sister Dew talked about this as well:

The Lord’s pattern for couples and in large measure men and women serving together in His kingdom was established by our first parents. [Elder Scott also invited the study of Adam and Eve’s lives and roles.] Together Adam and Eve labored, mourned, were obedient, had children, taught their posterity the gospel, called upon the name of the Lord, “heard the voice of the Lord,” blessed the name of God, and dedicated themselves to God. Repeatedly the scriptures about Adam and Eve refer to the pronoun they.

Elder Ballard has also repeatedly discussed the importance of men and women working together not only in their families, but in the Church. For example, he said:

Brethren, please be sure you are seeking the vital input of the sisters in your council meetings. Encourage all council members to share their suggestions and ideas about how the stake or ward can be more effective in proclaiming the gospel, perfecting the Saints, and redeeming the dead….

In these perilous times, we need the cooperative effort of men and women officers in the Church because absolute vigilance is required on the part of all who have been entrusted to help watch over the kingdom. We each have large individual responsibilities, but just as important is the responsibility we share with others to come together in council in a united effort to solve problems and bless all of our Church members. When we act in a united effort, we create spiritual synergism which is increased effectiveness or achievement as a result of combined action or cooperation, the result of which is greater than the sum of the individual parts.

I think Elder Ballard’s point there is a key to understanding the Lord’s concept of equality. Only as we work together as men and women with the different traits, roles and responsibilities we have can we create the kind of “synergism” that can help the Lord’s work move forward as it needs to. Such unified and combined effort also gives us the personal experiences we need for our individual spiritual growth that can make reaching our eternal potential possible.

Obviously, I could end up compiling a book of quotes about this concept of eternal equality and the various truths that combine to make the Lord’s view both different and deeper than any perspective the world can give us. Eternal equality requires differences — including gender roles and responsibilities in the family and in the Church — because God knows what we need to return back to live with Him and to enjoy exaltation. These differences are necessary both for our individual growth and for the unity required in families and in the Church. I ache for people to be able to see beyond what seems to be unfair at the outset (“Why are men the ones who hold the priesthood? Why does the structure of the Church leave men as presiding over auxiliaries? Why are we taught that men are to preside — why don’t we use a different word if equality is the goal?” etc.) we can all seek to embrace these doctrines and let them distill on our hearts and change our lives — for our leaders teach us that the more we follow God’s plan, the more happiness we can have, now and eternally. I trust in God’s promises that He will bless all of us — His sons and His daughters — with all that He has if we are faithful and unified in His way. What more could we ask for?

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After graduating from BYU I was working and living in Salt Lake City, but still had a lot of friends in Provo. One weekend my friend Angela invited me down to float the Provo river with her and some friends. I brought my boyfriend and his niece down with me from Salt Lake and since it was a very hot day, we were all thrilled to have an activity that could cool us off. The Provo river was shallow that day. At any given time I could stand up next to my innertube to readjust my position. Because of that, I didn’t wear a life jacket. We did have my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) niece wear a life jacket however because she was only eight.

We had a great time splashing and floating our way down the Provo river until we came to a bridge. At the bridge, the river became much deeper and there were a lot of logs and debris built up upon the pillars of the bridge, but I saw a clear path to the right. I steered my tube toward the clearing too late and both my niece and I ended up being caught against the logs and branches. Her life jacket kept her up but I was sucked down and pinned. It was dark and I could feel the river pressing my skin into the sharp branches.

A voice came into my mind. “Swim down. Swim down and look for the light.” Extreme calm poured over my body and I pushed off of the branches and swam down looking for a hole in the dam. I could see through the murkiness a green light near the river bottom and I headed for it. At the bottom, there was a huge area for me to swim through, but the current was strong enough that it easily pushed me through and I popped up in a calm area on the other side of the debris. When I surfaced I was greeted by the terrified face of my boyfriend who was running back to get us on the side of the river. He yelled, “You were under water for SO long! Are you OK?” I felt more than OK, I felt saved. He hurried past me to help his niece who had climbed up over the branches and was crying.

