Comments on: Is there a place for a divorced/single woman in the Church?

By: mormonwomen

mormonwomen — Mon, 22 Jan 2018 04:44:54 +0000

Marguerite,

I hope you won’t give up on us! We each have a story and even though Mormon doctrine includes a lot about marriage and family (because it reaches beyond this life), the core of our faith is about each person coming to Christ…whatever our stories may be! HE is what brings unity to the faith, or at least that is what we are aiming for. We as humans still fall short a lot and sometimes can be insensitive to each other, but this Church really is what it professes to be — the Church of Jesus Christ.

In our church, too, I suppose it’s not uncommon for people to start conversations with questions about family, but just let them know who you ARE and that you are more than your marital status. (We all are!) And life throws curve balls at us all. I hardly know a soul who hasn’t experienced some sort of serious trial in their lives. And EVERY person has something to offer to the body of Christ. He loves us and wants us to come together, and we need each other to become who we need to be, and to prepare the earth together, for His Second Coming.

Sending love your way.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 17:19:08 +0000

By: Marguerite

Marguerite — Sun, 29 Oct 2017 22:00:29 +0000

Thank you so much for your inspiring article. Made me cry. I’ve been divorced for a long time and we didn’t have kids. Although I’m not a Mormon, I have experienced similar issues at evangelical or non denominational churches. I felt like an outcast at times. Obviously I’m very much interested in the Mormon faith, as I’m on this site. But I have been worried about being lonely or an outsider in the Mormon church too, as I’m divorced, single and have no kids, yet have always admired the sense of family and community the Mormon faith shows. It’s kind of a double edged sword for me and has prevented me from further expliring the Mormon faith so far. Just feeling so tired of people feeling sorry for me for not being the traditional woman with husband and kids and not being “one of them.” First thing people ask me always in more conservative churches is how many kids I have.

By: mormonwomen

mormonwomen — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 09:03:09 +0000

In reply to Lori.

I’m so sorry for the pain you have experienced. I hope you can read the intent of the article — it was definitely not meant to say there is “someone for everyone.” It was to reach out and say “stay close to God and yourself.” Your marital status is not who you ARE.

It’s so very hard when things don’t turn out as we hope they will. I also know that words will not salve your wounds, but the Savior’s power of healing is real. It’s real. I hope you can find the healing you need. Have you heard of betrayal trauma? It seems like perhaps you are suffering from something along those lines — a very, very common and painful result of being left, betrayed, or blamed by a spouse. Email me at mormonwomen@gmail.com or hopeandhealinglds@gmail.com if you are interested in more information.

By: Lori

Lori — Mon, 24 Jul 2017 03:31:48 +0000

I’m glad other people found this uplifting. I did not. Given that I’ve never had one man after my divorce ever show interest in me that wasn’t about 30 years older than me, I don’t believe I will ever find a spouse. The whole concept that there is “someone” for everyone is a fairy tale. Why do we tell women this? I know DOZENS of beautiful and worthy single women out there who have never found a spouse and DOZENS more who are divorced and have been single for years and years. Personally, I’ve been single longer than I was married. Stop telling single woman there is someone for everyone! Or even worse, stop telling us that we will have a companion in the after life. Great! Does that mean I’m better off dead??? I’m sorry, but the longer I am single in the church, the more and more I recognize how devalued my situation in life is. I don’t get invited to the couples nights out. I can’t go to singles activities because I have no way to take care of my kids and really no time for it since the activities are always at least 45 minutes to an hour away or even further. I don’t get invited to the stay at home mom book clubs and cooking clubs and work out clubs. I don’t even get invited when a couple of the stay at home moms go out to the movies! I’m pretty much always alone unless I do the inviting. The few times I have been interested in a man, it was a recently divorced man who snatched up a woman 10 years younger than him and had babies with her. I don’t want more children. I’m too old. The truth is that most of us will remain single for the rest of our lives. Most of us will be all alone for the rest of our lives. Most of us will be over looked aside from the 2-3 mentions in General Conference or the once a month required visit that the priesthood has for home teaching. I’ve been praying for 10 years that this wouldn’t be my life. I prayed so hard that I wouldn’t go through a divorce. I did everything right. I only dated LDS men, I was married in the temple, I was a stay at home mom. I went to all my meetings, did what my husband asked, and ended up getting left behind and blamed for every problem in the world. I keep praying and going to meetings and reading scriptures and all that. But I never once tell either of my kids that they WILL get married. I tell them I HOPE they find someone special. We need to STOP telling our youth – especially the girls – that they will find someone because I am proof that that is not true!

By: Alda Fiedler

Alda Fiedler — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 06:02:07 +0000

Thank you for your encouraging words 🙂
Was so important to me to here that today !

By: Lisa Harris Palazzolo

Lisa Harris Palazzolo — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 23:11:23 +0000

Thank you for sharing that most personal part of your life. i am 2.5 yr out of a 23 year marriage and still find myself shedding at least one tear a day. Although I am surrounded by my daughters, fully medicated, go to therapy and work in a church environment I still can’t shake the feeling of failure, loss and disappointment in my life. Even though I know that many other families have worse situations, when a person is in the depths of it, sometimes it’s hard to remember and get the right perspective. Reading success stories reminds me that I can eventually pull out of the pit i’m in.

By: Sue

Sue — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 00:58:33 +0000

Sisters, How do you deal with the loneliness in the evenings? I cannot get past it after 9 years.

By: Marsha Keller

Marsha Keller — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 20:00:22 +0000

Such a wonderful testimony of life moving forward Becky. It is the same for me these days.

By: Becky McKnight

Becky McKnight — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:59:44 +0000

Marsha reading your article brought back many memories. Some were very hard and difficult memories. Others were ones of hope and joy. As hard as life seemed after my divorce, I have never felt closer to my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I was literally brought to my knees in pain and a need to be comforted. Many times I would be driving and would have tears streaming down my cheeks because the pain was so great. I was so very blessed to have children and a ward family who took me under their wings and loved me. It did not totally take the pain away but it kept it at bay. The best advice I received was to find others who were in pain and empathize with them. There were so many people around me who had greater trials than I did. I was able to ease some of my pain away by serving others. I was very blessed to have church callings that helped to keep me involved with my ward members. I also began to look at myself to see what I needed to do to like me. I began to take more time for myself for the first time in 25 years. I really had no desire to date so instead I returned to college to earn a degree to help me be more marketable for employment. Here again was a new challege as I was a woman pushing 50 rubbing shoulders with 20 year-olds in many of my classes. What a great experience. I was resolved to get my degree and find myself before I even considered dating again. I once told the Lord that he would have to send someone to me wrapped and placed on my doorstep if he wanted me to marry again. After six years of being alone, my daughter and her friend decided to set their parents up on a date. Nine months later I am so grateful they did as I have been married to my best friend for the last four months. I love being married to this wonderful man but I am thankful I was given the opportunity to get to know myself, my Heavenly Father, and my Savior in a very intimate way.