I have since learned how dangerous getting pinned in a “strainer” can be. The river water was able to pass through the branches, but I could not, and the sucking pressure from the water may have kept me from re-emerging. In all the rafting trips I’ve taken since, I’ve learned that the best possible way to survive a strainer is to climb up and over. I’m not sure I could have gone up, because of the great downward sucking power I felt. By the power of the Holy Ghost, I was given the message to “swim down” and it saved my life.

When I think back to this experience, I can physically remember the calm experienced by my body. The calm felt a lot like joy. When I resurfaced I felt as though I had had a powerful spiritual experience. There is a scripture about the Holy Ghost found in 2 Nephi 32:5 that I often ponder on as I look back on this experience,

If ye enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

Most of the time, the Holy Ghost brings scriptures into my mind that focus on the teachings of Jesus Christ and how they relate to my everyday life. I often feel tears springing to my eyes when I feel the Holy Ghost testify to me that Jesus is the Christ or that I a beloved daughter of my Heavenly Father. But in this case, the Holy Ghost gave me specific direction that that fit my situation. When I listen for the calm promptings of the Holy Ghost, He aids me by giving both temporal and spiritual direction.

Lately, I’ve had a lot of reminders to repent (quickly!) after using too harsh of tone with a child, to “Remember to pay your state taxes too!”, to turn off a heating pad that was left on in the middle of the night, and to tell my husband how much I appreciate him. I have learned to listen to this voice as He has always led me toward the light just as it did that day as I gratefully swam toward the murky green light at the bottom of the Provo river.

—————-

To read more about what Mormons believe about the Holy Ghost, please read the following links.

The Holy Ghost

The Gift Of The Holy Ghost – A Sure Compass by James E. Faust

Seeking to know God, Our Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ by Robert D. Hales

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As I send my family out into the world each day, to school, to work, to spend time with others, I worry about how they will fare and what new challenge might walk through the door with them come afternoon and evening. And when the world does its worst and I draw them back into the haven of home, tend to their wounds, and keep them nestled under my wing to heal, I worry sometimes that I could be hurting them more than helping. Because, if there is one thing I have learned through the challenges that most families face, as well as a few that many don’t, it’s that challenges and trials and hard times and life lessons are what make us the people we are meant to be.

The expression, “when it rains, it pours” so often seems true—so true, in fact, that it’s difficult, if not impossible, to anticipate the flowers that spring to life in the wake of the storm. However, the more storms of life that I endure, the more hopeful and sure I am that the blessings—the ones I need and will truly make me happiest even if they aren’t always the ones I believe I want—will follow when the time is right.

Neal A. Maxwell, a former (now deceased) member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said “One’s life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, ‘Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!’”(Ensign, May 1991)

Through the adversities of life I have learned that I cannot hope to fully share in the joy of the Lord without passing through grief, sorrow, pain, opposition and betrayal. A personal example of this has been the challenges our family faces through dealing with the multiple disabilities suffered by my oldest child. In the beginning, I spent years attempting to “fix” him. At one point I remember feeling extremely frustrated and complaining that “he gets in the way of everything!” As time has passed, I have grown to cherish him and his differences above and beyond that of a mother for her son. He is, in fact, not “in the way” but “the way”, because he helps me to become more like the Savior.

When I feel discouraged and incapable of enduring the trials ahead, I remember the line in Malachi 3:3 which states “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” Silver must be set in the middle of the flames where the fire is hottest in order to burn out all of the impurities. The silversmith must hold it in the fire and keep his eyes on it the entire time so as to pull it out before it is destroyed. He does this until the silver is fully refined and knows when the time has come when he sees his face reflected in the shiny surface. Like the silversmith, our Lord and Savior sometimes holds us in the fire to burn out the impurities. He does not leave us there alone; indeed, we are in His specific care as He watches to pull us from the flames when the time is right. We cannot know when that is but He knows it is time when He can see His face reflected in our own.

To have the Savior’s face reflected in my own is the desire of my heart. To be able to live with Him again and to fulfill the measure of my potential here in this life is a far greater reward than any honor or accolade bestowed by mankind. I know that it is through trials and challenges, as well as joy and blessings, that I can become the person I am meant to be.

For this reason, adversity is sweet.

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This video shares some recent words from Elder Robert D. Hales on the subject. Videos below are in English and in Spanish.

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We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity and
Virtue

We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values,
we will be prepared to
strengthen home and family,
make and keep sacred covenants,
receive the ordinances of the temple,
and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

-Young Women Theme of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Every Sunday for a majority of my life I have recited this theme, and my daughter now recites it too. Although it is short it teaches a multitude of concepts valuable to a growing teenage girl. This theme springs from a program suited to the needs of girls that are quickly becoming adults in a complicated world, the Young Women’s Program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Because our society is full of ills and confusing ideas, I am grateful that I had this bountiful program as a support during my youth, that my teenage daughter has it to reinforce the values we teach at home, and that I have the opportunity to serve other young women, my sisters, in this special organization that God has created for his precious daughters.

As a teenager I became aware of the ways that my home was different from the idyllic family life the church espouses. This gap that sometimes existed between the ideals taught and my imperfect family life was difficult to navigate and understand. The wonderful leaders I had in the Young Women program and the virtues I learned there helped me increase in my testimony of Jesus Christ, while still participating in an imperfect family (as we all are!). On days that I felt lost and alone, I remembered what I learned at church, that I am a daughter of God and he is always there for me. In the years since graduating out of the YW program (at 18) I have been amazed by the influence it still has in my life. The skills I learned, the fun I had, the examples of righteous living I witnessed, the scriptures I read, the list goes on and on – it all continues to influence my life in great ways,

Now my teenage daughter is a Young Woman in the church. While her dad and I do all we can to teach her at home, we know that in this world it is not enough. We need support from another source, and so does she — and the youth program provides it. Recently one of her leaders said, “I’ve noticed such a huge difference in your daughter since the summer. She really is growing and increasing her testimony. But you probably already know that.”

Actually I did need her to tell me that! Although I’m with my daughter every day, it can be hard to gauge her overall growth. The leaders in the Young Women program act as a back-up example for my daughter. She sees that her dad and I aren’t the only ones telling her that she is precious, that God loves her, or that she should stay chaste. One aspect of the young women’s program is especially helpful to me as a parent, the Personal Progress Program. It is a series of goals based on the values in the theme that prepare girls for a successful life and strengthen their relationship with Christ. With life being as complicated as it is, we could tie ourselves in knots trying to address all her needs alone. The Young Women program is full, encompassing many areas of study (not only the gospel, but such things as education, community service, the arts, etc.) while at the same time being tailored to the needs and talents of each young woman. Through completing the Personal Progress Program my daughter will become strong in her testimony of Jesus Christ and well rounded.

With the Mormon Church being a church of lay clergy (not full-time or paid), every member has the opportunity to serve. Many of the responsibilities I have held in the church have been with the young women. I love teenagers! They are so fun, ever ready for a laugh, they make me feel young, and their growing testimonies are strengthening to my own. In this difficult world they valiantly stand up for what they know is true. When they do make mistakes they know that they can repent and that their Heavenly Father is ever ready to love and support them. Young women are precious to God, I feel his love for them as I serve.

(two young women after a flour fight in my kitchen)

Recently the world leader of the young women’s program, Elaine Dalton, said:
“Our desire is to help young women be worthy and pure and to prepare every young woman to receive the blessings and ordinances of the temple. We will work tirelessly with your daughters, with you, and with priesthood and Young Women leaders to protect and strengthen and prepare our precious young women to be virtuous and pure and live the standards that will help them be free and happy and allow them to reach their divine potential. We know that we are all elect daughters of God. We also know that each one of us has a great work to perform.”

It is wonderful to have the support of a church that has these ideals in mind for me, my daughter, and all young women.

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